Conference moira::parenting

944.0. "One Mother's Story - Having A Second Child" by DSSDEV::ZEEB (Cada ser humano faz o seu proprio destino) Wed Apr 26 1995 17:15

    One Mother's Story

    Having A Second Child 
		by Cida Zeeb

    March 3, 1995

    Today is my son's first birthday.  I look at Matthew and tears come to
    my eyes - tears of joy, tears of happiness.  My memory wanders back
    almost 4 1/2 years ago to when my first child, a daughter, was born. 
    At that time the idea of having another child didn't exist as I thought
    that I was fulfilled as a mother.  Today I know how untrue my feelings
    were.

    From the moment I found out that I was pregnant again, on the week of
    my daughter's third birthday,  I become filled with mixed emotions --
    would I be able to love another child as much as I loved my first,
    would I have enough time and energy for two children, would I still
    have room in my heart for my loving husband. These feelings keeping
    pouring out of my heart until I had my first ultrasound.  When I saw
    those tiny little arms and legs wiggling on the ultrasound screen, I
    knew at that point that no matter how overwhelmed I was, I was going to
    manage it.  I remember asking my husband over and over if he was
    scared, and his answer was always -- Cida if we did it once, we can do
    it again.  The months went by and we began to prepare for the baby's
    birth.  We bought books about siblings for my daughter, we built a
    family room so the children would each have their own rooms, and I
    started to get bigger and bigger.  I didn't want to know the sex of the
    baby when we went for other ultrasounds because I wanted it to be a
    surprise, as it was with my first daughter.  I bought new materninity
    clothes and several new baby things, because I wanted to feel that the
    pregnancy was as important as the first one.

    Soon my son's birth time arrived -- in the middle of the night just
    like the first time.  I was nervous, anxious and happy.  I woke up
    Jeff, my husband, we got ready and I kissed my sleeping daughter before
    we left for the hospital.  Twelve hours later I heard the doctor say
    "Congratulations, IT'S A BOY."  My heart overflowed with happiness, and
    I remember that I kept saying "I have a boy, I have a boy."

    In the last twelve months, I have been amazing myself with how much
    love I have for both of my children and my husband.  My first daughter,
    Kristine, is still my little princess, even though she is about to
    start kindergarten.   Today, looking at those two kids running around
    in the party hall,  I take a deep breath and think to myself -- you are
    now truly a completely fulfilled mother and a wonderful mother too.

    Cida:
    
    What a lovely story!  As one currently pregnant with #2 (after almost 7
    years!!!!), I found it particularly relevant and touching.
    
    Thanks for sharing!
    
    Regards,
    
    M.
    

	Cida,

	That was a beautiful story and I totally agree with it.  Our second
	daughter was born in February and I'm just catching up with "notes"
	now.  Our first daughter, Kristen, was 13 months when we got 
	pregnant again.  Even though we planned it, I started worrying from
	the first day I knew I was pregnant.  Same worries as you, would
	I have enough love to go around, Kristen was our whole world, how
	could we fit in another.  Then I felt guilty for thinking this way.
	Most  of my friends had one child and weren't pregnant with their
	second yet, (now they are).  But then I felt all alone, the first few 
	months were tough emotionally - all that guilt and hormones running 
        around.  But like you, when we saw the little munchkin on the ultrasound
        I just knew we'd do it. Like your husband mine wasn't worried at all 
        (or at least he wouldn't admit it)  We prepared and bought a few things,
	trying to make the second experience as special as the first.
	But it just isn't the same, which is good.  We somehow didn't get
	as involved because we knew more and didn't have to read every little
	bit of information we could get our hands on.  But we also were
	able to enjoy it more and not be worried about every little thing.
	I think I felt closer to our second before she was born, I was 
	afraid to get close to first because it was all new and scary.

	Now we have two beautiful girls and we're doing it!  Like so many
	other parents have, but it's just hard to believe you can until
	you try.  We learned early on (the first week or so) that Stephanie
	is not a miniture Kristen, that she's her own person and has a 
	different personality and different likes and dislikes.  

	I'm glad you wrote this note, and I'm adding to it, because I
	want other mothers pregnant with their second to know that they're 
	not alone in feeling scared and worried and guilty. And that
	once you see that second baby either on the ultrasound or then
	definitely at birth, you just melt and forget those old thoughts
	and love your new little one....  Then you sleep at lot less,
	change a lot more diapers again, and cuddle with that little
	warm body again and see those first smiles and giggles again
	and you're so thankful that you got to be lucky enough to experience
	this twice!

	Karen T.