| > I'm assuming that it means that the whole family sleeps in one big bed.
You got it.
There's some discussion of family beds scattered through topic 27 (Sleep
Problems).
Very briefly... In modern American culture, there is an assumption that
children will sleep by themselves from the day they're born. In both an
historical and a world-wide context, this is actually a rather unusual
assumption. In most cultures and historical times, the norm has been for small
children to sleep with their parents. In this country, those of us who share
our beds with our children seem to be a radical fringe minority (but maybe
that's because a lot of parents who do it don't talk about it, feeling like
they're doing something wrong).
If you read through topic 27, you'll discover that one of the most common
questions parents ask is "How can I get my child to sleep alone?" Some of us
have simply bypassed the whole issue.
Common questions:
"Won't I roll over and smother my child?"
No. You have an amazing sensitivity to your child's presence. (The
more common problem is adults who are so sensitive to their child's
presence that they can't sleep themselves.) (This is assuming that
you aren't drunk, drugged, or otherwise impaired.)
"How big a bed do I need?"
A queen-sized bed worked fine for us, with one child who was a fairly
calm sleeper. If you have more than one, or if your child likes to
sleep sideways across the bed, you'd better have a king-size!
"Our child wriggles, squirms, etc., and makes it impossible for us to sleep."
In that case, you're probably better off in separate beds.
"How long?"
One month. Six months. Two years. Five years. It's up to you and
your children. Eventually, children will want the independence of
their own room and their own bed. In our case, Elspeth was mostly
sleeping be herself by the time she was five or so.
"Won't it make them dependent?"
Many of us believe that a firm ground of absolute security in early
childhood is the securest foundation for independence later in life,
and that a family bed contributes to that security.
"Where do you make love?"
The living room, the family room, the kitchen, the sofa, the floor,
in front of the fireplace, the bed your child isn't using because she's
sleeping in yours... It doesn't really demand that much creativity!
"Why should we?"
I will never tell anyone that they "should" have a family bed; but
when someone asks, "How can I keep my child from coming into my bed
in the night?", I will ask them "Why do you want to?" A lot of people
really aren't comfortable with trying to get their children to sleep
alone; I think it's important for them to realize that there's an
alternative.
Further reading:
The classic reference is _The Family Bed_, by Tine Thevenin. Some
people love it, some (including me) think that it's horribly
dogmatic.
I understand that Dr. Sears' _Nighttime Parenting_ is a good family
bed book.
Both of these should be available through La Leche League, as well as
from other sources of parenting books.
-Neil
|
| Hi Tina,
I am a "family Bedder" annd public about it, so I guess I will start.
A "Family Bed" is what my waterbed has been for many years. My two
youngest daughters were born in that bed, and slept in our bed until
they were ready for their own bed. It makes sense to Frank and I, as
humans seem to be the only mammals that don't keep their infants in the
same den with them until they are weaned.
My oldest was also family bedded.
We feel it makes our kids more secure, knowing that someone is right
there with them. I know it makes night feedings easier, as I didn't
even have to come to full conciousness when a youngster wakes up
hungry. (the pinless diaperwraps also have helped in thei regard)
different people feel differently about it, but for us it is and has
been the way to go.
meg
|
| Thanks - it sounds okay with me. After all when I brought my puppy
home 14 years ago, she cried and cried when I left her in the kitchen,
so the next night I brought her to my bedroom and had her lay in her
dog bed and I just kept my hand on her and she never cried again. And
she developed her doggy independence and though she sleeps in my room,
she no longer (after a few months) wanted me to sleep that close to
her.
But for me the BIG question is: What about them wetting the bed! I
guess I don't look forward to that.
|
| I have a water bed, so the mattress doesn't get soaked, but they make
these neat rubberized flannel thingies for crib mattresses and when I
had a conventional bed, I slid that under the sheets. FWIW my kids
started sleeping dry by the time they were 18 months so bed wetting as
such hasn't been the issue. Leaking out the sides of diapers has been,
particularly with little breast fed babies and their explosive poop.
fortunately this stuff is pretty innocuous at that age.
meg
|
| Mary,
we would always put them in our bed and "nest" pillows around them.
Our bed is big.
I also had a basket for the living room that I would put her in when we
were up.
Atlehi was a fairly demanding infant so generally during the day when
we were up, she was in a sling, or a front pack. She always liked
being against a heartbeat. fortunately for us, Frank was able to stay
home with her after I went back to work, and had no problems "wearing"
a baby, once we got him comfortable packs for his size. He often went
in and laid down with her when she did, in fact he still does for her
afternoon naps.
Carrie, actually liked to be in a basket or infant seat after she was
about 2 months old, so we just moved her in the infant seat from room
to room, and into bed with us at night.
With Lolita, I was at home the first 9 months, and i followed mom's
advice of sleep when the baby does, so I always napped with her.
meg
|