Conference moira::parenting

I'd say it depends on these things:

The child
The parents
The neighborhood
The neighbors
The time of day/season

There will be no one correct answer.

Our kids always ask if they can go over a neighbor's house.  We live in a fairly
quiet neighborhood, but they know we need to know where they are.  We let
Anthony (6) ride 'out of sight' to a few friends houses, but he calls when he
gets there, or comes right home if they are not home.  He'll loose his bike for
a week or more if he doesn't do these.

Samantha (4 - today!!) gets to go to our next door neighbors with asking, by
herself.  We also live on a cul-de-sac, so traffic is not really a problem,
although she will look left and right, *all* the way across the road! :-)

We think we keep a pretty tight rein on our kids, but they know how far they can
go if they ask and what happens if they break the rules.

Sometimes we feel we get bombarded with questions - "Can I go to Bill's house?",
"Can I go to Cody's house?", etc.  But we have to remind ourselves that they
know enough to ask and actually respect us! :-)

Dave (letting go slowing...)

    My 6 1/2 yr. old is allowed to go in our yard and the next 2 yards.
    They connect and are visible through my kitchen window. He doesn't
    have to go anywhere near the street to get to the 3rd house.  From age
    3 onward he has known the rule of telling me when he is leaving our
    yard. If he breaks the rule, he comes in.  My 3 1/2 yr old also knows
    and understands these rules and does not go near the street.
    
    

    
    We live in a horseshoe shape development, about 3/4 mile around. From 
    my upstairs window, I can see almost half the circle, but not the side 
    streets. When my daughter was under 7, she could only stay in half of 
    the cirle that is in my sight, unless she was supervised by another 
    parent. From 7 on, she could go all around the neighborhood on her bike. 
    At 9, I still don't let her walk alone on the side streets that connect 
    the circle to the main road. During the summer, she can hang out as long
    as she wants, but needs to be in by dusk. If she decides to stay inside
    someone house for long, she has to call. Next to our development is her
    school, which she can get to between 2 houses, but an adult or teenager
    has to accompany her. 
    
    
    
    Eva

    We live on a busy street, and my kids are still pretty small (7 and
    3.75), so they don't go anywhere without me, another adult, or a
    responsible teen babysitter (only kind I hire!).  I had the opportunity
    last summer to send my son to day camp at the part that is around the
    corner from our house.  Although I feel our neighborhood is safe, I
    was totally uncomfortable with the idea of him walking alone.  Even
    walking with another kid (who is barely 2 years older) bothered me. 
    And since my son wasn't exactly jumping up and down at the prospect of
    day camp, I figured, what the hell. So he didn't go, and is none the
    worse for it.
    
    Looking back on my own experience (and even though I'm damn near 40,
    I *did* grow up in the city), I think I was 11 before my mother would
    let me walk to the city playground (5-6 looong blocks) alone.  We had
    to tell her where we were going, when we'd be back, whom we were going
    with, and what we were going to do when we got there.  And we'd better
    be prepared to "report out" when we got home!  Short-cuts (through the
    churchyard, down Pig Alley, etc.) were expressly forbidden.  We had to
    "come in when the street lights come on."  Nobody went anywhere alone
    after dark.  Once I turned 12, I was allowed to go downtown on the
    streetcar with another friend (preferably two), but we weren't allowed
    to go any further than Kaufmann's clock on the corner of Smithfield St.
    and Fifth Ave.  
    
    So that is a long way of saying that it all depends on the child, the
    parents, the neighborhood, and the specific situation.  I personally
    believe that I will wait another year or two before letting my son go
    anywhere alone.  
    

    My not yet 4 year old does not go out into the back yard alone.
    
    I have very strong feelings about this. The risk of "something
    happening" is very small; it's the consequences I couldn't live with.
    A stranger, a dog on the run, a car...it could be any of a number of
    things. 
    
    I grew up in a neighborhood in the city. We played anywhere in the
    neighborhood from a very young age. But in our neighborhood, there was
    no privacy. Adults seemed to know each other and they knew who we
    belonged to....11,000 people on a first name basis with one another.
    I had a friend who at 25 said she was afraid to do anything "wrong"
    because she was sure there was no place in the world where she wouldn't
    be identified as Joe's daughter. The eyes on the street made it safe.
    
    If my neighborhood were like that, my 4 year old would be allowed out
    alone...but it's not.
        

    Gee, i just left my 11.5 yr old son for an hour alone in the public
    library -- and was thinking how lucky I was that he was old enough to
    be alone.  Of course, I'm comfortable with both the library set-up and
    my child to do so.  I still won't let him ride his bike to a friend's
    house too often, but mostly that's because I don't trust the drivers on
    the street, not him.  [That took a bit of explaining -- 'everyone else
    can do  it' -- until I explained that it wasn't him i didn't trust, it
    was just that the road wasn't that wide and that I don't even like to
    drive on it myself.  Well, he came home the first time with a better
    appreciation for my concern!]
    
    I don't even let the kids wait for the bus on the corner w/o either
    being there or at worst, watching from the window.  I just keep thinking
    back to when I was their age, 3000 years ago, and how different things
    were.  Or maybe it's just that we didn't know what was happening???
    
    sandy

    sandy,
    
    Our branch of the PL is right down the street, and Carrie spends days
    in there during the summer.  The children's section is well set up and
    the librarians enjoy her.  I checked with them one day when I went up
    to pick her up after a few hours, and she was helping them check books
    in, they said she can come down and help any time.  
    
    She started this last summer at 8 and will probably continue this
    summer on days when she isn't busy with other things at home.  
    
    meg

    watch out -- hanging around libraries can cause someone to want to
    become a librarian!  i know, because that's what happened to me!! and
    i've not regretted it one bit.
    
    sandy

    Sandy,
    
    As I tell my children, be happy in your work instead of focusing on the
    income aspects.  
    
    

    my philospohy exactly.

    My son is 6.5, and we live in Irvine CA, a somewhat upscale,
    family-oriented city.  Our neighborhood is all cul-de-sacs, and the
    houses have small yards (just fenced patios, really), so you can't see
    your child unless he/she is playing in the greenspace nearby.  Joe is
    very stubborn and independent in nature; like most young'uns, he sees
    himself as invincible.  We have attempted, over the years, to instill a
    healthy amount of stranger-fear in him, and I think we have succeeded. 
    
    Up until this spring, Joe has only been allowed semi-unsupervised play
    in our yard, or to go to a neighbor's house for 1-2 hours at a time.  
    
    I have only just recently (this spring) begun to allow Joe unsupervised 
    playtime outside, and then only if he is in the immediate greenspace area 
    around our house.  The ground rules for this are that he can only do so
    when other children are out playing, so he isn't alone; he may not
    leave the immediate area without permission, even to go down the street
    to one or another friend's house; he *must* come home willingly when
    called or told to do so; and he cannot play outside until his homework
    and chores (recycling collection is Joe's job!) are done.
    
    Not coming home when called or making a fuss when retrieved from a
    friend's house are each cause for a one-day grounding.  Leaving the area 
    without telling an adult (Mom, Dad or Nana, whoever is there...) is cause 
    for a one-week grounding.  We've had one of each so far, and the spring
    is only a few weeks old! -:)  He'll get better at it!
    
    I think you just have to start slowly, and work your way up to more
    child-freedom when *you* feel your child is ready.  As previously noted
    by others, every child/parent/neighborhood is different.
    
    M.