Conference moira::parenting

    As difficult as this may be, the best thing I've found in this
    situation is to IGNORE it.  I have three boys and they ALL have managed
    to "express themselves inappropriately" at times.  At the age of 2, the
    more you make of NOT saying that word, the more she will say it to get
    a reaction from you.  
    
    The time NOT to ignore is when they are older and are better able to
    understand what words are not appropriate.  This would be from
    approximate age 4 - 7.  
    
    My two oldest are 9 and 11 now.  They are more likely to correct ME
    (oops!) than I need to correct them.  Another thing I've told them is
    that the language they use with their peers is not necessarily the
    correct language to use around grandparents, teachers, etc.
    
    My 6 yr. old is constantly asking me if [insert word here] is a "bad"
    word.  He always prefaces the word with "now don't get upset with me,
    Mom but is......".  
    
    Fun!

    Lisa,
    
    The best luck I have had with this, (and it is another of those
    infamous stages) is to ignore the language.  Reacting to it gives the
    little one a sense that this word upsets people and she now has some
    power to upset.  
    
    I admit it is hard, particularly when other people are around who may
    not understand the strategy.  My father literally fell out of his chair
    the day Lolita dropped a full glass of water and used the s explitive
    forcefully and with feeling.  He couldn't understand my sitting there
    calmly and saying to her "We need to get the sponge and clean that up,
    don't we."  However within a couple of months she dropped the "extra"
    words from her vocabulary and din't pick them up again, for the most
    part, until she was a senior in high school.  
    
    We also went through this with Carrie, and right now she is at the not
    using the words part, even though mom and dad aren't as careful with
    our language around kids as we could be.   She is nine, and dropped
    most of the language around three.  Atlehi doesn't have enough language
    command yet, but I imagine this will start with her as well.  
    
    meg

    
    2 year olds know that some words can get adults to go beserk, they
    don't know what they mean, they are just having fun pulling our
    strings. The best thing is to ignore it.  They'll forget about the
    words once the words don't cause us to go through the roof no more.
    
    
    
    Eva 
    

    
    When my niece was around 3 she started saying that too.  She definately
    did because of the reaction she got.  
    
    So one day while hanging curtains, my brother in law called my sister
    a curtain rod and my sister reacted as if he had swore at her.  
    
    After that my niece stopped swearing and called everyone a curtain
    rod and thought she was gettting away with something.  
    
    Kirsten
    
    

    
         This reminds me of the time when my grandson was about 3 years 
    old. He apparently saw someone put they're middle finger up and it
    got quite a reaction out of someone else. 
    
         He couldn't wait to show me. He said with one hand hiding the
    other "I want to show you something, but only you. I want to show you
    what you can do if you want someone to get mad." He then slowly
    showed me the hand that was hiding. He had all his fingers in
    a fist except the middle one. He said "I don't want to show anyone
    else but you." I wanted to laugh so hard. I then explained to him
    that I know that gets people mad and for him not to do it. I told
    him that I don't really like making people mad. He didn't ask why
    it got people mad so I didn't volunteer anything. He seemed to 
    accept that and never did it.
    
        They are definately learning at that age and respond to the
    reactions a lot.
    
        Rosie

    
    We have a bi-lingual household (English/Dutch) which can result in	
    quite a complicated arrangement re: swearing!
    
    The main problem is that sh*t is not considered a strong word in Dutch,
    on the same level as 'blast', whereas 'damn', in Dutch is a real no-no! 
    Fortunately my nearly 6 year old has mastered the art of switching 
    expletives  depending on which grandparents are around! 
    Took a bit of doing.....
    
    Even so, I had a good laugh the other night. Jamie was in my study
    busy blasting away at Aliens on the PC. I happened to be in the hall
    and amidst all the beeps and bursts of intergalactic warfare, I heard
    Oh F*** as his spaceship exploded!!!. My attitude is that kids will
    hear and learn this language from their peers and older brothers,
    whatever you do. The way to regulate it is to ensure that you as
    a parent don't hear it, and neither should other adults. If they do
    happen to slip, then they should know that the sh*t is really gonna
    hit the fan!!!!:-)
    
    Dave
      

2 year old Justin is into saying "Oh, my god!!"  I ignore it, and figure
it will go away.

His 6 year old brother has gone through a couple of episodes with this
type of thing.  First when he was 2ish, and he would repeat a word or 2 that
I used.  Then later when he was about 5, and he was playing video games.
He would get to a certain point and say "sh*t!"  This time, for once, it
wasn't my fault.  I caught Shellie doing the same thing with the same game,
without even realizing it.  When I pointed it out to her, she stopped, and
eventually so did he.  For a while, though, it was funny, because I could
be in the next room and always know where they were in a game.  :-)

I haven't heard him swear in a long while, and Shellie and I still swear quite
a bit (though she doesn't play many video games now...).  :-)

    Carol

    You know, this whole topic on nasty language has me interested.  I've
    got a terrible habit, developed in junior high, of using certain
    four-letter words (I try to confine it to d, h, and s to the fullest
    extent possible, but G.D. and F creep in there more often than I would
    like).  I would like tips from others who have tried to break this
    habit.  The put-a-quarter-in-the-jar-every-time-you-swear trick hasn't
    worked in the past.
    
    Interestingly, we were watching a movie on TV last night, and we both
    thought it was interesting that they bleeped out the F word and the S
    word, but left in all the references to God and Jesus Christ.  If you
    get my drift.

    Try getting creative!  it doesn't completely work, but.............
    
    I tend to refer to some of the stuff I have to deal with as "stable
    sweepings" (Thank you MZB) or "feedlot hills" or "monfort mountains"  
    
    "Silage" also is a great term, sounds nasty, but is pretty inoffensive.
    (unless you happen to live downwind from a feedlot, my little sister
    did and gave me this term)
    
    Lolita uses "freaking" to take care of another word, but she did grow
    up with me and is more likely to use my favorite four-letter epithets
    now that she is out of the house.
    
    I don't know I try to be more creative, although the lesser creative
    words are easier to use most of the time.
    
    meg

     
    I guy I work with makes me laugh every time he "swears"...hes jut says,
    "Oh swearword!!"  I think it's great since some of the other language
    in the lab can get pretty colorful. When I took confirmation in 7th
    grade I vowed not to swear, since it was becoming popular in junior
    high to talk that way. I have to admit I'm not completely clean, but
    foul language is not a part of my everyday vocabulary and is usely only
    reserved for situations or people that truely deserve it. I do use what
    I call cuss words (jerk, damn, pissed off) but not the real colorful
    swear words. I think this shows in my daughter so far as she it coming
    up on 4 years old and I haven't had a problem yet. She did say "Jesus
    Christ" one time (she dropped her computer) and I had all I could do to
    keep from laughing. We figured she got that one either from me or the
    babysitter, but she hasn't used it since. 
    
    Patty

What I find fascinating about this discussion is what people point out as being
swear words (particularly the religious words as opposed to the sexual).  I try
to be careful about what I say, but it never even occurred to me that "Oh my
god" would be offensive.  Guess I have to add a few items to my list.

						Brian

    
    re. .9
    
    	I don't swear unless I am upset. I don't mind people swearing
    when they are upset, it's better than shooting bullets! We are living
    in a real world, not some artificial bubble, things happen. I have a hard
    time talking to folks who swear every other word though, since I don't 
    know if they are mad or just themselves and I need to filter out every
    other word to make sense of the conservation. I don't consider words like
    jerk bad, since it is hard to find replacement words that can describe
    the situation or person well enough. Inconsiderate-obnoxious-moron
    is close but not as good as jerk. I am not concerned about my daughter,
    age 9, who doesn't swear, at least at home, even though she is well
    informed of all the colorful words and phrases. She will decide for
    herself what she is comfortable with. 
    
    
    Eva

    I had to reply to this also!  I used to use the word "jerk" ALOT when
    driving.  I never thought of it as a "bad" word, but my son picked up
    on it and it certainly doesn;t sound very nice coming from the mouth
    of a 4 year old.  So he and I agreed that annoying drivers are called
    "streetrats" - (he came up with that).  Unfortunately, I still on
    occasion will slip with other swear words, but as yet, Matthew
    hasn;t repeated any of them!  I might have to start getting creative
    with other words too!!   Lila
    

My darling little 2 year old will, in context, and with
appropriate intonation, say "Gxx Dxxx it!"  I wondered
for a while where it came from, until I noticed it was
me.

About which words are offensive - I think that people
are truly and deeply offended by the swearing use of
religious terms, but verbally and more superficially
offended by the barnyard type.  (They are still offended
but it doesn't seem to hit as close to home).

So, we're trying to convert our usage to more acceptible
forms, such as God Bless it.  Hopefully, Sarah will
pick those up.  And now, if I can just stop calling the
other people on the road "Idiots"....

Pat

    Not much I can add to this, I agree w/ ignoring this from a 2 yr. old.
    However, just had to add my MIL's cut at this....At the kindergarten
    that she works at, they call these 'bathroom' words. Kids who use them
    or want to use them are allowed to go to the bathroom and use them all
    they want to get them out of their system. That way, the 'reaction'
    effect is eliminated. Looks like this method works w/ kids who are old
    enough to reason, and old enough to want to remain w/ the group!

	This isn't a solution, but growing up my mom swore a lot (I thought)
	and sometimes in public.  This really embarrassed me and to this
	day I don't really feel comfortable saying anything more than dam.
	The occassional S* and very occassional F*  Now that I'm a grown up
	I don't notice my mom swearing as much.

	I like the idea of "bathroom" words that .15 mentioned.

	Kristen just turned 2.  A few weeks ago she said S*, we ignored
	it and she hasn't said it yet.  Hopefully that's that, but who
	knows...they're so unpredictable, and interesting.

	Karen T.

    Bad manners...not bad words. That seems to be working. My 4 1/2 year
    old corrects my mohter when she says "Oh my God" "Grandma , you have to
    say 'my gosh'".
    
    There is a Barney video on good manners. My daughter loved Barney and I
    used the video along with the barney or baby bop puppet when she was
    younger to get across the idea that manners are important.
    
    We are not a family with impeccable manners but the term "good manners"
    can come in handy especially if Barney reinforces it. I don't know
    whether there is a Power Ranger video on teh subject ;>).