Conference moira::parenting

    contact Resolve...I suspect they must be mentioned
    somewhere in this conf.  they are wonderful resources for
    a range of issues relating to resolving infertility and
    adoption.

    You can Adopt through DSS (dept. social services).  This is
    basically no cost, but DSS has few infants.  many of these adoptions
    are complicated, such as what are called 'legal risk'.  The kids
    are not completely legally separated from their parental rights.

    Look up Adoption in your local Yellow Pages and look for
    local 'social service' agencies.  These are often 'Catholic Charity'
    type agencies.  They have low rates as many of their costs are
    covered by the state.

    There are many other 'private, non-profit' agencies.  these recieve
    no state funding.  We dealt for a while with IAI (international
    adoption, inc.)....perhaps they have another name now.  They were
    wonderful.  Its been a while so i'm out of touch.  ALL of their
    costs are covered by their adoptive couples.

    Their charges are high for 2 reasons.....they (you) have to pay
    for all of the medical costs of pre-natal care, psych counselling
    of the birth mothers, delivery, and complications (not uncommon
    when 13 year olds deliver).  the second reason is that there is
    a high rate of 'I changed my mind'....after the delivery, over
    1/2 the birth mothers 'change their minds'...and the agency
    still has to pay all of the above costs.  These costs are just
    passed on to you.

    I dont mean to defend the agencies but unless the agency has
    state funding, the adoptive couple has to pay.  Your insurance
    just won't cover it. Until the cost of medical care goes down,
    private, non-profit adoption will be expensive.
    bob

    Hi,
    
    I am trying to gather info on adopting - probably an older (than
    toddler) child.  Does anyone have experiences with how to go about
    this?  Pointers to agencies or resource organizations would be
    appreciated.
    
    Also, I'd heard that Catholic Charities organizations may be a good
    place to start - do they only Catholics?  Or would it be open to
    anyone? (I know that sounds silly, but I thought I'd check!).
    
    
    Thanks!
    rachel

Read Claudia Jewett's book "Adopting the Older Child."  Get in touch with
RESOLVE (address in the infertility note) and the Open Door Society (if
you're in Massachusetts).

    You didn't tell us where you live ...
    
    Massachusetts and the feds (if you are adopting internationally)
    require a homestudy from a licensed adoption agency. Some agencies
    have their own placement programs (i.e. they are affiliated with
    an organization that has children available for adoption); others do
    only the homestudy and then refer you to a placement agency.
    
    The info is free but collecting it is a lot of work. I'd start by
    calling major agencies (e.g. Catholic Charities, Lutheran Family
    Services, Wide Horizons, State Dept of Social Services)...ask
    about their fees, eligibility requirements, where do children come
    from, child's age and health status, time it will take to complete
    process, total costs, etc.....compare..not because your looking for
    a deal but because there are a lot of decisions to make along the way..
    and adoption is all about making decisions along the way.
    
    I'm in Massachusetts and adopted an infant from Eastern Europe. I have
    friends who just adopted a toddler from Russia. They have friends who
    adopted an older child from Russia. Adoption is also about building a
    network.
    
    By the way, I'm single so I've had to learn about single parent
    adoption.
    
    If I can be of any help, let me know. It can be overwhelming.
         

Hi Rachel.  One resource I know of is the Massachusetts Adoption
Resources Exchange S...  Hmm... I forgot what the S stands for.
Anyway, they are called MARES, and are located in Springfield. 

My understanding is that this agency helps find adoptive homes for 
older and hard-to-place children -- often kids who have been involved 
with DSS and whose parents' rights have been terminated.

They run the Wednesday's Child segment on WCVB (channel 5 in Boston)
and the Sunday's Child column in the Boston Globe.  They also publish
the MARES book which is available in local libraries.  This has
pictures and short bios for kids that are available for adoption.
I noticed that your node is in Shrewsbury (MA).  I know that at
least the Worcester Public Library and the Marlborough Public
Library have this book available.  I imagine other towns do as well.

Good luck with all of this.  There are *so many* older children 
who desperately need homes...

					Tracy

    FWIW, I think the "Wednesday's Child" feature is on Boston's channel 4
    (Jack Williams is the anchor associated with it).
    
    Leslie

	We adopted two children from Russia this last year and we are very
	pleased.  The orphanages there are in genral very well run and the
	children are given reasonable care.  We went thru a local agency, but
	the fact that its local didn't seem to matter too much (other than 
	making the home study easier to coordinate).  There were several
	reasons we had for going with a foreign adoption: a. once you get them
	the kids are yours  b. in US between 66 and 75% of mothers who had
	decided to give the baby up end up keeping the kid at the last 
	minute  c. the fear with the current "open" type adoptions that the
	mother will try to interfere at a later time, d. the kids are there
	primarily because there parents could not afford to take care of them,
	not because they have been abused or neglected for many years. 
		The agency that we went thru was Hand-in-hand (602)327-5550
		
	feel free to call me at DTN 522-3751 or communicate via mail

/jim

Copied from a flier distributed by DSS

	URGENT NEED FOR FOSTER AND ADOPTIVE PARENTS

	Did you know ?
	Due to an explosion of substance abuse and domestic violence,
	there are now 13,500 children in Massachusetts who are living
	in foster care, group homes and emergency shelters.   These
	children have suffered the plight of abuse and neglect and
	are not able to live with their own families.

	In every city and town across the state temporary foster homes
	and permanent adoptive families are desperately needed.
	The need is greatest for families willing to take:
	.  older children/teenagers;
	.  sibling groups;
	.  children with educational, medical and emotional needs;
	.  drug-affected babies;
	.  linguistic and ethnic minorities;
	.  both older and younger children who are not yet legally
	   freed to be adopted.

	Interested ?
	To learn more about becoming a foster or adoptive parent
	through the Massachusetts Department of Social Services,
	please call:

	Foster Care recruitment line	800 345 4343

	Adoption
	Western Ma/Worcester		800 222 0075
	Northeast			800 432 1824
	Southeast			800 432 6240
	Boston/Cambridge		800 432 1828



	
We wanted to adopt a child, and tried the private agency (expensive and
non productive) and identified adoption route (mother backs out at the
last minute).   And then we became foster parents.   It seemed to be
a good way to help kids who needed it.   The first child we had was
to be with us only a week.    We ended up adopting her.   It was
clear there was a tremendous need.   If you want to adopt, try being
a foster parent, and maybe it will turn into adoption.

    I worked in social services prior to working at Digital - in the 70's. 
    The need for foster and adoptive parents for hard to place kids was 
    desperate then too. It's very sad. 
    
    The thing I feel the need to clarify about the last note is that if you
    become a foster parent with the dreams of eventually adopting one of
    the children, be very careful.  You must have your eyes open and be
    prepared if this doesn't work out for you.  I don't believe the happy 
    story of adopting the baby who was only supposed to stay the week is the 
    norm.