Conference moira::parenting

    Tina,
    
    I think we all have fears that a baby might not come out quite right
    when we are pregnant or planning a family.  As far as chromosonal
    anomolies, there are tests available, which can set your mind at rest
    should you choose to utilize them.  
    
    A discussion with a doctor specializing in these tests can also give
    you a list of "odds" to help you make your decisions regarding these
    tests.  
    
    However, one thing I think we all learn is that life isn't always
    perfect.  The choice one makes before deciding to have children is to
    do some fate acceptance.  No matter how perfect we do things, something
    can come up and change our lives, its part of being a parent.
    
    meg

    hi, Tina,
    
    I'll be 40 this Sunday and I'm due to have my child June 7th.
    
    Based on family medical histories, the only known risk factor we face
    is my age.
    
    Yes, I worry a bit. And we talked quite a bit about our fears, but I'm
    not overly fearful. I was concerned enough to elect to have
    amniocentesis, and I am eager to get the results.
    
    Based on your age and the fact that your sister is a Downs individual,
    I think you will be strongly encouraged to have an amnio as well.
    
    How do I deal with my fears? It's going to sound very hokey, but: I
    maintain a positive outlook, I concentrate on the happy outcomes I
    expect, and some days I pray/meditate alot. Also, being the sort of
    person I am, I find out as much [and as current] information as I can
    about the risks and what the outcomes _really_ mean -- so I can prepare
    for whatever comes.
    
      Annie
    
    

    
    A friend of mine taught me the 1 fear/day rule.  
    
    I'm usually a very optimistic person but when I was pregnant, the
    worry hormone seemed to kick in.
    
    So, I was allowed 1 fear a day.  Maybe my child would be blind, 
    and I would deal with that for a day.  Then the next day, I would
    deal with a different fear.  But ONLY 1 a day.
    
    1 at a time is much easier to deal with.

    
    1 fear a day sounds like a good idea.
    
    I think the first step toward parenting is worry. I'm a worrier. I was
    so afraid of birth defects it took me forever to decide. So, realize it
    is normal and your risks aren't greater than anyone else's.
    
    What you do have to realize is that you'll have to accept some level of
    disappointment...not as good in school as...not as pretty as...not as
    tall as...not as healthy as...not as "normal" as..not as stable as...
    
    If you can handle all that you will be able to handle anything that
    comes your way. if less than perfect scares you, think twice..and twice
    again. Parenting is a lot harder than I tought it was going to be.
    

    The answer is ... tests, tests, test.
    
    I was 37 when my daughter was conceived ... and Downes Syndrome was
    foremost on my mind.  Not only is an amnio "strongly recommended" over
    age 35, most insurance companies pay 100%, no questions asked.  We had
    the extra bonus of discovering (while waiting for the results of the
    Downes test) that my husband was also a Ta-Sachs carrier ... yet one
    more test for me to have while that little baby was just starting to
    flutter.
    
    We went so far as to ask what was involved in terminating the pregnancy
    - about the last thing I wanted to do, but something we had to consider
    if the baby had either Downes Syndrome or Ta-Sachs.  (If the baby has
    Ta-Sachs it dies within the first 4-5 years, it's a disease similar to
    AIDS in that it breaks down the immune system, no cure.)
    
    The bottom line is that despite my age and weight and everything else,
    my daughter tested 100% normal.  She's now almost a year old now and
    the love of my life ... and we wouldn't have had her if we weren't
    willing to take the chance.  Unfortunately, the risk of Downes
    increasing substantially after age 40 (by age 45 it's 1 in 20), but at
    age 40 it's still something like 1 in 200 ... which are good odds by my
    book.  The tests will put your mind at ease - they certainly helped me.

    
    I never could understand why woman over 35 has a higher risk of having
    a DS baby?

    The theory is that the eggs are older, and more likely to have been
    damaged by a host of things environmental and not.  Women are born with
    all the undeveloped eggs they will ever make.  However, more children
    with downs are born to women who are younger, and not at as high a
    risk.  Guess it is the numbers of children born vs. number of babies
    with chromosonal anomolies.
    
    Also another risk factor I was told about was men over 50.  Something
    simalar, I guess, although sperm manufacturing is supposed to be
    ongoing for men from puberty through death.  
    
    meg

    An other theory is that the "quality control" system is getting worse 
    with the age of the mother...

    i don't know.  One very understanding OB I talked to while deciding
    whether or not to go with an amnio for Atlehi, also said he felt the
    conception rate of "damaged" eggs and sperm were actually much higher
    than rated, but women over 35 also have a higher miscarriage rate than
    younger women as a rule.  he felt that this was because the body
    recognized unviable embryos and proceded to deal with them at an early
    enough rate that most tests wouldn't catch exactly what happened.  
    
    At 37 we opted not to go with an amnio, but both Frank and I come from
    a long line of "late" breeders, and we felt we had enough family
    history that we wouldn't worryk (much).
    
    meg
    meg