| Marc,
I vote to "leave him be". When I was younger, I was a 'horrible'
introvert. I wouldn't do ANYTHING with any other kids, and sometimes
this even included my own brother/sisters. I only wanted to join in "a
little bit", and in general was really fine "just watching", and would
have been much happier if I were left alone. BUT, I was often 'forced'
to join in, and try to be something that I wasn't. THAT is what I
hated. I didn't used to like to swim in our large kiddie-pool, but
they'd make me get in anyway. There's lots of pictures of me standing
in the corner of the pool, trying not to get soaked, while everyone
else was splashing around having fun. What my parents never understood
was that I was content to just sit on the grass and watch, and get the
ball when they through it out or whatever. What made me feel weird was
when it was clear to me that I wasn't behaving the way my parents
thought I ought to.
I was very much a loner, and am still very independent, and I'm much
more comfortable that way. I like to 'watch' people, as opposed to
really participate a lot. And I really don't "mind". Everyone used to
feel bad for me for not "joining in", and it was their feeling bad that
hurt, not the fact that I didn't participate.
Try to focus on "individual" activities. For example, I was on track.
This was great because I was part of a "team", but when I ran, I ran by
myself, and was completely independent of anyone else. Not like
volleyball(or something) where if you mess up, you feel bad to the
others. I ran for myself, against myself. If I did well, that was
great. If I had an off-day, I really only had myself to 'apologize'
too. It did have some impact on the whole meet, but not much. Other
sports that focus on the individual more include karate, gymnastics,
swimming, track & field events - those kind of things.
Oh - and I always preferred the company of adults - kids can be
downright MEAN!!!
Good luck!
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| Marc, have you spoken with his teacher about it? Perhaps the teacher can
help your son get involved with other kids.
We just moved across the country, and our normally extroverted boy (age 6) was
suddenly alone. He had left all of his friends behind, and in his new
environments he was playing alone most of the time. His teacher noticed
this, too, and over time she was able to get him happily involved with
other children.
At home we've been trying to introduce him to the neighborhood kids, and to
invite kids over to the house. When a child visits him, he's more likely
to play with the child (and he's in a familiar environment - a subtle power
thing, so that may help).
I hope this helps you, Marc. There's probably other advice that other parents
of introverted children can offer you. Have you checked the "shy" topic
that was recently started, too?
Carol
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| I just read Patty's note and wanted to comment. My son *likes* to play with
other children, and is normally extroverted (as I mentioned). Although I've
always been an extrovert, and so never used to understand any other behaviour,
your child may be more like what Patty talks about. Maybe you can ask him
what *he* prefers.
Carol
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| > <<< Note 854.0 by PLAYER::HAST "Marc Hast (SI-C Brussels) @BRO" >>>
> -< Introvert behaviour >-
Can you be more specific about the behaviour?
Our son, when younger, didn't seen at all introverted. By that
I mean he played well with other kids. He went to a pre-school
where he was one of the 'new kids', not the youngest, and he didn't
have a clue as to how to 'join in' to the group. I think the group
of kids there had known eachother for some years, and they excluded him.
He tried various anti-social things to 'get attention'..and they were
discouraged by the teachers (and that was appropriate). But it took a
while to really see what was going on.
To the teachers, everything looked fine...he would be playing trucks
with a group of kids. but if you watched closely, you would notice
that he was playing 'alone', but next to them. they were all playing
one thing...and he was doing 'his own thing'. all they were sharing
was space. That was the first clue we saw that something was
not right. At that school we were unable to ever really integrate
him with the kids. The teachers loved him. He learned a lot of
great nature stuff and enjoyed the teachers. but he had a very
bad 'experience' socially. He was lonely.
He went to public K and that was ok. He started 1st grade and kind of
fell apart.....I think he was very young developmentally and was
really struggling. We did a LOT of testing over the summer
after 1st grade. We uncovered a lot of stuff (LDs, etc.)...but
we found, among other things, that he has a real 'language organization'
disorder....he has lots to say but it takes him quite a while to say it.
He cant get the words from his brain to 'exit' his mouth as quickly as most
people. adults take the time to listen. but kids dont.
He can do great 'one on one'....but in a crowd of kids, he cant
compete for 'air time'. If you dont talk right out, you never get
a chance....and he became quite introverted in a group of kids.
At school he's getting speach therapy...practice with word
associations and word organization...forming patterns of how to
store language in your head for quick retrieval. He's getting
a few different types of 'therapy'...like vision therapy and some
occupational therapy...and all together its REALLY making a difference.
But you have to really look at the behaviour and get 'experts' to diagnose
what's really going on.
Hope this helps.
bob
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| Marc,
As for detesting group activities ...
I'd say it was a combination of things. I have always felt a
TREMENDOUS amount of stress to "do perfect" - something I probably
imposed on myself. And that stress alone caused me to do worse. This
just fed upon itself. I can't say that it's anything anyone told me,
or made me do - I just FELT like I had to do absolutely perfect, or I'd
be letting down the other people on the team.
Again, I REALLY did not mind watching. I ENJOY watching as much (and
maybe more) as other people enjoy participating. I think if you aren't
one who likes to "just watch", then it's hard to understand.
Does he seem happy and just isn't playing the way you think he should
play? It doesn't sound like he's acting like he feels "left out".
Perhaps something to boost his self-confidence would help, but I still
wonder if it just isn't his natural tendency to be a loner .... and
again, the hardest thing for a "loner" to deal with is everyone
expectations that they be something else....
Good Luck!
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