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re. .0
One thing you can try is to find out why he is worried about a
certain thing, then explain to him that there are always options
if a problem occurs - that everything will work out. It may help
to have "Plan B's" in place, so that he feels more secure.
Most importantly, we as parents, have to set good examples and
not worry as much. We need to stay calm and not lose our cookies
when accidents and unexpected things happen. We need to show the kids
that people can think and work difficult things out. ;-)
Eva
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| Hi,
I can appreciate what you're going through because we have a 5-year old who
is also very anxious. We've learned that it is part of Daniel's personality
and can't change it, but we can try to help him through it.
The main thing we've learned is not to let his being anxious worry us too much,
and we especially don't want to let him know it bothers us. We don't want
his being anxious or shy to become an issue or a label that could make him
feel bad about himself.
Here are some ways we've dealt with certain situations:
- Doctors/dentists/hair dresser appointments:
Prepare by reading books, so he's familiar, but don't give him too
much notice about the appointment. The longer he knows he's going
somewhere that's scary to him, the more time he as to worry about it.
Let him bring comfort items. I took Daniel to the dentist last week and
asked him if he wanted to bring a special toy that would make him feel
safe. He asked to bring his power ranger doll and his blankie. They
seemed to help him alot.
At the hair dresser's he still sits in my lap while the hair dresser
cuts his hair.
- Try things when he's more mature -- don't push too soon.
Obviously, some things can't wait, such as checkups, but since Daniel
wasn't having any problems with his teeth, we put off his first dental
cleaning until he was five. He did great, even though he was reluctant and
scared, because we did what I outlined in the previous paragraph and we
waited until he was old enough to handle the situtation.
- Daycare/preschool
We're convinced that having Daniel in a daycare where there are lots of
children of varying personalities, has helped him become more self-confident
and less shy.
- Teach by example
Daniel takes after me -- I get anxious when I have to deal with any
new situation -- a new doctor, driving to a place I've never been
before, trying something new for the first time, etc. I try to keep
those feelings to myself and be brave for my children's sake.
For example, I feed the animals at the petting zoo, even though I'm as
terrified of animals as I was when I was a child. I took Daniel to a
roller skating party and skated with him, even though sports isn't my
strongpoint. I try not to express my anxiety in front of my kids, so
they don't learn to be scared too.
I verbalize when I'm doing something I've never done before, so they
learn that it's OK to try something new, even if you're a bit nervous
about it.
- It may get better when he gets older
We noticed an extreme difference in Daniel's personality when he turned 4 --
he was more confident, had more friends at preschool, and was more willing
to try new things.
We saw another advance when he turned 5. At 4, he was worried about
Kindergarten, so we tried to avoid the subject. Talking about how great it
was going to be made him more anxious. By the time we went for
Kingergarten registration, he thought he was the coolest guy to be able to
go to Kindergarten. He loves Kindergarten, loves going on the bus,
and had no problems adjusting.
Daniel will never be a fearless, easy-going person; but then he wouldn't be
Daniel if he were. Love him the way he is, be patient, and let him overcome
his fears at his own pace, and I'm sure things will be fine.
Take care,
Sheryl
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| I have one too! It's Christopher. He worries about EVERYTHING!!!!!
ALWAYS has! The good news is that he's 9 now, and he's not as bad as
he used to be (but it's still there!). The best advice I can offer you
is to try to answer his questions before them become worries. With
Chris I found that HE wants to always feel prepared (whatever THAT
means with a kid (-:), and so that if I laid out the whole day for him
ahead of time, it gave him a more secure feeling, and he was a lot
happier for the rest of the day.
Well, first we're going grocery shopping, then to the drug store, then
we'll go home, put away the groceries, have some lunch, and then we can
go out and pick out a movie to rent or go for a bike ride - what do you
think? And he'd tell me just what he thought. Of course these days he
complains about everything, but I guess that's better than WORRYING
about everything (-; But it did help him a lot to know what was in
store for the near future.
And then when he gets going with crazy questions - things that could
never happen - I will sometimes put it back on him. Mom, what would
happen if we were driving down the road, and you ran out of gas, and
all the people that you know were too busy to help, and the police were
catching a robber, and the gas stations were all closed? (he asks these
things!) "Well, what do you think we should do?" And somehow just
asking that question seems soothing to him, and he'll give me some
hairbrained idea (We should attach springs to our feet and bounce
home!), or sometimes even a good one, and just him understanding that
every problem has a solution, is a MAJOR comfort to him. Over the
years it's also seemed to help to actually TELL him, "You're a kid.
You need to worry about kid-things, like who to play with and what to
get for your birthday. Let ME worry about big-people things like
putting gas in the car, ok?" "OH! Okay! <sigh>" And the sense that at
least SOMEONE was taking care of it seems to have helped him a lot.
It's definitely just the way he is, and the best you can do is to help
him think through things. Once they get a grip that "the worst"
probably isn't going to happen, and they CAN make it better (and teach
them how), then they're more able to relax.
Patty
(isn't it funny how we search for this in Men and are bothered by it in
our sons?)
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My kids go thru these phases, but thay are not worriers by
nature. One thing to consider: don't use the colloquialism
"Don't worry about it." That implies that there are things
one is supposed to worry about, and also we tend to blow off
other people's worries when we say that.
My personal philosophy is that insecure and worried kids need
to have their feelings taken very seriously. The worst thing
to is to put them off, or tell them they don't need to worry
about something. I believe in pulling them in closer
(emotionally, that is), when they feel insecure, scared or
worried, so they know Mommy and Daddy are there
to help with the stuff they don't know how to handle. When
they know they can count on you, they have the strength to work
these things thru themselves.
Pat
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