| Keep talking to him without arguing.
If "You did a great job" gets you "No I didn't." Don't argue, but
continue the conversation with something like "What should you have
done better?" or even better "_I_ thought you did. What do _you_ think
you did wrong?"
Pushing back and exploring limits is a good [if tiresome] thing. Break
the "are not"/"are too" cycles. And challenge him, in a positive way,
to support his positions.
Some days it works marvelously. [other days you'll get "Everything!!"]
Annie
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| Evan does this. When I question him, he just laughs. He doesn't mean
what he's saying, just thinks it's funny.
He continues the behavior in other ways, too. I haven't figured it out,
really. Sometimes he doesn't contradict me, just says weird phrases and
laughs (nonsense phrases). He thinks he's incredibly witty. :-}
Carol
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| The example you gave of talking back is one I would consider "rejecting praise".
I recommend the book "Liberated Parents, Liberated Children" by Faber and Mazlish.
They describe situations in which children reject praise for various reasons and
recommend avoiding adjectives, using descriptive praise instead. I probably
was like your child; I felt that those praising me didn't understand what they
were talking about sometimes. This book really struck a chord with me.
My four-year-old does talk back sometimes -- the "it's time to pick up toys" --"No!
I'm not going to do that!" variety. They have recommendations for this also, but I
would consider it a different problem.
Beryl
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| We sometimes make a game of the "yes it is" "no it isn't" debates. When our
son is busy "no it isn't-ing", we'll say "no it isn't" so he'll reply with "yes
it is", because he gets used to the response/reply sequence. Once he's
realized what he's doing, he'll giggle and all will be well for a while.
What's currently REALLY annoying is the "Why should I?"s, and the "you're not
the boss of me" phrases. Fortunately they seem to be reducing in number.
Chele
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|
Yeah ... and when they started the "you're not the boss of me!", I
started the "Oh yeah??" and I pick them up and turn them upside down,
them giggling the whole time "WHO do you think is the boss now?!". Of
course now that Chris is 4 1/2 feet tall, and almost 60 lbs, this
doesn't work as well as it used to! (-; Fortunately, he's not as sassy
as his younger brother though.
I think talking back is perfectly normal - you just need to decide if
they're trying to do it to be 'funny' (kids can have a WEIRD sense of
humor), or if it really is disrespectful. If it's mean-spirited,
explain to them how it makes you feel, and why, and how they'd feel if
you were mean to them.
If it's just meant to be funny, or is just general 'back talk' with no
mean intentions,I try to turn it into something completely ludicrous to
avoid the back and forth banter that usually results otherwise;
Child: Mom, what kind of sandwich did you pack me?
Me: Peanut butter and jelly
Child: Why?! I HATE peanut butter and jelly! I don't want that! (he really
loves it - he just hates that he didn't TELL me to make it)
Me: Well, I was going to make you fried ants with mayonnaise and
pickles, but we were out of pickles. If you want, I can just make the
ants and mayonnaise ?!?
Child: MOM! {and giggles}
The really funny part is that Jason is never sure if I MIGHT actually
make it for him. And if he told me he wanted me to, then I'd send him
outside to collect the ants. We've never had to go further than that.
To follow your example, I might either a)take the child and show him
what a good job he did or b)take the child and show him what a terrible
job he did, pointing out all the "invisible" messes that he didn't
clean up. It depends on how the kids seems to mean it.
It gets better, but it never goes away .... (-:
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