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Conference moira::parenting

Title:Parenting
Notice:Previous PARENTING version at MOIRA::PARENTING_V3
Moderator:GEMEVN::FAIMANY
Created:Thu Apr 09 1992
Last Modified:Fri Jun 06 1997
Last Successful Update:Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:1292
Total number of notes:34837

780.0. "Putting 18 mos old in toddler bed!" by GENRAL::WILSON () Thu Jul 14 1994 13:02

    Hi, normally I'm a read only noter since the parenting is still fairly
    new to me, but now I would appreciate some advice from those who have
    been there!
    
    Since I'm expecting in a couple of months my husband and I decided
    rather than buy a 2nd crib, we would put our 18 month old boy in a
    toddler bed (we bought him a car bed).
    
    Some history:  He's always been a good sleeper in his crib.  At nap
    time or night time we would just lay him in his crib, tell him to go to
    sleep, and he obliged without a peep.  (We had it made!)
    
    On to his new bed:  When his new bed (and dresser, and a little couch
    with cars on it (Couldn't resist!)) came we took his crib and old
    dresser out and put in his new furniture.  (Someone later mentioned they
    had the new bed up for awhile to get their youngster used to seeing it
    before they put them in it, well too late for that!)
    
    He's really doing pretty well, all in all, I think 
    (it's only been five nights).  The first night I laid down with him and
    it took him an hour to settle to sleep, as of last night it took only
    15 minutes.  Of course he wakes up in the middle of the night scared,
    so I go back in and lay down with him again until he falls to sleep.
    A night or two he has slept through the night in his new bed.
    
    QUESTION:  My real concern is how long I should continue to lay down
    with him until he goes to sleep (before I attempt to let him cry
    himself to sleep, etc...  You all know that routine.  When he was real
    little it only took him one night of crying for about 5 minutes before
    he got the hint and started putting himself to sleep!  Problem is, now
    he can climb out of his bed!  (I do have a gate at his door))  
    
    I would appreciate any of you who put their youngster in a
    bed early letting me know what you did and how it worked!
    
    MANY THANKS!
    Jan
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
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780.1just a thoughtCNTROL::GEARYThu Jul 14 1994 14:1916
    I would guess your problems have more to do with the age and 
    summer then the switch to the new bed.  
    
    My daughter - now 20 months started crawling out of her crib so we 
    switched her to a big bed.  We had the same experience 
    that you are having and thought it had to do with the switch.  After 
    lots of experimenting and analyzing we decided it was the age and 
    the fact that summer is here and it stays lighter out and there is 
    more going on.  She now can pick which bed she wants to sleep in 
    each night as they are both available and her sleep patterns and 
    behaviour is the same for bed and crib.  I believe she is like her
    mother and likes to get her way  8-) and going to bed when stuff is 
    still going on makes her mad. 18 months was the start of her really 
    wanted to be in control, wonder what 18 years will bring.     
    
    lori 
780.2CLOUD9::WEIERPatty, DTN 381-0877Thu Jul 14 1994 16:0821
    Mine were in their cribs till almost 3, so I can't help you there,
    but I wonder if putting something familiar, from the crib, into his
    bed, might help.
    
    I know this summer w/ the heat, we've been spending more than a few
    nights in the living room (w/ the a/c).  Jonathan (10 mos next week) is
    QUITE disoriented when he wakes up out there.  Actually this morning he
    woke up about 3am, crying (which he never does), and as soon as I
    turned away to go back to sleep, he started SCREAMING hysterically
    (unheard of, for him).  I ended up having to leave a light on, and it
    seemed that once he realized where he was, he was fine - they rely so
    much on consistency.
    
    And it takes him FOREVER to fall asleep in the living room.  I've found
    it actually takes him longer if I try to lay with him - probably
    because he's not used to it, and it's so different it keeps him awake. 
    Lately I try to just "plop" him down, wind up his animal, give him his
    pacifier and 'blankie', and ignore him.  Seems to work better.  I
    expect another struggle when he goes back to his crib - it's different!
    
    Good Luck!  Any change is going to take a while to get used to!
780.3NPSS::BRANAMSteve, Network Product SupportTue Jul 19 1994 13:3952
    We left Stephen in his bed until he was 3 1/2, when his sister was born.
    The main reason we waited so long was that he always wanted to come
    sleep with us, and we knew it would take a while getting him to stay in
    his bed. He never tried to climb out of his crib, which is surprising
    considering how much he would go on about coming to bed with us. I don't
    mind him sleeping with us occasionally, but he is very restless before
    he falls to sleep in our bed, so it takes him a lot longer. I also sleep
    very poorly, waking at the slightest thing, because I am afraid I am
    going to roll over on him or knock him silly with my elbow.

    He had been napping in a bed at daycare for nearly a year, so that
    helped establish the proper bed protocol. When we got him the bed, we
    made sure to talk it up and build the desire to sleep in it. We had to
    threaten him to within an inch of his life if he got out of it
    (parenthood: how to lie, cheat, threaten, and bribe to get your way),
    and that has worked well. After four months in it, he still won't get
    out of it unless we come into the room. Instead, he'll call for us when
    he wants to get up. If it is not an appropriate time, I will go in and
    be very brief and blunt, asking him what he needs. Usually he just has
    to go to the bathroom, or we forgot some point of bedtime ritual (like
    wishing him "good baby dreams"!), so we take care of it and he settles
    down pretty quickly.

    The first couple of nights we did end up with him sleeping with us,
    because he cried and would not go to sleep in his new bed. Then he came
    up with the brilliant idea that the new baby should have his bed, and he
    should go back to his crib (probably a common thing). We explained to
    him that cribs were for little babies who were not able to take care of
    themselves at night and needed special protection, and that he was now
    able to sleep in a big bed, but his sister was too little. With a few
    more threats, we managed to get him sleeping in his bed regularly, and
    he now does pretty well. Another thing that helped is that we are
    reading to him before bed a lot more, so that gives him some time to sit
    still and settle down. I think with the crib sometimes we would put him
    to bed too fast, knowing that he couldn't get out. Now we have to put a
    little more effort into getting him to bed, but it's worth it.

    Also, at the suggestion of our daycare lady, we made a big deal of
    buying him a special toy as a reward for sleeping in his own bed. This
    was out and out bribery, but it made the point that this was very
    important to us. The only thing special about the toy was the occasion,
    but every time we mentioned it for the next week, we aked him why we had
    gotten it for him. After that it was just another toy, but it had served
    its purpose, helping to make the transition a positive experience with
    happy associations.

    One thing I have learned is that night time ritual is *very* important.
    It gives him something to follow to prepare for bed, and he knows it
    means going to sleep. As much as he might want to do other things, he
    seems to prefer to follow the pattern even more, so I can rely on it to
    get him down. I think its regularity has a calming effect, putting the
    world in a state of normalcy.
780.4I had the exact situationRICKS::DRURYTue Jul 19 1994 18:3947
    I had the exact same problem just two months ago.  My daughter started 
    to climb out of her playpen (was the timeout area).  I measured the 
    distance between the rail and the pad and then the same for her crib.
    The playpen was actually one inch deeper.  I am also expecting again, 
    though not until November, and at 19 months we decided to put her into
    her big girl bed and take the crib down.  She had a new bed, dresser
    and night stand.  The first few nights were really difficult, we
    started letting her fall asleep in the living room with us and then
    carrying to her bed.  Because her room is at the top of the stairs, we
    have a gate in her doorway and she would wake up screaming and I would
    go in and lay down with her until she fell asleep.  After a few nights
    of this, I couldn't take it anymore.
    
    	We established a new bedtime routine.  First Melissa get's a bath,
    then we both go into her room and I let her pick out which of her
    stuffed animals she wants to sleep with her.  I think the new bed 
    felt too big to her so I let her load up with animals to give her that
    closed in feeling she had with her crib.  I have a nightlight for her 
    which I turn on and a lamp on her nightstand that I use to read her
    a story.  Then she picks out a book for me to read, we open her bed up, 
    put all the animals in it, she climbs in and I sit with her pillow 
    propped against the headboard and read her story.  I always end the
    story with "The End" so she knows when it is over.  I get out of her
    bed, put up her rail and turn off the lamp.  With just the night light
    on I arrange her animals, kiss her goodnight, kiss her animals
    goodnight, wind up her little lamb and leave the room.  It only took
    two nights for her to realize this was a new routine and she had to
    go to sleep.  She did wake up the first two nights and I went into her
    room to let her know I was there, but I put her back in bed and told
    her Mommy was in her bed in the other room.  It took two or three times
    of going back in to reassure her after five minute intervals, but she
    finally understood.
    
    	Today she still wakes up once a night, every once in a while she
    will sleep through, and I just go in and give her a hug and she goes
    right back to sleep.  It doesn't bother me too much because I usually
    have to go to the bathroom when she wakes me up anyway, and I need to
    get used to interrupted sleep again anyway.
    
    	I felt it was really important that she learn to put herself to
    sleep and not rely on me.  I did this over a weekend so it wasn't that
    bad.  My husband would get up with her in the morning and let me sleep
    in, and by Sunday night she was fine.
    
    	Good luck,
    
    	Andrea
780.5Thanks for the adviceGENRAL::WILSONTue Jul 19 1994 19:2426
    RE:  .4
    
    Thanks, sounds like you're going thru what I am!
    
    Like you, I couldn't take his middle of the night wakings any more (I'm
    due Oct 4th with the next one so I'm getting TIRED!).  I finally
    decided that since he doesn't climb out of his new bed, I'd do what I
    did when he was in the crib...let him cry for a little bit if he wakes
    up (boy that's still rough to do!).  The first night (night before last),
    he only cried for 5 minutes and then went back to sleep, last night I
    heard him whimper a few times and then he went back to sleep. 
    Hopefully that battle is over.
    
    I think I'll follow your night-time routine and read him some books
    before I put him to bed (I didn't always do that before, and when I did
    it was downstairs-not in his room), as he still has a problem with
    me leaving when I first put him down for the night. Unlike the middle
    of the night he gets out of bed and screams at the gate in his doorway
    until I come in and lay down with him.  
    
    He does have a night-time routine of eating a snack before bed-time,
    brushing his teeth, and giving everyone "night-night" kisses (Grandma
    and Grandpa live with us), but maybe if I read to him in his room it'll
    give him more of a chance to relax and get drowsy.
    
    I'll give it a shot!