| Title: | Parenting |
| Notice: | Previous PARENTING version at MOIRA::PARENTING_V3 |
| Moderator: | GEMEVN::FAIMAN Y |
| Created: | Thu Apr 09 1992 |
| Last Modified: | Fri Jun 06 1997 |
| Last Successful Update: | Fri Jun 06 1997 |
| Number of topics: | 1292 |
| Total number of notes: | 34837 |
This note is being entered for a member of our community who wishes to
remain anonymous. Mail replies to the author will be forwarded by me
with your mail header unless you request otherwise.
Carol duBois, PARENTING co-moderator
*****************************************************
Hi,
A friend and I have run into a problem with a mother we have been
involved with for some time, and we are both wondering if anyone
else has had to deal with this and how they handled it.
Jane is a very committed mother and loving in many ways, but it appears
that she is intentionally retarding her children's development. Her son
is 4 and has a vocabulary of maybe 20 words, mostly he grunts and points
or uses other nonverbal methods to get what he wants. His hearing appears
to be sharp, and he can follow a fairly complicated set of verbal
instructions, but Jane doesn't talk to her kids or encourage them to talk
to her. She asks questions regarding the signs used, until whe figures
out what he wants, and gives it to him.
Her daughter is 18 months old and has almost no fine motor skills. When
my friend gave her a toy which requires matching shapes to holes, Jane
said that she didn't want her daughter learning how things work. Similarly
showing this baby anything new, or encouraging her language development
is off limits, according to Jane. Rose is also beginning to grunt or use
sign language, just like her brother, instead of trying to use words. She
used to babble like other babies until about 4 months ago.
She has been talking about home-schooling the kids, which worries both of us,
when we consider how developmentally backwards these two kids are becoming.
Now, she was on afdc for a while this spring and they are working to get
Josh signed up for head start, but I don't think the caseworkers realize
just how far behind Josh is, and that the same thing is beginning to happen
to Rose.
Anybody have any ideas on how to guide her towards a little more interactive
parenting with more stimulation to the kids? Neither My friend nor I
think that a confrontive attitude will get us very far.
| T.R | Title | User | Personal Name | Date | Lines |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 758.1 | NOTIME::SACKS | Gerald Sacks ZKO2-3/N30 DTN:381-2085 | Thu Jun 09 1994 16:21 | 1 | |
Sounds like something B.F. Skinner would do. | |||||
| 758.2 | What are her reasons? | AIMHI::DANIELS | Thu Jun 09 1994 16:34 | 15 | |
What are her reasons for not wanting her daughter to figure out how
things work? Also, have you asked or has she explained why she doesn't
want to talk to the kids or have them talk to her?
As I understand homeschooling from two friends of mine who do it, she
can homeschool all she wants - the kids have to be able to pass the
town/state tests for different levels of learning in order to stay in
homeschooling. If they fail the reading comprehension test and stuff
like that, the state (having an interest in its citizens) can force the
kids into public school.
Also, my two friends belong to a homeschool club. This includes stuff
like winter camping trips during the week with other home schooled kids
and other organized field trips to museums, etc. Is your friend
prepared to do all this or be involved with a group that does?
| |||||
| 758.3 | honesty, direct approach | NPSS::BADGER | Can DO! | Fri Jun 10 1994 13:15 | 25 |
Dear mystery writer, Perhaps if you were concerned, a direct conversation with the mother is in order. That beats the heck out of going first behind her back to a social agency, which, btw, could be done, if you didn't like the answers. My son didn't speak until he was 5+. The school system was even begining to teach him/us sign language. he grunted, pointed, etc. The doctors ran all the tests. the phycolgists recomended co-operating with him, that is if he wanted something, pointed or grunted, give it to him vs fustrating him further by demanding he use the 'proper language'. Of course there were many helpful people who told us to demand him to say the right thing before we game him anything. The a causual observer, our approach might have been confusing. To anyone who was close to us, they knew that he had been through all kinds of tests, that he had started special school at age 3. We were following the specialist orders. Same thing with our adopted daughter. She was [and still is] in the care of a phycologist. We take suggestions from the doctor on how to work with our daughter. Her needs are different than the typical child, and on the outside could look odd. bottom line, if you want to be helpful, be direct. I can't imagine how outraged I'd be if someone went behind my back with an observation before they asked me. ed | |||||