Conference moira::parenting

    I have no personal experience, but a friend of mine left his family in
    Japan to come to America as a Dr.  His wife and child joined him 2
    years later.  In an effort to keep in touch, they would, weekly, make
    a cassette recording of EVERYTHING that was going on in their lives,
    and then mail the cassette.  They were not "planned" items - more like
    something interesting would happen "today", and Dad would pick up the
    recorder, and tell his family about it.
    
    You could try this approach, and let your children send their own
    tape(s), or teach them how to add on to your own.  Then you could keep
    them as reminders when they got older.  I went to Albequerque for 2
    weeks when Chris was 2.5, and I sent back a tape that had me talking to
    him, and singing a song etc, and he LOVED it, and still listens to it
    occassionally.  He could play it whenever he missed me, and it helped
    him a lot.
    
    Good luck!
    

    I'm not quite in your situation, but back in November, my husband took
    an assignment about 2 hours away, so he's only home on Wednesdays
    [usually] and for the week-ends. My kids just were about 2 1/2 when we
    started this. In the beginning, it was difficult, but I made sure that
    we talked about when Daddy was coming home, and that Daddy was at work.
    And he would call me one day at the office so we could talk, and the
    next day at home so the kids could talk to him.  Now, they understand
    that Daddy is at work, and they look forward to him coming home. They
    got used to the routine, though none of us really like it.
    
    Some things that I have found challenging is that I _always_ have kid
    duty. Having him come home mid-week basically means he's home for
    supper, bath-time, and then they go to bed, but I can't let him disrupt
    my regular routine. On the week-ends, he's got to catch up on the
    things that need to be done, and I make a list all week of things I
    need him to do. That means he doesn't get a lot of time with the kids
    and I seldom get time away from them unless it's at night when they go
    to bed.  I suspect that you'll have things for your husband to do when
    he comes home for that 1 week a month, and he'll also want to be
    spending a lot of time with the kids. You can work around it, but it
    can be challenging. For instance, we always all went grocery shopping,
    so I try to do it on Sundays when we can all go. And sometimes we'll
    split the kids up so we each get one kid [that, by the way, is a
    wonderful experience for all of us and it give my kids time away
    from each other which they practically never have] and we each run our
    own errands.  That way, we both get our week-end stuff done.
    
    Other things that help is that they have a pile of things they want to
    save for Daddy to see - stuff like drawings they make, so we save
    everything and when Daddy comes home, I remind them to show him what
    they have.
    
    It can be difficult, but it's not impossible. I imagine you may be able
    to get some hints from single parents who have the kids all week and
    whose kids only see the other parent on week-ends. I imagine the
    situation may be similar to that.  I know I have a new respect for
    single parents. I mean I knew it was hard, but I didn't have a real
    appreciation for how hard til I got a good taste of it myself.
    
    Good luck. And remember that it will only be for a short time. I think
    that focus will help all of you deal with it better.
    
    Cathy

    It can be done.  My friend did it for two months with 5 kids.  Although
    the older ones uderstood what was going on, they still needed dad's
    attention and sometimes discipline.  It will be hard on the little
    ones.  As I was reading your note I was thinking of stuff like tapes of
    daddy reading bedtime stories, video recordings of daddy doing stories
    or putting puzzles together or some such thing that they would enjoy.
    
    Your children will act differently - they will know something is wrong
    or different and will act out their feelings.  I remember when my
    husband traveled and my son was a few months old.  We had an awful week,
    until he walked in the door and suddenly I had a happy baby on my hands
    again.
    
    It may take some prework, but keeping in touch will be most important.
    
    -sjd
    

    	I agree with the tape idea...  My sister is married to a man 
    	who is (now) retired from the Army.  While their two sons were 
    	young, he had to spend six months in Korea, as well as participate 
    	in the gulf war.
    
    	Although money was tight, they made it a priority to buy a video 
    	camera before he left.  That way, they could make movies, and 
    	send them to him.  The kids really liked that.
    
    	If you don't have a video camera, you might be able to borrow one 
    	on occasion.  I've also noticed that some of the smaller video 
    	stores rent them.  In that case, you might be able to make videos 
    	on both ends.
    
    	Peggy

    Well, since I've now got _nothing_ to lose, I'll come out of the
    closet!
    
    I've been TFSO'd, so we will definitely be relocating OUT of Los
    Angeles, THANK GOD!!!  I think I'm the only person in the office today
    who is smiling.  
    
    Thanks for the support on this topic, and the many others I have
    entered over the years.  To all of you who have helped me through
    two pregnancies and being a mom to two wonderful little boys, I 
    must say thanks.
    
    So, I'm off to be a stay-at-home mom for a while.  I've got a lot
    of packing to do, and a new home to set up, so I'll be _way_ too 
    busy to miss DEC.  I wish all of you who are left the best of 
    luck.
    
    Most Sincerely,
    
    Linette Herrera
    Mom of Alexander, Mom of Joshua, Wife of Romeo (3 boys and me!!!)