Conference moira::parenting

    The nursery we take Rowan to has a complete schedule from 3 months to
    school age. Rowan is 8 months and most of the time he's just being
    supervised (fed changed etc), but after the baby group there's a
    toddlers group (for walkers to about 3 years old) then the last group
    where more school type things happen. I'm not sure of the details but
    its supposed to key in with the national curriculum (this in the UK)
    somehow.
    
    Hours are full time, 5 days a week.
    
    Comparing Rowan with a girl who was born a week earlier, he seems more
    independant and less 'clingy' when its comes to visitors, and is more
    interested in other people (adults & babies) who may be around. We put
    this down to the nursery. I'm sure that going to school instead of the
    nursery will be a non-event if children are already used to day long
    separation from parents, but he's got a few years yet so things may
    change.
    
    Andy

    I sent both of my children at age 3. My Daniel hated his first year.
    I really thought he needed the socialization. I think I was wrong. He'd
    have probably been better off had I let him start at 4.
    
    Kate

Most educators indicate 3 years old as a good time to
start "preparing children to learn". Many studies 
indicate that children who have 2 plus years of formal
pre-school do much better in school than those who 
don't. Massachusetts, and many other states are 
beginning to struggle with the idea of public pre-school. 
The Massachusetts Education Reform Act of 1993 calls
for a Special Commission to report to the legislature
by April 30th, 1994 with a plan for Early Childhood
Education for 3 and 4 year olds that could begin to
be implemented by July 1, 1995.  Now dates in 
legislation like this are like the words "subject to
appropriation". It means there's a commitment to do
something but still some reservations. The reservations
in this case are the cost to taxpayers in implementing
a full Early Childhood program. The benefits are
enormous. Many of the model programs that exist have 
been shown not only to help kids but to help parents
as well especially in heavily at risk situations. 
The Mass. Legislature's Joint Committee on Education
is expected to begin looking at bills on Early Childhood
Education within the next few weeks in anticipation 
of the Commission's report.

    My older boys started preschool at 2 1/2 and 3 1/2.  They adjusted very
    quickly and had a wonderful time.   At their school, there's preschool
    for 2- and 3-year-olds, 4-year-old class (3 days a week the 4-year-olds
    join the kindergarten class), and kindergarten.  Everything they do
    with the different age groups prepares them for the next step.
    
    My youngest started when he was 2 (their minimum age).  It was perfect 
    for me because his older brothers went there after school, so he had
    them checking up on him.  He's in the 4-year-old class now, and loves
    it.  The older boys still go there after school.  The 10-year-old does
    his homework and plays basketball, and my 9-year-old likes to help
    the younger kids do stuff.   It's like their second home... 
                                                               

    I stayed home with my son until he was 2 yrs old.  I then started back
    to work and put him in a 5 day a week pre-school.  He adjusted very
    well to the change in environment.  For weeks before he actually went I
    drove by the school with Brian, we played on the playground, walked 
    the halls, met the teachers, even ate lunch with them one day - 
    just to get acclimated to the environment.  He actually was so excited
    the first day, he forgot to give me a kiss!
    
    LG

    My kids will be 3 on April 30, and so they have to get released from
    the Early Intervention Program into the school system.  The proposal
    has been made to start them in preschool 4 days a week from 12:00 -
    2:45 for May and June to evaluate them for the program they'll need in
    the fall.  I have a whole lot of questions around this from things like
    4 days a week seems like a lot to me to how much more good than harm
    will I do to have them just do preschool for 4-6 weeks before they get
    the summer off.  To complicate matters more, I have to switch from my
    current daycare provider in Harvard to one in Bolton so that they can
    get transported to the school (they have to be in-town), and I expect
    all that to also happen the first week in May since I have to wait to
    get one kid potty-trained because the center onas 2 openings -- 1 in
    the potty trained room and 1 in the non-potty-trained room.  And I'll
    be transferring to a new job on April 11, plus my husband lives and
    works in Connecticut all week, so we only see him on some Wednesdays
    and the week-ends.
    
    I guess I'm concerned that all these major changes will cause more harm
    than good, and after my conversation with the school today [I'm
    scheduled to visit there this Thursday], I'm really leaning towards
    refusing the preschool now and just asking for the particular services
    they'll be needing which are speech therapy, physical therapy and
    occupational therapy.
    
    Some of this is also to save my sanity, so I'm worried that they might
    be paying the price if I don't start them in preschool now.  Anybody
    got any advice for me in this situation?  Any questions I should be
    asking or things I need to be looking for?
    
    Thanks,
    Cathy

Cathy,

	I am going to assume that you are working with
your school system under Chapter 766. I am also assuming
that the proposal you're speaking of has come about as
the result of a TEAM meeting. 
	You essentially have two choices. It doesn't
appear that you are arguing the need for services but
the timing of the services. You can accept the plan
as outlined or you can refuse the plan but you cannot
dictate that services be provided to meet your
schedule. The reason for this is that it appears that
a determination of need has been provided and that the
school system can provide the services for your child.
If you refuse the plan then the school system has two
options. They can accept your refusal and simply ignore
you in which case your children get no services or they
can take you to arbitration to force compliance if they
feel strongly about the required services. You can also
attempt to force them to leave the kids where they are
and still provide services but unless you can prove
that the school is incapable of providing the service
you are on your own. 
	It appears that this school system wants to be
able to help your children. They want the time with 
your children to properly evaluate their needs and
build a program that provides the best opportunity
to succeed. I have seen first hand how much programs 
like this can help these children learn to function
better in the real world. If it helps you I do know
that most of these programs run 3-5 days a week for
2 - 2.5 hours a day. I would also point you to a
couple of other places where you might find support
and help. There is a notes file, 
ASABET::LEARNING_DISABILITIES, and there is the
Federation for children with special needs in Boston.
I don't have the address and phone number right now
but it is in the LD notesfile somewhere. 
If I can answer any questions for you I would be
happy to do so.

Mike

Thanks for the input, Mike.

There has been a quasi-team meeting, but nothing official yet as the school
system was trying to establish what can be done and then have a team meeting
with everyone including EIP.  I've been told repeatedly that I have the final
say, and the school system has also proposed that services just continue
with EIP through the summer and then start preschool, or start preschool in
May for the evaluation, or they can provide the services at the town school
[preschool is not at the town school -- it's at a regional school in another
town].  

I didn't realize that the school system has the right to override my decision
as the parent.  I would have assumed that I would know what's best for my
children vs. the school knowing  what's best.  I'm glad you brought that
up.

So my question still is will this be more harmful than good to my daughter
who doesn't particularly like change, and takes a lot more than a few weeks
to warm up to anything.  We've especially seen this problem when she swithched
to this daycare back in November, and essentially began to refuse speech
therapy to the point where we started to give it to her at my house instead
in February, and there has been some improvement.  But here we are at the
end of March, and she still won't say more than a few words to the therapist
each visit where before she would do very well. Given this history, I'm
really concerned that it will do more harm than good to her to go with 
a short-term plan.

I don't have any such concerns for Brad.  I only have these concerns for
Jessica. Also, if I don't get the kids moved to Bolton, they can't go to
Assabet as there's no way to get them there from the current daycare, so 
any delay in moving them will be a delay in starting preschool.  The only
thing stopping me from moving them today is that I can't seem to get either
of them to potty train.  Anyone got any sure-fired secrets to do potty
training?  I'm getting desperate.

Regards,
Cathy

Cathy,

	I didn't mean to imply that you have no control. What is 
important to understand is that for the school to fight your 
refusal you have to be both totally uncooperative and unreasonable.
That doesn't sound like what I'm hearing so I wouldn't worry about it.

You've added some important data that I hope is taken into account
by the TEAM. You've indicated that this child doesn't react well
to change. What you need to do is attempt, with the help of the 
therapists, to document regression due to change. If you can
successfully argue that the change from the current environment
to the pre-school will cause your child to regress then you have
grounds to keep the child where they are and continue services
through the summer with the objective of getting the children
ready for the pre-school environment in the fall. This sounds,
from the data you've provided, to be the best option for everyone
even though it may present some logistical problems for the schools.

You may want to explore moving their daycare now if your intention
is to keep them in daycare all summer. Dealing with one transition
now and the second, into pre-school, in the fall may be easier on
everyone. 

Potty training is, IMHO, a matter of persistence and consistency. 
Every adult who provides care for your child has to get the child 
to "practice" using the toilet. If the child actually uses the toilet 
some kind of reward (can be as simple as verbal praise) should be 
provided immediately. If the child has "an accident" it should be 
downplayed and the child should not be scolded or punished. This
sounds simple but can often be very frustrating for adults.

Mike

Ok, here's the latest.

I just talked to both the school system and EIP, and we're all trying to
figure out if we think just a few weeks will be more harmful than good for
Jessica, and I'm more comfortable about the whole thing now that I've
talked to them. The school system had a couple of proposals, and EIP had what
I think is the best compromise, but it needs to be proposed to the school
system to see what they think.  What I think is the best plan at this point
is to just give Jessica individual speech therapy at the new daycare where
the town's therapist already has at least one other child to see, and don't
do any special services for Brad.  Then put the both of the them in the 
preschool program starting in September. That will give Jessica the continuing
services that she needs, and the stuff Brad needs can be sort of covered 
by the general daycare at least enough to tide him over the summer.  This
would save the town some money as they'd only be providing for Jessica now,
and would help her to make the transition which I would hope is easier as
she's getting older.  I'm not sure if this will fly yet, but EIP was going
to talk to the school about it, and I'll be talking to both Jessica's current
speech therapist and the school later on in the week.

And if all else fails, I do have the option of just waiting til September to
start them on preschool, so that's still an option. After talking with the
coordinator at the town school, I feel much better that we're all trying
to do the right thing for the children which really is working out to what's
best for Jessica as Brad adjusts to anything practically instantly.

Cathy

Thanks, Mike.

The push on the potty training is that the new daycare only has 2 openings
one of which is in the potty-trained group.  I'm actually hoping that it's
Brad who trains first as that way Jessica will be in the smaller group and
I think that will help her with the transition. And if I end up getting
both trained, I'll still put her in the smaller group.  So I can't move
them to the new daycare yet til I get over this hump, but as soon as that's
done, they'll be moving to the new center.

I'll keep you posted on how things progress. I think a lot will be
happening this week between my local school system, the regional preschool,
and EIP, and hopefully we'll get the follow-up and team meetings set up
and get the plan documented.

Regards,
Cathy

We were in a similar situation, although we did not have the choice of puuting
our son in school until September.

We opted for services until May under a diagnostic IEP, then we will hold 
a second TEAM in May to develop the 1994-1995 IEP that will cover services
through the summer and the 1994-1995 school year.

The school department writes the IEP, and it may not be totally to your liking.
You can accept or reject any or all of it. If you accept some parts and 
reject others, and sign it, the services you accept must start according to
the 766 timeline. However, it's always best to take the approach you are taking
now, that is, to hash this all out in meetings ahead of time so that the
IEP will have a strong chance of 100% acceptance.

Up until a few years ago, Early Intervention programs could continue
services for kids after their third birthday. This is not allowed anymore.
They cannot bill the state for kids older than three. Unless you can work out
a deal with your service provider for cash billing and have your insurance 
company pick up the tab, your best option is not available.

Change can be disruptive. However, IMO I would opt for the disruption over
cancelling all services from now until September. It won't take much
convincing to prove that your child has a high probability of slipping
because of the lack of services.

Good luck

Chris

    Cathy,
    
    As Mike indicates, you can't dictate the schedule on which you receive
    services--BUT you can certainly see if that's just as appropriate. 
    When Caileigh turned three (she's a December kid), the town suggested
    that we move her into their preschool program.  I wasn't comfortable
    with it at that time because (a) She had just switched in September
    from her daycare center to an in-town preschool and I wasn't sure 
    another change was in her best interest, (b) she had two
    sessions of aural therapy a week which tired her out and fell on
    the same days as the proposed preschool classes, (c) I really
    felt she still needed significant one-on-one speech therapy, and 
    (d) I just thought the program was too structured and school-like
    for her (she would have two more full years of preschool after
    that year).  I was all stressed out about it until I told the team
    my concerns and they said, "No problem.  We'll just provide individual
    services for her this year."
    
    So...start from the assumption that they want to do what's best for
    your children overall and will work with you to that end if they can.
    
    Tracy
    

    Thanks for all the help. I've talked to the school coordinator, and she
    also thinks EIP's proposal of speech for Jessica  through the rest of
    the school year and probably the summer [not sure on that part yet] and
    having the kids start the preschool in the fall is the best option. 
    We'll be meeting in the next couple of weeks to finalize everything,
    and I think we're all happy with this solution.  What will happen is
    that EIP will  carry Jessica for a bit after her birthday when she's at
    the new daycare, and the town's speech therapist will also start to
    visit her at the daycare, and work the transition with EIP.  Also, the
    town speech therapist is the same one Jessica will see at Assabet, so
    the continuity there will be great, and it should also help her to
    break into the pre-school as she'll already know one of the teachers.
    
    I'm not sure what services Brad will get, if any, til he starts
    preschool, but he'll have quasi-services just from the structured
    activities he'll be getting at the daycare, so I don't expect to see a
    backslide.
    
    I'm quite pleased at how it has worked out.  All that is left is to
    work the details and write the plan, but we do all seem to going in the
    same direction.
    
    Regards,
    Cathy

    Well, after all that worrying and trying to find a good solution for
    Jessica, it was all for naught as she's progressed so much this summer
    that we decided she doesn't need the preschool or the speech therapy,
    so won't be going to Asabet with Brad [who started this morning]. 
    She'll be monitored by the town speech therapist who already visits at
    the daycare, so if she does need it further down the road, we'll know
    right away. 
    
    This turned out to be a win-win for everyone. Jessica isn't going to
    preschool because she doesn't need it [and I'm just _soooo_ happy about
    that!], so the town won't have to spend the money on her and can spend
    it on some other child who will need it, and Asabet will have one more
    slot open for another child. And since I know how hard it can be to
    find an appropriate slot for a child who needs it, I think that slot
    will be appreciated by someone quite soon.
    
    All in all, I'm quite pleased with how things turned out!
    
    Cathy

. . . you had it all figured out, she progresses rapidly and messes up your 
plans!  :^)

Thanks for taking the time to update us.

Clay 

    
    What is the latest age that you would put your child in preschool.
    Right now, Lauren is 19 months and is in a family daycare center
    with children ranging from 19 months to 2-1/2 years, all girls, and
    one 3 month old baby.  So, the situation is ideal for her right now
    and I'd like to keep her there for as long as there are other children
    close to her in age.  
    
    Should she have at least a year of preschool before kindergarten?  
    FWIW, my daycare provider is an ex kindergarten teacher.
    
    Karen

    I'd suggest ~4 yrs old ... they need (IMO) some time to get used to the
    chaos of a lot of kids, and one (maybe two) adults in charge, and how
    to listen etc etc, to be able to prepare better for school.
    
    Good luck!
    Patty

    Karen,
    
    If you daughter is happy where she is, is learning to share
    and getting the basics (abc's etc...), which I assume she
    is having a former teacher as a provider, I wouldn't
    necessarily see a need for preschool.  But, if you feel the
    need to send her, I would say 4 years old is a good age.
    
    Pam