Conference moira::parenting

To answer your question, in our experience, until about 11 or 12, they spend 
most of their time in the kitchen or the family room, and after that a lot of 
time in their bedroom.  

I very strongly recommend (1) a big kitchen, and (2) a family room attached 
to the kitchen.

When we first moved into our house, our family room was a half flight down 
from the kitchen.  The family room did not get used effectively, and the 
(small) kitchen became the de facto family room (part of this was our choice 
because they were still young enough that we preferred more or less constant 
monitoring).

We put on an addition, so that the family room is actually a part of the 
kitchen/ everyday eating area.  We wouldn't have it any other way.  You can 
monitor things (without being obtrusive) while working in the kitchen, and 
the family room gets used effectively.

I think it was about 7th grade that our daughter started to spend more time 
in her room, studying or on the phone (she got a phone in her room for 
Christmas when she was in 7th grade).  We got a new TV for Christmas, so we 
moved the old TV to one of the upstairs bedrooms.  When she watches TV, she 
does it mostly in that bedroom.  Problem with that is that there are battles 
over keeping the room neat and orderly.  Fortunately, she is quite 
responsible about what she watches (and we may be a bit relaxed about what we 
let her watch), so just an occasional "Hi what ya' watching" satisfies any 
concerns I have.

    My dream house would have adequate bedroom space for each child to have
    their own room and a large family room which would ultimately be their
    "play room".  My kids are 8 and 6 and both boys.  Right now they spend
    less time in their bedrooms than in the den or living room.  Our den
    and living room are "joined" as one room with a double wide opening. 
    The den has the Sega TV, the living room has the "family" TV.  I have a
    TV in our bedroom (non cable) for late night watching.  During the
    summer the kids might spend more time in our basement (9x12 carpet on
    cement slab floor, sofa, trainset, mini pool table, shelves of toys,
    etc.) -- right now it's too cold - unheated.  Maybe we'll add a wood
    stove next winter.
    
    A friend has a house I would love to have:  3 bedrooms up, living room
    dining room kitchen on main level, family room, laundry on lower level,
    and a large deck in the back.  Ideal in my book.  I would want my
    bedroom far from the play room and the living room close enough if I
    wanted to be there.
    
    -sandy
    

    
    
    	We have a weird house with lots of room and are now in the process
    of finishing the house.
    
    	The current thinking is: (keeping the kids in mind)
    
    	Third floor will be a master bedroom, full bath, hallway with
    walkin closet and two outside decks.
    
    	Second floor will be three bedrooms, one den, one full bath, one
    laundry room, a great room, and two outside decks (one screened in)
    
    	First floor will be a family room, a living room, a kitchen, a
    dining room and a downstairs office. On the first floor will also be
    two decks one off the kitchen and a screened in on off of the family
    room.                      
    
    	We don't have plans to finish the basement.
    
    	Right now the house is about halfway done (we are living in the
    half that is completed).
    
    	We also have a shed that has electricity and I am thinkin gabout
    turning that into a bunk house for the kids to use with overnight
    guests when they get older.
    
    	It is my hope that the house will support many children (;-))and
    many visitors and still allow everyone space to "get away".
    
    				Wendy

    
    
    	Forgot to add, one of the greatest features of our house is a tiled
    entrance room on the first floor, we just drop the mittens and boots in
    there before we go to the rest of the house. (a must with kids)
    
    				Wendy

We have a 2 story w/o basement.  The top floor has the master bedroom and 
bath along with the two kids bedrooms (we just split them up over the 
weekend) and their bathroom.  The downstairs has a livingroom in the front, 
dining room and kitchen (the foyer is tiled too!).  There was a two car 
garage to the side, accessed through the kitchen, but we recently walled in 
half of it and made it a 22'x10' family room with a hardwood floor.  It also 
has access to the downstairs bathroom.

The kids tend to be drawn to the TV (no cable, mostly tapes) so the tv was 
placed in the family room.  We are trying to enforce a no food rule in there, 
but I think it's a losing battle....

But your question was where to the kids spend most of their time...  Either 
in whatever room we are in, or everywhere by constantly running and chasing 
one another! :-)

At this point (5 and almost 3) the bedrooms are used for sleeping, not for 
playing.

One comment about bedrooms on the main floor.  After moving down to Atlanta 
from growing up in New England, my wife and I noticed the large number of 
'ranches', or one floor houses.  We both like multi story homes.  With the 
bedrooms on the main floor we would never feel comfortable leaving the 
windows open at night.  Just something to think about if you are still in the 
planning stages.

Dave

    Interesting question...

    We have 4 kids, all between 4 and 8.  On the first floor, we
    have a kitchen, living room, dining room and den.  We converted
    the small den to the 'dining room' and the larger dining room
    to the kids 'playroom'.  Its right off the kitchen, so they
    go back and forth there alot.  In the playroom we have a climbing
    structure that they spend a LOT of time on, a school blackboard along
    one whole wall, a table for arts and crafts and a zillion shelves
    full of toys and materials.  The kids live in the playroom.

    Our only TV is in our bedroom, so after bath before bed, the
    kids come in to our room for a few minutes of some video
    while they get their pajamas on and we brush there hair, etc.
    We then read them stories.....in our bed or their beds
    or where-ever everyone wants to sleep that night.  At bed time,
    its a riot to watch them invite other kids in to their room
    for 'a sleep over'.  Night is about the only time they spend
    time in their rooms.  Sometimes when someone has a friend over,
    they seek 'privacy' in their rooms....other than that,
    if they are not outdoors, they are in the plaroom right off the kitchen.
    bob

    Thanks for the replies.  I agree that while the kids are younger
    they probably will want to spend time wherever everyone else is -
    and I plan to have the family room (great room?) adjoin the
    kitchen/breakfast area - more like one big room - and, of course,
    tghey can play with their toys there if they want.  But, as they
    get older, I figured they spend more and more time in their own
    rooms or in a recreation room of sorts.    I hadn't thought about
    the bedroom being on the main floor and not leaving the windows open
    at night.  That is something to consider.   Do you folks think it's
    a good idea to have a seperate T.V. area that the kids can use, or
    am I just inviting trouble?   It would be much harder to limit the
    time they watch and also the programs they watch.  Would it be 
    better to just have the 1 "Family" T.V.??  Lila
    

    Great room vs. divided space
    ----------------------------
    
    While the Great Room idea is nice in concept, I wouldn't like it for a
    household with kids.  But it would be great for entertaining large
    groups!  I've really enjoyed parties in such settings.
    
    The problem is that you can't get away from the kid noise.   For young
    children, you need to provide almost constant supervision.  But I
    wouldn't want to cook dinner or clean the kitchen with Barney or
    KidSongs blasting in my ear, much less siblings arguing.  Acoustics are
    very important to me, as a person highly sensitive to sound.
    
    I prefer any traditional house arrangement with connected kitchen,
    dining room, and living room.  My condo doesn't have doors between
    them, but it works fine.  My daughter isn't more than a few steps away
    while I work, but her sounds are somewhat muffled.  
    
    When she gets older, she'll play in her upstairs bedroom, too.  Now she
    likes to be in the same room with me, or at least on the same floor. 
    Furnishing the downstairs family room is an option when she is a teen.
    
    Access to outdoors
    ------------------
    
    Another factor to consider with kids is access to the outdoors. 
    Optimally, you'd have a door to a fenced backyard, without more than a
    few steps to go down.  The door would enter a hard-surfaced floor
    inside where kids can take off their boots and coats, ideally a mudroom
    off the kitchen.   The kitchen window would look out on the backyard so
    you can watch the kids playing while you work inside.  The
    kitchen-backyard door would provide quick access for emergencies and
    make it easy to bring snacks out to a picnic table, or let kids in for
    a drink of water.  Also makes it easier to take out the dog.
    
    A patio or deck outside the kitchen-backyard door would make for easy
    entertaining, too.
    
    Designing your outdoor space
    ----------------------------
    
    Plan a shed outside where the kids can put their play equipment,
    such as sleds, balls, bikes, and sand toys.
    
    Design a shaded area where kids can play out of the sun, and you can
    sit to supervise them or entertain.  This can be under trees, or in a
    wooden arbor.  Consider, too, where the house shadow falls when
    designing the yard and gardens.
    
    Plan space for a swimming pool, even just a kiddie wading pool, and for
    a sandbox.
    
    Also, don't neglect planning shrubs and flowers for their visual
    beauty, whispering sounds, attraction to birds, and sweet odors.
    And a vegetable garden.   Your kids will enjoy helping.  It is an
    important part of their upbringing to work with plants.
    
    Screen porch
    ------------
    
    How many times do you want to enjoy the outdoors, but are deterred by
    the mosquitos or flies, and by the hot sun?  Just plan carefully for
    quick access via the porch from the inside to the yard.  And consider
    if it blocks visibility from the kitchen window.
    
    I think an ideal design would have access to the porch from the mudroom
    or from a door just inside the kitchen near the mudroom.
    
    Laundry room
    ------------
    
    A laundry room adjacent to the kitchen would be a great amenity.  You
    don't want to be constantly travelling to the basement to do those
    endless loads of washing.
    
    Laura

I think to some extent it's dependent on how strong the TV preferences are in 
your family, and how comfortable you feel about what kids can see on TV and 
how much control you want to exert.

We got a new TV for Christmas.  We moved the old TV to a spare bedroom and 
got a second cable box; additionally, the (first generation, we've 
intentionally not upgraded) Nintendo is in the spare bedroom.  Here's our 
experience.

The good thing about it is that if two people strongly want to watch 
different programs at the same time, they can.  (Though we've even had a few 
instances of three different people wanting to watch different things at the 
same time).  Also, if you want to use the family room for something other 
than watching TV, having a TV in another room can be nice.

The bad things are:

Having the TV in the family room enables you to know what your kids are 
watching without being obtrusive.  If you strongly disapprove of some of the 
sex and violence shows or MTV, or movies available on some of the movie 
channels, you can't be fully aware at all times what your kids are watching.
In a similar vein, you can't monitor as closely how MUCH television your kids 
are watching (or how much Nintendo they're playing), even if you have no 
problem with what they watch.

The room tends to get trashed -- snack wrappers, empty glasses and dishes, 
etc.  without its being immediately apparent.

Some people may believe that having the ability to settle a dispute without 
having to compromise is a negative; I don't necessarily agree, but I can see 
how someone else might feel that way.

In our case, we think that the positives outweigh the negatives; we've had 
warnings, and a one week period in which the upstairs bedroom was off limits, 
but otherwise, it's worked fairly well.

Clay 

re .8

Laura,

I agree with you considerations except the Laundry Room.  My wife and I both
work full time, and we have a laundry/bathroom right next to the kitchen and
family room.  We have to do our laundry whenever we have a spare minute (we have
a 3 and a 1 year old)....I find it extremely anboying to hear the laundry going
through dinner, or when we finally find time to sit down and relax.  If I had
to do it over again, I'd place the laundry room in back of the garage.  This
keeps it on the same floor, isolates the noise, and free's up the downstairs
bathroom in case someone drops by in the middle of doing wash.

/mtb

Re: .8

Our house is 2/3 great room and 1/3 two story divided space (28x60), and it's 
great for kids. They're always within sight and earshot. When I need quiet and
privacy, I just shut the door. The one thing lacking is storage space. If I
had designed the house, I would have added a large closet in the great room 
to put the kids toys in so they could be put out of sight whenever the 
situation warranted it. Otherwise, I have no regrets. The positives outweigh
the negatives.

Chris