Conference moira::parenting

> Is this typical for his age?  At what age do kids typically go to bed by 
> themselves? My husband worries that we are babying him.

Good grief!  This isn't all that different from 12-year-old daughter's bedtime
routine.  We read her "bedtime story" for a half hour or so (actually a chapter
or two from whatever our current bedtime reading book is), she brushes her teeth
and drags the cat down to bed, we sing some bedtime songs (the same ones we've
been singing since she was three), usually with some discussion about school or
some other random topic mixed in, and we give her her good night hugs and leave.

If this is babying, I hope it lasts for a few more years!

	-Neil

    Sheila,
    
    My sons are pretty independant (ages 6 and 8) and have been allowed the
    opportunity to get themselves ready for bed for 3+ years now -
    basically since they were able to dress themselves and brush their own
    teeth.  I still tuck them in because that is something that is
    important to them.  The other night I went into Ryan's room (age 6) and
    as I came around the corner he quickly threw off his blankets.  I told
    him he needed to cover up tonight, he said "That's your job of tucking
    us in, it's not the same if I do it."  My kids also get themselves
    ready for school in the morning with verbal prodding from me.  They get
    their own cereal, pack their lunch/snack into their bags, brush teeth,
    dress, comb hair, wash face, and (only if there's time) watch a little
    TV and then I tell them when it's time to leave - they get their stuff
    and off they go.  I want my kids to be able to handle things for
    themselves as much as possible.  I want to be there for them, but I
    don't want to do everything for them.  This is how its been since day
    one - so it may take awhile to get your son accustomed to a change in
    routine.  One thing about dressing themselves - since they have been
    doing it since age 3, I make sure I do not complain about what they
    wear unless they are not dressed appropriately for the occaision or the
    weather (church vs school; summer vs winter).
    
    -sandy
    

    RE:  .2
    
    If you could get 3-year-olds to do the whole bedtime-prep indendently,
    that's AMAZING.  
    
    Ilona can do most of the parts without help, but will she?  Would she? 
    HECK NO!  I gotta be drill sergeant, coach, and therapist to
    get her into bed at night.  No wonder I'm exhausted and fall asleep on
    the couch at 8:20!  Tuck-in includes a "talk" between the Mommy Bear
    and the Little Bear to review the concerns of the moment and get ready
    for tomorrow.  Barney always "rings the doorbell" to ask if
    we're eating a meal. (Voice-over by Ilona - guess what's her primary
    concern in life?  Or is this Goldilocks crossover?)
    
    Using the toilet comes AFTER the stories and prayers - she's too wound
    up before that to pee, and she utterly resists the notion of peeing
    when I TELL her to, heaven forbid.
    
    Mornings take the same amount of effort on my part, except when:
    
    * She's psyched to go somewhere (does NOT include school), or
    * Her favorite outfit is clean
    
    I'm actually still at work now (8:25 p.m.) and feeling fresh, miracle
    of miracles.  It's ever so much easier to work late than to shovel that
    child into bed.  :-)
    
    Laura

    I have put my kids to bed since they were 18 months old.  What that
    meant for them then was to sit and rock them to sleep or 'til
    they were sleepy and then put them in bed and sit there until they
    were asleep.  I figured out how many breaths per minute they had 
    to go after they shut their eyes before they were really asleep
    vs faking it.....amazing the things adults will figure out when
    there is nothing else to do.....Anyway, as they got older, it
    was-into the bed, a few stories or songs and then I announced
    it was time to leave and left.  We usually agreed ahead of time
    how many songs etc. so that they had a pre agreed upon limit and
    since they had agreed to it, there was little discussion.
    
    As they got older, it was easier and easier.  What I am saying, I
    think is that what you do is based on what you have done.  If you
    want to change, then it has to be gradual and the child has to
    be part of helping change the routine so it is easier to remind
    that it was their decision.  Even now when a good show runs past
    bedtime, the fact that the routine(read process) is in place,
    it is much easier to remind(read enforce) the rules than if
    the child is either not reminded ahead of time or if you suddenly
    exercise and adult decision.
    
    My oldest still announces he is headed for bed at 13, and the two
    youngest at 10 and 7 expect to be accompanied.  I don't have to
    stay there after prayers and kisses good night, but it is the
    routine they expect.  As a previous noter suggested, I hope to keep
    it up as long as possible.  Some of the most precious sentences I have
    experienced exchanged between us have been just as they relaxed and
    were trying to relax for the night.  
    
    Jim 

I didn't see anything in .0 that constitutes "babying".  Maybe brushing his 
teeth for him would constitute babying, but you didn't say that.  

>    My oldest still announces he is headed for bed at 13

Mine does sometimes, but most often doesn't now.  My son (10) has 
decided that he doesn't like to be kissed any more.  Quite honestly, I miss 
it, and I bet that you will also if you give it up.  By all means let the 
ritual change as appropriate, but don't force changes, unless it truly gets 
to be a burden, like the 45 minute backrub that we finally had to do 
something about.

Clay

    
    
    	What gets me is when they insist on a drink of water just
    	as we get them tucked in and about to turn the lights out!
    
    
    
    	

    
    
    We have fallen into a terrific bedtime routine for our 3 year old.  We
    have followed this routine since she was 1 1/2, with the exception that
    when she was younger we had to assist with pj's:
    	snack (7:45)
    	sent to her room to change into pj's and brush teeth
    	she let's us know when she's finished, and we read 1 bedtime story
    	"talk about our day"
    	tuck-in & lights out (8:15)
    
    Lauren loves to close her day with "talking about her day", from
    breakfast to tuck-in, and we discuss things that happened that day.  It
    encourages her memory and verbal skills, and like the previous noters -
    some priceless comments come at that time of day.
    
    She has been getting into her pj's by herself since 2 1/2 and loves the
    independence.  We used to have battles about the speed at which the
    pj's would go on, until I gave up and assumed she was a big girl and
    could do it herself.  This has been great - she's proud of herself and
    loves the freedom to choose the pj's and sleeper - I love having a cup
    of tea and reading the newspaper while she gets ready for bed.  It lets
    both of us wind down.
    
    The order of this routine is essential, if she's off to bed without a 
    snack then she'll remind us about the mistake after the lights are
    out and we have to start the whole routine over again!
    
    -Maureen

    We don't have any "big routine" though are in the process of changing
    what we have been doing.  Every morning seems like it was a battle
    where one of the boys (6 and almost 9) wouldn't be able to find
    something that they desparately wanted/needed ("But MOM!! It's color
    orange day!").  So now we're starting to get in the habit of getting
    things ready the night before.  This gives them a little more time in
    the morning, and keeps things a little less hectic.  If you do decide
    to do this, pick a particular spot where "tomorrow's clothes" go.  The
    first night we did it, I thought "tomorrow's clothes" were dirty
    laundry and picked them up.  Oooops!  Mom messed up.
    
    As part of the change, we're trying to introduce it with a lot of
    leniency.  This morning Jason had only gotten out pants and a t-shirt,
    no sox, no underwear or shirt or anything.  While he was scurrying
    around to get the rest of the stuff, and have it "look right" (my
    fashion bug!), he realized the benefit of doing it the night before.
    
    Other than that bedtime is pretty much anytime after 7:00-7:30,
    depending on how tired they are, and once you're in bed, you STAY in
    bed.  I usually give them a bit of a countdown and "getting ready for
    bed" takes about an hour.  That includes "you're going to bed soon - do
    you want anything else to eat/drink before bed?", get your stuff ready
    for the a.m.(new!), brush your teeth + go the bathroom, get changed, and
    school papers and anything else that's going on for them.
      
    They usually go right to sleep (thank goodness!).  They each get
    themselves dressed for bed and in the a.m.  They've been doing as much
    as they possibly could/would, since as young as they possibly could. 
    Jason still tried to convince me he has troubles with buttons (I know
    better, but help him anyway most of the time).  I've never gotten a
    whole lot of joy/satisfaction out of dressing them, and they enjoy the
    independence, so what the heck!
    
    Ah yes - and the only criticism of clothing is if it's inappropriate
    (too hot/cold etc), as someone else noted.  I figure if I always TELL
    them what to wear, they'll never figure it out themselves - I'll give
    them some advice (that might look better with your blue pants or If you
    have stripes on your shirt, you should try not to wear stripes on your
    pants), but they end up wearing what they want (and yes, sometimes it
    really shows! (-:)