|
I'm not sure where it comes from, but my son (3 years) has been saying
similar things lately. We have been having alot of trouble putting
him to bed. Prior to his, he has been an angel at bed time, read the
book jump in bed, go to sleep, now, as soon as he is on his bed he
goes hysterical. A couple of nights ago, we got him talking, he says
he doesn't like himself because he's turning into a "big kid". WE have
been praising him for going poops on the potty and one of the things
I have said is that he is turning into a "big kid", since then he has
regressed and is having pee accidents again, first time in months.
What's wrong with big kids? Well one day at day care, we were on the
way in and the older kids were coming out to get on the bus. Timing
was perfect, we got to the door when they did. the door flew open and
almost knocked him down, the kids ran by, loud and fast and it scared
him really bad. To this day, if you say "those are the big kids" he
is afraid of them. Doesn't matter who the" big kids" are. it could be
kids his age, my age, or a little older. Could also be kids he was
just playing with, The label "big kids" scares him
So this all, bed time problems and all, may have been caused by an
anxious Dad trying to praise his son for starting to act grown up and
do something good. No harm intended, but you have to be very carefull
what you say when they can hear, and they can hear ALOT.
--Bob
|
| Hi,
One thing that comes to mind is my grandson who is almost 4 seemed
to regress when people made a big deal about him going potty like a
good boy. He would make a mistake and said I'm a bad boy! My daughter
and I discussed this and decided maybe people should just not make
a super big deal of his progress. Encourage him but not make too
much of something we all wanted him to do.
Now when I have him and I do something nice or good. He's says
"your a good girl!" He says this with a smile. I'll say "Thanks, I
like to try to do good things." He'll say "Me too!" Then we go
on with whatever, just a small conversation and then on with life.
Maybe somewhere someones made a comment about making mistakes.
Maybe it was their own mistakes they were talking about and Sophie
somehow picked up on it as being a bad thing. It's good that you
play this game, it's sounds like a very communicative way of finding
out how the kids are feeling and what their real thoughts are. She
felt she could tell you how she felt. Supporting her and letting her
talk is really good.
Take care and hope she feels better soon about the fact that all
people make mistakes , even good loving people.
Rose Marchand
|
|
we got the idea from a tape set that my SP listens to.
It's by Brian Tracey and it's called Peak Performance. (Does that sound
like a Yup thing or WHAT ??!!! :-) )
On the tape, Tracey decribes wht he does with his kids..
One is to reaffirm they know you love them, even when you're mad at
them. Another is to play games like hug yourself and say "I love me"
and hopefull they will mimic. Caveat: you must really love yourelef
-or least like yourself. Kids pick up on any discrepancies!
I think this is important. It's taken me a long time to be able to say
I like, love, and accept myself. most days at least. It woulda saved a
lot of tears to get it at a younger age.
Thanks fro the idea of not laying it on so thick!
Jamd
|
|
Kids learn a *great* deal from how we behave, much
more than from what we say.
As someone else here asked a while ago - what do you
do when *you* make mistakes? Try to deny it, hide it?
The best thing to do is say, oops, I made a mistake!
Silly me! oh well, I'll fix it. And then do whatever
to fix it, then go on.
But don't forget that you're not the only influence
any more. If she has friends whose parents make a
big deal out of mistakes, then she'll pick up some
of that. Or daycare.
*And*, kids test things out, including feelings they
aren't actually feeling. Elise will "practise"
feeling sad, or happy, etc. She will practise making
mistakes, just to see what my reaction is. (You can
tell by the smirk). So that's a possibility too.
But don't feel rotten. This could be nothing, and
you can do a lot to help her, if she does indeed
feel this way...
Pat
|