Conference moira::parenting

    
    If her last name is "Albert", like your account name appears
    to be, maybe she has had kids make jokes about "fat Albert".
    
    I know Bill Cosby's semi-ficticious character Fat Albert is
    a fad from the past but some kids overhear their parents
    reminiscing about old stories, jokes etc. and maybe this
    came up at your daughter, who didn't think it particularily
    funny or amusing.
    
    You never know.
    
    Jodi-

An invitation to give advice...  I can't resist :-)

Here's what I'd try:

    - At a non-meal, relaxed time, I'd try to find out where all this concern 
      is coming from.  Does she have friends who are teasing her about her
      size?  Is she chubby?  Did a relative make an insensitive remark?
      Does she see herself as fat now, or is she just worried about how
      she will look later?  Are most of her friends built like little sticks
      and she has a less "skinny" build?

      Just fyi:  when I was in the early elementary years, I was positive
      that I was fat.  To this day, I'm not sure why.  I also remember when
      I was around 10 years old looking back at pictures of me in grades 1-3.
      I wasn't fat at all.  I can still remember how surprised I was when
      I saw those pictures!

    - I'd try to be honest about her chances of becoming fat.  Look at your
      directly-related family members.  If there are a lot of overweight
      family members, then she may have to be more careful about eating
      low-fat meals and exercising than if most of your family members are
      thin.  I'd try to emphasize that her size will be determined by
      her genes and her decisions about meals and exercise.  

    - I would not make mealtimes a battle.  I'd allow her to eat as much
      (or as little) of her meals as she wanted (and I'd find this a very
      difficult task).  If problems arose because I thought she was avoiding
      eating at meals, and then needed to snack later, then I'd have to
      re-evaluate.  Maybe you could tell her that you will let her know which
      foods are high fat and which are low-fat so she can choose how much of
      what she wants to eat.  One of my assumptions here is that a 5-year-old 
      is too young to become anorexic -- and I'm just not sure about this.  
      If she actually started to lose weight, then I'd seek professional help --
      probably the pediatrician first.

- Deb (the Ann-Landers-wannabe :-)

    If she has a checkup scheduled soon, the three of you could discuss her
    weight curve, genetic predisposition, etc.  Or you could schedule a
    phone call to her pedi (a special visit just for the weight thing might
    validate her fears).  Would your girl consider the doctor an objective
    evaluator?
    
    Leslie

    Both boys and girls deal with hangups around their body images,
    particularly the American obsession with an ideal shape and size.
    But, girls are particularly victim to the obsession, leading to
    adolescent and even pre-teen eating disorders.
    
    How can we help our girls prevent the emotional/social hangups that
    lead to negative self-images, with eating disorders the too-frequent
    result?
    
    I ask because my 3 1/2 year old has been saying lately that she is fat.
    She has a brawny build (inherited) but is not obese by any measure. 
    Her comment may be more of a question, following her observations that
    her father is fat.  (And he is quite obese.)
    
    I told her the following:
    
    1. She is not fat, but not skinny either, just normal and healthy.
    
    2. It is important to eat healthy foods (she does) and to play a lot so 
    she gets exercize.
    
    3. Some people think EVERYONE is too fat.  They are wrong.  A little fat 
    is okay.
    
    4. You don't have to be skinny to be pretty.  People who say this are
    wrong.
    
    5.  Her body is nice.  She is pretty.  I love her the way she is.
    
    Is this how you handled the issue with your youngsters?
    
    How do we prevent this scourge from erupting as the girls get older?
    
    How do we help older girls overcome this hangup and live happier lives?
    
    Laura

    Laura,
    
    Sounds like you handled it the same way I have, and my kids are all
    bean poles and have occaisionally said something about needing to diet.  
    
    I think the best way to prevent this is not to obsess about weight
    ourselves, as our daughters tend to reflect us as well as their peers. 
    This is tough, as I have battled weight problems most of the last 10
    years and I have to remember not complaining about my weight in front
    of my girls. 
    
    We also need to reenforce that bodies come in all shapes and sizes and
    all are beautiful in their own way.  I used to keep a couple of
    Botecelli prints around to remind me that beautiful is not
    stick-skinny.
    
    Meg

    I don't know whether this is related or not, but my 4-year-old
    son is very interested in fatness, and will stuff his pajamas
    with his blanket and be a "fat cat" or "fat stegosaurus" or
    whatever the animal-of-the-day is.  My wife thinks this might be
    because you can easily pretend to be fat but can't easily pretend
    to be tall.
    
    We have conversations about the concept of fatness.  We tell him,
    for example, that hippos and elephants are not "fat"--that's just
    the way they are, while some animals of any kind can be fat or not
    fat relative to how they are.  He doesn't seem to have any worry
    or connection to himself in this, but he is very interested in the 
    concept.
    
    So it may not be the same thing as a teen-ager's obsession about
    being personally fat.
    
    		-John Bishop

    How about borrowing a Rubens art book from a library, and discussing
    how tastes change over time? You all might get a good laugh about it.
    ;-)