Conference moira::parenting

Welcome to the beginning of the adolescent period.

The word speaks for itself  - Less Sense.

    Oh, nooooooo..  It's worse than I thought!  :-)

Noting unique about 10 per se ... it could be 9, 11, 12, 30, but this kind
of behaviour happens and it usually is a need for some kind of attention
at home.  There is usually something bothering them, but they cannot
necessarily even identify it themselves.

Talk about looking for something and not knowing what it is you are looking
for!

Basically, you've got to try to keep the communication lines open, and
try to avoid satisfying their desire for negative attention, and cultivate
giving positive attention where you can.

In the case of the cards ... a simple ... "I think we'll save a lot of fuss
if those cards were to find their way back into your brothers bag now" will
work ... He knows right and wrong so you don't need to go over it with him.
Then follow up with "Do you want some cards too ?" ... then work out some
way for him to have some.

Eventually, you may actually find out what is inducing this behaviour, and
it can be something as simple as "I need more allowance" ... but they are
too afraid to ask.

Stuart

The 10-15 age group has some pretty interesting baggage. My suggestion 
would be to watch your local papers for workshops on adolescent parenting.
There really isn't a whole lot you can do with them other than try to
understand what's going on and beginto develop some strategies to deal
with it. I've heard that there's a new book out that deals quite well
with this age group. I don't remember the author but the title is
"Get out of my life - but before you do could you drive me and 
Cheryl to the mall". I attended a workshop last week but I don't
have my notes with me. If I remember I'll throw a few tidbits in here
next week.

Mike (who has a son 14, a daughter 13, and a daughter 10).

    Well, I am certainly glad that I'm not the only Mom with a
    ten-almost-eleven-year-old boy who seems to be going through the
    terrible twos all over again.  He is really pushing me and it's
    getting harder to deal with every day.
    
    I was wondering if we were beginning adolescence - I guess we
    are.  At least we're not alone :-)
    
    Jonnie

    You're DEFINITELY not alone!  I have a son who just turned ten.  He can
    be the most wonderful person to be around one minute and the next
    minute become a snarling mass of anger.  We had a run in this morning
    regarding homework - he suddenly remembered (at 7:45) that he had some
    - no matter that he had FOUR DAYS to do it!  He was doing it in front
    of the TV and I told him in a calm voice to please come into the
    kitchen to finish up so that he wouldn't be distracted.  After asking
    him four times he finally came in with the comment that I was the
    "meanest mom in the world".  That got him grounded until Thursday (in
    his room as soon as he gets home from school - can come down for supper
    and then right back).
    
    If my other two become like this I think I'll move out until they're
    all in college! ;>}
    
    Linda

    Linda,
    
    You just perfectly described Jeff's behaviour for the last few months. 
    I have also gotten the "meannest Mom in the world" comment several
    times.  But five minutes later he will be sitting in my lap giving hugs
    and kisses!
    
    We also have had the homework problem.  However, the teachers at Jeff's
    school are really good about letting me know when things get behind and
    we all work very closely together to help Jeff stay on task.  But this
    is a problem that been going on since he started school so I think it
    is separate from the "ten-year-old" stuff.  We have put a desk in his
    room and he is *NEVER* allowed to do his homework anyplace else.
    
    BTW - If you're the meannest Mom, how can I be the meannest Mom?  ;-)

    Maybe I'm the East Coast Meanest Mom and you're the Mountain Region
    Meanest Mom.
    
    Anyway,  my son was a bit more subdued yesterday.  We had a talk and he
    knows why he's being punished.  I figure ONE of these days he'll figure
    things out...
    
    Linda

    Sorry to burst your bubbles, ladies... but I have Meanest Mom of the
    Year all locked up, and have had for at least the past 15 years... Just
    ask Brent who is 20 (and just starting to realize that Mom may not be
    all that bad.. Oh no, there goes that coveted award) and Sarah, who
    just turned 18 and I am usually still the MMofY!

    M-L

    No No No !  My wife is teh Meanest Mom ... ask our 9 year old!
    
    Stuart

    Oh great - you mean I get to be Meanest Mom until my youngest is 20! 
    He's only 4.5 now!
    
    How come no "Meanest Dad's" are reporting in?
    
    L

>    How come no "Meanest Dad's" are reporting in?

I'm a dad of many skills.

To my 10 year old son, I am the meanest.

To my 13 year old daughter, I am the dumbest.

Clay

    That's it Clay.. exactly!
    
    Mean Mom of the Year, and Dumb Dad of the Year... they go hand in hand!
    
    Wasn't it Mark Twain who said (something to this effect, not a direct
    quote)..." It's amazing how smart my father was, the older I became".
    
    (You get the idea of what he said)
    
    M-L

One of my favorite quotes, especially since it described my
Dad to a "T".

	"When I was 16 I was amazed at how little my father knew.
	 When I was 21 I was amazed at how much he had learned in
	 	five years!"