Conference moira::parenting

    My sons exposure to feminine hygiene products came quite early.  I used
    to place a pad between the seat and rim of the toilet when he was potty
    trianing because without failure, he would always "shoot under the
    rim"!  (He was only 2 1/2 at the time.)  I remember when my second was
    training, one day I lifted the seat to clean and there was a pad.  I
    asked my husband why he put it there, that Ryan didn't shoot under the
    rim.  Well, turns out Kyle put it there because Ryan was potty training
    and assumed it was standard operating procedure.
    
    When he asked me (at a later age) what it was for, I told them they are
    used to keep mommy feeling fresh and clean at certain times when I need
    them.  That was all he needed.  Now that he is 8, I'm sure he'll want
    to get into it a little more.  Especially since "someone has been
    picking thru the trash" - guess I'll have to start bringing this stuff
    into my bedroom trash!!!  
    
           
    Kids were definately much easier as babies!!!
    
    -sandy
    

    We have a small flock of sheep, and they provide a never ending
    set of 'sex education' opportunities.  The rams are very
    well 'endowed' (two testies, approx baseball sized) and they
    clearly can see there is one daddy sheep and lots of mommy
    sheep....and they can watch the daddy sheep plant 'seeds'
    in the mommy sheep.  They've all watched lambs being born,
    nurse for the first time, stand up, etc.  They've
    also watched new born lambs die, and understand the sadness
    of that side of life as well.

    Its especially interesting, given that most of our kids are
    adopted...we get through the questions about birth, parenting,
    etc. real quickly.

    Like discussing 'adoption', I think its best if sex education
    is something that's just 'talked about'...where babies come from is
    just one of the many things that kids just sort of know, from
    as far back as they remember.
    bob

    My daughter is 3 and has been asking questions that I've been ducking. 
    "Mommy, how does the baby get *in* the belly?"  So, I went and got two
    books.  I got one for her that I've yet to use yet, since I'm waiting
    for her to ask the questions.  I also got one for me to read.  It's
    called, "How to Talk to Your Kids About Sex."  (If I remember the title
    correctly...)  One of the authors is Dr. Mary Calderone, formerly with  
    Planned Parenthood.  
    
    The book divides the chapters into ranges of children's ages and has
    typical questions and answers, as well as some explanatory text.  It's
    written for your kids from birth to 12. 
    
    The book is very clear and easy to read.  It has an open attitude about
    sex and discusses same sex relationships without judgement, which was
    important to me.
    
    I'm not totally comfortable with everything in it.  (For example, they
    suggest that if your daughter wants to know what she looks like inside,
    you help her out by handing her a mirror and holding a flashlight to
    illuminate things.  This is not something I would do.  I could just
    picture this coming up in a conversation with her teacher and me being
    brought up on charges.)
    
    That said, I'm generally very happy with the book and have already
    started to use some of its suggestions.
    
    I got the book at "Book Nooks and Crannies" at Pennichuck Square in
    Nashua, NH.
    
    judy

    Boy Kate am I glad you started this note.
    
    I have a similar situation with my son who will be 4 in November.  He
    already knows about Femminen Hygiene products are things ladies need. 
    My problem is that he has "found himself" and plays with it often.  We
    have discussed this with our pedi and he said that Alex is at the age
    where he is going to discover himself and ask questions.  Well he has
    started to ask us why his penis gets "Hard" and we started out by
    telling him it's becasue he has to got pee.  But this doesn't work any
    more and know it is getting harder for me to explain to him why this
    happens.  My husband has tried to talk to him and explain that it is
    what a mans penis does sometimes.  He is a very curious little boy and
    is alway asking questions about something or another.   I finally had
    to tell him to stop touching Mommies boobies.  He says he likes them
    casue they are soft like his pillow, and I told him that boys don't
    touch Mommies boobies and that was that.  Now if I can get through this
    infatuation with his penis I will be fine.  I am going to see if the
    pedi can try and explain to him at his 4 year check up if he doens't
    stop by then.
    
    I would appreciate any help from you parents with boys who have gone
    through anything like this.
    
    
    Thanks,
    
    Liz

>    I finally had
>    to tell him to stop touching Mommies boobies.  He says he likes them
>    casue they are soft like his pillow, and I told him that boys don't
>    touch Mommies boobies and that was that.  

You could expand that message to say that nobody has the right to touch him 
where he does not want to be touched, and that everyone has that right, 
including mommy.

>    Now if I can get through this
>    infatuation with his penis I will be fine.  I am going to see if the
>    pedi can try and explain to him at his 4 year check up if he doens't
>    stop by then.

Our response to that (endorsed by the pedi) was that if you are going to 
touch yourself like that, you should do it in private, in your own room.  
IMO, if you try to prevent it entirely, you may be laying an unwarranted 
guilt trip on him.

Clay

    I've seen a wonderful little book called "Where did I come from?",
    illustrated with cartoons.  (I forget the authors.)  It's very frank, 
    but in a light-hearted sort of way that suggests this is all part of 
    normal life.  It uses correct terminology, and explains terms in a
    way that children can understand -- which has the side effect of
    disarming some adult discomfort over the situation.
    
    I don't remember whether it went into menstruation or not...
    
    To give you a flavor for it:  The opening statement of the book
    is that the authors wrote the book because little people
    really want to know where they came from, but it's very hard for
    a lot of big people to tell them without getting red in the face
    and mumbling.  
    
    I've seen it in lots of bookstores.
    Beth

       The library (in Worcester) has tapes that can be rented also to
    help parents with childrens questions. I have a 3 1/2 year old grandson
    that asks a lot of questions. 
    
       It's amazing how curious they can be. During the summer just a few
    months after he turned 3 I was laying on the lounge chair in my bathing
    suit. He came over and sat on my tummy. He had a car with him and
    started pretending he was driving it on my body. He came to my breast
    and drove the car over and said "Whoops, boobie bump!" and we both 
    cracked up laughing. I was so surprised that I laughed so hard. Then
    I thought "oh my, I shouldn't have done that". I didn't know how to 
    handle it so I got up with him and we went into the pool. I told
    my daughter what happened so if he says something she could talk to
    him if needed. He's never mentioned it so I'm hoping that I did the
    right thing by just getting up and not making anything of it.
    
       Rose
    

    Sometimes I think the more casual you are, the better...
    
    We also followed .5's (?) advice about "private parts, private places." 
    Interestingly, our daughter (the 2.3 year old) is becoming quite
    particular about "changing table time."  She doesn't want to be cleaned
    up with either baby wipes or a washcloth -- I don't blame her -- I told
    her it was OK to fuss, because nobody was supposed to touch her there
    unless it was changing time.  Let me hasten to add that I don't think
    anything is "going on," I think she's just being 2.  I am glad she's
    fussy, frankly.  She's more reserved, especially around people she
    doesn't know, than our son is, and I sometimes wish he'd take a page
    from her book.

Evan is 5.5 and we've talked about the following:
	menstruation and tampons ("a woman's body never knows when the woman
		might want to make a baby, so it makes special food for the
		baby to eat inside her body.  That food is kind of like blood,
		and when the body knows that the woman isn't going to be
		make a baby that month, then it makes the food go away.
		Tampons soak up the blood so it doesn't get messy on the
		woman's clothes."
	pregnancy - the growth of the fetus
	birth
	what testicles are, and that sperm is made there
	that sperm and a woman's egg can together make a baby
	that sex is not just kissing, but for him would involve his penis
	that sex is something that should only be when he *and* the other
		person want it (apparently he and one of his male friends
		have been chasing the girls around, trying to kiss them;
		it wasn't clear to me how the girls felt about it.  "We were
		trying to make sex with them," he told me.)
	that sex isn't for 5 year olds, or even for 10 year olds
	that if a grownup ever touchs him there, to tell us because grownups
		and other kids shouldn't touch kid's private areas, and that
		even if he liked it if someone did it, that it isn't his fault.

Sometimes I say things right, and sometimes I say them wrong.  Usually it's
not a planned conversation, but something that just comes up spontaneously.
For Shellie, it usually happens when they have just turned onto the busiest
street in town.  :-)

    Carol	

    Carol,

    	That is one of the nicest and clearest explanations of menstruation
    that I have come across, is it yours or did you get it from a book?
    	
    	Thank you for entering that, I will be sure to have it on file for
    when my house full of boys starts asking the inevitable questions.


    				Wendy

    Yes, Carol, great description!
    
    I replied to Kate offline but thought I'd add $.02 here.  When my
    daughter was "the age of pottydom" (2.5) we had lots of talks about
    menstruation, and since I don't experience it as "the curse" she's only
    been moderately interested in the whole phenomenon.  (The mechanics of
    the tampax applicator holds more interest than its raison d'etre.)
    
    When Alex was 5 I gave her the rest of the story, because I firmly
    believe that intercourse, between consenting adults of any sex, is
    natural (and that pretending it doesn't exist is unnatural).  Now this
    doesn't make it any easier to come up with a ready explanation when the
    questions start/continue/increase in complexity!  I still have "old
    tapes" from having been brought up in the uptight '50s, so even though
    I haven't regretted for an instant having explained (age-appropriately,
    I think) menstruation, masturbation, intercourse, pregnancy, birth, 
    nursing... there's a part of me who's still a little shocked that an 8
    year old has that much information!  It's very difficult to buck that
    programming.
    
    I do think that all of our talks will make it much easier when she
    boards the Puberty Express.  We've talked about hormones and we have a
    great book, "What's Happening to my Body???" (targeted for pre- and
    pubescent kids).  The video and book "The Miracle of Life" are fabulous
    too.
    
    Alex is at that great stage where, if she sees a family of 5, she will
    comment in a whisper "They had to do it 3 times!"  :-)
    
    Leslie 

    
  >>>  Alex is at that great stage where, if she sees a family of 5, she will
  >>>  comment in a whisper "They had to do it 3 times!"  :-)
 
Reminds me of a funny story: 

A friend of mine, Laura, is considering having a second child.  Her first child,
Megan, is a 6-year-old girl.  

Laura has given Megan all the info about intercourse, pregnancy, etc.  
Megan still thinks it's all a little gross, though. Her comment about 
Laura having a second child was "you mean, Daddy's going to have to put his
boy-part in your girl-part?  Why don't you just adopt a baby?"

    
    Wow! Kids get all the info early these days....
    
    I Um,... didn't figure out the MECHANICS of the process, if you catch
    my drift, until I was in 9th grade.
    
    "...euuuuwwww. mom and dad do that ??!!!"

<                      <<< Note 592.10 by SUPER::WTHOMAS >>>
<
<    	That is one of the nicest and clearest explanations of menstruation
<    that I have come across, is it yours or did you get it from a book?

*blush.  Thanks.  :-}  That was just my interpretation of what is happening
with our bodies.

As for the mechanics of things, I haven't gotten into that much yet.
I'm sure it will come up eventually, though.

     Carol

    My boys, almost 9 and 10, know *some* of what's involved.  They know
    the body parts, that babies start as eggs, how babies are fed by the
    mommy (and they have navels to prove it!), how babies come out...
    They just don't know where Dad fits in.  ;-)
    
    I've always answered their questions directly, and I only offer the 
    information they're looking for.  I figure when they're ready, they'll
    grill me for hours about the details...  In the meantime, they have
    enough information to keep them happy.   For example, they think 
    "having sex" is being naked in bed together, kissing.  Close enough 
    for me.  :-) 
    
    
    Pam
    

    	At a yard sale ('natch) this weekend I got the book "Where did I
    come From?" It's well written, lots of pictures and pretty much
    considered a classic. I'm wondering though, what is the age to use it?

    	This past weekend our 7 year old neighbor, asked me why Pee-Wee
    Herman was arrested. Now if Spencer had asked me I would have launched
    into a discussion of he was touching himself in public and people
    should not do that, they should only do that in private. This of course
    being someone else's kid, I said that he had gone to an adult movie and
    he wasn't supposed to be there and he got arrested.

    	The reply was (of course) "He's an adult isn't he?" I just said
    that different states have different laws. In the evening I called his
    Dad and just told him that Nathan was starting to ask those questions
    and that he might want to start addressing it.

    	Now, if a 7 year old is asking about masturbation (even if it is
    sensationalized masturbation). Surely, younger children are learning
    about other things. Is there an age to start or do you just play it by
    ear and answer the questions as they come?

    				Wendy

    Wendy,
    
    I believe that if a child is asking the question, then they deserve an
    answer.  I think your description of Pee Wee Herman's problem was on
    target.  It told the truth, in language that the child could
    understand.
    
    As usual, go with your instincts and what makes you feel comfortable.
    
    judy

    
    Here's another aspect .... my 8 1/2 year old hasn't asked ANY questions
    about any of this yet.  But, he is exposed to it at school, from the
    other kids, who are obviously quite aware.  I feel like he needs some
    education on some aspects, but since he isn't showing any interest in
    particular, I'm not sure how far to go.
    
    Last week he told me a joke he heard at school .... it started out "A
    man and a woman were having sex ..."  Well, I tried to not act
    surprised, but I was pretty shocked to hear Chris talking like that
    (it's just not LIKE him - he's more interested in things for his age,
    than what "adults" do).  The "joke" ended w/ 3 women individually
    stimulating the man until he came, and they thought it was hand lotion.
    He covered SO many topics with one joke, and caught me so TOTALLY off
    guard that about all I could do was suggest that he didn't repeat the
    joke to anyone.  He heard it from the kids at his after-school class.
    
    This kid really doesn't have any idea, as far as I can tell, about the
    "facts of life".  He still giggles if he walks in the bedroom and my
    boyfriend and I are naked in bed - not that he sees anything, but
    seeing us with bare shoulders sends him giggling and whispering to his
    younger brother.  I hate to burden his innocence, but I also don't want
    to make him curious enough to experiment early, when mere facts might
    help satiate some of that curiosity.
    
    How do you know what is age-appropriate??  I didn't know anything about
    anything until I was 15 years old.  A friend of mine was going into the
    woods with a girl every day after school and she performed oral sex on
    him, when he was only 12.  
    
    And .... does it matter if the conversation is with my son and I, or
    his dad and him?  His younger brother is 5 1/2 - should we talk to them
    both at the same time?  I'm not sure that Chris would "be quiet" about
    what he knows, and I don't want Jason to find out second-hand ....
    
    Whaddya think??  Geez, and I thought I still had a few years to go!
    
    Thanks!
    Patty

       I really don't know what kind of advice to offer you Patty. But,
    I think your son, in his telling you the joke is hearing stuff from 
    other children about sex. It's obvious (to me) that right at the moment
    it's a big joke to him. 
    
       Maybe you should get together with your husband a talk about what
    you both may feel the childs needs are. If you don't tell him anything,
    he will get a lot of wrong information from others. I wouldn't worry
    about him going off and doing something if you talk to him. I pesonally
    feel he is more likely to get caught up in doing things he shouldn't
    if you don't talk to him. By telling him not to repeat the joke may
    have started his curiousity off more. He may wonder why you don't
    want him to talk like that. If you don't tell him why he will come
    to his owns conclusions and may even think he is a bad little boy
    now. 
    
        I'm not sure what kind of books are out there for him but I'll
    bet someone else in the file will have a good listing of books to
    read with him. 
    
         Take care and good luck,
    
         Rose Marchand

    I agree with Rose that he probably is curious, and I think the good
    news is that he trusts you enough to share that joke with you (whether
    he understands it or not is beside the point; the word "sex" is in it,
    and he must know that there's something out there called "sex" that he
    doesn't know much about).
    
    Seems to me that you (or the other Parental Unit) could use that joke as 
    a jumping off point to start talking: "That joke you told the other day
    started me thinking that you might have some questions/that you're
    getting old enough now to understand/that you might be hearing stuff
    from other kids that's confusing you/[whatever]."  I'd emphasize that
    (like the revelations about Santa/Easter Bunny/tooth fairy), reproduc-
    tive information is not something we talk about to other kids, since
    every family has its own way of dealing (or not dealing :-( ) with the
    topic.  Make sure if his eyes start glazing over you offer him a
    parachute out of the conversation :-) and an open invitation to talk
    about it again whenever he wants.
    
    JMHO,
    Leslie

I also wonder if your five year old might also be testing you for the
appropriateness of this kind of talk/joke ... ?

Thinking, "is it okay for me to tell this joke to others?  ummmm what does
it really mean?" 

I think he told you the joke to maybe begin a conversation with you about
sexual issues.

Mo
(Who has experience with raising teens, as a step-mom, but yet has to
experience the joys of understanding and dealing with five year-olds ...)

    
I thought that people having kids was a great way to talk about how babies 
grow. So when the Day Care Provider is pregnant all the kids talk about
the baby inside. When Angela was 20 months old she new that babies grew
inside of the tummies (It is obvious that children at this age don't get it 
that only women can have babies. Because till my son John was three or four he
still would put a baby under his shirt and tell me that he was going to have
a baby too. I was pregnant with my forth at the time).

After the baby was born my provider nursed her and then all the kids were
nursing the dolls(even the boys). It is age appropriate to mimic and later they 
will find out that only "mommies" have milk in their breasts for their 
babies.  

So by three she had been told about babies growing inside the mommy and what 
breasts are for. She does not remember a time that she did not have this 
information.

When she was five I had another child(my second) and she was at the birth.
After spending three or four months taking about how the cervix opens up and 
the baby works his way out. She was reminded several times that she could 
leave if she wanted. I had an adult there just for her so that she could have
her questions answered and this Adult would also take her out if she appeared 
to be distressed about what was going on or if their were complications. Angela
was told about all reasonable possibilities and My mother was told ahead of time
how to give information about complications if they had to leave in a hurry.

Now their are videos about birth and these would be just as educational and 
just think about how interesting the birth process is. With birth being so 
interesting to me I was able to explain that the bleeding every month was
a result of the body getting ready to nourish a baby just in case one was 
created. When the baby does not show up the body cleans itself out and gets 
ready all over again every month till your body stops preparing for the babies
in later life. I started giving the same "speech" about periods when she 
was two and saw me bleeding. I had to reassure her that I was not dying. 
At the time I was not planning to discuss this with her but she appeared 
to be very distressed that I might be hurt so it was best for her to know 
that this is a natural body function that happens all the time to every 
woman for a reason.

Before my children become potty trained I did not shut the bathroom door
as I hoped that they would become curious and eventually understand why people 
use the bathroom. Sort of training by association this of course gave many 
opportunities for questions and I was delighted to give factual information
and did not feel as embarrassed I knew I would be more embarrassed about 
the actual act of intercourse and when I felt that Angela should know how 
baby gets made so that it can show up in the uterus then I got that book
about "Where did I come from" It was the perfect way to tell Angela. 

She didn't believe it and then she thought it was gross ( and I would like her 
feel that way till she is through collage) then she started thinking about all 
the other people that had to 'do it' to have a baby. This thinking over time
brought up the question about artifital insemination and people who
want babies who cant seem to have them (again factual information which is in 
my comfort range.) So between the age of 5 when I read the book for the first
time and 8 she did some thinking and pondering. At this time I provided books 
and other resources to curb curiosity. Some sanitary pads would disappear from 
    the cupboard and I asked her if she had started her period and she said 
    she just wanted to see what it felt like to wear them. 

When she was 8 or 9 and Aids became news I thought it was appropriate to
let her know that planning to have children is something you can do. Planning 
not to have children was an option also. I told her about contraception with as
many 'props' as possible.(good graphic photos where props were not available).
FACTS FACTS and more FACTS. With the discussion of each device I knew about I 
talked about how effective it was in preventing STD's (sexually transmitted
disease) and what some of these diseases were and what they could do 
to you. Aids discussions are ongoing and I still use every opportunity I can to 
reiterate any and all facts I have on the subject. Movies that are coming
up on TV. Talk shows that may have the material as a subject. About every 
third discussion I spend effort on STD's in general. 

My time now for her is spent on updating our awareness of Aids research or 
new birth control methods, why people would have an abortion, teenage pregnacy,
I let her know when she was 9 or 10 that I would not always know about the 
newest forms of birth control ect and that I was always interested in newer
or more resent findings which has left an open door for her to use to pass
along information or ask me if I know about it yet. As I learn new things
I pass them on to her. As I learn more about menopause I will continue to 
share information with her.

At fourteen she is not interested in having a baby and has much more self
confidence. She is set against having sex before she is married and if she 
does what she says will not have sex till she is ready. She says she'll be 
ready when she gets married. She does think masturbation is gross also. I 
only brought it up because I wanted to let her know the she would have 
sexual feelings and physical sexual desire and that boys have these feeling
and they are more intense. I wanted her to know it would be highly appropriate 
to tell a boy to "relieve himself" if he feels that his 'needs' are so intense
that he thinks he needs to 'Use her' to relieve them.

I believe that giving them all the facts as I know them while they still 
beleive I know everything is better than waiting til they are old enough 
and believe I don't know anything.

Pointing out the unusual situations about reproduction I have helped 
eliminate the 'Wives tales' like 

If you just do it once you can't get pregnant.
If you 'do it' during your period you can't get pregnant.

My sister got Angela a book that talked about the facts of reproduction
called 'PERIOD'. It discribed everything from puberty to thickness of the 
clear 'discharge' and how to tell when you are ovulating. What are Yeast 
infections? and ingeneral lots of information I had to learn from a gyn 
over many years. If I recall corectly It also talked about masturbation 
in a general, nonjudgmental way giving the reader the impretion that some 
people do and some people don't and what you do is up to you and not anyone 
else's business.

At 14 years old I cannot tell her anything that she will not question but 
she will read books and seems to be able to tell the difference between 
factual and fiction. So any more information I would need to give her at 
this time is given in the form of books or videos. I have a great video
about Hollands midwife program and it gives factual information about
being pregnant and shows three births, two in homes and one at a hospital.
This tape I leave out where she can find it should she want to veiw it in
private. 
    
    My sons are another story altogether. I still believe in giving them 
    the information while they are young and impresionable because I know
    for a fact that teenagers don't believe what thier parents tell them.
    
    I do think that Devin knows more than he lets on and his brother who 
    is 5 yrs old can ask enough questions for both of them. I found out
    that Devin learns more information by having the 5 year old ask me the 
    questions. 
    
    jan 
     

    Well, this is kind of appropriate topic except my daughter is 8.
    
    She has been definitely showing an avid interest in where she came
    from.   What we had told her at this point was that all girls are born
    with eggs and as the girls mature, the eggs get fertilized, the egg
    starts dividing and that is how a baby is formed.   
    
    Well this was enough for a while, but she has now started asking how
    the egg gets fertilized.   Well, I didn't know how to explain it to
    her, so I went to the library and picked out a book called "How you
    were born". I do not remember the authors name, but I can get it if
    anyone is interested.   There were a lot of pictures in this book
    showing.  It started out with a box divided into 4 small boxes.  In
    each box there is a picture of an egg, a picture of the sperm, a
    picture of the sperm fertilizing the egg, and the 4th picture showing
    the egg that had been divided into many cells.   The books also shows
    the different stages of the babies developement.  All in all I thought
    it was a decent book, except that it didn't go into enough details for
    my daughter.
    
    She wants to know "HOW DOES THE SPERM GET IN THE WOMAN TO FERTILIZE THE
    EGG?"  I couldn't think up an appropriate answer for an 8 year old, so
    I told her that it was a little complicated and that she needed to be
    a little older before I can talk to her about that particular part.  I
    feel that what I told her was wrong, but I also feel that she is way
    tooooo young to understand what intercourse is about.  Is 8 too young?  
    
    The only thing I can think of that she is so interested in the "HOW"
    of it, then she must have heard something and just wanted to see if
    I told her the same thing.  So I asked her what she had heard and she
    of course said she hadn't heard anything, but she wanted to know.  
    
    So, from all the parenting community, I would like some advice on how
    to handle this.  Is 8 too young to explain intercourse, especially if
    they are asking questions about it?   What would be a good way to
    explain intercourse without really getting into the nitty gritty
    details.   I still think she is too young to know about this, but I
    don't want to do the wrong thing either.
    
    Thanks for any help.
    Sarah

>                      <<< Note 592.23 by YIELD::STOOKER >>>
>                         -< An 8 year olds question. >-

    We have a small sheep farm, so our kids get to witness the
    daddy sheep planting seeds into the mommy sheep...and then
    5 months later watch the lambs come right out of the mommy
    sheep's tummy.  Watching the lambs come out is so incredibly
    interesting that all else pales in comparison.  The kids
    know that they came from seeds planted in mom's tummy too.
    They arn't real sure about the exact physics of it all, and I
    dont think they are all that interested.

    There are lots of NOVA type science shows that show animal mating.
    A great show on elephants was a hit at our house.  A recent show
    on ring-tailed Lemurs was pretty explicit.

    I think the facts are pretty easy...a short few sentences about
    penis's and sperms will answer everything she wants to know and
    dispell all the rumors...and she probably will take that and think
    about it for quite a while and come back for more.
    bob

    Chris was about 8 when he announced to me "Mommy, I know what sex is!"
    Me (slightly horrified, and trying to act nonchalant!) "You do?!"
    "Yup!"  "Well then, what is it?"  "It's when the man takes his penis
    and puts it in a woman's vagina".  We were driving ... I almost
    crashed.  He's pretty naive, and it was pretty stunning to hear this
    from "my baby"!.  So then I got to explain the "easy" part about love
    and that it's also supposed to be very special and all of that.  I do
    remember asking him how he found that out, and it was pretty much a
    combination of the schoolyard, and his dad clarifying the rumors.  And
    he really could care less about it now.
    
    JASON, on the other hand, who's 7, and only *THINKS* he knows what sex
    is, (and is probably secretly worried that he really doesn't), seems to
    be totally obsessed with sex and sexual thoughts.  He's always too
    embarassed or joking too much to REALLY bring it up. I'm hoping that in
    a few more months I'll have the courage (and enough liquor) to be able
    to sit down with him and explain everything to him, and this will
    alleviate some of his preoccupation.  I still think once it's
    demystified, it means a lot less to them.
    
    You can explain it to her, as simply as Chris explained it to me ... she
    sounds like she's handling the rest of it okay.
    
    When my boyfriend's daughter was 8, she overheard her mother and lover,
    and when she went to make sure that Mom was okay, she was terrified by 
    what she saw - she THOUGHT that something bad was happening to Mom, and
    proceeded to scream at Chuck and started punching him.  Later "life"
    was explained to her, and she's okay with it now - but it might have
    been a lot nicer if she "knew" ahead of time.  
    
    ....at least you don't have to explain the associated noises! (-;
    
    Good luck!

    
    I explained to my daughter at about age 8 the plain vanilla
    aspects of baby-making, just like Patty's son explained it.
    She thought it was disgusting, but she was glad to know the
    truth, since she told me she heard things in the schoolyard.
    So, if I didn't tell her the truth, she would definitely
    learn something (not necessarily the right thing) somewhere
    else! Two years later, this summer, my pediatrician told
    my daughter, 10, all about puberty. Some of her friends are
    starting to develop, so it is better to be her to be prepared
    than to be shocked.
    
    Eva
    

    
    My daughter is allmost 7 and asked me what sex was.  She really took me
    by surprise.  And like you I figured that she was way to young to hear
    all the details so I tried to keep it simple.  I would never lie to her
    but I didn't want to send her into shock either.
    
    I told her it was something that two people who loved each other did to
    show their love or to have a baby.  She asked me if it meant somthing
    else other than that.  I figured that she must have heard something so
    I asked her and she said that her friend told her that it was when two
    people kiss with their clothes off.  
    
    I ended up buying a book that was pretty good.  I think it was called
    The way that I got here or somthing like that.  I'll check tonight and
    put it in here tomorrow.  Anyway - it was really good cause it was a
    story about a little boy who friend is telling him about sex and of
    course he doesn't believe it, thinks that grosss and there's no way his
    mom and dad would ever do that.  He ends up asking his parents about it
    and they explain it in very simple terms.