Conference moira::parenting

    If "K" is in good health, there should be no medical reason not to. 
    Sounds like she needs to make the decision in her heart/mind.  I have
    two boys (6,8) and although I would dearly love to have a daughter
    (call me crazy), I'm not sure I want to go thru diapers, potty
    training, pacifiers, strollers, etc all over again.  Our lifesytle has
    changed alot in the last few years and especially this year.  Both kids
    are in school full-time, after-school care, and the best part is they
    can take care of themselves in the morning, and evening.  They need
    very little "physical attention" from us - other than the hugs and
    such.  Since I still have to work to help maintain our mortgage, and I
    don't (personally) want to put a baby in day care, the decision to not
    have another right now is tabled.  Who knows - maybe in the future
    we'll change our minds again.  Anything is possible!!
    
    -sandy
    

    Richard,
    
    My kids are 19years, 8 years and almost 4 months old.  I won't kid you
    and say that this is the easiest way to go, but I am enjoying each
    child a little differently then the last.
    
    The later-life baby has an advantage in that we were a little more
    financially secure, and Frank has been able to stay home full time with
    this one.  
    
    For Lolita, (my oldest) it is a little strange to have a baby sister
    when she is in her second year of college, but she enjoys her.  Carrie,
    being younger, is a little more jealous, but she likes the idea of
    mom's "life-size doll".
    
    I have a friend whose youngest is 2 years younger than her first
    grandchild.  Her kids have a 24 year spread.  She says enjoy what
    comes.
    
    Meg  

    It is not too late to share your love with a new person in your 
    family (never too late!). On that score you are secure.
    
    As the previous noter said, being in your 30s, one's life is
    usually more stable and also usually more secure. 
    
    As far as physically, for your SO, I would suggest that both
    of you see a family health care professional (or equivalent) to
    assess the physical aspect of carrying and birthing.
    
    One also needs to consider whether both of your will like the idea
    of having a child of age "x" when you both are into your (mumble 
    mumbles). If you can cope emotionally with that, you'll probably
    be alright. 
    
    I think in this case, examples will only give you vague ideas of
    what it is like - in the end it is going to be a unique experience
    for your family if you choose to have children.
    
    Monica
    

    Wow!!! Does this sound like my life or what!  I married David almost
    five years ago and brought into the marriage three daughters (then
    almost 15, 12, and almost 10).  David had never been married and had
    no children.  He wasn't sure at the time if he wanted children and
    I was not sure if I wanted to start over again.  Anyway, to make a long
    story short we did decide to have a child together (he was starting to 
    sway towards wanting his own and I did not want deny him his own).
    Katie was born a year and a half after we were married (I was 36).  
    We have also since had a son (I was 38) so that Katie would not grow
    up to be an only child (with the age difference should would really 
    be like an only child).  
    
    I have to tell you though, starting over is very hard sometimes.  
    Dealing with teenagers and toddlers at the same time is very very
    hard.  I work now and I did not the first time and that is also hard.
    My husband chose to work second shift so the two little ones would
    not have to go into daycare and that is also hard.  I would not 
    trade my little ones for anything but it is a big big adjustment.  The
    one advantage that comes to mind quickly is I try not to make the same
    mistakes with these two that I see I made the first time.  Your older
    ones may do very well with their new siblings mine did not and they now
    live with their father.  Your stepchildren (or future stepchildren) may
    be different, mine did not like my getting a divorce and remarrying, they 
    were older when I did.   And when I chose to have more children they 
    really did not like it at all, although they do come and see their 
    brother and sister now and have more patience with them than they did
    when they lived with them....
    
    Good luck in your future.  I hope you don't see all negative in this
    reply because there is also alot of positive as well.  Just wanted
    to give you one story but there are alot more out there.......
    
                                                   
    Oh, and by the way, my pregnancies and deliveries were no harder than
    when I had my first three in my twenties.  The fweight does not come
    of as easily though :>)  and my energy level is a little lower this 
    time but like I said I did not work the first go round.  Any I did
    finally get a son after four girls if I had stopped I would not have
    him and he is such a easy baby (99% of the time).
    
    	Vickie

    
    I have 2 children, and that was all that we were going to have.  I'm
    now 37 weeks along with #3.  The other 2 are 8 and 5.  I look forward
    to this child, but with a lot of mixed emotions.  It's *SO* nice to 
    be able to sleep in a little later because the older 2 can take care of
    themselves.  It's nice when we have to go to the store to just say "get
    in the car" and not have to carry anyone.  I was going to try to bring
    the boys to Disney this spring, but with the baby, we probably won't be
    able to do that.  
    
    There are a LOT of compromises to be made, and I would suggest you try
    not to minimize the impact on the older children.  Instead of being
    able to "pop out" to the store/playground/movies, everything becomes a
    much bigger deal with a new baby, and it would be unfair to the older
    children to expect them to not have negative feelings about it.  And
    you're dealing with the aspect of "step" children (Ks), which is
    something I think that YOU have to be completely comfortable and happy
    with before you should think about the added stress of a new baby.
    Even in the best of relationships, if the baby is fussy, parents do
    (at least) occassionally blame each other, and I can just imagine a 
    disagreement that goes something like "Well it was Your daughters that
    woke the baby!"
    
    There are many many good books about step-families, and issues you can
    expect to run into - it may be helpful to read up on those kinds of
    things.  Medically, I agree that you should talk to your doctor ahead
    of time, and weigh the risks with the desires.  She's probably also
    more reluctant because she's very vividly aware of how MUCH of an
    impact a baby will have on your lives.  Don't take this personally, but
    there's just NO WAY that you can describe to a person who has never had
    kids, how MUCH a baby changes Every Little Thing.  
    
    Good luck - it's a decision that you should both feel very committed to
    - whichever way you decide.
    
    

    It is not only okay to have a child in your late 30's but it is
    fantastic.  I am 39 and just had twins 5 months ago.  I am glad I
    waited.  I feel as though I have gotten to do everything I wanted to in
    life and the next thing I wanted to do was have children.  It is great!
    
    Good luck and have fun!

    I agree with -.1.  I became a mom at age 35, just before celebrating
    our 15 year wedding anniversary.  We are really enjoying our little 
    girl and both share the parenting role equally.  For us waiting has 
    allowed us to focus more time on being parents. 
    
    Good Luck!

Yet another older mother.  I was 38 when Elise was born, and
40 when Sarah was born.  No complications due to age, including
conception.

I *will* say that motherhood, particularly now when they are
almost 3 and almost 1, is very tiring.  I don't have the
energy I had at 25, and there is some adjusting to being 
somewhat restricted by little kids.

On the other hand, both my husband and I had the time to 
become "comfortable in our skins", so to speak.  We knew
ourselves well, because we had had the time to grow up,
travel, and know what we wanted in our lives.  I think 
we are both much better parents now than either of us 
would have been just 10 years ago.

I personally would do it this way again.

Pat