Conference moira::parenting

    I cannot believe you left your child in a locked room (with a stove
    nonetheless).  What would you have done if something had happend to
    him?  What if he woke up?  I don't think I would even consider doing
    something like that.  If I wanted to be alone, I would get a sitter at
    home, go alone and feel a whole lot safer.
    
    

    
    Lest we judge, I think the key points of .0 were
    SHORT walk
    WITHIN sight of the unit
    AFTER he was asleep.
    
    Maybe not optimal, true, but sometimes optimal isn't available.
    
    
    For the basenoter, I have had some luck with asking the local people -
    such as at the desk, who THEY would use, getting 2-3 names, and then
    asking very pointed questions about their qualifications (age,
    experience, etc.) 
    
    I freely admit we usually only leave ours alone with someone new while
    they are napping, and rarely go far.  I also carry my mobile phone (what
    a nice parent-toy/helper!)  We've only taken one overnight since Sophie ws
    born - 3.5 years ago!   But sometimes you just HAVE to reacquaint yourself
    with your SO - give the locals a try.
                    
    Jamd

    By way of reply to .1 ... We all have our own comfort levels and
    have to learn what we believe is satisfactory for our own child.
    Every child is different and the circumstances must take into account
    your child's own typical behaviours.
    
    You can think of tons of what if's ... such that you wouldn't allow
    your children to do anything, and wouldn't allow yourself to do
    anything ... your entire life would be spent being a parent and not
    a person.  So, you have to weigh up the risks with the benefits and
    take your child's behaviour patterns into account.
    
    My wife and I took walks through the park opposite our house a few
    times, after the kids were asleep.  We took a baby monitor with us,
    left a radio playing quietly within "earshot" of the monitor so that
    as soon as we couldn't hear the music we knew we were out of range.
    We'd get maybe a couple hudred yards away each direction. 
    
    So, I think this was reasonable.
    
    As to babysitters ... we went to a wedding and used a hotel provided
    sitter ... it was a little worrysome, but the girl was OK.  My only
    complaint was that her bill clocked up at about $4 per hour, when
    we were used to paying $1.50!  (This was a good few years ago! ... I
    shudder to think what they'd charge now!)
    
    We've also had the problem of new sitters here at home too ... the girls
    we once used have now gone on to college and the newer ones are only
    a little older than our eldest ... But it works out ok in the end.
    There is only one I won't ask again ... she didn't wreck the house
    or anything ... but just sat in front of the TV all evening and the
    kids did their own thing!
    
    So, you have to face the "new sitter" problem at home too!  Sure you
    get more chance for evaluating the sitter at home, but with a
    reasonable recommendation, you should be OK.
    
    Stuart

    In the future, perhaps you could take a babysitter with you??  Last
    year, my brother got married in New York city.  Our usual babysitter
    for the then two youngest was our oldest daughter, since she was
    invited to the wedding too this presented a bit of a problem.... 
    Anyways what we did was to bring one of her friends with us and she
    baby sat in the hotel while we went to the wedding.  It worked out
    extremely well.  Diana, who has never babysat for the youngest children
    got an extended time to "acclimate" to them.  I had a worry free night
    since I know Diana and had a chance to watch her with the children. 
    Diana, who has never traveled much, was THRILLED to be in the hotel and
    we got a chance to show her a bit of the sites of New York.  We paid
    her $2.00 an hour.
    
    susan 

    
    I 100% agree with reply .1.  If the child was 2.5/3.5 how can you KNOW
    what your child will and will not get into.  Every day parents can be 
    5 feet away and something horrible can happen.  I just think a little 
    fear is good when your child is that young.  Thank God the child was
    fine!  DSS would be all over that case.
    
    I do, on the other hand, think that being outside with the 
    monitor is totally different....you would hear if the child got out 
    of bed.
    
    

I believe that the basenoter was asking for advice not criticism on how she
has handled similar situations in the past.  I go outside all the time
while my daughter is napping or in bed (without a monitor) after she
falls asleep.  Personally, I don't see anything wrong with it...And I
suppose there is just as much time for her to get to our stove as
there was for Lyn's son.  So, unless you're perfect, please give her a break.

Lyn,

I know there are a lot of hotels that provide babysitting service.  Some have
very nice restaurants and/or bars that you can go to and never have to 
leave the hotel (or maybe the direct area).  But, I think that if you
can find yourself a babysitter via a chambermaid and you're okay with it -
Do it....and have fun.  Call a few times, drop back in after dinner before
your walk unexpectedly....then you'll know what's going on and if everything
is okay - Walk a little longer.

Enjoy your vacation - and I hope you and your SO get some special quiet
time together!

 First off I think that planning a trip to a hotel/Inn where sitters
 are readily available is the best solution outside of having a trusted
 adult take care of your child at home. We spent a weekend at a family
 accomidating Inn in NH and the Inn provided a sitter for us in our room
 while we had a nice dinner and some time to ourselves afterwards. Of course
 you still must return to your room and your child so you don't really have
 a night of totally interupted time alone together. However with us having two
 todlers at the time the little time was really nice. Just remember that as
 parents there are some sacrifices to be made especially in the preschool years
 and the best you can do is plan ahead and make arrangements for special times
 alone with your spouse. Eventually the kids will grow up and be spending
 overnights at friends or spending a week or two at summer camp and then you and
 your spouse won't know what to do with yourselves when the kids are away and
 you have all this free time alone together. One other thing is you might try
 a Club Med family resort vacation which accomodates kids and has all sorts of
 activities for them to participate in. Thus allowing you and your spouse to
 enjoy lots of time together.

 Neil...

    Ok so here's where we stand, we are leaving from work tomorrow at noon. 
    No guarantee for a sitter.  We do know there's a Domino's pizza only a
    couple doors down.  Bottom line, we have been to this place before, we
    know the physical layout, we even chose which room, which level when we
    made our reservations.  We are in a corner of a horseshoe shaped hotel,
    right on the beach, with locked doors and windows on all sides.  I am
    going to take advise, and take the portable phone, and resurect the
    baby monitor from the cellar, ( I had forgotten we still had it, until
    I read one of the replies), and if worse comes to worse, we can at
    least take a 200 yard walk, and be able to listen for any activity. 
    For what it's worth, once AJ falls asleep he is almost comatose, he has
    slept through thunderstorms and major blizzards (we all know what kind
    of a winter New England had this year don't we?)  It wouldn't work to
    bring a sitter along, she would have had to share a bed with AJ.  At
    least when he's alseep, usually by 8 we get some quiet time.
    
    The deal with the motel is a frugal person's dream, we've got one room,
    It's oceanside, two standard beds, the usual three feet apart, a nice
    roomy bathroom, a  bright kitchenette and the first three nights cost 
    $150, the fourth night is FREE!  (OK it's off season, and any time of the 
    year Maine water is too cold to stick a toe into!)  I think the same deal 
    applies for fourth of July, but the rooms increse by $10. night.  It's
    nice to get advise, since once we get our camper on the road, it will
    be the same problem, just in a campground this time.  We love AJ too
    much and worked too hard for him to do anything foolish or careless,
    that might end up endangering him!
    
    If we don't get a sitter, not a problem, there's always the sitting
    area just outside of the room, and a nice calm ocean breeze, bottom
    line, it a change of pace, we're ALL together as a family, and I can't
    wait!

    Have a great trip!!!!!   Vacations as a family, build memories that
    last a lifetime....
    
    susan

    Just as a sort of conclusion, we had a GREAT family time.  The owner of
    the motel had her future daughter inlaw, probably 20ish, take AJ
    Saturday night and she was wonderful!  She took him to the arcade area,
    I provided a few dollars for spending money and kiddie rides. 
    Unfortunately the planned fireworks were cancelled due to high winds.
    We had a wonderful time at a local restaurant, brought the car back to
    the hotel and walked to the arcade area, walked on the beach and had
    what WE needed the most, time for the two of us.  
    
    We did have to bring the sitter home, she doesn't live too far away,
    and since she had no specific rate per hour, we paid her what we pay
    our regular sitter at home $3. plus we paid her an extra hour to cover
    travel time.  Since she was also our housekeeper, we left money in an
    envelope as a tip when we checked out.
    
    It was great, one morning AJ and I walked the beach very early in the
    morning (before 7 a.m.!) I gave him a small package of cereal as a
    walking snack, then went back to cook breakfast for all of us, this
    gave DAD achance to sleep in.  Next morning, Dad took AJ for a walk,
    and brought back donuts.  We drove north one day, and south the next
    along the coast, took lots of pictures, and brought back lots of
    memories!
    
    Interesting thing, his kindegarten teacher sent home a note Friday,
    telling us that AJ had been exceptionally well behaved this past week. 
    He kept telling her he had to be good if he wanted to go to see the
    ocean.  We had made no threats, but whatever we said must have made
    some sort of impression.  Come to think of it, he was especially well
    behaved the whole weekend too!
    
    Would we do it again, YES in a heartbeat! 
    
    Lyn

    Here's a reply to stress that ever present RISK factor.  
    
    Paraphrased from the Gazette Telegraph:
    
    A couple staying at the Broadmoor Hotel in Colorado Springs (5 star rating)
    left their 6 month old in their room with a 60 year old hotel employee
    who was to babysit.  The phone rang and the babysitter answered it.
    When she checked on the 6 month old, she was found face DOWN in the 
    bathtub's water.  Apparently, it was bath time although the news story
    did not state this.  
    
    The baby is in critical condition at a local hospital...
    
    A real nightmare for all involved !