Conference moira::parenting

    You could try feeding your daughter at midday, some weekend when you
    are home, and see if she wants it.  She may want only fruit in the 
    middle of the day, or she may eat more early in the day (morning and
    midday), then eat a light dinner before going to bed for the night.
    My kids were closer to 6 months before they went on three meals a day.
    I still offered mid-morning and mid-afternoon bottles (formula or 
    juice), and let the kids decide if they wanted these or not.  Most
    babies' stomachs are small and they can't hold very much at one time;
    that's why I kept the bottles in.  Plus, even on weekends we tend to
    eat late, and I found that the mid-afternoon bottle helped to "tide
    them over" till their "regular" meal time.  Even so, my daughter 
    absolutely HAD to eat dinner by 6 p.m. most nights or else she was too
    tired, hungry, etc., etc. to enjoy her dinner.  
    
    I would take a good long look at the baby before making any decisions.
    Is she happy?  Sleeping well?  Growing well?
    
    A third thing I would consider is your relationship with your mother.
    Although it's easy for me to say it, would it really do any harm if
    the baby also ate at noontime?  She may really be hungry.  If you can
    count on your mom to pay attention to the baby's signals, and not keep
    dumping food into her after she's "said" she's had enough, why not give
    it a try and see how it goes, assuming the baby is healthy and all?
    
    I would bring it up with the pedi on Friday anyway, just to be on the
    safe side.

    
    It all depends on the size of the baby. Rebecca is on the 10% line, and
    has a small appetite. She did not start solids until 16 weeks and we
    started with rice cereal or fruit in the evenings. I went back to work 
    full-time at 11 weeks and we wanted the first solid food to be a 
    family thing.
    
    It wasn't until she was nearly 6 months that we added the third meal 
    (lunch) into her diet. 
    
    Weaning a baby too fast can lead to allergies later on. My health
    visitor said let the baby set the pace and don't panic if they are not
    interested in the food offered - they will eat if they are really
    hungry. As long as the baby does not suffer weight loss and is happy,
    let nature take care of things.
    
    Celia
    

	I let Emily tell me when to add more food.  She had one meal a day
	from 4-5 months.  Around five months, she started getting hungry
	in the late afternoon, about an hour earlier than usual.  My husband
	started giving her 2-4 ounces of formula until I got home to hold
	her over for dinner.  After a couple days of that, I added a noontime
	meal to her schedule.  Shortly after, she dropped her milk consumption
	by 8 ounces.  I think the bottle wasn't satisfying her enough, then 
	with the food, the bottle was no longer necessary.  I gave up pumping
	at work when she made that change.
	
	At six months, Emily was eating two meals a day, consisting of
	fruit and veggies and cereal.  She was also getting breastmilk
	twice a day, and one bottle of formula (for a total of about
	24 oz.)  At her check up that month, my doctor said to add the
	next meal when she no longer seems satisfied with the two meals.
	
	I think she was about 7 months when I added the third meal.
	She had her first meat at 6 months (thanksgiving), but only
	had it about once every 2-3 weeks until she was 8.5 months.  Since
	then, I've been giving her meats every other day.  

	Karen 

	Forgot to add:

	My mother also watches my daughter while I work.  I know
	exactly what you're saying about "mom's" suggestions, and I
	also use the "her pedi said this is fine" line often.  I try
	to give her some leeway, like when she tells me Emily "seemed"
	hungry so she gave her some banana, I just say, "fine".  As long
	as it's banana and not cookies, I'm not concerned.  
	
	It can be difficult at times, but I think my mother's learning.
	She used to comment every day that I either gave more food than
	usual or less food than usual, to which I would reply "Well, I
	make it the same way every day".  Last week, she started to say
	the same thing, then caught herself, laughed, and said, "Never mind".

	Karen

    Karen, I know what you mean.  My mother does a wonderful job with
    Melissa.  I get a real feeling of security knowing that she is with her
    all day.  I think I'm a little neurotic, being a first time Mom though. 
    I feel very inadequate sometimes because I just don't know what to do. 
    When she had her first cold I panicked because I didn't want her to get
    an ear infection an me not know it.  I usually take my mother's ever
    increasingly advice with a grain of salt.  She raised five kids and we
    all turned out fine, but things have changed since I was a baby and she
    sometimes doesn't like to hear that from me.  Melissa has started
    blowing raspberries.  My husband and I try not to laugh when she does
    it because when she is two years old and doing it in someones face it
    won't be funny.  My mother tells me this morning that she has been
    teaching her raspberries.  All I said was that when she is two she
    can't scold her if she was the one that taught her.  I thought that was
    fair and I think maybe she realizes now that what is cute now may not
    be cute in a couple of years.
    
    Thanks for the advice on the meals,
    
    Andrea

    
    It is funny to see the new mothers having problems with what their
    mothers and mothers-in-law are doing to their kids that they don't
    exactly agree with.  My wife went through it as well, the senior
    mothers think they are helping out, but they don't understand that the
    new mothers are doing what they think is best.  I haven't noticed it 
    as much with new fathers and senior fathers.  Maybe it happens, but
    being one of the forementioned I just don't see it.
    
    
    Mike

re: .6

Mike, I suspect it's because today's "senior fathers" are mostly from a
generation in which baby raising was the exclusive territory of mothers. 
Most senior fathers wouldn't have a clue as to when to start feeding a baby
three times a day.  Heck, most of them probably went to the next room when
the mother breast fed, and today you entered a note about a baby being
breast fed on television.

I suspect if there is any interference by senior fathers it is more likely
to come in areas that were traditionally regarded as the province of the
father, like discipline, baseball, and fishing.

Clay

re 478.5

  >> Melissa has started
  >>   blowing raspberries.  My husband and I try not to laugh when she does
  >>  it because when she is two years old and doing it in someones face it
  >>  won't be funny.  My mother tells me this morning that she has been
  >>  teaching her raspberries.  All I said was that when she is two she
  >>  can't scold her if she was the one that taught her.  I thought that was
  >>  fair and I think maybe she realizes now that what is cute now may not
  >> be cute in a couple of years.
    

Jonathan (8 months) blows raspberries now and then. To my knowledge nobody
taught him to do this, I think that while experimenting with face and mouth
he came upon this blowing-thing. When he first learned he would do it non-
stop for the longest time (as with everything new that he learns, repeat it
over and over and over), A the novelty wears off he does less frequently and
I think by the time he is two he will find more interesting things to do.

My point is, even if your mother had not taught your daughter, she might
have learned it anyway on her own!


/Malin

    I believe 100% that Melissa figured out the raspberries on her own.  I
    think that my mother saying she taught her is simply her way of saying
    that she has made a game out of it with her.  Melissa blows
    raspberries, my mother mocks her, and they both get a good laugh out of
    it.  I just wanted my mother to know that by encouraging it and making
    it a game it may not wear off as fast as when it is just ignored.
    
    I don't know, who am I to say.  Maybe 4 1/2 months is too young for
    anything to become a pattern that will carry for very long.
    
    Always learning,
    
    Andrea

    Andrea,
    
    My daughter, 10.5 months, went through the raspberry phase, too.  As
    other notes have mentioned, they are just learning what new things that
    they can do with their mouths and tonuges, they soon get bored with it
    or find something else that absorbs their attention.  I don't think
    your mother is doing anything wrong by blowing raspberries back, in
    fact, it's really is good for your daughter, she's learning that she
    can communicate, by making a noise someone responds. I don't think
    she'll be doing it at 2 full time just because she does it now.  There
    are too many other neat noises to make, my daughter is into quack quack
    and woof woof right now, she hardly ever does raspberries now.
    
    Susan

    
    I agree witht he last reply, my son used to do rasberries CONSTANTLY
    when he was that age till about 6-9 mos...then they learn new sounds
    and actions and will display those for awhile with an occasional
    rasberry thrown in for good measure. 
    
    My son is 17 mos now, and I hadn't heard a rasberry for the longest
    time until just the other day, and it turned out that there had been a
    younger baby at daycare that day that he had seen do it, so he mimicked
    it.  But hasn't done it since.
    
    Chris
    (Mikes latest is screeching a high "c" note! I'll take rasberries
    anyday!)
    
    

I had similar problems as others have mentioned with my Mom trying to tell
me how to do things with the kids.  She wanted to start Jessica on solids
before we were ready, though my Mom was probably right. But in our case,
we wanted to be ones starting the solids with her as there wasn't much
interaction between us and her in the first 6 months or so as Brad was
still in the hospital so we really only got about an hour a day with each
baby.  We just asked Mom nicely not to start and explained that we wanted
to do it.  I think when it's explained like that, grandparents understand
that it's not that you don't want them to do it, it's just something you'd
rather have the pleasure of.

Now, this isn't to say that all the things we asked my mother not to do
were taken as easily. We had Brad circumcised when he was 16 weeks old
as he was still in the hospital, we wanted it done, and he finally weighed
enough such that they could do it (he was just over 4 pounds).  My mother
thought this was terrible and that since he had already been through so
much, we should wait til he was around 1 year old.  We figured he'd have
less chance of remembering at a few months old, would heal faster, and
that it was our decision anyhow.  We just didn't tell her when they did
it, but Mom and Dad surprised us at the hospital 2 days after it had been
done, and she saw it.  I got the beginnings of this fuming lecture on how
terrible she thought this was.  I suppose it might have had more effect if
she hadn't started out with "As a mother...." to which I replied, "what
am I...chopped liver??!!?"  I thought my father would split a gut laughing
so hard, and I'm sure Mom didn't speak to him all the way home, but she
got the message that I was the parent and was making the decisions I thought
were best for my son.  Now she prefaces everything with "I know you're going
to do what you want, but this is what I think"  She knows I'll take the
advice I think is good, and that I'll at least listen to what she has to
say before either doing what she says or not.  And I like having her 
experience to give me guidelines and help me figure out what to do.  But
establishing those boundaries has really worked wonders.

Cathy

    re: .12
    
    First - Hi Cathy! Nice running into you here in notes....
    
    Now - Boy! Can I relate to your story!  In my case, it was more
    comments like "gee - he's awfully fussy all the time - you must be
    holding him too much!"  Considering I work full time & also have a
    three year old (the little one is only 4 1/2 months old), this is
    pretty difficult to do.  We kept getting these comments because Seth
    SEEMED to settle down when he was held.  We make a conscious effort
    of trying NOT to hold him too much (change positions, locations, etc.)
    because we know he COULD get to be spoiled for this.  But since birth,
    he's been somewhat colicky (both in how we positioned him & even about
    eating), so we think he's just starting to get out of that colicky phase.
    
    re: .0
    
    Seth has been eating cereal since he was 6 weeks old.  He, however, is
    a big baby -- at 4 months he weighed 16 lbs. 12 oz. & was 26 inches
    long -- this placed him in the 75-90 percentile range for both height
    and weight.  Because of this, he's got a big appetite.  He now gets
    cereal for breakfast, cereal and fruit for lunch, and has just started 
    meats - so he's getting a meat, veggie and fruit for supper.  He also 
    gets a bottle at 6:00 a.m., 10:00 a.m., 3:30 p.m. and at bedtime.  
    However - he doesn't do full bottles anymore, except bedtime - these are 
    just to either "hold him off" till his mealtimes or to settle him down 
    at bedtime.  So I think it's true what others have said -- let your baby 
    be your guide -- they'll tell you by their actions and attitude whether 
    you're giving them enough & therefore maybe need to add in more solids.
    Sometimes doctors give you "guidelines" -- but that's all they are -
    guidelines.  In our case, we'll probably cut the lunch cereal out soon
    & add in something else to make it a real meal & cut out a bottle too.
    
    Linda

Sarah is also 4.5 months old, and weighs maybe 15 pounds (weight 14 lbs even 3
weeks ago).  She never eats the same everyday, but this is a typical day:

	6:00AM		6 oz formula
	8:30AM		4-5 tablespoons cereal, half a small jar of fruit,
			4-6 oz formula
	12:00		half jar of veggies, 6 oz formula
	3:30P		5-6 oz formula
	5:30P		4-5 tablespoons cereal, half a jar of fruit or veggies
	7:00P		6 oz formula
	10:00PM		6 oz formula

This seems like a lot to me, and soon we'll be dropping the 10PM feeding.
Once Sarah is sitting a little better, she'll join us at the dinner table and
I'll eat with one hand while feeding her with the other (I'm ambidextrous). 
Then she can work on finger foods while we finish eating.  (My husband will
fetch and carry for Her Toddlerness, Elise.)

You should do what makes sense for you and your baby.  Lots of 4 month olds
aren't eating solids at all, so it's no big deal.  The basic rule of thumb is to
add solids when they're eating about 35 oz of formula a day (wonder what that
translates to for breastmilk).  How they picked about 35 oz is beyond me.

Pat

    
    My daughter will be 7 months old next week.  She currently has
    cereal & fruit for breakfast,  veggie & fruit for dinner.  I want
    to add her third meal (lunch) because she seems ready.  I don't know
    what I should add to make it a balanced diet.  Should I add a second
    veggie and 3rd fruit ?  I don't want to add meat to her diet yet and
    I don't want to add milk yet, so I guess that leaves yogurt out for now.
    She also gets bottles of formula inbetween.   Any suggestions?  Thanks.
    
    KC

    I was giving my son yogurt by 7 months. Yogurt has active cultures
    and can processed by their digestive systems more easily than milk. I
    used plain yogurt, or vanilla, and mixed in a fruit.  YOu could also
    give her crackers, waffle pieces, dry cereal, as finger foods.
    

    Even with Aaron's obvious sensitivity to milk he can still take yogurt
    with no problems and it's a good source of protien and calcium (isn't
    it?!).
    
    sandy

    Every day, our 8 month old daughter eats 1/2 servings of veggie and fruit 
    from those frozen packs, not sure of the brand, but she loves them and 
    we do too.  We introduce a new flavor each week.  She prefers these over 
    jarred baby foods.

    My 7 month old eats as follows:
    
    Breakfast - 8 oz formula + rice cereal mixed with 1.5 oz apple juice +
    about 1/3 jar of fruit (choice of applesauce, banana, pears or peaches)
    
    Lunch - 4 oz formula + 1/3 jar chicken mixed with a little applesauce,
    about 1/3 jar of veggie (carrots or sweet taters, adding sweet peas
    tomorrow), 1/4 jar of fruit (as above, but different from breakfast
    fruite) for dessert
    
    Afternoon "snack" - 4 oz formula
    
    Dinner - 6-8 oz formula + rice cereal mixed with 1.5 oz apple juice,
    and choice of fruit (another, different fruit).
    
    We will be adding a veggie to the dinner routine this week, too,
    probably the sweet peas.  When we do this, we temporarily reduce the
    amount of other solids we feed, so as not to "stuff" the baby!
    
    Bedtime - 8 oz formula
    
    His feeding schedule is 6:30 a.m. breakfast, 11:30 a.m. lunch, 2:00
    p.m. snack, 5:00 p.m. dinner and 8:30-9:00 p.m. bedtime bottle. 
    Sometimes he has a sleepy-day, and won't eat the solids right after his
    breakfast bottle, but he always wakens by about 9:00 a.m., hungry as a
    wolf and cranky as a bear!
    
    Anyway, Jake started kind of late on solids, because of his digestive
    issues, but doesn't seem to be having much problem with them.  So far,
    he's not real fond of chicken (big surprise - babies almost always hate
    those scraped meats) and he hates jarred bananas.  I finally gave in
    and bought fresh ones yesterday, which should be suitable for mashing
    in another day or two.
    
    M.
    

    
    	My doctor told me to add meat when the kids were ready for
    	three meals a day.
    
    	My kids, however, couldn't stand it ;-) .
    

    RE: -.1
    
    My kids couldn't stand baby food meat.  Come to thing of it, the smell
    alone was enough to get to me.  I gave up on getting the first child to
    eat it after she threw it all back up on me one time.  I never tried
    with the second.  I just took our meat and mashed it for her.
    
    Irene