Conference moira::parenting

    
    We have our two daughters in the same room, Genna (6) and Lauren (4). 
    They go to bed at the same time and it works out pretty well.  They get
    carried away at times (this drives my wife crazy as she was an only
    child, I had a brother I shared a room with who was 11 months older
    than I), but usually they are pretty good.  They decided to switch beds 
    a few months ago (never did find out why) which didn't pose any problem
    at all.  I think having them in the same room has made them closer.  
    
    As for when they are sick, they still sleep in the same room (unlees it
    is something really serious and highly contagious).
    
    Mike

    
    My 2 girls are in the same room and it's amazing how well it works out.
    I put Jenna (14 months) in for bedtime around 8pm and Jillian (3 1/2)
    goes in around 8:30-8:45. By that time Jenna's fast asleep.
    Ocassionally the baby doesn't want to go in for me so I pick her up
    and wait about a half hour and she ends up going in the same time as
    Jilli. It really surprises me that it works out so well.
    
    

We have both Anthony (4) and Samantha (23 months) in the same
room.  Samantha tends to go down first and is a lighter
sleeper so this works out well.  If we try to put them in
their room when they aren't tired they'll play together,
which sometimes gets quite loud, but we let that go on
for 15-30 minutes before we decide it's bedtime.

Since we've staggered their bedtimes, it's been fairly
quiet....

Dave

    I have my 2 sons sleeping in the same room and it works out great too.
    AJ is 3 1/2 and Michael is 4months.  Michael goes down at 745 and AJ
    will stay up till 830-9 o'clock.  Evan in the morning Michael wakes
    at 530-6 o'clock and then AJ wakes at 630am.  BUT on the weekends AJ
    wakes at wakes at 715 and Michael wakes at 6am.  Most times Aj will
    sleep when Michael gets up.  Michael does not cry when he gets up, he
    justs make a little noise to let me know he is up.  So on the weekends
    2 of them sit in the living room till I get out of bed at 8am.  So it 
    works out well.  There are days when AJ wants Micheal up sooner and 
    will wake him.  I belive they will be closer when they grow up by
    spending time together now.
    
    Angela  

I had the two boys in the same room until they were 6 and 8 years old.  The
room was very large (240 sq ft) and served also as their play room.  There
was no problem with sleeping and bedtimes but Markus got into too much of
Dirk things as he started getting older.  The two boys have very different 
characters and have never been much for playing together.  We finally put a
wall down the middle and gave them each their own room.  This is what was 
intended originally anyway, it just happened earlier than expected.

I come from a large family where we had to share and I thought that was good
for building character.  My husband's Germanic backgroud says that each child
should have their own room, no matter how tiny so this was the best compromise 
we could arrive at.

Cheryl

    I've been living with a friend and her children for the last couple of
    months.  My daughter Ilona (2 plus years old) and her "sister" Allison
    (age 5) share a room.  It has worked out pretty well.
    
    They started out sharing Allison's big bed, but Ilona is a restless
    sleeper.  After a week of getting kicked, crawled upon, and being
    disturbed when Ilona gets up, Allison said this wasn't working.  We set
    up a cot (USA term for camping bed) in the girls' room.
    
    They both go down at the same time - 8 to 8:30 usually.  Ilona no
    longer wakes up Allison when she wanders out during the night.  
    
    Laura
    

    We've had our two in the same room since Charlotte was a few months
    old. The only problem so far has been that she tends to wake up
    earlier than Daniel, and wakes him up before he's really ready. The
    way she wakes up is the same as the way she goes to sleep: talking.
    She stands in her crib and recites all her favorite words at the top 
    of her lungs: "DADDY-DANIEL-DIAPER-HUSHIE [her bear]-MAMA-BOTTLE-
    CEREAL" -- in other words, c'mon, let's get going here! 
    
    For those of you who've had a boy and girl share, when did you decide
    to separate them? 
    
    Lucy

    Lucy, I can't really offer too much from a personal level.  However
    when I was somewhere like early elementary school age, not only did I
    share a room, but for a time a double bed.  I actually remember it
    fondly, chatting in the dark, exchanging great plans and ideas, making
    up stories around the kitten designs in the wallpaper.  
    
    As for your question on when to separte, well I asked that question a
    couple years ago while visiting my husband's brother, his wife and
    their boy and girl who are 26 months apart.  They were living on a
    military base in suburban Washington D.C.  The "official" U.S.
    government standard says two children, regardless of sex, will be in
    one bedroom until one of them reaches age 5, in other words the
    military housing gurus issued them a TWO bedroom apartment for FOUR
    people!  
    Fortunate (well maybe not so fortunate) , they were able to return to 
    their permanent home in Jacksonville Florida when my brother inlaw was 
    sent to a base near the Desert Storm problem for a year.  Families were 
    not allowed due to the conflict. 
    
    Personally, I think each child should have his/her own bedroom right
    from the start, if space permits.  I know that sounds like a conflict
    from my first paragraph, but I just feel it helps each child from
    autonomy. Purely a personal opinion.
    
    Lyn

    Lyn,
    
    I can see how you might feel that separate rooms are a good idea 
    for autonomy, etc. What I find fascinating is how different our 
    two kids are, and what they seem to need. Our older one hates to be 
    alone and can barely tolerate being by himself, especially for sleeping. 
    He has never liked it (I entered many notes about our failed attempts 
    to Ferberize him.) Sharing makes great sense for him. 
    
    Our younger one does fine in any environment -- alone, in a group 
    (at daycare), in dark or light, whatever. She plays independently
    pretty well so far, too.  
    
    I expect that I will separate them when our son feels the need for
    more privacy and is ready to be alone at night. 
    
    Lucy

    So far, I only have one child so she is in her own room.
    
    But I grew up sharing a room with all three of my sisters.  We had a
    three bedroom house, one for my folks, one for the boys (2 brothers),
    and one for the girls.
    
    Our room had two double beds.  My sisters who were nearer in age slept
    together, and I shared with my sister who is 9 years younger than me.
    (Before that time, three of us shared one double bed.  My parents were
    forced to get a larger house when my mother was pregnant with her sixth
    child.)
    
    We learned a lot about communal living.  It made it easy when I went
    off to college.  
    
    It also helped to teach us how to sleep with someone else in another
    bed and not take more than our half!
    
    If we have another child, I'd like them to share a room, at least for a
    while.
    
    judy

    I have two children; girl (7) and boy (9months).  they each have their
    own room, but boy, does this bring back memories.  I am one of nine
    (eigth) and have three sisters.  We grew up in a five bedroom house and
    at one point, I was in a double bed with two other sisters.  The oldest
    one got her own twin bed.
    
    I think it's great that we can provide our kids with their own room. 
    The way we got the girl out of the small room (we used the bigger one
    for a guest room), was we did it over.  There was only one window so we
    put a skylight in and put up wallpaper, painted the woodwork white and
    bought her new furniture.  She was so happy, she couldn't wait to get
    out of the smaller room and give it up to her brother.  We didn't want
    her to feel like she was being kicked-out.  She seems very happy having
    her own space.  One good thing for me is that she's responsible (most
    of the time) for keeping her room picked up since it's all her stuff.
    
    Carole
    

    I put both my kids (4 and 2) in the same room to simplify bedtime
    routines.  They used to be in seperate rooms and when it was bedtime
    they would fight for me (ie, they both wanted me to read stories).
    Now they both go to bed at the same time.  I will read a story for
    each of them.  When I finished reading, I turned off the light and
    they are usually asleep in 3 minutes.  I put all their toys in the
    other room and use it as a playroom.  
    
    Wendy

I had to share with my sister for a few years while we were in older
elementary - maybe 10-13 years old.  I didn't like it, as my
sister had no respect for my belongings.  (And she is older than me).

My personal opinion is that sharing a room is a good experience, as long
as each one learns to respect the other, until the teen years.
We have two daughters, and after Sarah gets out of the crib, they
may share.

I can see it resolving a lot of little technicalities, like in whose room
do you read the bedtime story?  Or do you have to read two of them?


Pat

I was one of eight children and grew up in a two bedroom apartment. Yes, you 
read that right, two bedrooms.  My parents slept in an alcove off the living,
my three brothers and two youngest sisters shared a bedroom (two sets of bunk
beds and a twin bed) and my younger sister and I shared my oldest sister's 
bedroom (the witch :-).  I say _her_ room because we were only allowed as much
leeway as Judy would give us :-)

It was a great experience and why I wanted my children to share.  I can sleep
anytime, anyplace, with as much noise as you like to make.  I can immediately
judge what is "my share" of the available space.  I don't hang around in the
bathroom (we only had one :-)  I don't steal covers and I stay on my side of 
the bed.

I can also remember the wonderful bedtimes with my sister, talking and giggling
in the dark (and usually ending up getting punished by my Dad :-)  and sharing
a twin bed with friends who would sleep over and scaring the h*** out of my
sister by telling ghost stories.  

Cheryl

    Lucy,
    
    We have a 15 month old boy and a 5-1/2 year old girl.  Brittani goes to
    bed at 8:00 pm while Phillip has far too much energy and tends to stay
    away until 8:30 or so -- he always indicates to us when he wants to go
    "nite-nite".  At that point, I put him in his crib and Brittani is
    almost always asleep by then.  He still wakes up at least twice a night
    but never wakes up Brit.  We have been trying to get him off the bottle
    in bed and he has had extreme screaming fits but when it has been bad
    enough to bother Brittani, we have a mattress that we always keep under
    our bed and will pull it out for her to sleep on.  That has been very
    successful.  In fact, when we had them in separate rooms Brittani would
    always fight going to bed.  She was always petrified.  So, we put
    Phillip in her room and now she usually is asking us if it is bedtime
    yet.  They luv playing and reading together.  She is very affection and
    he luvs being the center of attention (especially hers) so it has been
    a very positive relationship.
    
    Good luck!
    Lisa in N.C.

    
    I have all 3 of my boys (7,4 and 3) in one room (bunk beds and
    trundle).  It works out quite well.  They all go to bed at the same
    time, all sit with me while I read a story, all listen to a music
    tape (the tape selection is shared according to the day of the week -
    each gets a turn ).  Luckily they are all deep sleepers so rarely do
    they wake each other up and they definitely enjoy the company when
    going to sleep.  I hear them telling each other stories and my oldest
    is now reading bedtime stories to the younger ones after I close the
    door (using his flashlight).
    
    I suspect this will change once they are older and I"ll have to split
    them up somehow, just for privacy and studying purposes...but so far 
    it has been terrific.  
    
    -dorothy