Conference moira::parenting

444.0. "School Bus Problems" by GAVEL::SATOW () Tue Feb 09 1993 13:20

This note is being entered anonymously.

Clay Satow
co-moderator


Hi.  I'm looking for opinions on what we should do for this problem.

First, a little background.

At the beginning of the year, I received a phone call at home from
a very irate mother claiming that my son was swearing on the bus.
She spoke to the bus driver and my son now has an assigned seat.
She could not speak civilly about this, claiming that HER sons DO
NOT use language like that and DID NOT do anything wrong.  It was
all my son!  She was totally OUT OF CONTROL!  After discussing what 
happened with the bus driver, we found out that there were 5 boys that 
were swearing and THEY ALL got in trouble.  I don't know about her kids, 
but my son was punished!  That was the end of it.

Ok, the latest...

My son came home yesterday and voluntarily told me about some name-calling
on the bus.  He was sitting behind these two brothers and he got fed up
and pulled the older one's hat down.  I explained to him that this was
inappropriate.  

My husband and I BOTH received a message from the father today,
stating that MY son was "picking on the younger boy, he's 2 years younger"
and if he (the father) has to deal with this again, he will bring it up
with the Principal and the Superintendant!

Second of all, I talked to the bus driver this morning and found out that
there was a substitute driver yesterday and he hadn't heard about anything
happening.  However, he told me that my son, usually sits with another kid
and is the "least troublesome" on the bus.  There are other ones much worse,
including these two brothers.  THis is straight from the bus driver!  He
said there aren't any problems when he's driving.

There was an incident last week, that I hadn't heard about with
a sub. driver... one of the kids had a stick and was being a "monitor" telling
the other kids what to do.  The bus driver, not knowing anything about it
was spoken to by the Principal.  Apparently one of the mothers called the
school to complain about this incident...  He didn't come out and say it, but
led me to believe that it was this same mother again!

I have spoken to the bus company and asked them to please make sure that these
boys are separated!  I also have a call into the Principal!  I'm not sure
what I'm going to say, but I feel if I don't call first, then it looks like
my son is the bad guy again.  He's no angel, but I also know that he's NOT
an instigator and is NOT aggressive.  He's a follower.  This other little
boy, we DO know is aggressive, we KNOW this from hockey!    My son even asked
if he could switch seats and was told no.  The father is accusing my son of
"hitting" the younger one, never once mentioned what HIS kids were doing.  My
son maintains that he did NOT hit anyone.  Another little boy was sitting with
the 2 brothers and I spoke to his mother to try to find out what happened and
he said that my son hit the younger...  I THEN found out that the 2 brothers
and this 3rd boy are BEST FRIENDS.  Now, usually, if my son is lieing, he will
own up to the truth when he breaks down crying.  He did cry this morning and
still maintained his innocence.

I guess what I'm angry over is that MY son is getting blamed again.

ERRHHHHHH....

What are others opinions?

Thanks for letting me vent!

    
     It's really quite simple. If you are sure of the 
    facts then don't accept any more phone calls from
    the parents if they don't wish to "discuss" this 
    with you. Call the school and present the facts as
    you know them. Let them handle it!  They have had
    much more practice with these things than you have.
    
    I hope this clears up for you- chet
    
    

    I would talk to your son and make sure he knows not to get into trouble
    on the bus (not that you haven't already), but let the problems be
    worked out with the bus driver and the kids.  My mom was a bus driver
    and believe me she could make the kids tow the line.  The bus driver is
    in charge and should be the one to handle the problems.  I agree with
    Chet - since the parents are being unreasonable in discussing things
    with you then ignore them.  Sounds like they are a little "off" anyway!
    
    -sandy
    

Speak to the Principal and let him/her know exactly what you wrote here in a
calm, rational fashion. Ask the Principal to look into the matter and let
them know that you would be available to attend a meeting with any parents 
provided it was controlled and handled by the school dept. 

	I strongly suspect that any parent who would call you directly without
involving the school may be attempting to avoid a previous reputation.

    If your school agrees and can afford to do it, putting a hidden video
    camera on the bus help enormously in getting the kids to calm down and
    identifying the culprits. I saw a program about this on TV, and when
    kids denied they had done such and such, and then were shown the tape,
    it was pretty evident who was lying.  Also, once the cameras were
    installed, even if they weren't running all the time, the kids never
    knew if they were on or off, and behavior improved considerably!
    
    Good luck - there's nothing like having an irrate parent call you and
    accuse your child of doing something.  Too many parents are too quick
    to believe their darlings are completely innocent!  Next time one of
    these parents calls, you might switch on a tape recorder. No one has to
    take verbal abuse. Protect yourself.
    
    KB
    

    Gee, this is timely-- I just had my son's bus seat changed because one
    of the boys he was forced to sit with (all assigned seats) harrassed
    him for the whole ride, almost every day.  My son was in tears because
    he hated going on the bus so much.
    
    I called the bus transportation coordinator and told him what my son
    told me and that I wanted to have his seat changed.  The man is also
    a teacher, and knows every kid on the bus, so when I told him who my 
    son was sitting with, he already knew the background information on the 
    troublemaker.
    
    Bottom line-- the parents shouldn't be calling you, they should be
    dealing with your transportation coordinator.  That's his *job*.  If
    I were you, I'd call him, tell him everything that's going on, and
    leave it up to him to solve it.  I imagine he'll separate all four of
    the boys.
    
    Believe me, the bus driver and the transportation coordinator know the
    children on the bus.  Like he told me, "There are a *lot* of
    personalities on that bus..."
    
     
    Pam