Conference moira::parenting

    Eve,
    
    I'm sure I am not the only parent to think "Oh my word, how on earth
    does anyone manage triplets and a full-time job at DEC too!" But I know
    from observation that it can be done (my mother has neighbors with
    triplets and outside jobs too. They remodeled their house, bought a
    van, and one of the grandmas moved in to help.) 
    
    I look forward to your notes! Welcome.
    
    Lucy

    
    Eve,
    
    I hope you don't mind me asking, but I'm just dying to know....
    how did you end up having triplets?  Where you doing any kind
    of fertility treatment, or did it just happen?  Are any of the
    girls identical, or are they ferternal?  And I'd love to know
    thier names.
    
    Deb (who is an IVF patient herself...with 9 frozen little embryos)
    

    When Dirk was a baby I used to take him to a sitter who had another
    little boy the exact same age and size that she looked after.  She had
    a twin stroller for the two boys and everyone thought they were twins,
    in spite of the fact that Dirk is blond, blue-eyed and light skinned
    and Michael was dark, black haired and dark brown eyed.
    
    In Meyrin where the sitter lived (a large apartment city) there were
    also two women with triplets.  One woman wasn't so noticable because
    the triplets were older and fraternal.  But one women had three
    identical three-year old boys who were hell on wheels.  Nanny, my 
    sitter, said that the woman kept the boys in the stroller long after 
    they could walk well enough and far enough on their own because if she
    let them loose, they immediately ran in three different directions.
    
    Anyway, Eve, many congratulations and as much endurance as you need.
    Please do tell us more.
    
    ccb

    Congrats on your Super-twins!!  Have you joined Mothers of twins?  When
    my twins were babies I used to go to the meetings and I found them very
    helpful.  There where several women that I met thru MOT that had had
    twins and then triplets!!  Can you imagine five children all under five
    years old??  I'm sure three little babies must be very overwhelming at
    times, but you'll find short cuts and various ways to get things done
    that people with only one baby wouldn't even think of.  We mothers of
    twins and super-twins can be very resourcefull, we have to be!!
    
    BTW, my twins are 9 year old identical twin girls.  Sometimes when I 
    dream about them there are three of them instead of two (I usually wake
    up in a cold sweat when that happens!!)
    
    Good luck,
    Sharon

    
    
    Eve,
    
    	Let me just say I have alot of admiration for you.  I have one
    girl and she keeps me going, I can't think of what it would be like
    if there were 2 more of her.  I know I would not be pregnant again 
    right now.  Like the other notes have said, please keep us posted
    and re.4 I'm sure we would all love to hear about those short cuts
    that mothers of multiples learn.  
    
    
    Best of everything to all of yours.
    Lisa

    Hi Again,
    
       I do not like to discuss the ins and outs of how the triplets came 
    but I will say that I tried for 2 years to have them and try as I may,
    they came. I knew I was having triplets at 5 weeks when the sonographer
    said, "yes I see One, no two, no three sacs and I hear three
    heartbeats". Well, I was floored and at first not a happy camper. But,
    after the idea settled in, I was able to prepare for at least the
    material items I needed. My mother was a support and she helped me 
    get ready for the little ones. 
    
      Nothing can ever help you prepare for the work. I can only tell you 
    how brutally hard it is at first. My babies were in the NICU for 10.5
    weeks. We had so many ups and downs because of their prematurity and
    all the problems they had. We had to go to the hospital every night
    to see them and never knew what good or bad news the neonatologists
    would share.
    
      The tips I have are simple: keep records on one sheet of the babies
    feedings; try to feed each baby individually, because if you put them
    2 or 3 at a time in the car seats and prop their bottles up to feed
    them, you will feel frazzled going from one to the other and they 
    will inadvertantly drop the bottle, choke, not get burped properly and
    otherwise feel like you are rushing them; share their clothes; give 
    them separate cribs because screaming does wear off on the others; do
    work towards a SCHEDULE in everything you do- feeding, bathing, sleep,
    medicines etc; if they are colicing, buy a Sleep Tight unit it really
    works; avoid large crowds alone, for the masses will overwelm a mom with
    triplets and its ok if you are with someone to help you, but not alone;
    try as hard as you can to steralize bottles and use separate burp
    cloths, this is because I have found they catch things very easily from
    each other. That's it for now. 
    
      I appreciate the welcomes to the notes file and would like to hear
    more from you all. Any suggestions are welcome no matter how small 
    you think. When you are just starting out with kids, knowlege no matter
    how insignificant you may think it is, is needed in truckloads.
    
    Take Care,
    Eve
    
    P.S. Their names are Gabrielle, Stephanie, and Heather... and they are
    fraternal but 2 of them look alike( Stephanie and Heather) Gabrielle
    looks very different. Bye.
    

    I have nothing but great admiration for you Eve, what work!
    I remember what is was like for a friend of mine where I first
    worked out of school. She said that when the ultrasound revealed
    3 babies she cried for a week out of shock.
    She had beautiful and large (for triplets) babies, 2 boys and a girl.
    I hear they are all doing marvellously. 
    
    Good for you!
    Monica

    Eve,
    
    First, I would like to congratulate you on the birth of your children. 
    I still can't get over the fact that you had premies and you're back to
    work so soon!  I wasn't ready after one for over 9 months!
    
    While our daughter was in the NICU we met a couple of families with
    triplets.  One family had 9 year old identical twins too!  
    
    We are still in touch with one family who had 2 girls and a boy (their 
    mother was a "trip"). One of the things they did to make things easier 
    on themselves and others who cared for the kids was to color code their 
    children!  One girl wore pink t-shirts, the other wore yellow, the boy 
    wore blue.  All bottles  had color rings that corresponded to the 3
    colors.  They used the color theme for the entire first year with just
    about everything you can imagine...It seemed to work for them.
    
    Also, as with many premies, the children had frequent doctor
    appointments. This mom took the kids (2 on O2) *alone* for eye exams,
    check ups etc.  She had a triplet stroller that she used for every
    outing which made things much easier. 
    
    Good luck and keep us updated,
    
    Beth

    Eve,
    
    As the mother of two year old triplet boys myself, I want to
    congratulate you because I know exactly what you're going through. I
    came back to work when my guys were five months old and one of the
    first things I did was look in the notesfiles searching for any
    references to higher multiples. At that time there were none, and I
    never put in a note of my one because most peoples reaction is " I
    don't know how you do it!" and "You seem so calm!" Of course we're
    calm. We're at work, away from the craziness at home. But seriously,
    you will find that things will get easier and easier at home and that
    each new phase is even better and more delightful than the last. One of 
    the most interesting and pleasurable aspects of raising triplets is
    watching the development of three totally different personalities. I'm
    sure you've already seen it in your children and it's amazing how those 
    personality traits stay with them as time goes on. Even though Max,
    Sean and Ian were my first (and last!) babies I feel like an
    experienced parent because I am dealing with such radically different
    kids. Of course I'm only experienced up to age 27 months. After that
    I'm completely lost!
    
    I agree with your tips about getting the babies on a schedule. I found
    a schedule critical to making me feel like I still had a life of my
    own. Babies are incredibly adaptable and them WILL eat, sleep, and nap 
    on schedule if the parents are will to be consistent and persistent
    about getting them onto the schedule. This goes for singletons just as
    much as for multiples. Now that my children are older they are still on
    a schedule although a more flexible one and we have had to create a
    schedule for Mom, Dad, and our Au Pair to follow to get the household
    chores done e.g. laundry, vacuuming, changing crib sheets etc.
    
    Lots of other "tips" are more a matter of parenting style. I never
    color coded my children the way some parents do. They were alway easy
    to tell apart, and no matter what I did they always seemed to get each
    other's colds. Also, I know a woman with 5 year old triplets who now
    refer to each other as Bluey, Redy and Yellowy. They refuse to use of
    wear anything that isn't "their" color, so be careful how far you carry
    some of these things.
    
    Well, this note is getting a bit long (three times as long?) so I'll
    close by saying I look forward to hearing from you and I'd like to know
    if there are any other DECies out there who are parents of
    "Super-Twins"?
    
    Best wishes,
    
    Bridget

    Even though I don't have twins or triplets, I've always been facinated 
    by multiple births.  It was very interesting to be in the same hospital
    as the Frustaci 7 when they were born here in southern California, May
    of '85.  My daughter was born just a few hours before the seven tiny 
    babies. Sadly mom and dad Frustaci didn't leave the hospital with
    seven.
    
    <<< Note 424.9 by GRANPA::BPEEZICK "Help! The paranoids are after me..." >>>
    
    Bridget,
    
    Shouldn't your personal name read:
    
    "Help! The tripanoids are after me..." :^)
    
    Jodi-

    .10
    
    Jodi,
    
    About the 7 babies born in 1985 - I don't know the story on them,
    but how many babies lived?  Were they all girls or boys or both?
    
    Laura

    Let's see...

    One was stillborn. One ("Peanut" was his nickname) died on day 
    two or three, I think. Two more died within the week. 
    Three survived. Two boys and a girl. Two suffer from Cerebral Palsy,
    which affects their vision, hearing and learning capabilities. One
    girl appears unaffected by her early birth.

    A couple years ago my OB told me that Patti Frustaci (the mom) was 
    expecting another multiple birth but I never found out any details.
    The Frustacies have been very private about the whole ordeal, and
    except for an incident where Patti was picked up for drunk driving with
    the kids onboard, they have had very little coverage. BTW, they already 
    had a young boy before the seven were born.

    Patti and Sam Frustasi had experienced infertility and were being
    treated for it when Patti became pregnant with the septuplets. I
    remember clearly one day in January 1985, I was scheduled for an
    ultrasound. I drank the required 10 gallons of water and sat patiently
    in the lab waiting area.  I waited and waited and waited. Finally,
    with much apologies, the lab tech led me into the ultrasound room and
    again apologized. She then told me that they had found six babies in
    the woman before me. The place was abuzz.  I read later that it was
    Patti F. and that upon closer examination they found the seventh.

    When doctors suggested that they do a selective termination on some
    of the fetuses, Patti and Sam refused.

    The newspapers told her due date and with careful calculations, I
    figured they would arrive early and most assuredly on my due day. I was
    miffed that this would probably overshadow my first birth and big day.
    Hey, I was a firsttime mom and *I* wanted all the thunder. I kept close
    tabs on Patti's medical condition. Her kidneys were failing and the
    hospital bed wasn't wide enough to accommodate her huge belly. Her
    health declined rapidly after the fifth month and the doctors decided
    to induce on May 21st. I went into labor, 3� weeks early on May 20th.  
     
    The hospital was crawling with news reporters and security was tight.
    My husband and visitors had to wear special passes to get into my room.
    My daughter was born in the same room as the seven. Only there was a
    staff of ~20 nurses and doctors attending to them. I got hourly updates
    from my attending nurses and everyone was very high with excitement.

    My daughter was born ill (minor) and was placed in the Special Care
    Nursery. On day two, after waiting an eternity to have her brought
    to me for a feeding, I walked over to the nursery only to find a full
    camera crew and interview going on at her isolet. Amber was on CBS News
    from New York at three days of age. Since the news people couldn't get
    close to the seps, they turned to the Special Care unit for human
    interest stories and interviews with nurses. 

    Sam and Patti sued the fertility specialist, who they claim did not
    monitor the process close enough, and I believe they won.

    This was almost eight years ago so some of the details are 
    probably wrong.

    I have a great photo of me holding Amber outside the hospital with a
    huge banner hanging on the parking structure behind me that read:
    Great Teamwork! Sam and Patti Frustaci.

    Jodi-

    Jodi,
    
    Thanks so much for your reply.  
    
    Laura

    	
    I am also the mother of triplets -- all boys!  The triplets are
    now 5 months old.  I have an 18 month old daughter and a 3 year
    old son.  I also agree that a schedule is crucial to keeping your
    sanity.  I have just returned to work part-time.  
    
    I used to look in the notesfile when I was pregnant with the triplets
    and never saw any triplet ads out there, I should have placed a note
    at that time, but I was so overwhelmed by everything that I never took
    the time.  Things are crazy at my house.  Escaping to work a couple
    of days helps calm me down.
    
    I look forward to hearing from other parents of multiples.  
    
    Dawn

    FIVE KIDS UNDER THREE!?!   You win the saint award in my book!
    
    -Tracy of the limited patience
    

    
    
    I SECOND you for that award!!!!!!!!!!!
    
    Amazing!
    
    

    Triplets -- how wonderful.  It must be a real event going anywere!  I'm
    sure you can't get anything done since everyone must stop you with lots
    of questions.  I'll never forget being at Hampton Beach and outside the
    Casino was this mob scene -- I figured it must be some "star" signing
    autographs -- well they were stars, triplet boys!  The mother was very
    nice talking with all these strangers who all were asking lots of
    questions, she did say it was hard going places because this type of
    thing happened a lot.
    
    On some talk show yesterday they had the dr. who delivered and the mom
    and dad of triplets (18 month olds -- 2 girls and a boy).  All weighed
    in a little over five pounds at birth.  The mother has become involved
    in the Triplet Connection, so if you're intersted, send a self
    addressed stampled envelope to:
    
    The Triplet Connection
    PO Box 99571
    Stockton, CA  95209

    .17 reminded me of when my twins were babies, I couldn't go anywhere
    without a thousand people stopping me.  The first couple of times
    I thought it was really great, but when you're in a hurry and have
    two crying babies with you it could be a real pain to stop and answer
    question.  And some of the questions were really kinda stupid.
    like:
    
    I'ld be walking along with my girls in real frilly dresses sitting
    in their twin stroller.  Ok now, here are two babies that look
    exactly alike and people would stop me and say "OH, how cute are
    they twins???"  I sometimes felt like saying no, they're 4 months
    apart.  Or how about this one, I got this alot.  I would dress the
    girls in dresses mostly pinks, mint greens and light blues and quite
    often after I was asked if they were twins, I'ld be asked if they
    were girls or boys?!?  I'ld look at the person who asked the question,
    then I'ld look at the twins and back to the person and I'ld say some
    thing like "Well, either they're girls or they're going to be pretty
    mixed up boys!"  I wasn't sarcastic all the time, but after a while
    you just want to get your shopping done and be left alone, you don't
    want to answer the same questions 100 times every time you go
    somewhere.  

    The noter with the five small ones reminded me of the time last
    year when I went to one of the many scheduled non-stress tests for 
    Charlotte. The nurses were chattering about a woman who had just 
    given birth to triplets. All boys. The big addendum was that she
    had 18 month old twin boys at home. 
    5 baby boys. Wow,
    Yes, I definitely think an award is due here!
    
    and Jodi: that was quite a story. I only have the dimmest of memories
    of the septs. Wonder if they had their others....
    
    Monica

    
    >and Jodi: that was quite a story. I only have the dimmest of memories
    >of the septs. Wonder if they had their others....
    
    Monica,
    
    I'd love to know more about the family but also understand their
    wanting some privacy.  We live in the same county and still hear
    nothing about the remaining seps or the other children.
    
    If I still had John Hancock, I'd just ask my OB, she hears about
    the family every now and then.  Actually, I have read that the 
    Frustaci's do attend the annual get-together given at the hospital
    for families with twins/trips, etc. born at the hospital in Orange,
    California.
    
    Jodi-  

    

    RE: .17
    The Triplet Connection is a wonderful organization for anyone who has
    or is expecting triplets or above. They will send you all kinds of
    information about your diet during pregnancy (try to eat alot!!), risks
    and medical treatment for premature babies, home monitoring for
    pre-mature labor and drugs, what companies will send you free stuff,
    etc., etc. They have a quarterly newsletter with great pictures,
    stories and letters and are just supportive in many ways. Through the
    triplet connection I found a woman living literally around the corner
    from me who has triplet girls 4 months older than my boys! It has been
    a godsend having someone to talk to, compare notes, with and get
    survival tips from.
    
    We went through alot of what Note .18 describes when the kids were
    smaller. Part if it is that the big triplet stroller immediately
    catches peoples eye (we call it the limo or the Greyhound bus of
    strollers). Also people were more fascinated when they were tiny babies
    than now that they're toddlers. My tip however, is to keep moving and
    don't meet other peoples eyes. When my husband and I go out with them
    we talk to each other, don't look around and find that only the most brazen 
     will approach us. If this sounds rude or cold I can only say that it
    gets real tiresome real soon to have complete strangers asking you
    rude, stupid, or incredibly personal questions in the middle of a crowd
    of onlookers.
    
    People you never saw before in you life will ask you if you were
    talking fertility pills - as if my medical history or sex life was any
    of their business. The more subtle ones will ask "Do triplets run in
    your family?" Give me a break! The dumb ones say thing like are they
    all Twins? (they can't even count) or "Are all three of them triplets"
    (I'd like to say "No only two of them are triplets the other one is a
    quad!") One of my sons had lots of beautiful curly hair when he was an
    infant so most people assumed he was a girl. Have girl babies cornered
    the market on hair? One amusing question is "Did you know were having
    triplets", I politely answer "Yes" but I'm thinking "Even if I didn't
    know right away, I would have suspected when I started looking as big
    as Shamu the killer whale in my fifth month".
    
    Some people people say incredibly insensitive things like "I'd kill
    myself if I were you" , (not something you want to hear on a BAD day
    when you do want to kill yourself or a GOOD day when you can't believe
    how lucky your are to have three heathly, delightful children.
    
    The good news is that the curiousity and questions slack off as the
    children get older. And it has made me much more sensitive about the
    remarks I make or the questions I ask other people about personal
    topics. You never know what someone else is going through.
    
    Bridget

    
    As the Father of twins I think I've figured out the "were you expecting
    twins/triplets?" question. I think its a sideways way of asking "were
    you on fertility drugs".
    
    Just a guess!
    
    Simon

<    As the Father of twins I think I've figured out the "were you expecting
<    twins/triplets?" question. I think its a sideways way of asking "were
<    you on fertility drugs".
    
Hey, Simon!  The next time your wife is asked that, perhaps she should reply,
"I wasn't, but my husband was!"  :-)

     Carol

<    As the Father of twins I think I've figured out the "were you expecting
<    twins/triplets?" question. I think its a sideways way of asking "were
<    you on fertility drugs".


Actually, I suspect the person wants to know if you found out when the babies
were born.  Before ultrasound, people usually didn't know until the second
one came out that there was more than one.

(It reminds me of how it used to be that you didn't know the sex until
the baby was born either).

Pat

re .24:

Can't multiple heartbeats usually be heard?  I agree that ultrasound makes
it possible to determine multiples *earlier*, but I think it's been possible
to determine multiples before birth since the invention of the stethoscope.

Actually, although multiple heartbeats can be heard, they are not always
identified as such.  In fact, I know of someone who was having her 4th baby,
the pregnancy was very low-risk with no complications, so no ultrasound was
ever done.  After she delivered her baby, they brought her out to recovery,
but she started complaining of pain a short while later. They brought her 
back into the delivery room where she delivered the second healthy twin! Now
this happened in 1991 shortly before I delivered my twins, and I couldn't
believe it still happens.

I also think when people ask if you knew it was twins/triplets they are trying
to find out if you had help.  In my case, I usually just answer that we knew
right away, and that we had lots of help. If they want to pursue the conversation
at that point, it's up to them.  I've always been very upfront about our
infertility problems and the resulting solution (twins by GIFT), and I don't
mind sharing that information with people, even strangers. To me, if they 
are asking, they may either be having similar problems or know of someone who
is that the information might help.  And it's not too difficult to weed out
the genuinely interested from the rude.

And for all those folks who say twins are double trouble, I still say no, they
are double the fun!

Cathy

    I just read that Parenting Magazine is getting a new editor and he's
    the father of two-year-old triplets.  So maybe you'll start seeing more
    useful coverage!
    
    -Tracy
    

    
    you can hear two heartbeats, the nurses hated the days my wife came in
    for the soundings. Its hard enought o find one heartbeat and keep the
    sensor in place, but with two of them wiggling it there it was a
    constant repositioning of the monitors! Drove them nuts.
    
    Simon

    I agree with .24 - If I were to ask the question..
    "Were you expecting twins" === it would be wondering if you 
    knew before you had them not...Were you on fertility drugs...?!
    
    

    It's true that you can hear multiple heartbeats if you know where to
    listen for them but as note .28 indicated it can be tough to find them
    even whe you know they're there. I was in the hospital overnight
    several times for pre-term labor while pregnant with my triplets and it
    drove ME nuts that the nurses were required to come in very four hours
    around the clock to record the babies heart rates. There's nothing like
    being awakened in the middle of the night to have someone slap a cold,
    slimy (with ultrasound gel) metal thing on your stomach and spend the
    next 30 minutes searching for heartbeats! Between monitoring the
    babies, taking my vitals, and getting medication I never got more than
    60 minutes of sleep at a time. And you all know how tough it is to
    sleep when you're in your ninth month anyway. Imagine being in your ninth
    month for three months!
    
    Bridget