Conference moira::parenting

    I'd like to add to this survey:  at what age did your child bond with
    the security object?
    
    Leslie

    Neither of my boys had one (unless you want to count pacifiers - my
    oldest had one till age 4, my youngest held on to the bottle till 23
    months).  But my niece has a little soft-bodied terrycloth doll they
    call MARY BETH.  She goes everywhere.  My niece started using her for a
    pillow at about 3 months old and hasn't slept without her since. 
    Luckily they have three or four!
    
    -sandy
    

    
    	Spencer in the base note is 15 months.
    
    			Wendy

    My son's are B&B (Blankie and Bunny) - he is 4 years 10 months.
    A good friend of his has P&P (Puff and Pillow).  :-)

    Blankie - his original, most often used receiving blanket. We sort of
    played a role in this, as we always had it with him. It now is threadbare
    and attached to another (same color), stronger blanket.

    When he was ~3 years old and younger, Blankie was pretty much always
    with him.
    
    Now, he has it with him only when he is really tired or going on a trip.
    He often leaves it his bed, beside the pillow. 

    Bunny is an at-birth stuffed animal - when he was ~2 years, it
    apparently developed into his favorite. I don't remember seeing it
    happen. All he has ever called it is "Bunny". 

    Bunny & Blankie are inseparable - so the times he needs security, both
    items are carried/dragged/tied together and brought along.

    Lately I've noticed he has been trashing Blankie - I tell him to treat
    it carefully so it will last (along with how he should treat all his
    possessions). Perhaps he is reaching a stage where he would like to
    leave it behind, but doesn't know how, and takes out his frustration
    on the object. 

    It is a most fascinating process to watch, and reminds me of the same
    attachments I had as a little boy. And causes trips like you take as a
    parent (i.e. - getting home from a night out at friends and realizing you
    must drive back to their house to pick up the forgotten Blankie!).

    Interesting question...

    JR

    My daughter Lindsay (21 months) won't go to bed until she has "dolly"
    and a kitchen dishtowel.  I don't know where or when she got the idea
    for the dishtowel but there's no going to bed without it!  She wraps
    "dolly" in it so I'm sure she figures it's the doll's blanket like
    mommy tucks on her at night.  It's so cute and such a wonderful age.
    
    Sandie
    

    My son picked a teddy bear during his first year (not very original)
    and was fiercely loyal to Bearrie until last year when he threw him
    over in favor of Peter Rabbit. We took Bearrie everywhere and he was a
    full member of the family who had birthday parties and carried on 
    conversations in a special nasal whiny voice. We still don't know why
    Dan switched all of a sudden, except that it seemed to correlate to his
    starting kindergarten. I guess he outgrew his baby toy.
    
    Charlotte is very attached to Ah-shie (Hushie), a polar bear, and
    Ah-nie (Ernie). This too started when she was quite little (six months
    or so). She brings them to the table and in the car if she can. Try to
    have your kid bond with washable things, because they get thrown up on
    and used as kleenexes (sorry, hope you weren't eating...)
    
    I think it was in an earlier version of this file that someone said
    their child slept with a pencil and a green pepper! 
    
    Lucy

    Neither of my kids had one.  They both hate pacifiers, and never
    suck their fingers. Both were also off bottles right after they turned 
    one year old.  My niece has a teddy bear that she owns since birth. 
    She is now 7, and still sleeps with it every night.  
    
    Wendy

    
    
    Tyler swiches alot.  One night it will be his animal blanket then the
    bear blanket the next night.  He does have a hard time parting with his
    MatchBox cars.  I will check on him at night and he will have 5 or 6 in
    bed with him.  He realy doesn't have one that he is realy attached to
    and I can't remember when he bacame so attached to the cars.
    
    Virginia

    My 2 year old likes to have a receiving blanket.  Nothing unusual
    there, but... it's not the blanket itself that he clings to, it's the
    label/tag that hangs off the edge of the blanket.  He will pick up a
    receiving blanket and methodically run his hands over each side until
    he finds the tag, then he will tuck the tag into his fist and go to
    sleep.  
    
    I was in Raschelles one day buying him replacement receiving blankets. 
    I asked the saleswoman if I could open the package.  She asked why and
    I said I needed to make sure that brand of receiving blanket had tags
    attached.  The things we do for our kids!
    
    Jane

    My three year old Brad is attached to my hair.  At bedtime he always
    says ,"Let me play with your hair".. I lie down with him and he plays
    with my hair.  One night I woke up and he had got into bed with us and
    curled around the top of my pillow and had his hands in my hair.  When
    I pick him up at school he always runs up to me and immediatly runs his
    hands through my hair.  There is no fixing my hair because Brad will
    immediatly run his fingers through it.  I being patient how much longer
    can it last?  
    
    When he was around 6 months old he was always holding one of his
    daddy's black socks.
    
    Sasha

    My daughter is 2-1/2.  She has two loveys---a binky (pacifier) and a
    blankie (cloth diaper).  We call these "the set-up" and make sure we
    have one whenever we leave the house.  She wanted the binky from birth,
    and the blankie started later---at around 6 or 7 months we noticed it
    when she would crawl towards it and sprawl on it and get estatic. 
    
    The cloth diaper is nice because we have about 20 of them.  Gina
    actually hates them when they get the slightest bit dirty and asks for
    a clean blankie.  This makes it easier.  I remember my kid brother not
    wanting to let his go into the washing machine.
    
    In the last year or so, she also prefers some type of stuffed animal to
    sleep with.  But she is not particular about which one...she wants her
    kitty one day, her pig the next, her bear the next, and so on.  Of
    course, she is very particular about the stuffed animal on a particular
    day...
    
    At this point we reserve the binky for naptime, bedtime, and crisis
    time.  (We include the car in crisis time so we can pay attention to
    driving.)
    
    judy

	The January Parents Magazine has an article on this very
	subject.

	I haven't read it, I just saw the "headline" on the magazine
	cover when it arrived yesterday.

Karen

    O.k. - here's a new one for you all -
    
    How about an 'merican Flag!
    
    Tommy will be three in April and since July - well the 4th, to be
    exact, has been stuck on having an 'merican Flag (HE dropped the A!)
    
    We've gone through four of them so far, they usually get pulled off 
    the staples that attached to the stick.  Luckly, no accidents so far!
    He's very careful, and when he gets to daycare, he carefully rolls it 
    around the stick and hands it to the daycare provider.  He seems happy
    just knowing it's in his cubby.  When I come to pick him up, I get my
    hug and then he runs to get his flag.  He loves to watch it wave, and 
    will walk in such a way to make it wave.  
    
    On the drive home he points out all of the flags he sees, and has
    favorites:   BIG B.P. FLAG  (at the local gas station); TACO FLAG (Del
    Taco has several) etc.  TOMMY FLAG, etc.
    
    He eats with it, sleeps with and will not go without it during his
    daycare off hours.  What's a Mother to do? Nothing, of course!
    
    I saved the last one he had and put it in his scrapbook - it has many
    stories to tell - it has the miles on it to prove it.
    
    He's a proud little boy!
    
    -Suzette
    from Atlanta, GA
    
    

    When Nicky,my 4 1/2 month old is tired, while I am holding him, he will
    hold his arms straight up towards my face until I bend down. He will
    proceed to grab both of my cheeks and pull, AAAHHHH!!! as hard as he
    can until we are nose to nose. He automaticlly closes his eyes and
    starts to baby hum. Next thing you know he is sound asleep.
    When I put him in his crib to fall asleep by himself theres no way
    until I let him grab my face. It is times like those that make my
    heart swell with unbeleivable love for him.
    
    Sherry

    My son Michael, now 5 has always had security objects. When he was
    8 months I gave him a Raggety Ann doll with yarn hair. He loved it 
    to death and sucked on the pigtails. They smelled so bad that I had 
    to throw the doll into the wash at least once a week. At sixteen 
    months a babysitter took him and his doll to a park and forgot it 
    there. She went back and looked for it, hired neighborhood kids to 
    look for it, and I canvased the area but no luck. I cried for my 
    little boy's loss. 
    
    I immediately replaced it with a yellow stuffed bear with a pacifier
    attached. It became his BearBear, his new love.  Michael would take
    the label on the back and stick it gently in his eye, ear, nose and
    on his cheek while he was trying to get to sleep. The label became a
    very important part of the bear to him. One day Michael came to me and
    with sad eyes, looked up at me and said "finger thing, finger thing.
    I didn't have a clue what he was talking about until he handed me the
    label which had fallen off the bear.  I sewed it back on and he was
    so happy.  He had a habit where he would stick his finger into the
    label, hence the name 'finger thing'. The pacifier has been gone for 
    a couple years now.
    
    Another bear habit of his is to rub the sides while he drops off to
    sleep. All of the fur is gone there, the glass eyes are chipped, the
    thread nose is thread-bare (bear :^).  He really loves his bear!
    
    BearBear is not allowed out of the house unless we are going on
    vacation, to a hair or dentist appointment or other semi-traumatic
    situation.  
    
    In addition to his bear, Michael also has a favorite blanket that
    he drags into the livingroom, along with his bear, when he's tired.  
    
    Funny someone should mention an American flag. Last June we went on
    vacation. Michael found a stuffed beaver at the hotel gift shop. The
    store manager had placed a flag into the beavers arms for decoration.
    I don't think the flag was supposed to be sold with the beaver. All
    Michael could talk about was the beaver with the flag. When we finally
    broke down and purchased this overpriced beaver, we found out that it
    was the flag that he really wanted. Of course that was *after* we left
    the shop.
    
    Kids are so funny.
    
    Jodi-

    My son Alexander has had a white furry stuffed dog that he got as a
    Christmas gift his first Christmas and has to have it everytime he
    takes a nap or when he isn't feeling well.  He also goes on vacation
    with us and when we go on long drives.  We found out just how much this
    doggie meant to our 3 year old when we went to Niagra Falls for
    vacation this year and left doggie in the hotel room.  Well Alex
    noticed he was missing and we had to stop at a rest area on the way
    home and call the hotel and have them mail doggie to us.  Doggie
    arrived home about 3 weeks later.  Lucky for us Alex also likes Ernie
    and slept with him till Doggie came back from his extended vacation.
    
    My niece who is almost 2 carries this soft baby doll around with her.
    
    
    Liz

    My younger brother got "Bunny" when he was 2 years old.  It had a real
    rabbit fur face and my brother loved to cuddle with it.  Until he was 6
    years old he went EVERYWHERE (except school) with Bunny.  I remember
    patching the patches and sewing limbs back on.  One day Bunny was no
    longer repairable and my brother decided it was time that Bunny got
    retired.  He went out into the backyard with a shovel, dug a hole and
    buried Bunny while he held a service for it.  He never replaced it with
    anything else.  When our dog, Mitzi, died we buried her right next to
    Bunny.
    
    Susan

    
    Emily is 18 months, for her first Christmas my sister in-law got her a
    cabbage patch baby that looks just like Emily.  That is baby and she
    is alway in tow along with blankie.  When we go into get Emily in the
    morning she is standing up in her crib with baby in one arm and blankie
    in the other.
    
    She is so cute with this doll.
    
    Lisa

    
    
    	Boy, what makes me happiest is to know that all of your bears are
    named Bear, your bunnies are Bunny, etc.  I thought WE were the only
    unimaginative ones around!  We do differentiate, however... Rattle
    Bunny, Purple Bunny, Comfy Bear (because he's so comfortable to hug),
    etc.  Fortunately, the Gund animals come with names - Snuffles and so
    on.
    
    	My baby (8� months) is only attached to Blanky, and only to the
    satin binding.  She rolls it through her fingers while I rock
    her to sleep.    
    
    	-Justine

    Meredith (now 7) has had a variety of stuffed animals to take to bed,
    but Thumper (purchased at about age 3) is her favorite.  Her bedtime
    ritual continues to include lining up several animals at the foot of
    her bed or on the floor next to it, neatly tucked in with a baby 
    blanket.  Once, she had them scattered all over the bedroom floor, each
    covered with a Kleenix (guess she couldn't find enough little
    blankets), and she's been known to do the same with washclothes.  The
    room looked like a tiny field hospital!  Thumper used to go to the
    dentist and doctor, too, but she's started to outgrow that.
    
    KB
    

Re. .19

Well, my son had (and still has) a bear and it is named Tao-Tao.  He received
a lion from my brother when he was quite a bit older (about 5) and calls it 
Tracy.  My older boy (he's 14) has a bear also which has been with him since 
birth and still sits at the end of his bed.  This bear is called Austin.

ccb 

When Markus was 2 or 3 he slept in the bottom bunk of a set of bunk beds with
his brother in the top bunk.  Markus addored stuffed animals and had many
many of them (At least 20 or 30).  One evening I went to check on the boys
before going to bed.  They were sound asleep but Markus had taken ALL his 
animals and attached them by their ears/tails/paws/whatever to the underside of
the top bunk so there was this forest of suspended stuffed animals above him :-)

I still have the photograph I made.

ccb

    My daughter would kill me if she new I was putting this here, but she
    has had her binky (blanket) since birth I think.  We were able to take
    her anywhere and when it was time to go to sleep as long as she had her
    binky she would lay right down on the floor, couch wherever we were and
    go to sleep.  
    
    She is now 18 and still has binky, she took it to college last year and
    still has it hidden in her pillow case.  I walked in her room the other
    day and she was studying and binky was in her lap.
    
    Judie
    
    

    My oldest, who is not 18 had a be-be.  It was a receiving blanket
    folded and tied with ribbons to be the general shape of a baby. 
    (That's *very* general shape!)  There were not eyes, or mouth - just a
    head, arms and sort of a dress.  But, the real advantage was that she
    had more than one.  That was an advantage because she didn't know that 
    there was more than one.  So, while she was sleeping, I could take one 
    away, and replace it with a clean one.  This turned out to be a real plus 
    the time she had to have her stomach pumped.  She was able to keep her
    be-be with her, no matter how slimy it got.  As soon as it was over I
    distracted her and replaced it with a clean one.

    When Michael was 6 months old we had a professional photographer take
    pictures of him.  He is hugging a fluffy, yellow bear with crystal
    brown glass eyes and a thread smile. One day last year when Michael
    was four he asked about the bear in the picture; "where is it?" he
    asked. I said in your bed, it's BearBear. He was astonished that
    BearBear used to have fluffy fur and a smile.  BearBear has been so
    loved that he is very close to becoming real.
    
    Jodi-who_will_never_let_Michael_part_with_BearBear 

    My son, Matthew, is a little over 2 years old.  He is very attached to
    a particular blankie and has been since he was about a year old.  The
    only odd thing is that he likes to poke little holes all around the 
    outside edge of the blanket to stick his left thumb through (he still
    sucks his thumb, I'm afraid!) and there's also a couple of large holes
    that his whole hand will fit thru - so that he can slip the blanket
    around his wrist to carry around!  We've got 4 of these blankets that
    we rotate, but they are all getting pretty thin and "holey"!!!
    
    Lila
    \

My 15 month old son, Christopher loves his "soft Blanket", and any of his
collection of Disney stuffed animals, first it was Tigger, then Pooh, then
Piglet for a really long time, and now it is one of the Dalmation Puppies.

When he is tired he takes his blanket and crumples it on the floor
and then lays on the most crumpled part with his tummy sometimes leaving an 
end to rub against his face. 

What is so darling, is that everytime he sees the preferred stuffed toy 
of the week, he picks it up and gives it a huge hug, like they are old 
friends and haven't seen each other for years.


Katie

    re -1
    What a great story!  sounds similar,too, to _my_ Christopher, who is 16
    months. He'll drag a blankie out of the crib, grab whomever is his
    "friend" for the week, and lay down on the floor. This week, it's Harry
    the Troll, who is quickly losing hair as he gets yanked around the
    house.
    

My son Daniel was 14 months old last Christmas when I ordered a stuffed 
"Lambchop" (from Sheri Lewis fame) through AVON and he hasn't let go of it
since!! 

Lambcomp sits on the kitchen table while Daniel eats. When bedtime comes, 
Lambchop has to be there, or Daniel won't settle down. The only time 
Lambchop is left behind, is when we go to day care, as there are enough 
toys to amuse Daniel.

I've ordered another one to have on hand, as Lambchop is getting pretty 
wornout already. I 'm sure the new one won't be the same, I'm just hoping 
it will "ease the blow" when the first Lambchop is put to rest. :-)

Norma

    	My son is 2 years old and will not go anywhere without his
    "digger truck" pronounced "diggah kruck". My next door neighbor
    picked up this beat up old matchbox truck at a flea market. He
    gave it to Adam a few months ago. He has since gotten other new
    trucks/cars, but his favorite is still that beat up old digger
    truck (which is actually a snow plow) with its peeling orange
    paint.
    
    	Frank

    	Just to let you know that Elmo did indeed go over well on Christmas
    and Spencer now takes both Cookie Monster and Elmo to bed and naps with
    him. He still slightly prefers Cookie Monster and that is the one that
    we are letting him take to the sitters (don't want to send over a zoo
    you know).

    	A relative gave him that Talking Big Bird for Christmas which was a
    hit but when Spencer found out that if he tried to  carry it he fell
    (It's not very soft) he quickly lost interest in much except trying to
    hold the beak shut when it talks.

    	When the new baby is born (roughly two months - can you believe
    it???) we have a smaller softer Big Bird to give him. I can just see
    bedtime then, where is Elmo? Where is Cookie Monster, where's that damn
    Big Bird? ;-)


    				Wendy

    Do other people's kids take new toys to bed with them? My son
    slept with his new Playmobil ghost for three nights after
    Christmas (it's a three-inch high plastic figure, not very
    cuddly). My daughter went to sleep last night hugging her favorite 
    bear and her newest board book.
    
    Lucy

    
    Michael went to bed last night with 2 plastic pieces of toys
    (those fisher price shapes with a hole to put the stick in, to build
    with)
    
    The night before it was one of his new cars. 
    
    It was the last thing he was playing with before it was bedtime, and by
    letting him take them with him, there was less of a struggle.
    
    Chris
    

    AJ has no "special" toy or blanket, but every night after he's asleep
    it's a ritual to go into his bed and removed at least TWO batman
    figures, three small matchbox cars, and sometimes the LIVE cat!  He
    keeps a few special stuffed animals on his bed, two large stuffed
    dalmations with firemen's hats a "puffalump" style dragon, a small
    stuffed dalmation named "prize puppy", which was given him when he had
    one of his surgeries, two pound puppy-newborns.  I usually will just
    grab one of the smaller stuffed things randomly and sort of nudge AJ,
    he will instinctively reach out and wrap an arm around whatever it is
    I've given him. 
    
    At 6 years, it still warms my heart tremendously!
    He never was a pacifier or blanky baby  
    
    Lyn
    

re: note 484.44

>    I do however have one complaint. Matthew has never really been
>    too attached to anything in particular (he gave up his bottle at 
>    10 months, pacifier at 1 year but this week he has started 
>    requesting his "blankie". Baby Bop carries around a blanket
>    wherever she goes and she is always talking about "her blankie".  
>    He really does not care which out of about 5 blankets that we
>    have around the house, some are just antique throws that I have
>    over a chair but now he seems to want a "blankie".

As you'll note from the previous responses to this note, the need for a 
"blankie" or security object is quite common.  In my opinion you're actually 
fortunate, in that your son doesn't care which blanket it is.  We were 
fortunate the same way; it enabled us to have a "mingie" at day care, in each 
car, etc., so that our kids were never without one.  It can make for chaos if 
the security object is not available.  For example, one time it got dropped 
from a shopping cart at Child World.  Fortunately, since we had another one, 
we didn't have to deal with a kid crying all night while we waited for Child 
World to open the next morning.

Clay 

    What can one conclude from a child who doesn't have any security
    objects?  My daughter never used a pacifier.  She goes blithely through
    life without any strong object attachments.  The closest she got was
    last year's quilted winter jacket, which she easily relinquished in the
    summer.  I thought she'd have a strong attachment to her baby doll, but
    even that love affair has waned somewhat.  She tends to strongly prefer
    certain items of clothing, but that's because she thinks they are
    glamorous.  ;-)
    
    Laura
    

    My almost 8 year old never had a security object.
    She's very jealous of those who do though, like her
    brother and her best friend. Amber has tried to find 
    a blanket or stuffed animal to bond with but nothing 
    clicks and it's soon forgotten.   
    
    I think she feels she is missing out on something
    wonderful by not having this predisposition to
    loving a woobie.
    
    Jodi-

    We just gave our 2-year-old a stuffed "Barney" for her birthday.
    Naturally, she won't let go of it. Should I just let her drag him
    everywhere with her, or should I put my foot down and tell her he
    has to stay home.  The latter course will guarantee a daily tantrum;
    the latter course will ensure peace but what happens if Barney
    gets lost?  HELP!!!!!!!!!!

My daughter has a few "favorites", Barney included.  I try to get her to take
a different one each time she goes to daycare.  This makes her more flexible, 
and not so dependant on just one.

Michael

Also, if you detect a strong attachment forming, go buy
another one immediately.  If you can't do that, write
down the manufacturer and save it.  Then you can find
another one if disaster strikes....

Pat

>Also, if you detect a strong attachment forming, go buy
>another one immediately.  If you can't do that, write
>down the manufacturer and save it.  Then you can find
>another one if disaster strikes....

I strongly agree with Pat.  Get another one (or even two), if you can.

When our son had a security object (it was made by Fisher Price, and was 
specifically designed as a security object) we had two at home
(one kept in a closet as a spare) and one at each daycare.

A "Barney" as a security object may be a problem at daycare, since other kids 
may want to play with it when your daughter needs it.  A suggestion might be 
to have a Barney at daycare that the provider keeps in a closet for 
naptime, or when she really needs it.

Clay

    Rowan has had Dolly ('Doy-Doy' - a soft fabric unisex doll with 
    a plastic face) since just before he was born. It became special
    at around 6 or 7 months. However there is a new pretender to the
    throne.
    
    Just withing the last few weeks (at age 17 months) he's become
    inseparable from the spare keys to the Mini. He likes any bunch of keys
    and attempts to fit them into any keyhole like place (real keyholes,
    holes in the fire guard, other peoples cars etc.), but these keys
    ('Sheez?') are special. In fact it has become a real problem dropping
    him off at nursery. They (and we) prefer that security objects aren't
    taken in in case they are lost, so there is a real tantrum at whichever
    point in the journey he is separated.
    
    Does anyone have any ideas to help? The only thing we haven't tried is
    making sure he doesn't see them between getting up and going out. This
    could be difficult because he likes to take them to bed, and knows
    where they (and the other keys) are kept when he isn't trotting round
    with them.  
    
    The other problem is that he would quite happily spend every
    evening being held up to the back door so he can fit the keys in the
    lock, but this can get a little tiring on our arms! Does anyone know of
    a lock & key type toy that may distract him?
    
    Oh the joys of parenthood :-)
    
    Andy

	My daughter had the same key/lock obsession around the same age.

	We did not like the idea of her playing with real keys, so
	we rarely let her use them (though she often "swiped" them off
	the counter).

	She grew out of it in short time (a couple weeks), but that may
	have been because we did not let her have them.

	Karen

    Playskool has a really nice and inexpensive key toy.  Its a small 
    yellow box which has six geometric shapes (all different colors).
    First you can fit the shapes in the appropriate boxes and the boxes
    are also numbered.  Then it has six color keys that fit on the side
    of the box.  You match the color key to the correct shape and it 
    fits in the hole and turns, which also lifts the piece that is on
    the top of the box.  Chelsea got this toy when she was about 15
    months and still loves playing with it.
    
    We also have made up several "play sets" of keys for her.  She loves
    putting them in her purse and pretending like she is going out 
    shopping (something she could never have learned from her Mommy?!?)
    We put plastic keys and real keys on her ring sets, also have added
    a picture of Chelsea, some key charms....she just loves them and
    because she has a couple of sets, no real strong attachment to one
    in particular.
    
    Oh, the Playskool toy runs around the $5.00 price range.
    
    Hope this helps.
    
    ...Lori