Conference moira::parenting

    Are there other kids at your babysitters? My sitter has 2 kids - 2 & 6
    and Caitlin also doesn't take naps if any at my sitter's she is so
    excited to have kids to play with that she doesn't want to sleep. 
    
    Sometimes if they go out in the car - this is when Caitlin will get
    her nap - if my sitter is lucky Caitlin will sleep for an 1/2 hour
    during the day which is from 8:00 - 5:00. So she is exhausted when
    she comes home also.
    
    Maybe he is just so interested in the kids that he won't sleep. Or
    maybe he's sleeping pattern is changing. Caitlin was never one for
    taking naps. At home she may sleep for 2 hrs for me but this is not
    always. I guess she just doesn't want to miss anything going on!
    
    Linda
    

    We also have the same problem.  My daughter, Emily, who is 11 months old
    sleeps very well at home but hardly at all at daycare.  There is just
    too much going on and she doesn't want to miss anything.  She stands up
    in her crib so she can see the other kids.  They try to rock her, rub
    her back, etc. but it is a big effort to get her to go to sleep.  And
    then once she does go to sleep it's only for about half as long as it
    would be at home.  She's exhausted when she gets home at night.  I
    ended up switching my work schedule so I could pick her up at 12 on
    Wednesdays.  That way she gets one good nap in the middle of the week
    so she can make it to the weekend when she catches up on her sleep.
    
    Carol
    
    

    
    My sitter has a 3 year old girl and a 5 month old boy.  I'm just 
    stumped because he has been taking pretty regular naps there until
    just recently.
    
    It kills me because I know if I could just hold him and pat his
    back he'd go to sleep...it's not easy.
    
    thanks for the reply.

    
    Kelly...
    
    We've been going through this with Michael for a few months now (he's
    1 yr now)...and yes, I think this is when their nap schedules start
    changing.  Our situation is a bit different though. My husband is home
    with the baby all morning (second shift), and Mike has 1 nap of about 1-2
    hrs during that time. He drops my son off at daycare at 11:30, in time
    for lunch, and come 1pm when the other kids are ready for "rest time",
    mine is raring to go!  Occasionally she can get him to take 30-60 mins
    around 2:30 or so (maybe 2 days out of 4), but for the most part he is
    starting to skip this much needed afternoon nap!  MUCH NEEDED I say,
    because mom comes along at 4:30 to pick up her EVER_CRANKY darling son
    after a long day at work and has him all to her self all night alone,
    and at times its VERY TRYING to say the least.
    
    On weekends he naps for me great! At least 2 hours in the am, then
    probably another hour or more around 3-4....  He also doesn't have the
    stimulation of all the kids running around in the other room.
    
    His bedtime is usually 7ish, so its kind of too late for a nap when we
    get home...(4:45)...and he's hungry by this time etc...  So, I'm pretty
    much trying to just "deal with it"...  Though, I'm not real happy with
    it.  People could say to try and elliminate the morning nap, but I
    really don't find him ready for it yet. By 10am he's getting real
    tired.
    
    I think if I had him in full-day daycare I'd probably try to work out 
    a schedule with my provider to getting him to merge the 2 1-2 hour naps
    into 1 3 hour nap. I find that is what most of my friends have their 
    toddlers doing...
    
      
    Good Luck,
    I'll be reading...
    
    Chris
    

    
    A side note...
    
    It is very frustrating when you know they nap for you fine at home,
    jsut takes a little extra rocking/cuddling etc...and you feel bad
    because you know he needs the rest, but you can't be there.
    
    This bothered me a bit last month too...because I was getting very
    frustrated of how CRANKY this child was at 4:30. I talked with my daycare 
    woman about it, ie: try rocking him a bit with a little juice etc.. and she
    told me it was difficult for her to take that time out (away from the
    other kids so he's not distracted) to rock him for very long etc...
    One kid or another would always interrupt...
    
    I'm not saying she's just putting him in the room, closing the door and
    letting him scream,...she won't do that...  but she jsut can't do it
    like I can at home (timewise/quiet ) etc...  
    
    Michael does sleep anywhere from 10-12 hours a night, so I'm just
    trying to count my blessings at deal with it until the situation
    changes...
    
    Chris
    

You might try a nap when you get home around 4:30 or 4:45.  Even a half hour
to an hour might make a big difference.  I know that my kids usually go down
for a nap anywhere from 2:30 to 4:30 depending on what kind of day they are
having.  If they go down late, I notice that they only nap for an hour or
so, but that's usually sufficient to regenerate them til bedtime around
7:00 or 7:30.  There are some times when Jessica doesn't want to get up, so
we just act a little louder downstairs and she gets the hint, wakes up, has
supper, and plays til bedtime.  I wouldn't rule out the afternoon nap just
because it seems late.

And I can't imagine a child taking a 3 hour nap.  Do they really do that?  I'm
lucky if Brad naps for an hour when he even takes a nap (sometimes he just
sort of chills out and relaxes in his crib for an hour), though Jessica is
a good sleeper and usually goes 1-2 hours.  But they sleep a good 12-15 hours
at night, so I can't complain except I usually don't get to see them in the
morning before I leave as they are still sleeping.

Cathy

    Chelsea seems to be getting on a pretty good schedule at daycare.  I
    feel blessed with her sleeping 10-11 hours a night.  At daycare she
    naps about 1-1/2 in the morning and another hour in the afternoon.  I
    get her home around 5:00 and by 6:30 she is getting fussy.  I let her
    take a 1/2 cat nap (snuggle!) with mom on the couch.  This helps her
    get thru bath and evening bottle.  It's amazing what a half hour will
    do for them.
    
    At daycare she usually doesn't have a problem napping with all the
    noise from the other toddlers, but recently my daycare provider told
    me she had woken up from being startled by loud noises.  So Karle
    put Chelsea in a crib upstairs (with a monitor) and now she is even
    sleeping a little longer.  We have always been very noisey around
    the house with Chelsea...but I also believe at certain times its nice
    to have her nap area quiet and calm.
    
    ....Lori

    Sean just turned 10 months yesterday.  He sounds to be the same way.
    He used to sleep at the sitters except for days when he was having 
    teething problems.  In the past week, he hasn't been sleeping at all.  
    His sitter has just Sean and her 4 year old son who is in school until 
    4:30pm.
    
    The sitter says she is concerned but that Sean just doesn't seem 
    tired.  She tries to get him to nap but if he cries for 10 minutes
    she doesn't push it.
    
    He is usually exhausted by the time we see him though.  Sometimes
    we can get him to take 20-30 minute nap.  Other times, he just eats
    and then plays until bed time.  The problem is that he is so tired 
    that he spends a lot of time falling over so we have to keep a closer 
    eye on him while he is playing.
    
    I just assumed that it was a new phase and that now is the time he
    takes shorter and fewer naps.  He still sleeps 10 hours at night.  
    And usually takes a morning nap but it is getting shorter (2 hours 
    now equals 1 hour) and maybe no nap in the afternoon.  I think it 
    will take his body a few days/weeks to adjust to the change though.
    
    Cheers,
    
     Carol  

    I could have written every one of these replies.  Johnathan stopped
    napping at day care when he was around 10-12 months old.  He's in a
    center that has a separate napping room, and he figured out that if he
    made a lot of noise in there, the teachers would take him out so that
    he wouldn't disturb the other children.  They semi-"complained" to me
    about this, so I asked them what they did about other children who
    wouldn't settle down in the nap room.  Would you believe they told me
    that they had never had this problem before???  (This center has been
    in business for 11 years.)  Now, after reading this note and replies, I
    realize how very normal and common Johnathan's behavior was.
    
    I was able to structure my work week just like another replier said,
    working one afternoon per week at home so he could get one good nap
    mid-week.  On these afternoons he would often sleep a solid 4-5 hours 
    so I was able to get plenty of Digital-work done at home.  
    
    Now that he's 2 years old he can survive without a nap, but when I pick
    him up at 5:30 he absolutely exhausted.  I've learned not to try to
    keep him up until bedtime.  It just didn't work.  He'd get so overly
    tired that he couldn't sleep at all.  Now I let him cat nap when we get
    home.  His day care providers give him a light snack at about 4:30, so
    he won't be too hungry when we get home, and he naps from about 6:00-7:00
    pm.  I find that this does not interfere with his regular night time
    sleep.  He stays up from about 7:00-8:30pm, then sleeps 8:30pm to 7:30
    am, and 11 hours are the usual for him.  Also, having him take a cat
    nap when I get home allows me to change, start supper, and generally
    unwind.  Then he's refreshed and I'm refreshed, and we can have a
    wonderful supper and playtime together.  
    
    There's a part of me that is jealous of his "awake" time.  I want him
    to sleep during the "unimportant" time (i.e. when he's not with me!)
    and be awake at home so I can have more total time with him.  But I've
    started looking at it from another perspective.  I think part of the
    reason he sleeps so much better at home is that he can let his guard
    down and relax at home with me.  He knows he can disintegrate and be
    cranky with me, and that I'll just keep cuddling him and soothing him
    until he can drift off to sleep.  
    
    Jane
    

    
    	Emily's not a baby, but rather than starting a new note...
    
    	Emily is 3.5, and has been going to preschool 2 full days
    	a week since October.  At that time, her babysitter had stopped
    	having Emily take naps at her house, because the other kids her
    	age weren't taking them.  I wasn't pleased, but when she was
    	keeping other kids up, I agreed.  Emily was still taking 2 hour
    	naps at home on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.
    
    	When she started preschool, she napped pretty well at first, and
    	even went back to taking naps at Pat's on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
    
    	This month, however, she has not taken a single nap at school.
    	Last week, she started a third day at preschool (Mom returned
    	to full time :-( ).  She didn't nap any of the three days,a nd
    	also didn't nap at Pat's on Thursday.  We put her to bed earlier
    	every day last week (robbing us of our usual one-on-one time after
    	Andrew has gone to bed).  Saturday, she was a goner by 10:30 a.m.
    
    	She is exhausted, cranky, distracted and generally miserable and
    	disobedient every school night.  She *needs* that nap!!!  
    	Besides not napping at school, she is disrupting the other kids.
    	Multiple trips to the bathroom was the first distraction, then
    	singing, then getting off her mat with another child.  Yesterday,
    	she was very quite, and the teacher was pleased, only to find that
    	she was so quite because she was carefully taking apart the sleep
    	mat!
    
    	While we don't want to make this into a huge issue, we know that
    	Emily is exhausted, and we are so torn every night trying to
    	decide how to deal with her behavior.  
    
    	I'd welcome any advice, especially from anyone who has gone 
    	through a similar experience!
    

    
    Maybe explain to her that if she doesn't take a nap during the day, she
    needs to go to bed 1-2 hours earlier.  Is this possible??
    
    

    
        Hi, I recall that my daughter had a problem with my grandson not
    wanting to take names at pre-school. They let him take one of his
    teddy's and the problem was solved. I don't know if this will help your
    child, but I just thought I'd suggest it. 
    
        Rosie

    It may also be a transition time for her, outgrowing the naps. Many
    children by 3.5 do indeed lose the need for it, though they still
    require the sleep.  Perhaps requiring quiet time, or rest time at home,
    where she has to be on her bed, with or without a book for some time
    period.... and then requiring the same at preschool and at the sitters.
    
    It's very tough to go through giving up that nap - my son at 4.5 is
    doing it now and will crash every 6 days or so, and need a good hour's
    nap.
    
    best of luck
    

    
    I agree with Lynn.   Transition times can be very tough.  It can take
    several weeks to transition to a new schedule.   She may resist having
    her bedtime moved up an hour (or some other large amount of time) even 
    when she's missed her nap; maybe move it up 15 minutes at a time?
    
    Our oldest son dropped his daytime nap at his 3rd birthday.  He made
    up for it by sleeping more heavily and sleeping in later in the morning
    (rather than going to bed earlier, which he resisted).   He also had
    an afternoon quiet time where we required he lay on the sofa and watch 
    a movie, read books, or play quietly.  He didn't want to rest in his 
    room (afraid he'd miss something...).  
    
    Funny thing is when he started kindergarten this year (three years 
    after giving up naps), his teacher says that he actually sleeps 
    during afternoon "rest" some of the time.   One thing that I think
    is key is that afternoon rest follows recess in the daily schedule
    so that they're worn out and ready for it.   I think that would be
    a good idea for the preschool if they don't already do something
    similar.
    
    Good luck!
    cj/    

    
    	Thanks, everyone!
    
    	Emily actually took a short nap at school last Friday.
    
    	Monday, no nap, but she stayed on her mat and rested quietly.
    	Same at daycare yesterday, and Daddy said she was very well
    	behaved at night (vs. no nap /no rest days).
    
    	Both preschool and daycare have a nap schedule, and Emily is
    	expected to lay down during nap time at both places.  I suspect
    	she's a bit like her Mom and is afraid she'll miss something if
    	she falls asleep at school!
    
    	The biggest change we've made is to make it clear that she *is*
    	expected to lay down AND not be disruptive at nap time.  The
    	disruption to other kids was getting to be a bother ;-).  Both
    	places put Emily in a timeout for being disruptive (not for not
    	napping), and she's being much better about that.
    
    	We have two consequences for her when she doesn't rest.  She cannot
    	play Candyland, and she goes to bed earlier, meaning once her
    	brother is in bed, it's her turn (vs. some quiet time downstairs
    	with mom and dad).  That's about 1/2 hour earlier, and she seems
    	to get up at the same time every day no matter what time we put
    	her to bed.
    
    	It's getting better, and we've had a few glimpses this past week
    	of a well-rested Emily.  Hopefully, once she gets the hang of 
    	at least resting at school, she'll start to function a little
    	better.
    
    
    	Karen
    

    Aaron started a new daycare last week.  Everything seems to be going
    well except he doesn't want to take his nap.  Obviously a 13 month old
    needs at least one nap through the day!  
    
    At his old daycare there were 3 older girls and 1 baby girl.  When the
    baby girl started Aaron wanted to take his nap when she did (he'd go to
    the bedroom door and knock on it say "nap, nap?"!!!  At his new daycare
    there are two other toddlers, a 2yr boy and a gorgeous 17 month old
    girl and I think he's so excited about being around other kids his age
    plus being in a different environment he just doesn't want to sleep.
    
    Does anyone have any suggestions for helping him go to sleep.  We bring
    his favorite blanket with him and have tried a few of his stuffed
    animals to sleep with (he really doesn't have a favorite).  He's not
    crying all day but he's so exhausted when we get him home plus he's
    starting to wake up a little through the night (he's probably
    overtired).  I just don't want him to get run down so he'll get another
    cold which will result in another ear infection.
    
    He is sleeping a little, 1 hour Tuesday, 45 minutes Wednesday, 35
    minutes yesterday but that's not enough.  Hopefully we'll get him back
    on schedule over the weekend and Monday he'll be able to sleep his
    regular 1 1/2 to 2 hours (if he just takes one nap).
    
    sandy

    Sandy,
    
    When I switched Angeline to Rhonda's, it took a good three weeks 
    before she was back napping the way she should.   I kept having
    a little bear at home at night, but eventually she went back to
    her normal schedule. 
    
    We also found that Rhonda, with that big heart of hers, was not
    just letting her cry a bit longer in the crib.   Angeline was
    always a kid that wanted her naps and never cried when it was time
    to take them.  By letting her cry a bit, she finally got herself 
    back on track.   
    
    Now I don't know that that is the problem/solution for you, but I
    can say I wouldn't worry too much about it just yet.  He's in a new
    environment and needs the adjustment time.   Plus, he probably hates
    to miss on all the fun!  :-)
    
    						cj *->

    
    I think I'd ask if he is sleeping in the same type of environment.
    For example, my kids sleep in a darkened room with a lullaby tape
    playing the background.  We do this both at home and at daycare, so
    they get the message that it is time to sleep.
    
    Also, it would help if daycare was structured about the day.  For
    example, lunch, diaper changes, a book, and it's naptime.  For my
    nearly 2-year old, that means lunch is at 12:30.  This doesn't exactly
    fit into our schedule at home so we feed him lunch earlier (at 11:30)
    just like at daycare so his body is used to the same schedule.
    
    But, I do think the change will affect him in many ways and as he
    becomes more comfortable and used to the place he should start to go
    back to his regular nap length.  (At least I hope so, for your sake...)
    
    judy

    Well, Aaron is adjusting enough to sleep at daycare again.  He took
    really good naps at home over the weekend but didn't sleep at all on
    Monday!  However Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday he slept at least an
    hour (plus 20 mins. or so on the way home).  He's cranky when he wakes
    up from napping on the way home and is really clingy, but that's ok, I
    don't mind holding him (nor does his dad) until we can feed him.
    
    Now when Rhonda puts Angeline down for her nap, Aaron wants to go to! 
    In the morning when she puts him in the play pen he'll lay down and go
    right to sleep if Angeline is in the room also.
    
    Now, what can I worry about next?  You see, my husband starts worrying
    about me if I don't express worry about something...he's afraid
    something terrible is wrong and I don't want to talk about it!
                                                  
    sandy

    Worry about what I did today!   Toodling down Rte 3, just about
    past Exit 1 and what do I discover?????  I forgot to drop Angeline
    off!!!!!!   There she is, in the back seat, enjoying all the scenery
    going by.  Geesh, you'd think she'd speak up!   :-)
    
    						cj *->

    
    >Geesh, you'd think she'd speak up!   :-)
    
    At almost 11 years of age, my daughter still
    wouldn't (not couldn't) speak up when I drive
    past her destinations! It's like "hello, are
    you *connected* back there?!" No, it is never
    her concern, *I* am the chauffeur!
    
    
    Eva