Conference moira::parenting

    Dear Gail,
    
    I would be quite concerned about this, based on the frequency and
    severity.  It doesn't necessarily mean you are crazy, sick, or any of
    those other nasty judgement words.  But certainly something bothers you
    very deeply.
    
    I think if you seek out some counselling, you would find this very
    beneficial.  I wouldn't look for a doctor (as in psychiatrist), but for
    a psychotherapist (M.A. or Ph.D.).  I have sought counselling at a
    number of points in my life and have grown a lot as a result.  If you
    want to discuss this more off-line, feel free to contact me.  Once you
    make the decision, finding the appropriate therapist is a topic in and
    of itself.  And insurance/HMO coverage is yet another topic.  You may
    feel more comfortable speaking to your minister who may be able to
    provide you a referral.
    
    Laura

You might also consider a sleep disorders clinic.

    In regards to my dreams, I am always worried about my kids.  I have
    this fear that something terrible may happen to them (like in my
    dreams).  My dreams consist of me being extremely sad, crying,
    depressed, etc.
    
    Yet, on the other hand, I am not an overprotective mother.  I do not
    follow my children all over the playground, I do not tie them to my
    waist while in public, etc.
    
    Just another $.02 worth,
    Gail

    RE: Gail and frequent nightmares...
    
    Gail, have you been taking any medications lately?  I was treated with
    Prozac after the birth of my second child. Prozac is an antidepressant 
    but is also used for other things like Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
    and sometimes even for weight-loss.  I was being treated for Post-
    Partum Depression. Many times Prozac is the drug of choice because 
    it has fewer side-effects than other antidepressants.
    
    What I found was that I experienced *vivid* dreams. Some so disturbing
    that I could not sleep. The sleep deprivation lead to a deeper
    depression which probably lead to darker dreams. It was a vicious cycle
    that did not end until I got off Prozac. Simularily, vitamin B keeps
    me awake and disturbs my sleep pattern enough to totally wipe me out
    within a weeks time.
    
    Just something to think about.
    
    Jodi-

    Jodi,
    
    I am not on any medications besides insulin, which I cannot give up. 
    When I am awake, I do not feel depressed, but there are days where I
    just wish I could change my entire life, but it usually passes within a
    few days and I'm back to the happy, open person that I am.  But when
    I'm sleeping, well that's another story.
    
    I don't really think my dreams are focused on what happens to my girls,
    but more focused on what would happen to me if anything happened to
    them.  My dreams are focused on how I would act, cry, sleep, eat,
    function during these bad times.  And then of course I wake up in the
    middle of the night, go into the kids room and just hold them while
    they're sleeping.
    
    I'm so confused.  I'm not really sure if it's something about me or if
    it's something to do with the girls.  I love Alyssa and Krystin more
    than anything, and I know I would freak if anything ever happened to
    them.
    
    If I were to go to one of those sleep disorder clinics, I would have to
    go often as sometimes I only have 1 nightmare a week, other weeks I
    have one every night.  How can they monitor something like that.  What
    would a psychotherapist do for me?  I really don't want to be put on
    any kind of drugs for this either.
    
    Thanks for the help so far,
    Gail

    I've had post-partum depression after my last two kids -- the kind
    that lasts for two or three years.  Pretty hideous stuff.  I'm
    just coming out of the last round; David turns 3 next month.  So
    that could be your problem.  In any case, take it seriously.  If
    nothing else, the sleep deprivation is going to get to you.  And
    usually nightmares are trying to tell you something's wrong
    somewhere.  
    
    If you definitely don't want to do drugs -- the same decision I
    made -- try a "social worker" (someone with an MSW).  Unlike many
    psychotherapists who try to focus on the individual, social
    workers tend to be more aware that we live in a network of
    relationships that influence who we are and what we do.  I was
    very pleased with the social worker I worked with last time
    because she didn't focus on "curing" me, she focussed on giving me
    the tools I need to look into myself and figure out for myself
    what's bothering me and what I need to work on.  And this time I
    didn't need either counselling or medication to pull out of the
    depression.  This isn't for everybody but it's an option you might
    want to look into.
    
    For myself, I found that many of my anxiety dreams about the kids
    are projections of anxiety and stress in other areas of my life. 
    I was afraid to make the changes that I really wanted, but rather
    than face the fact that I wanted to basically disrupt my life
    totally in ways that I feared would jeopardize my marriage, I
    focussed on worrying about the kids, which is acceptable and
    provides all kinds of material, from car wrecks to kidnappings to
    jets falling out of the sky.  When I started dealing with the
    changes, many of the nightmares went away.  
    
    I still have nightmares where my oldest daughter gets killed.  I
    think this is because she's in the process of leaving home (we
    took her to college last weekend) and I'm in the process of
    letting go, and in a way my little girl has died and has been
    replaced by this young woman who is part stranger and part my
    flesh.  
    
    It's not easy. 
    
    --bonnie

    You are neither crazy or weird.  But I'd talk to someone pronto.
    If you are having dreams that are so upsetting that you cannot
    go back to sleep, then at some point sleep deprivation is going
    to kick in and you will REALLY be in trouble.  
    
    Sometimes this is also referred to as "hypervigilance."  It's
    often noted in people who are suffering from post-traumatic
    stress disorder.  It's like the mind is saying, "If I can stay
    awake, nothing will happen to my loved ones."  Only thing is,
    nobody can stay awake forever!
    
    Step one might be a complete, head-to-toe physical.  (If you
    are in an HMO, you'll have to see your primary care physician
    first for a referral to a counselor anyway.)  Then I would find
    someone caring to talk to.  
    
    I tend to agree with Bonnie -- if I can avoid medication, I do so.

    Gail,
    Are there other things in your life that are perhaps stressing you out?
    I often find that the symptoms of my stress are often misleading in
    their manifestation. 
    Try to take the best care of yourself that you can (eat well, get
    exercise and all those other healthy things) and indulge yourself in
    something special once in a while - the grief specialist had those
    words of advice for me after we lost Daniel and it did make me feel
    better a little.
    In the meanwhile I agree with all the other noters, no, you are not
    crazy, and yes, perhaps it is time to seek help before this disrupts
    your life entirely.
    
    Monica

    Dear Gail,
    
    You mentioned you take insulin.  Have you had a recent glyco-hemoglobin
    test to assess if your diabetes is well-contolled?  Maybe you are
    experiencing unusually high or low blood sugar at night and this is
    precipitating the nightmares.  In general, if your diabetes is not
    well-controlled, this in itself is very stressful.  Maybe something
    changed since you gave birth?
    
    I recommend that you check in to the diabetes notes file.  (Contact me
    if you need more info about it.)   I remember one noter there
    describing her frequent violent nightmares that she attributes to
    the diabetes.
    
    Good luck with a difficult situation.
    
    Laura
    

    Laura,
    
    I have had diabetes since I was 6 years old.  And I don't think I can
    attribute my bad dreams towards diabetes either.  My sugar level was
    extremely low during pregnancy then it got high at 9 months pregnant
    and then it came crashing down again as my hormones were readjusting.
    
    My sugar level is fine.  I just had tests done at the doctors office
    and everything is hunky-dorey.
    
    As I mentioned in a note off-line (thanks!), I have been relaxing a lot
    more recently.  I am trying my damnedest to just take one day at a
    time, not 3, not 4, not 30...just one day at a time.
    
    I'm trying to focus on what my kids are doing, not what might happen. 
    (IE:  Watching the kids on the swings I try to focus on them having a
    good time, not focusing on "If they fall off and split their head open
    they could have brain damage and then they wouldn't be able to walk,
    and they'd be paralyzed, and it would hurt, and....)  See what I mean?
    
    As I mentioned to another noter, I haven't had a bad dream in a few
    nights.  Last night I even had a good dream!
    
    Thanks again for all your input!
    
    Gail
    

    Dear Gail,
    
    I'm glad to hear that your diabetes is under control.  I particularly
    want to acknowledge you for going through two pregnancies.  That is a
    major achievement and I hope you give yourself lots of pats on the
    back.
    
    Not only for going through the pregnancies but the disrupted schedules
    and sleepless nights.  You have done superbly well and deserve a real
    "GOOD GAL" for pulling through all this AND keeping the diabetes
    controlled.
    
    Laura
    

I'm not sure if this is the place for it, so mods please move if you see 
fit.

I am 5 mos pregnant with my first and I had the strangest dream last 
night. I dreamt I had a son with a head the size of a pumpkin and I 
kept forgetting I was a mom and kept misplacing him! I'd remember I had 
a baby and then have to go find him and then I'd start doing something 
else and would have to go find him again.  It was sooooo strange. I hope 
this isn't an omen of things to come! I have no idea why I had this 
dream. I have recently started having problems sleeping thru the night.  
I've always had to get up and use the bathroom, but now I'm 
having a hard time getting and staying comfortable. I wonder if 
that could have anything to do with it...Weird, huh?

Donna

    
    re: .12
    
    Well, when it comes time to deliver, you'll probably be
    *convinced* that your child has a head the size of
    a pumpkin.  8^)

    I had so many dreams when pregnant.  Mostly:
    
    . I'd lose the baby (due, I'm sure to a former loss)
    
    . I'd lose David (ha!  that one came true.  I must have
       known.  In fact, I did know).
    
    . I can't tell you how many times I've dreamt of dropping a
      baby.  Like, FOREVER, I've had these dreams.  They just
      intensified big time when pregnant with my own.
    
    Now I have dreams of Angeline walking around.  They're pretty
    funny too because I see her as she looks now, only up walking.
    She looks cute as heck!
    						cj *->

When I was pregnant, I dreamt that I gave birth...to a marmot!!

Now, I had seen a marmot once in my life, and it was a long time before
this dream.  I didn't expect to see another one for years, either.  Still,
this dream *really* disturbed me - not because I had it, but because of
something it seemed to do to (or react from) my subconscious.  I was *really*
bothered by it ALL DAY.

It didn't help when we stopped to get some camping supplies and the store
we went to had huge signs all over saying MARMOT!!!  Turns out it's a brand
name and they were having a sale...  :-}

      Carol

    I remember a very vivid dream that I had during my first pregnancy.   
    
    My husband and I were in the hospital room and they wheeled  in a 
    bassinett with a lobster in it.  Complete with a pamper.  We were
    the only ones who seemed to think that anything was strange.  Everyone
    kept commenting on how cute the baby was.  When the room was empty, I
    asked my husband if he loved the baby and he replied, "I don't know,
    do you?" to which I replied "I don't think so".  And we were mortified
    to be taking 'him' home.
    
    Like Carol, it really bothered me.  I beat myself up for weeks thinking
    it represented that I was incapable of unconditional love for my
    baby.  Ahhh hormones....
    
    The only reaching explanation I have is that I had a stuffed animal
    lobster growing up.
    
    Luckily it didn't happed :o)
    
    
    		       		Mary

Re .15 & .16:

I had to laugh. Looking back, do you think your dreams were funny?  

I did have one bad one about a month back that I started to bleed and 
the dr told me I was miscarrying. I was terrified of what I might see 
myself passing. I told my husband and he didn't seem bothered by it at 
all. I know that dream was due to a previous miscarriage, but the 
pumpkin-head baby I'm not so sure about.  I have no clue why I kept 
misplacing him either.

Must be hormones.

Donna

    RE. 15
    
    Well, you're note sent me scurrying to my dictionary.  Can't
    say I'd ever heard of a marmot.  There's one to remember for
    Srabble!
    
    					cj *->

What _is_ a marmot?  Some kind of ape?

Chele

    Actually it is a large rodent, about 12 lbs or so, short legs roly-poly
    body, and a healthy fur coat.  It looks much like a ground-hog, if you
    have seen pictures of puxatawnee Pete on Feb 2, you have a good idea of
    what a marmot looks like/is.
    
    I think ground-hogs are also called eastern marmots.
    
    meg

    
    I have heard that when you are pregnant you tend to have more dreams
    than the norm and they tend to be strange.
    
    I remember having very weird dreams with my first and now that I'm
    pregnant again, I am experiencing very bazarre dreams.  However, I
    never dream about babies, miscarrying, bleeding etc....they always
    include people that I have never met and other strange stuff.
    
    Must be the hormones being released by the brain or something.
    
    

... from when I was pregnant.

I had just delivered (and it was painfree :-) and
the nurses handed me my newborn to nurse.  My "newborn"
was a toddler-sized boy.  He opened his mouth and there were teeth 
*every*where.  Not just in the usual semicircle, but *every*where.
It looked like a little graveyard in there. I handed him right back 
and said "No thanks -- you can give him a bottle".

In reality, I had a toothless, avg-sized girl.

    I had a dream about the time that I got pregnant.  It was spring and I
    was starting some seeds for planting in planters...
    
    In my dream there were some baby heads (that is a head but no body)
    that I wanted to grow whole babies from, so I put the 2 heads in some
    special soil and put them in a tiered hanging planter over my kitchen
    sink where they would get lot's of sun.  I had the window open and when
    a breeze blew in and moved the planters, the baby heads would squeel
    like they were having fun.  At one point I pulled one out of the soil
    to see if it was sprouting and there was this little tiny body attached
    to the full sized head, this made me (in my dream) quite happy.
    
    Where's Dr. Freud when you need him!
    
    sandy

    Sandy, I love it!
    
    And Carol, didn't you feel at least a little relieved when you saw the
    Marmot signs (I mean, the dream was an especially clear psychic flash)? 
    I *think* I would have been thrilled!
    
    And I only dreamed I'd delivered a *kitten* (nursing was fun with those
    needle-teeth)....
    
    Leslie

Someone asked if I thought the dream and the story with it is funny now -
oh, yes!  (but I sure didn't then!)

<    And Carol, didn't you feel at least a little relieved when you saw the
<    Marmot signs (I mean, the dream was an especially clear psychic flash)? 
<    I *think* I would have been thrilled!

Not at *all*.  I was really freaky from the dream, and I didn't normally drive
by where that store was, so I'm not sure that this is where it came from,
and it never occured to me that I might be "seeing" into the future.
Somehow, the dream had me in some strange state mentally, even though I had
been awake for hours, and I was perhaps scared, rather than relieved.  It was
as if the bad dream was continuing... I kept wondering if I was still dreaming
it all, and how I was *ever* going to wake up!   :-}

     Carol

    With my oldest I had dreams about three kids in jars, (male  no less)
    
    I have three girls born over a 19 year span, no triplets and no boys.  
    (which is fine by both frank and myself)
    
    A funny story about Carrie, but it wasn't my dreams:  frank had been
    referring to her as a boy and coming up with only boy names for her.  
    Well, I had a three day labor, (easy for most of it except  for the
    stress of wondering why she wasn't really getting in gear.)  labor
    would  stop at about 10:00 PM so I could sleep for a few hours and
    kick back up a little in the morning, but not alot happened.  Finally
    on Wednesday morning Frank woke up and looked at me and said "I dreamed
    its a  girl with reddish hair."  Bingo!  Carrie, my little strawberry
    blond clone was born four hours later.  guess she wanted Frank to
    realize what she was before she would come out.
    
    meg