| Just off the top of my head....
He can practice, learn, and play to the best of his ability for the JV
team. He can be the best goalie at the school, if he sets his mind to
it! He will be rewarded for his skills, perseverance, and determination
a 100 times over versus the other guy. Others will recognize his
accomplishments as well (you already said folks have), and who knows
what goes around comes around - maybe he will be needed by the other
team!
JR
|
| To the basenoter:
I know how you feel. We have gone through the same thing with our 14 year
old that plays hockey. I used to think that as they got older these situations
would not affect them (or us parents) as much, but it does.
My experience as been that a certain degree of favoratism exists with almost
every sports team, but hockey seems to be worse than other sports. Hockey
(I have found) magnifies this attitude of it is not what you know but who
you know. Granted, the superstars are not as affected but in general this
happens.
Again, from experience, I would not recommend going to the coach. He (or she)
are well aware of the situation, but often because of pressure from the "In
crowd" (and they are often members of this crowd) allow these situations to
occur. Going to the coach only seems to make the situation worse for the kid.
It is easier said than done, but I feel the best thing you can do for your son
is to explain the situation and recognize his feelings. And hope that what
goes around comes around.
Wish I could offer more, but like I said, I know how you feel. Good luck in
resolving this one.
Barbara
|
| I think whether or not he goes to the coach depends on how
approachable he thinks the coach is. If he doesn't believe the
coach is approachable,then he might get an answer that he can
accept, though not necessarily like; for example, some coaches
give preference to upperclassmen; an underclassman must be a LOT
better in order to win the position. He may not like that
philosophy, but at least there will be a day that HE is the
upperclassman. If he does talk to the coach, he needs to avoid
any implication that he is accusing the coach of playing
favorites; rather, he should approach it as a "what do I need to
do to be the first string goalie." If the coach has a problem
with that, then he probably isn't worth playing for. I think 16
isold enough that he, not you, should be able to approach the
coach.
If he does not get satisfaction, he should concentrate on
holding his head high, and not resort to backstabbing. If the
situation is as you describe it, it's highly probable that the
other young man will self destruct, or that there will be
dissension on the team. Your son should make sure that he keeps
his distance from any of that.
From an hockey standpoint, I assume that you are located in
Eastern Massachusetts, or at least in New England. Quite apart
from how he treats the human relations aspect of this, there are
MANY hockey opportunities available which he might explore. In
human relations/parenting terms, this is saying "No, life isn't
fair, but you don't always have to accept the unfairness;
sometimes you can do something about it (other than complaining
or accepting or filing a lawsuit).
On possibility is to look for other hockey teams to play on.
I'm sureif you or your son will ask around the rink that he plays
at and at nearby rinks, he will be able to find anything from
pickup games to organized leagues. My impression is that a
decent goaltender can play pretty much as much hockey as he
wants, depending on what hours he wants to play, and how far he's
willing to travel. One advantage of playing goalie is that
frequently the pickup games don't require the goalies to pay for
the ice time (fair enough, since I'm sure you know as well as
anyone how much goalie equipment costs). While I'm sure he'd
rather play on the school team with his friends, playing in other
games will keep his skills sharp, and if he picks the right level
of competition, can boost his self-esteem.
There are many town hockey programs, independent of the
school programs. If there is not one at your son's level in your
town (I'm assuming that there isn't, since you didn't mention
it), you could explore the hockey programs in nearby towns. A
person from one town can play in another town's program through a
"waiver" system, which should be easily available if your town
doesn't have a program; also I'm not sure that waivers are even
necessary for goalies.
If he were to do something like that, the coach may get some
messages,especially if you and your son avoid complaining and
accusing the coach of favoritism. He may get a message that
here's a kid who's taking some initiative to improve his hockey
skills. That's a positive message. Or here's a kid who won't be
pushed around. That's a positive message also. Or the coach may
view it as a threat, in which case, he's probably not the
kind of person you'd want to play for (or want your son to play
for).
To take it a step further, you describe him as "avid (and
quite good)." In eastern Massachusetts, some of the best hockey
is played in independentleagues, which are run quite apart from
the school leagues (which has the advantage that they don't
necessarily preclude his participating in his school program).
He could consider trying out for one of those teams. Once again,
good goalies are in high demand.
And to take it a giant step farther, if he's avid enough,
and good enough, the best high school hockey in Massachusetts is
played in the private and the parochial schools, some of which
provide partial scholarship aid, so it may not be as expensive as
you think (and the school might be better also). Changing
schools would be a radical step, but I'm not sure how seriously
he takes hockey.
The one thing to be aware of is that youth hockey can be
quite cutthroat in the way described in a previous note as well
as that they wouldn't shy away from hurting someone's feelings in
order to put replace someone with another player who is better.
But at least if that were to happen, your son may be better able
to accept it, since the other player would be more likely to
really be better.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
Clay
|
| Dirk wants to be a professional basketball player and certainly has the
physique for it. This year, because we were still on vacation, he showed up
for basketball practice one training late. Here, you must play in a club and
be licensed to play. It also costs a lot.
Dirk was terribly disappointed because he didn't make the best team which was
already full from day one so he has been put on the junior team. His reaction?
"We're going to take the championship- I'm going to be the one that sees we
do it!" (and this from a child who would hardly put himself forward for
anything in the past).
I suffered this sort of unfairness in music when I was in high school. The
daughter of the band director was always being unfairly promoted in almost
everything. Her father once forced a first year teacher to change a grade so
that she could remain valedictorian. I was happily oblivious to most of
this (except where it concerned me and my music :-) until I attended my class
25th reunion. I was amazed to find out how troubled this girl had been (she
wasn't at the reunion, this was from friends). She never made a success out of
anything she did in later life. And I was amazed at how much resentment my
friends still felt for this poor person after 25 years!!
In the end, we, who learned through hard lessons to accept and adjust to
disappointments (even VERY ufair ones) in life, come out stronger for it.
ccb
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