| T.R | Title | User | Personal
Name | Date | Lines |
|---|
| 174.1 | pointer | TNPUBS::STEINHART | Laura | Mon Jun 15 1992 12:23 | 3 |
| Please also see note 84.
L
|
| 174.2 | Stan/Jan | ELWOOD::KAPLAN | Larry Kaplan, DTN: 237-6872 | Mon Jun 15 1992 13:24 | 8 |
| We moved when my son was almost two. The favorite book at the time was
"The Bearenstein Bears Moving Day". This book got read, at his
insistence, several times a day. When the move finally came, he
actually enjoyed it.
Now, at 7, he still talks about when the moving bears came...
L.
|
| 174.3 | Note 84.5 | SEIC::MAZZUCOTELLI | | Mon Jun 15 1992 13:39 | 20 |
| RE: .1
Just so that it's all in one note, here is the applicable reply from
note 84.5.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Note 84.5 Helping a 2 yr old deal with changes 5 of 5
CSOA1::FOSTER "Frank, Mfg/Distr Digital Svcs, 432-77" 8 lines 5-MAY-1992 10:25
-< When Grover Moved to Sesame Street >-
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
We moved in 1986 when our son was 2, and again in 1990 when our daughter
was 2 1/2. The book "When Grover Moved to Sesame Street" was one
that both of them enjoyed listening to.......and it seemed to help
allay their concerns about moving.
Good luck.
Frank
End of note
|
| 174.4 | It 's tough on the kids | AKOCOA::TRIPP | | Mon Jun 15 1992 14:05 | 38 |
| The only definite thing I can remember for advise, and I don't recall
the source:
Move the child's room OUT last, and move it IN first.
You mentioned the child is partly in a big bed and partly in a crib.
Maybe this could be the time to fully transition to the big bed, and
make a big deal of it of course.
Good luck, moving is trying enough on the grown ups, let alone these
poor kids, who don't fully understand what's going on.
Let me relate a real heart throb story I had to live through...
The people we bought our home from moved not too far away, and still
frequently visited our next door neighbors. (They had built a second
floor addition onto the wife's mother's home after her the wife's
father had died quite suddenly. A beautiful home, I've been inside.)
One day the younger of their two daughters, I'd guess 2.5 or 3 was
visiting next door and came over to watch my husband painting our home.
We were changing the color from brown to redwood-red. The little girl
seemed concerned, and maybe a little confused about who these people
were in "her" house. So with the mom's permission I invited her in to
see the house, and gently as I could explain that this is where we
live, and that AJ lives here with us. I quickly got into a little game
of "child tea", and we had "tea" and cookies in the kitchen, and
offered her a lolipop as she was leaving. She was very quick to point
out the blue spruce in the front yard, and tell me that this was "her
Christmas tree". I assured her she could visit any time she wanted,
and I'd take real good care of her tree.
The only real heart wrenching part of this is that she went back next
door, and was very upset that we were painting "her brown house" to
red!
I felt like some kind of low life on that part.
Lyn
|
| 174.5 | We've been there | MARX::FLEURY | | Mon Jun 15 1992 14:17 | 24 |
| Jane,
We just went through this with our daughter Michelle. Our situation
was simpler because the first move took place when she was only 6 months
old.
But even the second move, at 2+ went surprisingly smoothly - probably
because we had been visiting "Daddy's house" at least once a day for several
months. Another soothing factor was her crib. We made sure to pack it last
and unpack it first - along with all her comfort objects (blanket, binkies,
animals, favorite toys...)
We've been living in our new home for 3 weeks now, and though Michelle
still hasn't adjusted to the new "labeling", she is very happy living in
"Daddy's house". One day last week when I picked her up from day-care,
I asked her if she wanted to go "home". She answered with an emphatic
"NO! Go to Daddy's house!"
And an aside: So you think you're going to move again in 6 to 9 months,
eh? That's what we said 2 yrs ago ;-) ;-) ;-)
Good luck.
- Carol
|
| 174.6 | what worked for us | MARLIN::CAISSIE | | Wed Jun 24 1992 13:34 | 31 |
| Hi,
We also moved when our son was about 2 1/2. He loved the Berenstain
Bears book, "Moving Day".
We also found it helpful to bring Daniel to the new apartment before we
moved in. We showed him his new room and he was able to run around the
empty apartment. It helped minimize his "fear of the unknown".
We also used the move as a way to transition him completely to his new
bed. We moved a new bed into his room before moving day and he loved
it. No problems with taking down the crib.
We gave Daniel his own packing boxes, so he was able to participate.
One thing we noticed on moving day, was that Daniel got very upset when
he saw the movers move his toy box. For our next move, we're going to
try to move his toys in our car.
We wanted Daniel to feel a part of the move, so we kept him with us
during the move. Because we were able to move his new bed over before
the movers came, he had a place to play. We also bought him a new toy
to keep him busy, and we had his grandparents come over to keep him
safely out of the way during the move. We brought him to their house
the next day, so we could unpack without interruption.
Good luck. Moving is stressful for all, but you and your child will
get through it!
Sheryl
|
| 174.7 | | GEMVAX::WARREN | | Tue Jun 30 1992 15:05 | 11 |
| The only other advice I've heard (seems to me it comes from Mr. Rogers)
is: Be sure to explain to your child that everyONE and everyTHING is
moving. Sometimes kids take things literally and if we haven't
explained that they can take all their toys, furniture, and family
members, they may think they are going to have leave those things
behind.
Good luck!
Tracy
|
| 174.8 | Postscript on the Move | SEIC::MAZZUCOTELLI | | Wed Jul 29 1992 14:15 | 41 |
| Well, we survived the move! My daughter seems to be taking everything
in stride! We moved last Thursday so my Mother-in-law came by
Wednesday afternoon and picked Amy up. She stayed with Nana and Papa
until Saturday morning when they brought her back.
A couple things that we did based on all the input...
o We were able to get the key earlier than expected, so we made
several trips to the "new house" bringing a few things with us each
time.
o Read the Berenstain Bear's "Moving Day" book to her (paraphrased so
as not to lose her attention). As a side note, before we moved and you
would mention moving to her, she would run and get her book and say
"moving bears."
o Bought and brought to the condo early a Mickey Mouse chair.
(Mickey and Minnie are her favorites)
o Bought a few new wall hangings/pictures for her room (we still put
up a few old things but we left the stickers that she had on her old
walls behind)
As far as the crib was concerned, we set it up, but never put the dust
ruffle, sheets, etc on it so she's sleeping in a regular bed and hasn't
made a fuss about it.
I think she was more excited to see her toys than anything else (you
know how kids are when they don't see a toy for a while, when reunited
it's like you gave them a brand new toy!). Since she calls the condo
we're staying in the "new house" I've been telling her that we are
looking for a "new new house" preparing her for when we find something
we want to buy. And the amazing thing about it is, I think she under-
stands what I am trying to say to her!
One move down, one to go!
Thanks for all the advice.
Jane
|
| 174.9 | A moving experience | KAOFS::S_BROOK | I just passed myself going in the other direction! | Mon Jul 19 1993 15:50 | 57 |
| Moving is such a challenge ....
This will serve as an update for those of you who want to know what's
happened to me, and give a little insight on moving.
After being put in transition literally right in the middle of moving
from Ottawa Canada to Colorado Springs, I am now working back in the
Canadian CSC ... for now doing VMS support. (Change from PDP software
and ULTRIX). We now own a house in Colorado and are renting a house
just down the street from where we used to live in Kanata. (There was
no way to back out of our house sale without ending up in court.)
The trauma to say the least to all of us was enormous.
When we purchased the house in Colorado, the two eldest girls and I
actually picked out the house (Mum was back in Ottawa being trolled
to death by the youngest!). This was really great ... it meant they
had direct input into the process.
As we packed up to move, the older two did do SOME packing, but getting
them to be ruthless enough to get rid of stuff, and to get them to
pack half way efficiently was a problem. Moreover, they kept being
invited for last sleepovers with friends, so they didn't pull their
weight, although in some ways it was actually helpful that they
were out of the way. All our stuff went into storage about 5 miles
from where we started.
We then arranged to rent a house here in Kanata, and then went down
to Colorado to tie up loose ends down there. To the kids this was
almost like a holiday. They proudly showed Mum the house they picked.
Alas, the older two knew we wouldn't be moving in ... at least for now.
The youngest wanted to know when our stuff would arrive. :-(
We got back to Ottawa and stayed a week with a relative as we moved
into our new rented house. It was a disaster for us, as the kids had
only one interest ... where were their toys and other prize possessions
which they had to unpack and get in the middle of everything.
We had to squeeze from about 3000 square feet of living and storage
space into just under 2000 ... so from 4 bedrooms, we again have 3 and
neither of the elder two girls wants to share with the youngest,
because she is such a live wire and will keep them up partying until
all hours if she can! Jennifer, our eldest, is very conservative and
is feeling all the trauma.
We are in our old neighbourhood, so the girls do get to be near their
old friends for at least the next few months as we try to rebuild our
lives, which has been hit from both an emotional as well as an equity
standpoint. For the middle daughter, this has made things a lot easier
although she will require a lot of reassurance that everything is OK.
As will our eldest come to that.
So, for now, we are trying to reassemble our lives and a move ... but
the worst part is that we'll have another move in 3 to 6 months time.
Ugggghhhh ...
Stuart
|
| 174.10 | Sounds more aweful for the parents | TLE::JBISHOP | | Mon Jul 19 1993 17:49 | 13 |
| Sounds like the obvious solution is to put the two older girls
together. To make it look like less of a windfall for the younger,
how about putting the "extra" stuff (you know, the things are are
going to stay in moving boxes, file cabinets, the canoe if you have
one) in the same room?
Your description makes it clear that the right solution to moving
is "kids to the mall"--get them out of the way!
Anyway, don't expect this to be non-traumatic. Decades from now the
sisters will still be talking about this when they feel nostalgic.
-John Bishop
|
| 174.11 | | WEORG::DARROW | | Mon Jul 19 1993 17:57 | 7 |
|
If you're moving again in the next year, try to not unpack everything.
Then again, if it's something you won't be using in a year, maybe
you shouldn't have it anyway?
Listen to me .... the incorrigible pack rat!
|
| 174.12 | | KAOFS::S_BROOK | I just passed myself going in the other direction! | Mon Jul 19 1993 18:33 | 34 |
| There are two sides to the not having the kids around for a move ...
if you ship them off, they feel not a part of what's happened and
have no control ... if they are around, they definitely get in the
way. Given the circumstances of our particular move ... having
packed to go to Colorado and expecting to unpack everything on arrival
meant a lot of stuff that was capable of being "longer term" packed
and "shorter term" packed were mixed together. So, it was a disaster
waiting to happen for Jane and I and the kids.
The girls found that being a part of the Colorado move was good ...
that they had some control over what was happening and made moving
much easier to take. When the move got aborted and we had to take
control to pick a place FAST and put stuff into store etc. they had
lost that control. How that will translate in the next few months is
anyone's guess. Hopefully when things settle down and we move to
our next house, we'll have the ability to give the kids back their
say in the proceedings ... that should help a lot.
I know the don't use - heave scenario. Unfortunately, we are pack
rats and have altogether too much stuff. The trouble is that a lot
of it does have good value and does get used from time to time ...
albeit a year or two apart.
A friend suggested that we sell nearly everything and buy anew ...
well the hitch there was that nearly everything we have does not have
great value, and most we'd get nothing for (and probably have to
throw out anyway!) so it is actually cheaper to move it. And anyway
there is nothing like living with what you are comfortable with than
things new.
It certainly was an awful experience and to know it's not over makes
it worse.
Stuart
|
| 174.13 | A lousy situation | GVA05::BETTELS | Cheryl, DTN 821-4022, Management Systems Research | Wed Jul 21 1993 05:48 | 26 |
| Stuart,
My sister went through such an experience a few years back. Her
husband had been in the air force which meant moving every four years.
When he retired, all she wanted was to move to our home town and put
down roots. With hard work, Randy found a job and they did just that.
Then, after several years, the company told he had to move half way
across the country or leave the company to open a new branch. Judy was
extremely depressed and started giving away all her favorite things.
They fixed up the house, sold it, bought land to build on in the new
place, and then the recession hit. The move was cancelled. They moved
back to the hometown after taking an incredible loss on the land they'd
bought and the house they'd sold. They lived with my parents in a tiny
two room houseboat for almost a year before they could find a suitable
place and drove EVERYBODY nuts.
But eventually it all worked out, they found a new house that they are
even happier with in a better neighborhood but it is certainly an
experience I would never want to try!
Good luck and I hope that things all work out in the end.
(I am personally TERRIFIED that we might have to ever move.)
Cheryl
|
| 174.14 | | KAOFS::S_BROOK | I just passed myself going in the other direction! | Wed Jul 21 1993 12:39 | 11 |
| Thanks Cheryl ...
As the important "to do's" are getting done now and there is little
of particular urgency to focus on, I am now starting to feel the
reality of the situation and the absolute loss of control of your life
all based on one or two people's incomprehensible decision. I feel
emotionally exhausted (let alone physically from all the moving),and
I feel myself taking it out on the kids ... I'm sure this isn't making
the experience any easier for them.
|
| 174.15 | | SALES::LTRIPP | | Wed Jul 28 1993 16:50 | 10 |
| Acronyms:
IBM = I've Been Moved...(from my brother inlaw and sister who have
experienced this 'compliments of that company')
DEC = Don't Empty Cartons!
Stuart, I guess this could apply to both your home and work life!
Lyn
|
| 174.16 | Morgan is sad... | STUDIO::KUDLICH | nathan's & morgan's mom! | Wed Jul 06 1994 13:50 | 11 |
| We just moved last week and made it through that ok, but Morgan at 2
seems to be taking it kind of hard. Sits in the corner at Daycare and
clutches a security item, sucks her thumb lots more than usual,
generally quiet at daycare. At home, she's hapy, we've had lots of
visiting time there before and she says she's happy (but will agree to
most anything, given proper wording of the question!). What can I do
to help let her know we continue to be toether just in a new place?
Thanks,
Adrienne
|
| 174.17 | Pictures work great! | CLOUD9::WEIER | Patty, DTN 381-0877 | Wed Jul 06 1994 16:01 | 13 |
| Give her a framed picture of the family, for her to bring with her to
daycare .... and always remind her you'll be back.
Or, if she's just having trouble making friends, maybe send in a bunch
of cupcakes or something, for her to share with the other kids. It'll
help her feel important, and does tend to make kids 'like her' more -
they're still young enough to be 'bought' with sweets.
Can she talk about why she's sad? Maybe she misses her old friends?
Or is afraid she'll have to move away from these new friends too?
(though that seems a little deep for a 2-year old).
|
| 174.18 | Spare copy of moving book available? | USCTR1::KDUNN | | Tue Dec 20 1994 15:32 | 21 |
| Does anyone have a spare copy of the Bearenstein Bears Moving Book
that I could borrow/buy inexpensively?
In short, I am the author of an anon 'nanny' note several months ago,
outlining my personal situation. Well, the time has come for our family to
move to my MIL's house (she passed away in Sept) in Lexington.
Alexandra (3.5 years) was close to her Nana so at least the house is quite
familiar, but I am grappling with how to deal with the fact Nana won't
be there now and it's our house now. I've discussed it daily, trying
to prep her for the move, which will take over a month to complete
in phases.
Wish me luck - I don't feel overly positive about the move (because
I have to do most of the cleaning and consolidating of 2 homes) and
because space will be tighter in bedrooms and closets. Yuck!
Kath
|
| 174.19 | Preparing a child for a move | TUXEDO::COZZENS | | Mon Apr 24 1995 11:13 | 21 |
| We have been house hunting for some time and have finally made an offer
on a house. We have been taking our 2 1/2 year old daughter with us
while searching and have told her that we want to buy a house and
move.
Unfortunately this is not sitting well. She is very angry about the
possibility of moving. On top of this, her day care is moving. She is
not changing, but the facility is picking up and moving locations. If
the deal with our house goes through, both moves will take place around
the same time.
Any suggestions on helping my daughter cope with both moves? Are there
any good children's books? Maybe some videos?
She is almost potty trained and I'm afraid that the stress from both
will cause her to regress either partially or completely, as well as
become very angry and unhappy.
Thanks for any suggestions you may have.
Lisa Cozzens
|
| 174.20 | Went through the same thing | IAGO::OTIS | | Mon Apr 24 1995 12:23 | 74 |
| Hi Lisa,
We went through the very same thing last Spring/Summer. We sold our
house in December/january and closed on it in March. We also decided to
build a house so that meant we had to live somewhere for 3-4 months
until the house was ready. We moved into a 2 family my husbands brother
owned so it was with family and a nice area with a playground etc. Our
new house was going to be ready early July. At the time my daughter was
a little over 2 1/2. Additionally here daycare was also moving it's
building..building it's own and planned to move there in August. So
I can relate to your situtation.
Things that really helped us were...
We explained to our daughter why we were moving..for us it was a very
busy road and we wanted to live in a smaller town close to work,
friends and daycare. We told we loved our old house but someone else
would take care of it and it would be fun to have a new house and new
room for her to decorate and call her own. We also visited the new
house alot. We also made time for lots of fun things..the old places
and parks we still went to and also the found fun things at the
temporary place we lived..like the playgroung down the street.
I made her a book with pictures of our belonging, our dog, her toys,
etc. and showed her how they moved from the old place to the temporary
place and then to the new home. She could take the figures out of the
book and move them herself. That seemed to help. I know there is also
a Berenstain Bears Moving Day book that would help.
The fact that the daycare was moving actually helped us. They were
building a new building and we were building a new home..so that made
it something more familiar for our daugther. The kids also got to visit
the new school several time before they moved in and also had a party
when they moved in which the kids enjoyed.
Solicit help from friends and family to help out and keeps things
really positive and maybe have some of do some special thinsg with your
daughter and they can help reinforce that the moves will turn out fine
once you are all settled again.
Let your daughter help out if she wants to..my daughter really likes to
help and she helped pack and bring things back and forth..she almost
wanted tp help too much that we were worried about her exhaustion.
There were definitely some sad times..when we had moved into our
temporary place we had my husband family around, but he was still
returning the truck. After we has moved most everything in she was
tired and hungry and became a little sad and asked me "When are we
going home mommy"..it almost broke my heart..we all missed the old
place for awhile. But about after 2 weeks of adjustment we were
settled in. And spring came and we were busy with lots of activites and
birthday parties. My daughter also pottied trained and finally gave up
her pacifier altogether while we were in our temporary digs..so you may
be surpried your daughter my really rise to the occasion. We moved into
our place the first week in July. The moves itself were tough and I
think I would have my daughter over a friends house, etc, when we were
doing some of the hard stuff if there is a next time, but agian about a
2 week adjustment period..some acting out and she/ we were pretty
settled and well on our way to back to normal. It was worth it and
we managed and we love our new place.
The move to the new daycare went pretty easily..the kids seemed to
adjust well..only the building changed but the teachers, activites and
kids were the same. For us we moved to the town our daycare was in and
so we had a lot of instant friends and so did my daughter which helped
alot. We did give up one set of neighbors we really miss, but they were
moving too. We make it a point to see them and their daughter is one
of daughter closest friends. So you really find ways to work things
out.
Best of luck to you and your family and hope some of this info helps.
If you have any questions please feel free to send a note.
Stephanie
|
| 174.21 | Moving | MPGS::PHILL | In casual pursuit of serenity. | Mon Apr 24 1995 12:25 | 14 |
| Hi,
It is really worth explaing what it all means.
A while back I remember a couple of my stepson's misconceptions surprised me.
He must have been about six or seven at the time.
1) He really didn't want to move until he realized all his toys would go too.
2) There was one house we saw that he really wanted. Because they had a dog!
You may find that she is worried about something that cxan me talked through.
Peter.
|
| 174.22 | | PERFOM::WIBECAN | Acquire a choir | Mon Apr 24 1995 14:31 | 8 |
| We found the Mr. Rogers book "Moving" to be very helpful. I usually find him
right on target regarding feelings and concerns of small children.
My daughter was 2 when we moved to our current house. She was worried, but
extremely relieved when we first went into the new house and she saw everything
in context.
Brian
|
| 174.23 | | CNTROL::JENNISON | Revive us, Oh Lord | Mon Apr 24 1995 16:33 | 27 |
|
We moved when Emily was 2.5.
We were building, so we went to see the house once a week.
My husband used to explain to Emily which room would be hers,
and let her run around in it each time we went.
She still was a little apprehensive when we finally moved
in, but adjusted in short time. She did ask, sometime during
the first week, when we were going "home", but we just explained
that this was our new house. We'd done the daycare switch
about 6 months earlier, so we didn't have that added stress.
I was concerned about potty-training, too, because interest has
already fallen off the month before the move. However, Emily
gave up diapers less than a month after we moved.
The only books I saw on moving seemed too old for Emily - Berenstain
Bears' books are too long to keep her attention. We just did our
best to talk her through and hope time would help the most. I
suspect some of her sleep problems the first few months were
move related, but our dog ran away at the same time, so that
could have been part of it, too. (She's just now, six months
later, talking about our dog on a regular basis.)
Karen
|