| Title: | Parenting |
| Notice: | Previous PARENTING version at MOIRA::PARENTING_V3 |
| Moderator: | GEMEVN::FAIMAN Y |
| Created: | Thu Apr 09 1992 |
| Last Modified: | Fri Jun 06 1997 |
| Last Successful Update: | Fri Jun 06 1997 |
| Number of topics: | 1292 |
| Total number of notes: | 34837 |
I have two small boys - one turned 1 in May and the other turned 3 in
February. I am having a problem with overagressiveness in the 3-year
old. He used to be very tolerant of his younger brother and other
people in general. In the last few months (probably since Jeremy has
been walking), he has turned into a "mean" little boy. He hits,
shoves, smacks in the head, rips toys out of people's hands, etc. I
am at my wits end and dont' know how to properly deal with it.
He's been told over and over again that this is inappropriate
behavior. Punishment like time out in a corner only serves to make
him cry hysterically, calm down, eventually get out of the corner
and repeat the same behavior a half-hour later. He doesn't just
do these things out of the blue - he usually does this in response
to being teased, somebody is playing with a toy he wants, somebody
touches him etc. Any ideas. We are also in the midst of looking
for daycare for the two boys and I am afraid that no-one will want
to look after him because of his new behavior.
Lorain
| T.R | Title | User | Personal Name | Date | Lines |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 151.1 | I have an aggressive one too | VAXUUM::FONTAINE | Mon Jun 08 1992 14:32 | 30 | |
I can relate. I have an almost 3 year old and an almost 1 year old.
Andrew was very tolerant of Sam, that is until Sam began moving around
and touching things and holding things. Andrew changed alot when Sam
started to become an independent little being. He realized that what
used to be his and his only now needs to be shared (not all of his
things, but *some* of them). What helps is to have your 3 year old
decide what is his, meaning things that don't have to be shared and
have those special things put in a place (maybe his room?) where the
younger one can't encroach. Also have the older one *help* do things.
Andrew gets much more tolerant and patient when he's helping. This
gives him reponsibility and he also realizes that this is something
that the younger one *can't* do, so he feels special.
I'm still going through this too, but it seems that when I find a way
to give him positive reenforcement, he really blossoms. But yeah, we
still get into the old "I asked you not to hit/push/yell at/bang into,
etc your brother, now STOP IT!" kind of stuff. I now give him one
warning when he's being a little bully and then he goes right on the
chair (which he'll usually stay on [knock on wood]).
It's a tough thing for the older child too, so the positive comments
and activities take their minds off conjuring up a new way to
clobber their brother/sister.
good luck,
NF
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| 151.2 | Some daycare suggestions | TANNAY::BETTELS | Cheryl, Eur. Ext. Res. Prg., DTN 821-4022 | Tue Jun 09 1992 06:06 | 12 |
When looking for daycare, maybe you could look for a larger center where your two children wouldn't be in the same group. This would give your older boy a chance to learn sharing in a less competitive situation. I second the idea of having things which are *his*. This also worked for my two boys who are two years apart. Dirk was positively mean to Markus when no one was looking. We just had to be very firm but also punish Mark when he got into Dirk's things. This is even the case today and now they are 11 and 13! They still don't like to share with each other but have a healthy respect for each other's property. ccb | |||||
| 151.3 | 1-1 time with you or Dad? | ICS::NELSONK | Tue Jun 09 1992 16:34 | 8 | |
As young as my daughter is, I make a point of keeping her away from
James' things. I've also told him, however, that if he doesn't
want her to "mess with his stuff," he'll have to put it in his
room so she can't even see it.
Any chance of having Dad take the older one out for some one-on-one
time? We found that James is a lot better behaved in general when
he has plenty of time with one of us, preferably Daddy.
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