Conference moira::parenting

    
    How about "taping" yourself reading a few of his favorite stories.
    I had a friend do this.  That way Daddy and him can sit down and open
    the book, and it would be like you are right there with them.  He might
    get a kick out of it.   
    
    Or maybe record a special bedtime message for every night you are gone?
    
    Just an idea..
    
    Chris
    

    Just some reassurance...
    
    My Au Pair/Nanny just took a week off leaving me to be a full time
    single parent of a 10 1/2 month old. I wondered whether my daughter
    would miss the Au Pair but was sure that she would be delighted at all
    that time with me. In fact, I wasn't sure how she would handle my going
    back to work after the week was over.
    
    Well, my daughter never indicated that she missed the Au Pair, never
    looked into her room, etc....BUT...when the Au Pair came back, it was
    like a family reunion of long separated devoted sisters ! I was so
    jealous. And that first week back to work my daughter never even
    murmured at my leaving in the morning. I was hurt.
    
    A few weeks have passed and things have evened out again. My daughter
    doesn't want me to leave in the morning. I guess I feel better even if
    it is aweful to admit.
    
    The experience made me realize how secure and how flexible my daughter
    is. She has two loving people who care for her and she is comfortable
    with us. She also has a need to express her joy at seeing us return..
    whether it is my returning at the end of the day or the Au Pair after a
    much longer stay.
    
    Don't worry about it. They'll do fine together. Your baby won't pine
    away nor will he forget you.
    
    Your husband, on the other hand....

    I agree with .2.  I think your child will enjoy the time spent with
    your husband.  My husband is only home 2 days a week.  When he walks in
    the door Stephen runs to him.  I don't exist for those two days, he is
    daddy's shadow.  When daddy leaves, I get the attention.  My husband
    calls alot and I let Stephen talk (listen to his voice) on the phone. 
    Stephen gets a big smile and really thinks that is neat.
    
    I know he misses his dad when he is gone, but not all that much.  I
    think you shouldn't worry about it, your child will be fine.  When you
    get back you will be showered with attention and things will get back
    to normal.
    
    Kathy 

    Our experience:  Mark has been traveling a LOT the last fews months. 
    He was gone for two weeks recently to the Far East.  We videotaped him
    reading bedtime stories, and Chelsea and I watched this every day for
    the first few days.  She would ask for the "daddy video", and blow
    kisses to him etc.  Was cute but kind of pitiful, too...  Anyway, this
    worked well for us.  My only suggestion might be to tape a couple
    different segments, maybe bedtime stories and something else, like just
    talking about how much you miss then, will see them soon, or something
    like that.  And tape for more than the original 7-8 minutes we did; I
    got really tired of the same few stories!  :)  Altho, Chelsea did not,
    so I guess that's what is important...

    
    In my original reply, .1, I think I was referring to "audio" taping the
    stories... I don't think I had even thought about "video" taping...
    
    As the last reply said, it might be a nice idea...  We had a funny this
    on this lines happen the other day...  We had borrowed a friends
    Camcorder once when Michael was around 2-3 mos old, and took some
    footage of him. We were planning on adding onto it every few months 
    to see how he changes.(although SOMEHOW it got erased!!! ARG!).
    Anyways...we were sitting on the couch, Michael (6 mos) in Daddys arms
    FAST ASLEEP, when I flicked on the tape to see the old stuff, and
    before you knew it, Michael popped his head up and was staring at the
    TV.  Seems he heard my voice! It really made an impression on him,
    because he was WIDE awake, and wouldn't stop staring at the TV. We even
    tried to lower it (we were hoping he was asleep for the night!), but he
    still must of heard the "tones" of my voice. It was a riot. 
    
    I like the last replies suggestions...tape some different messages,
    bedtime, morning, etc...
    
    Chris
    

    Well, we survived! My husband had a good time, but very 'exhausting'.
    Our 14-month son is very close to his dad, and now more than ever.
    But I still don't like this idea of taking business trips...Oh well,
    at least it won't happen often.
    
    Thanks everyone for your suggestions. Maybe because my son is still so
    young, we found that hearing my voice, both on the phone and the tape,
    just made him more confused and he cried, so we ended up not doing that
    after a couple trials.
    
    On Wed and Thu my husband took him out shopping after work, and that
    turned out to be a very good thing.
    
    	Dirce
    

    
    A friend of mine does something in addition...
    
    For each daythat she will be gone, for eachpf her kids, she makes a
    chain ('member the old Xmas paper chains?) One link for each day. 
    Inside she writes a special message, or has a little treat, etc.
    Each day, the child breaks open one link.
    
    She started it when they were about 15 months old, BTW.
    
    Jamd

>    For each daythat she will be gone, for eachpf her kids, she makes a
>    chain ('member the old Xmas paper chains?) One link for each day. 
>    Inside she writes a special message, or has a little treat, etc.
>    Each day, the child breaks open one link.
    
    What a great idea!  I've got to be out of town for two straight weeks
    the end of June, and we've been worrying about my being away from
    Michael for that long.  He really misses me when I'm gone for just a
    few days, and two weeks is a long time.  I think we might do something
    like the paper chain, and also make a Daddy video for him to watch.
    
    One thing Pat does when I'm traveling is to plan "special" things for
    herself and Michael to do.  For instance, one night while I'm gone they
    always go to the mall and eat Chick-Fil-A, one of his favorite foods,
    and then walk down to the pet shop and let him see all the doggies and
    kitties and bunnies.  And she tries to invite playmates over to visit
    him in the mornings, etc.  Just anything she can think of that will be
    fun for him, and sort of extra-special, so he won't think so much about
    Daddy being gone.
    
    Steve

When J�rgen goes on trips, I always prepare the dinners that the kids like and
that he doesn't care for.  This way everybody gets a treat!

Cheryl

    This seems like a great place to relate what I did for THREE weeks
    while working at DECworld. (and I still haven't found the top of my
    desk yet!!)
    
    I did get home each weekend, but felt like the weekly cleaning lady at
    times.  Anyway, I sent postcards each day to our home from Boston, and
    at least twice a week would send one to his preschool.  Which I think
    made him extremely happy. (AJ is 5-1/2 for those of you  who don't know
    me/him).
    
    I wasn't able to call home every night before bedtime, but several
    times a week I would call before bedtime, and since many mornings I had
    the "early shift" which we were due in the office for 7am, I would call
    and give him a "good morning - I love you call" to start his day.
    
    The first week I did massive cooking of casseroles on Suday before
    leaving, divided each in half and froze one of each. The "boys" eithe
    had leftovers, or did one of the McD's type places, or many nights had
    dinner with my husband's family.  We got the inlaws to take AJ one
    night and hubby came down for dinner together in Boston. Let me tell
    you one personal observation.  I thought I would just *love* the peace
    and quiet, and lack of chaos.  Let me just say "IT'S LONLEY WITHOUT THE
    KID(S)!!"  I missed AJ (and of course hubby) like crazy!
    
    What I did do was last Monday I took off, and spent from beginning to
    end with my son.  So where did we go?  BOSTON!!  We left sort of early
    morning, went first to Old Ironsides, did the tour walked around what
    is left of the Naval Shipyard and museum.  (a little history here:  my
    dad worked at the navy yard for 35 years, and I've been going there
    since I was able to walk.  I also have a wooden gave made from wood
    from Old Ironsides, that my dad had made for me when I was a top
    officer of a fraternal group in '76)
    
    We also saw Bunker Hill, and relived some childhood memories of mine. 
    We rode the Swan Boats, several times.  We had animal crackers to feed
    the ducks, geese and other birds, and squirrels, walked the Boston
    Garden and Common (in the drizzle mind you) I pointed out the State
    house, the Paul Revere statue, Old North Church, and gave explainations
    he could understand.  I found myself within a block of the World Trade
    Center so I drove down and told him that this is where mom had been
    "working" while I was away, and showed him the Americas' Cup boat that
    was still partially assembled, and drove up the keyhole area.  I also
    pointed out the hotels I had stayed at.  We finished up the day with a
    late lunch and ice cream sundaes at Brighams.  (There's no more
    Bailey's in downtown, aparently.  So we settled for my next favorite
    ice cream place.)  
    
    In general we had a ball,but boy did I ever miss Both of my "boys"!
    
    Lyn

    I will be going to the Circle of Excellence in November to Hawaii.
    We have two boys ages 1 and 2 1/2.
    We live in Virginia and all our family is in New England.
    
    Our problem is with leaving the kids and being 8,000 miles away for a
    week.  We tried both sides of the family and came up empty.  The woman
    we thought we had just told us she can't watch the kids.  We were left
    to ask some friends who we know, but aren't real good friends because
    we haven't been in Va. that long.  We do a have very nice couple with 2
    kids of their own who were willing to take on the responsibility.
    They are good parents to their kids and we trust them.  Beyond working
    together and seeing each other once in a while down at the pool, thats
    it for socializing. (After this we'll probably do more, but that in the
    future.)
    
    I feel funny about leaving the kids with anyone for any amount of time,
    but I've accepted the fact "everything will be fine" and am ready for
    the trip.  My wife on the other hand "feels in her gut that something
    is wrong" and doesn't want to leave the kids with anyone but family and
    therefore has backed out of the trip (for now).
    
    How should I convince my wife to go?  Am I wrong in trusting that
    everything will be fine?
    
    Thanks
    
    John  

    Personally, I think your wife will have to convince herself it OK or
    its not OK.  I don't think anything you do or say can change her mind. 
    I know once I have a "gut feeling" I can't listen to anyone else.  I
    have to do what my heart tells me to do.
    
    You may just have to support her and find out what you can do to work
    this out so she can feel good about it.  You can't change her feelings,
    only she can!!!
    
    -sandy
    

    Would you tell a 2 1/2 year old ahead of time that you were going
    away for the weekend?  She is much much more attached to me than
    to my husband and will miss me.  However, her 8 year old sister and
    7 year old cousin will also be there for the weekend, and my husband
    certainly is fine with her. (Not as patient or "intuitive" as me, but 
    fine.)
    
    I don't know whether to just "not be there" or take the risk
    of trying to "discuss" this with her before I go.  And if I should
    tell her before I go... how much before I go?  She is used to me
    working, and we certainly go out and leave the kids with sitters
    enough.  But I haven't been away by myself for a weekend since she
    was born!
    
    Thanks for your input,
    Jacki
    
    
    

    Jacki,
    
    I've found that we create unneccessary anxiety in Steven (almost 3)
    when we've told him that we are going away.
    
    My husband and I have taken a few weekends away, and usually
    send Steven to his cousins or grandparents.
    
    We've found that it helps to make a big deal of what HE will
    be doing.  Going to a pj party at his cousins, Grammy and Papa
    are taking him out to lunch etc...
    
    This minimizes the fact that we will be away.  The last time
    we went away, I asked him to choose what type of stuffed animal
    he wanted us to buy while we were gone, so we focussed on the
    prize he was going to get when we came back.  This seemed to
    work. 
    
    Maybe you could ask your husband to plan to take the kids out
    to do something special and focus on that, and you're leaving
    won't seem as important because she'll be off having fun too.
    
    	good luck!
    	Linda

    We haven't been away from Nick as a couple for more than one night,
    but based on gut-level instinct and based on how we handled Kathy's
    recent post-partum stay in the hospital, I'd recommend discussing it
    with your daughter beforehand, perhaps even couching it as an
    'adventure', or making her feel as if she's responsible for "keeping
    Daddy out or trouble". We used this approach with Nick (just turned 3)
    because we didn't want him to think that we 'snuck out' on him, and it 
    seemed to work.
    
    Just my $.02, FWIW
    
    Freddie

    After reading Freddie's note, I re-read my reply and 
    wanted to clarify a bit.
    
    We *DO* tell Steven that we are going away, but we place
    more emphasis on what he is going to be doing while we
    are away.
    
    We used to tell him we were going away must too far in
    advance, that I believe caused alot of anxiety.
    
    	Linda

    Personally, I'd never go off and leave our son without telling
    him that we were going, and that we were coming back.
    It can be very traumatic the first couple of times you do it,
    but I believe they have to learn to accept that you're sometimes
    going to be away, but that you'll come back.
    
    I remember the very first time Nancy went off and left me alone
    with our son for a couple of days.  Tobias was at an age where
    he really preferred his mother over me; besides, he'd seen me go
    off to work every day and come back, but Nancy had never left him,
    so this was totally new and somewhat frightening.
    
    We made sure he knew she was leaving for a couple of days, but,
    then, like all the previous replies mentioned, we focused on
    all the fun he would have and downplayed her absense.  Although
    he came close to crying a few times, we did have a great time
    together, and so the next time was no sweat for him.

    The vacation/travel note didn't really have what I was looking for,
    so....Mods, please move if appropriate.
    
    My husband and I are going away for the weekend BY OURSELVES.  We've
    never been away from the kids overnight (well, not since James was
    the baby).  How should I prepare them?  (They're staying with my
    sister-in-law, whom they both love.)  What can my S-I-L expect,
    especially as we've never been away from the baby before?  What ca
    *we* expect when we come back Sunday afternoon?  We would like to
    leave late-afternoon Friday and have someone else pick them up at
    day care if possible.  Is this a good idea?
    
    Please help....haven't been alone in AGES and I'm so looking forward to
    it!
    
    Kate

    Kate,
    
    If you have time ahead of time (ie, you're not going away for a few
    weeks), you may want to consider having the kids spend 1 night at your
    sisters.  Then you know if they have a REAL hard time of it, it won't
    spoil your vacation.
    
    Definitely prepare the children ahead of time.  Allow them to bring
    some familiar toys.  Encourage them to bring their regular "bedtime"
    things - pillow, bunny, blankie etc.  If they're fussy eaters, or your
    worried they won't eat, you may want to pack a snack, or "some thing
    special" for them to have while you're away.  I just sent my kids off
    to my mom's this morning, and with them went a box of that different
    colored popcorn.  I refuse to buy the stuff (it's kind of expensive for
    popcorn) normally, but as a treat, and it gives them something to look
    forward to.
    
    If your children are real "clingy" it may help to bring a picture of
    mom/dad.  With my boys, the daytime was no problem, and the only
    trouble with them "staying over" was in getting them comfortable and
    ready for bed.  Trying to keep as many "familiar" things around them
    REALLY seemed to help.  Even something as simple as their "regular
    shampoo".  
    
    You may want to consider sending a few dollars with them and ask your
    sister to take them out to McD's or someplace, as "a treat".  The kids
    will pick up on it if you're too apprehensive, so try to be "calm" in
    front of them.  It also may help all of you if you plan to call and
    "say hi" on Sat. night or something.  And explain WHY you and your
    husband are going away - NOT to dump the kids, but to have some special
    time to enjoy with just each other - the same as each of you probably
    spend individual time with each kid.
    
    My kids have always had a GREAT time when they stay over someone's
    house, but we've always tried to treat it as a "vacation from listening
    to Mom and Dad complain" for them.
    
    As for what to expect .... if your s-i-l doesn't have kids, you can
    expect her to be EXHAUSTED by the end of the w/end.  You can expect the
    kids to be a little more "out of control" when you pick them up - don't
    forget that they've had different rules all w/end than the ones that
    they're used to with you.  And most importantly, you need to remember
    that your sister IS capable and when you come home to find out that
    they had french toast and popsicles for supper and stayed up till
    10:30, understand that it's very limited, and for the amount of FUN the
    3 of them had, no real harm was done. (-:
    
    Good luck, RELAX, and enjoy the time with your true love .... 
    
    

My little girl is going to stay with my mother and step father this summer.
Maybe I should give some background to this story before I start.

When Samantha was about 6 months I took a leave of absence and went to stay
with my mom for three months.  During that time, as any grandparents would
I'm sure, my mom and step dad got very very attached to my little girl.  
Needless to say it was a very emotional trip home, especially since I
haven't spent that much time with my mom since I was in Jr. High.  
My mom and step dad called all the time at first to 'talk' to me and
Samantha at first...Now we've gotten that down to 1 or maybe 2 times a week.

They came out for Sammy's first B'day in November and stayed for a week
with us.  We started discussing then the possibility of Sammy going out
to stay with them for a while.  Anyway - we finally agreed on a vacation
schedule and as it gets closer - I'm getting kinda nervous.  I know
my parents will have NO problem taking care of her and I know it's a 'safe'
town if there is such a thing anymore (They live in western Kansas in a town
that consists of maybe 400 including cows and horses)...My grandparents are 
out there along with several other relatives that I really want Samantha to
know as she grows.

Anyway, we are leaving the end of June and I plan to stay out there with her
for 5 days and then returning home to work for 2 days.  Then her daddy and
I will be taking vacation the week of the 4th - That will be nice!!! - then
I'll work the next week and will return to Ks to pick her up on saturday
the 17th, we will fly home the 18th.  As you can see that's a long time..
2 1/2 weeks out there without her mommy and daddy!

I have read through the replies and have decided to send a tape of mom
and dad and to call everyday (if the calls don't upset her..)...But it 
doesn't seem like enough.  She'll be away from everything familiar to
her...I know when I was little I went to stay with mom for the summer -
and I did okay.  

Anyway - I guess I just needed to vent or maybe to convince myself that
this trip is okay....!

Thanks for listening....

andrea

    If you have no concerns about her care while she is away, then take a
    well earned vacation!  We turned our kids over in an airport to their
    grandparents when we were on our way south for a week long seminar. 
    They were 15 months and the other was 3 yrs.  First time away from mom
    EVER! - and I was not a working mom at the time.  I was really
    concerned.  Since I was busy all day, it wasn't too bad!  We met at the
    airport on the return and picked them up.  They had a great time,
    didn't appear to miss us too much - they were with people they knew and
    all was great!!!
    
    We will be doing it again this summer-leaving them with teh same
    grandparents - but now they are 6 and 8 years old.
    
    Give yourself a much deserved vacation - try not to miss her too much!!
    
    -sandy
    

    Where in Western Kansas does your mom live?  My folks are in Goodland,
    My in-laws are in St. Francis (both in Northwest Kansas)!  Anyway -
    The longest I have left my son with anyone (which happened to be
    his grandparents) was 2 days(!) - he adjusted perfectly!  I, on the
    other hand, missed him terribly!!   But, the "time off" is nice!
    It sounds to me like you have a pretty good plan.  Going with
    her and staying a few days while she adjusts to new surroundings
    will probably be helpful, for her, as well as yourself (so you
    can SEE for yourself that everything will be fine!)  It will also
    give you time to teach her grandparents her particular routines
    (like bedtime routines - my son doesn't like it much when the
    nightime ritual gets messed up!!!)  Be sure to take along her
    favorite books/toys/security objects!  If you're like me, the
    hardest part will be letting yourself "let go" - It's not easy to
    leave your little ones even when you KNOW their in good hands!
    I say go for it!   Everyone needs a break from parenting now
    and then - and, also, it gives your daughter the chance to
    get to know some of her relatives.  Just think of all the new
    experiences she'll have in rural America (maybe she'll get to
    see a baby calf! My son was about your daughter's age when he
    got to get close enough to a cow and horse to actually TOUCH them!
    What a thrill!  And he loved sitting on the tractor with Grandpa -
    even though it wasn;t moving!)  I think it would be wrong to say
    that your daughter won't miss her mommy and daddy (and vice versa!) -
    but certainly not the entire time you're apart!  And I'm sure she'll
    be fine!!    Sorry to ramble!   I think the trip is a wonderful idea.
    Relax and have fun!      Lila  

Lila,

My mom's in Lenora Kansas and I have relatives in Logan & Philipsburgh (sp).  
All are about 1 1/2 hours into the boonies.  Norton is the 'big' town near
them ( it has a Pamida and a Pizza Hut!)...

It's a small world!!!!!!!!

Andrea

    Just wanted to share a little loneliness;
    Alan is taking care of Charlotte alone this week, I am @PKO for
    a course and it seems a LOT harder than last time I went on
    training cause now she's actually looking for me at home......
    
    Monica 8-(

    Monica,
    
    Not sure how old Charlotte is, but I know when I went (for a long 2
    weeks!) to Albequerque, I sent home a cassette tape to Chris (then
    2.5).  It had me talking to him and "singing" (cringe now... (-:) a few
    songs to him.  He played it over and over and over again until I got
    home.  You could read a book on the tape, or any other number of
    things.  It helped ME a lot to know that he wasn't missing me so much. 
    I think it cost $10.00 to fed-ex it home, overnight.
    
    Good Luck!
    

    Well, I guess this is an appropriate note to add some of my experiences
    of the last few months ...
    
    As some of you may know, I accepted a job in Colorado in January.  I
    had been working in the Canadian CSC, just outside of Ottawa.  We
    have only just sold our home and will be moving towards the end of
    June.  In the meanwhile, I was down here in Colorado during January
    and March alone, and with my eldest two daughters during May.  We
    have certainly had some separation problems!
    
    I am fortunate in some ways , because my family moved a lot and
    travelled a lot, that I have been fairly flexible at coming to terms
    with separation from my wife and kids.  Yes, I missed them a lot, but
    fortunately, I have lived with a family with a 5 year old and have
    become his "uncle".  That takes a lot of the discomfort away.
    
    The girls stayed at home with Jane and generally accepted the situation
    well ... we talked on the telephone every few days even if only a
    "Hi Dad, Bye Dad!".  At first, they gave Jane some problems, like
    not going to bed in decent times, but things gradually settled down
    into a routine.
    
    This last month, the two eldest girls, 8 & 11 came down here with me
    so they could spend the last month of school here and determine the
    areas of curriculum we need to look at over the summer ... so they'll
    fit in better in the fall.  We opted not to wait until the fall because
    it gave them the advantage of a little more attention being only one
    new kid in a class, as opposed to the fall when they will be just one
    of 25 odd new kids to a new teacher.
    
    They certainly are suffering more from separation from those things
    that represent home, like friends and Mum and toys etc.  But slowly, 
    they are adapting.  They have had problems adapting to the differences
    in family life ... right down to the simple habits of drinks with
    meals.  Now that they are finding children to play with, life is
    getting better.
    
    The one problem that stands out is regular bedtimes ... both at home
    and away.  We have found that trying to maintain routine becomes
    much harder and as a reult the kids push things like late bedtimes
    beyoind the limit.  Other behaviours certainly get pushed to ... but
    nothing like bedtimes!
    
    We haven't really fixed the problem ... it just dimishes in severity
    as time goes on.
    
    I'll probably start a note on "Moving" later on ... I could write a
    book!
    
    Stuart
    

    Hurrah, Stuart!
    You sold the house!
    I'm glad the family can now move forward in the plan to be together
    again!
    
    Monica

There is an article in today's (May 27) Boston Globe about parents who 
travel.  I didn't have time to read it.  Monica, if you're interested, the 
Globe is one of Boston's major newpapers, and should be available at most 
newsstands; I also believe that there is a machine or two around PKO3.

Clay

    Andrea (.20),
    
    I agree with the other replies that you should let yourself go and
    leave your child with your parents while you and your husband take
    the vacation in the first week.  But I would have second thoughts about 
    leaving her for that second week while you are at work.  
    
    I guess what I would do is to ask myself, for each situation, who is it
    benefiting?  
    
    The first week (vacation) benefits you and your husband (romantic time 
    away), your child (time to get reaquainted with grandparents), and your
    parents (time with their grandchild.)
    
    The second week only seems to benefit your parents (who still want to
    have their grandchild with them.)  It doesn't seem to benefit you or
    your husband (who will just be going through the usual routine of work
    and will probably be really missing your child by that time), or
    frankly, even your daughter (who will already have had 2 weeks at your
    parents' home -- isn't that enough at this age?)
    
    Are you giving in on this because you find it hard to say no to your
    parents?  Believe me, I'm not judging you, because I also find it hard
    to say no to my parents.  
    
    I've noticed that some grandparents want everything their way.  They
    want to have the grandchild, yet they also want the child in their own
    home, where they (the grandparents) are more comfortable.  My feeling
    is that when a child is only 1.5, the adults should accomodate the
    needs and wishes of the child, even if that means that the grandparents
    have to come to where the child is.  Later, when the child is older and
    can appreciate the "differentness" of being in the grandparents home
    and town, then going to stay at the grandparents' becomes a treat for
    the child.  
    
    I'm sure your pediatrician would have some guidelines for you on how 
    much/how long your child, at this age, can tolerate being left by you. 
    Personally, I would say that a 2-4 day separation would have been all
    my son could stand when he was the age that your daughter is now.  
    
    Is there any way your parents can fly to your home, instead, and
    babysit your daughter in her own home?  Then you and your husband could
    still go off on your vacation, knowing that your daughter will have the
    comfort of sleeping in her own bed, etc., while enjoying her
    grandparents.  When you return from your vacation week with your
    husband, perhaps your parents could even stay on and visit in your home
    for a few more days.  
    
    Just some thoughts.  Remember -- YOU are the parent now, now your
    parents.  Don't do what makes you uncomfortable just to please your
    parents, at the expense of making yourself and your child unhappy.
    
    Jane

    I disagree somewhat with Jane.  I am going to be working for three
    weeks while my kids are at their grandparents.  I still consider this a
    benefit.  I will get to leave for work without rushing the kids along,
    I get to come home and fix what I want for dinner, I will have less
    laundry - I can go to the movies on a weeknight, less daycare expense,
    the benefits for me are endless.  My kids will benefit because they
    will be with their grandparents - whome they love dearly!  The
    grandparents benefit because they get reaquainted and plenty of time to
    share with the kids!
    

Jane,

You have just touched upon everything I have been feeling since this whole
thing started!  My parents originally wanted to have her for 4 full weeks
AFTER I left.  We have finally decided and already made plans for the time
I wrote about in my last note.  I'm still not sure if it's right or not
for me but I think she'll be okay.  I went back and forth between my dad
and mom for 2 months in the summers starting when I was two...When I
got a little older it was from about 3 days after school ended until 
about 3 days before school started and I turned out okay so my mother 
keeps reminding me of that...Although in my mind it's a little different.

As it turns out now though, if I can get the time off work I may fly out
to Kansas on the Wed after and spend the weekend before flying home.

I did tell them that other than this vacation we won't be going back until
next year (not for Xmas or Thanksgiving or anything else..emergencies are diff-
erent and that it was up to them to come out somewhere in between to keep
in touch also.  I think it's gonna work out Okay....I hope so...Although
you may see a new note from me in July "I miss my baby..."!!!!

Hope everyone has a great Memorial Day Weekend.....Safe too!  Thanks
for all the replies.......

Andrea

    She's baaaack!  Everything went really good - She adjusted to being
    there and coming home easily.  I missed her lots, we talked on the 
    phone everyday..
    
    And, her dad and I had an excellent. much-needed vacation alone!!!!
    
    I'm actually glad now that I let her go spend some time with her
    grandparents...and I'm sure we'll do it again next year...
    
    (It's definately good to have her home though!!!!)
    
    -/andrea

My husband and I have been talking about how we would like to take
a cruise, before I get pregnant with child number 2.  We are considering
going next February or March, at which time Lauren will be 15+ months old.
I asked my parents if they would watch her and my mother said that
she read somewhere that you shouldn't leave your child for any length
of time until she is old enough to understand.  Well, if we wait until she
is two, I'll (hopefully) be pregnant and then the second child will come
and we won't get a vacation until 3 years from now!  I don't want to 
wait that long.  I'd like to hear other experiences where parents have
left their children for a week when only 15 months old.  

I should add some more... my parents are in Florida for most of the
year.  We spent a week in February and they haven't seen Lauren since.
They will be in NH for July and August (maybe September) and we will
see them several weekends and also spend a weeks vacation with them
this summer.  After they return to Florida, they would not see Lauren
again until she arrived on a plane with us before our cruise.  So
they will be essentially strangers to her.  We plan to spend one night
with her to ease the transition rather than just dumping her at the
airport.  Also, I thought that perhaps Nana and Gramp could tape a video
of themselves that Lauren could watch in the fall and winter so that they
would remain familiar to her.  And of course, talking on the phone and
showing her pictures will help.  Any other ideas?  And the video idea
will also be used with Steve and I so that she can watch a video tape of
us while we are away.

We have a couple of other alternatives for Lauren that are possible.
One is to stay with my in-laws but I'm not comfortable with that and 
they might be traveling in their motorhome anyhow.  The other is to
stay with my daycare provider if she is agreeable to this.  

Looking forward to what you folks have to say!

Karen

My husband & I took a 9-day vacation in Hawaii for our 10th anniversary.
Noelle was 18 months old at the time.  Make sure you talk to Lauren about
it.  Even if she's not verbal and understands very little of what you say,
she'll have a clue that something is going on.  To have you simply disappear
would be a major shock and breach of trust.  I'd wait until it's much closer
to when you're leaving though -- you're not trying to torture her :-)

Maybe you can explore what your mom's feelings are, too.  Does she feel
comfortable caring for Lauren in her home without your presence?  It sounds
like she might be concerned about something...

How does Lauren react to transitions?  Can you even tell yet?!  My daughter
is not particularly adventurous even now at 23 months.  For her, I think it
worked well that my parents cared for her in our house.  Noelle had the 
security and familiarity of her usual surroundings even though her parents
weren't there.  Noelle had only seen my parents twice before, and once was at
her birth so I'm sure that didn't count :-)  

The video tapes and phone calls are all good ideas.  If you can call her
while you're gone, that may help.  (We did, but never got to talk to Noelle
-- she was either napping or having a dirty diaper changed :-)  Write down
all the details you can about Lauren's routine.  Napping, eating, snacking,
bathtime, good-night rituals -- all the familiar things that will help her 
with any transition.

Good luck!

    We left a 3 year old and a 14 month old with my in-laws for a week. 
    All survived.  My in-laws are over a thousand miles away and had only
    seen the boys twice yearly for about a week or so.  Familiarity was not
    an issue - my oldest was the big concern - the youngest could have
    cared less.  I was quite concerned about leaving them in the care of
    these people I was not that familiar with (in comparison to my own
    parents), but everyone did great.  My 14 month old did not show any
    signs of stress or trauma at being left with "strangers".  Now that
    they are older, we take them to grandma's for a few weeks in the summer
    and they enjoy it immensely.  Their grandparents tour the mid-western
    states getting the kids to visit with their cousins, etc.  It is great
    for them and for the grandparents.
    

We left our Lauren twice, once at 5 months for six days and 
at 14 months for 5 days.  She stayed with my folks who she
sees about 6 - 8 times a year.  We spent a day or two with
her and the grandparents prior to "taking-off".  Must say
at 5 months my parents catered to her every whim and if
she missed us she didn't show it.

At 14 months we called her on the phone every other day and 
I think she noticed we were gone.  But with all the attention
she recieved from grandparents and others, she didn't seem
to be bothered by our abscence.  My husband and I missed her
alot, at 14 months she was such a little person.

I agree with the previous note, familiarity is key.  She is
very comfortable with my parents.  So far as waiting until
2 - it may be harder on all of you since she is older and
you have never been seperated.  

    We took a cruise this past March when Sarah was 23 mos.  We left her
    with my parents for the week.  While she does get get to see my parents
    often she did stay at their house for the week.  We had a tough scene
    at the airport (I was surprised she never has a problem with us leaving
    her with my parents and we had talked about this with her) she cried, I
    cried, but I got on the airplane anyway.  We called my parents from
    Miami and they said she stopped crying about 2 minutes after we
    boarded.  When we got home she barely noticed us, she was too busy
    playing with the 100 toys my parents had bought for her.  
    
    When she was about 15 months we left her for a few days with my 74 yr
    old grandparents, she's only seen them a few times, but I show her
    pictures all the time and talk to her about GG (great-grandma) and Papa
    Saul, so she did just fine and we spent a day or so all together so that
    everyone felt comfortable.
    
    I would say you should definitely spend a day or two if you can manage
    that all together just so you all feel comfortable.
    
    Susan

    Also, at a young age some kids DO NOT like "strangers" and others could
    care less who is with them as long as they feel comfortable.  Some of
    us may be lucky to have kids who don't mind being with family they
    don't get to spend alot of time with.  Familiarity is not always the
    comforter.
    
    -sandy
    

    re .37
    Gad, how old are your parents, if your grandparents are 74? My dad is
    77!!! :-))
    
    Lynn
    

    re .39
    
    Off on a tangent a bit...  
    
    My grandparents were married at 19 and my mom was a honeymoon baby, my
    mom got married at 19, too, and I came along a couple of years later.
    I was 18 when my last great-grandparent died (I knew 3 of them).  Marrying 
    early and having babies early seem to run in my family, although I seem to 
    have broken with that tradition - I was 30 when Sarah was born.
    
    Having such young grandparents is great, they are always being confused
    for my parents (which they like) and when I was small they still had
    lots of energy for playing with me, heck they still have tons of energy
    for playing with my 2 yr old.
    
    Susan