Conference moira::parenting

    
    	This is a success story!!!
    
    	Just wanted to let everyone know (especially those who read my 
    	"I'm pregnant note" back in the old notefile) that on March 27,1992
    	I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. 5lbs 10 oz. 19 1/2 inches.
    	He was 3 1/2 weeks early.
    
    	The reason I am noting it in the AI note is because 1 year ago this
    	Wednesday (7/29/91) I was Artificially Inseminated with my husbands
    	sperm. The reason was because there was a survival problem with
    	his sperm in my cervical mucus. We chose to by-pass the problem
    	with AI. (problem was found through a post coital test)
    
    	Joshua Michael is worth every test and effort made in solving
    	the infertility problem.
    
    	Good luck to all of you who are attempting to acheive a pregnancy.
    
    					Joyce

Congratulations, Joyce!!!

My son, Evan, who was conceived after a year of AI, is now 4 years old.
Our second AI child is due Oct 13.  This one took 7 months of trying, 
I believe.

I am so happy for you!

      Carol

This note is being entered for a member of our community who wishes to
remain anonymous.

     Carol duBois, PARENTING Co-moderator

************************************************

	Questions.. ?

	We recently found out that my husband is unable to have children.  
	
	We have asked his brothers to donate sperm so that the children
	will still be of his descent.

	Is this do-able?  (can his brothers donate and then can I be 
	artificially inseminated)?

	Can this sperm be saved for future children?

	What are the legal ramifications?

	Would my husband have to adopt the children since it's not from
	him?

	Are there support groups for this?

	Thanks...

The legalities depend on the state.  Here in Colorado, any child born to you
will be legally your husband's as well, unless you declare otherwise.  This
specifically includes AI babies.  In some states (I don't remember some of
the Colorado details anymore, either) you *have* to have the AI done by a
doctor and/or in a doctor's office (or clinic) or else the donor will be the
legal father.  If you live in one of those states then this means if you and
your husband collected the sperm and your husband inseminated you at home then
his brother would be the legal father, not your husband.  The best way to find
out what the legalities are in your state is to consult a lawyer.  This could
save you a *lot* of heartache and trouble and money later. 

As for saving the sperm for later, yes this is possible.  Many infertility 
doctors have special freezers where they can store sperm like this.

<	Are there support groups for this?

RESOLVE is probably your best bet, though your doctor may know of another
support group in your area.  For instance, my spouse formed a support group
here in Colorado Springs for lesbians going through some of the types of things
that you are discussing.  We've had at least one straight woman attend because
we had legal and other information about donor insemination which she wasn't
finding elsewhere.  Sometimes you can find help in unlikely places.  :-) 

Best of luck to you!  Please keep us posted on what you find out and how
it goes for you!

      Carol

     I personally would find it uncomfortable to have the sperm come from an
identifiable individual, or in this case, from one of a small number of
identifiable individuals.  Even if there are no future (or currently
suppressed) fraternal falling-out situations, I could see potential difficult
situations down the road, not only for the husband and the mother, but also
for the donor. 
     Also, I've never had to deal with this situation, but I could easily see
myself having a mental image of my wife having sex with the sperm donor.  In
my case, I would prefer that the donor be someone I don't know.
     It's my understanding that most organizations that do AI keep the name
of the donor anonymous, but they do provide a profile of physical and social
characteristics of the donor.
       
Clay

    
    
    	The problem that I see with this is that you would know nothing
    	about the donor ( history of gentic defects ) etc.  You wouldn't
    	know what the baby would look like.  At least in this case the
    	donor would be a relative .. the baby would look like him have
    	same paternal grandmother, grandfather ect.
    
    	If they borrow from more than one brother - then no one would
    	ever no who the father was.. 
    
    	Donna

<    	If they borrow from more than one brother - then no one would
<    	ever no who the father was.. 
    
Again, this depends a bit on the law of the state.  If done so the husband
would be the legal father, then it would probably be okay.  However, if there
was any reason one of the brothers might change his mind later, and a judge
would agree with him, then the judge could order a paternity test to find out
with 99% accuracy who the biological father is.  That is just one of the
reasons why it is so important to talk with a lawyer.  Legal papers can also
be drawn up where both brothers sign away their rights and responsibilities to
the child.  HOWEVER, some states may not recognize this.  Again, see a lawyer.

The noter may also want to look at the book by Cherie Pies called
"Considering Parenthood; a Workbook for Lesbians".  This book talks about
the many issues regarding known and unknown donors.

       Carol

    I agree that knowing who the donor is can be a difficulty. We were
    considering donor egg, similar to donor sperm. We found through 
    discussions with doctors, friends and social workers, that we had
    many issues with knowing who the donor is: 1. will I feel jealous of
    a friend/relative who could provide what I cannot? 2. will the friend/
    relative feel they should have input in how the child is raised as
    time goes by 3. what exactly IS the relation of our child to the
    donors children? 4. who can predict how we will feel 5 years from now
    about it? 5. Do I want my child to look like someone else I will see
    all the time?
    
    Anonymous donor sperm is done with genetic history, matching
    physical characteristics, etc. So I wouldn't worry about unknown
    problems any more than I would worry about my own family having unknown
    problems. And kids can look different from their parents naturally. 
    
    I would strongly suggest some sort of support group or exploration with
    a social worker so you bring up all the issues. If you find receiving
    sperm from a family member is comfortable, then go for it! You may be
    lucky enough to be living somewhere where you can "do it" at home and
    not in an office. 
    
    Cyn

I think all the considerations brought up are very valid but it also seems to
me that this is a really personal issue that depends on your own family 
situation.  My family is extremely close and I can imagine one of us doing either
egg or sperm donation and that that would bring us even closer.  I think it is
important to resolve the legal issues before you embark on such an experience but
the final question as to whether it is right for you and your family personally
is something that only you can answer.

ccb

    
    
    Can some one tell me the procedure for AI?
    
    	Does your husband come with you?
    
    	How long are you in the doctors office?
    
    	Is there any post procedures ?
    
    Thanks

For Artificial Insemination, the procedure is that you go to the doctor's
office where the sperm is put either at your cervix or through your cervix
into your uterus (this is Intrauterine Artificial Insemination) via a small
catheter. With AI, it is just like having a pelvic exam.  With IUI, I found
that there was some minor cramping, but usually on the second day (my doctor
did IUI's 2 days in a row each cycle).  Your husband can go with you if you
would like moral support, but it is not necessary.  

If your husband is the sperm donor, he can provide a fresh sample at the 
doctor's office that morning, or you can bring it with you from home, but it
will need to be provided usually within an hour of the procedure.  For IUI's,
the sperm is washed prior to the procedure, so that may mean you have to 
sit around and wait for a while until that is complete.

I had 9 AI's and 8 IUI's, so I can probably answer more specific questions 
for you.  I just gave you a basic overview above.  

Cathy

When we went in we would have the normal x minutes to wait in the doctor's
office, then they would inseminate us and then we would have to wait 20 minutes
or so afterwards.  They liked the recipient to lie down with her hips 
slightly elevated so to increase the chances of the sperm being in the right
place.  After that, the recipient could walk around, go to work, whatever.
No big deal.

I was able to be the one who actually inseminated Shellie.  I just had to ask
them.  They prepared it, then I pressed the end of the syringe down.  :-)
If your husband wishes to do the same, you should ask the doctor.

We didn't have cramps from the intrauterine insemination.  The nurse told us
that they only use a very small amount of semen because you run a higher risk
of cramps with a larger amount.

Basically, the only discomfort or pain was from the speculum (just like any
exam) and if they did an internal ultrasound to see if we had already 
ovulated.  (Ever seen a medical instrument with a condom?)  :-}

Other than that, it got fairly boring.  We made sure to bring books or magazines
to read while we were waiting for our time to be up.

The first time we did AI attempts we used fresh sperm, and the second time
we used frozen.  Many doctors will not use fresh sperm, especially now with the
risk of AIDS.  However, fresh sperm will help you get pregnant faster (on the
average it is something like 4-5 months rather than 8-9) and also some people
believe that fresh sperm keeps your odds of either sex to 50/50, whereas frozen
sperm may increase your odds of having a boy to be 80%. 

We also used sex selection the first time, trying to have a girl.  Be aware
that the odds are still only 80% that you will get the sex you try for.
We had a boy.  :-}  The second time we didn't use sex selection and also got
a boy (no surprise to us, since we used frozen sperm, though Shellie *thought*
she might be carrying a girl).

You will also want to discuss with the doctor how many tries to make in a 
cycle, and when in the cycle to make them.  Many doctors use 2 tries a month,
but that was too expensive for us.  We changed insurances to an HMO who said
they did infertility work.  After they were billed for *one* insemination,
they told me they wouldn't cover any of it anymore because I "wasn't using
my husband's sperm".  We suggest that if people use donor sperm, they have
the bills done with the sperm separately.  You can always bill the sperm later
if you wish it, or just pay for it yourself.  We had to pay everything out of
our own pocket because of the way the insurance handled it.

Good luck!

      Carol

    My wife Judy and I did GIFT twice...if you would like to hear
    about that, let me know.
    good luck
    bob

    
    
    
    	Did any of you take special medication to increase your
    	chance of getting pregnant?
    
    	Has anyone had any problem with Harvard Health paying for
    	AI treatments?
    
    	Donna

    I did AI's without medication at first, then with Clomid.  I did 
    IUI's with Pergonal and HCG as a trigger.  However, I was not
    successful until I did GIFT with Pergonal, HCG as a trigger, and 
    progesterone.  I also did 2 IUI cycles that were really cancelled
    GIFT cycles using Pergonal, Lupron, HCG, and using Pergonal, Metradin,
    Lupron and HCG.
    
    The medication you may use with any of these methods depends on your
    specific circumstances, how you react to the drugs, and what your
    doctor is comfortable with.
    
    Cathy

As Cathy points out, the use of fertility drugs depends on circumstances.
If there's no evidence of impaired fertility in the woman, it may be
worth trying a natural cycle or two.  Fertility drugs are expensive
and no fun to take.

< Fertility drugs are expensive and no fun to take.

That depends on the drug.  My periods are irregular and the doctor looked
over my basal temperature charts and my ovulation test results.  He then
put me on Clomid (aka Serophene - I think Clomid is a brand of it).
It was perfectly painless; I just had to take a small pill a day for about
5 days each cycle.  Shellie went through the same thing.

On Clomid, I ovulated regularly, and I was only on 50 mg, which is a very small 
dosage.  

If you have more questions on fertility drugs, though, it would be best
to put them under topic 22.*, "Fertility/Infertility Drugs: Clomid, Pergonal..."

        Carol