Conference moira::parenting

	First some "technical" details about Parenting.

	This conference is a very active one.  In order to keep topics easy to
find, to cut down on duplications, to limit the work imposed on the moderators
and the frustration experienced by all noters:

	1) Please use these notes:


Note number 		Topic                       	Marked with Keyword

# 2			Daycare Wanted			Daycare
# 3			Babysitting Wanted		Babysitting
# 4			Want Ads			Want_Ads
# 5			For Sale			For_sale
# 6			Doctors Needed			Doctors
# 7			Related Notefiles               Related_notefiles

                        
	2) *Read and abide* by the rules in reply .0 of these notes.  

	3) Keep separate subjects in separate notes.  I.e. don't open a note 
with questions about both 'finger foods' and 'diaper rash'.

	4) Use meaningful titles.  I.e. a title of HELP!!!! will not help 
anyone find your note about you child climbing out of the crib.

	5) PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!  Check to make sure that there is not
already a note on the topic before you open up a new topic on it. The next
reply will tell you all about keywords and dir/title="whatever" to help you
find what you're looking for.  (If you open up a note on a subject that already 
exists, the moderators reserve the right to move your note.  But we'd rather 
you put it in the right place to begin with.)
 
        6) If you have a long article (say over 100 lines) that you'll be 
posting, please put a base note in telling us that the next reply will be a
long article or reply.  (The Decwindows interface to notes is unkind to those
who use it when you try to read a long note.  These people would like the
opportunity to skip over your article and come back to it later.)

	Through our experience with noting in general and in PARENTING in 
particular, we've come up with these policies that seem to make sense.

	First of all, be aware and try to remember while you read this file,
everyone here is participating because they want to be a better parent.  When
you read someone's note, read it with that in mind.  It'll go a long way toward
minimizing misunderstandings and hurt feelings when we get involved in 
controversial topics.

	Please be aware that people have differing needs when they put a note 
in this file.  Sometimes people just want to vent.  If someone asks for a 
"shoulder to cry on" or says they want to "vent", please just lend support.  
If their note raises an issue that you'd like to discuss and it's not
supportive, look for an existing note on the subject or if one doesn't exist,
start one. On the other hand, if you start a note and put in phrases like "I
need a  different perspective" or "am I wrong?"  Don't be surprised if someone
tells you that you ARE wrong.  If you ask for people's opinions, you'll get'em.
(Phrased tactfully, we hope... :-) ) 

	Also be aware that communication by notes is not the same as a spoken
conversation.  We do not have the subtle (and not so subtle) cues of body 
language, facial expression, and tone of voice to tell us whether or not someone
is joking.  (We do have other things to help us there which will be covered in
the next reply.)  We have lag time between entries that can compound 
misunderstanding.  That is, A mis-types something.  B jumps on A about it.  C
says "Yeah! What B said!" and it snowballs until the point that A reads notes
again and says "Oops!  I left out the 'not' in 'not all X's are slime.'" 
making the whole thing a moot point.   These points are particularly important
when participating in controversial notes.

	Speaking of controversial notes,  there are a few topics which pop up
with amazing regularity which are guaranteed to raise people's blood pressure.
Some of these are "to spank or not to spank", "in home or center based daycare"
and the ever popular "Should Moms/Dads stay home with Jr."  While these are
valid topics to be discussed here, the moderators beg you to 1) keep your cool
and remember to respect the other noters even if you don't agree with them and 
2) Please confine discussion of these topics to the notes intended for it. 
Please don't take every note down a rathole on one of these subjects. Failure
to comply will result in moderator action.

	So what kind of things will the moderators do?  Most of the time, we'll
just drop a gentle hint to calm down or keep to the subject.  Occasionally
we'll move a note to a better place.  (There are some all purpose notes for
things like Daycare Needed, Things for sale, and so on.)  If a note or reply
is controversial to the point that we think it would endanger the continued
existence of the  notefile we will set it hidden or remove it.  (Notes that 
would require this action are threats, racial slurs, notes that might involve 
us in legal action and so on. As we all are reasonable people here, we won't 
need to worry about that, right?)

	When requested, the moderators will (under certain circumstances) post 
anonymous notes for Parenting participants.  You might wish to post this way
if, for instance, your child  had been molested and you wished for advice or 
support but did not wish to give up your privacy.

	Otherwise, authors are responsible for the notes that they write in the
PARENTING conference.  Each note in the conference must be written by an
identifiable individual.  If you must enter a note from an anonymous or group
account (SYSTEM, FIELD, OPER, GUEST, etc.), please sign your name at the end of
the  note, or otherwise make your identity clear.

	You may appeal any moderator action *by mail* to the moderators.  If
you and the involved moderator cannot come to a satisfactory agreement, the
action recommended by majority of the moderators will be taken.  

	So who are these infamous moderators anyway?  PARENTING has several 
moderators.  To see the current moderators, use the show moderator command.
(For those using Decwindows, use the "Members..." option of the "Conference"
menu.)  To send mail to the moderators, use the send/moderators command.   

                     ****  NOTE NOTE NOTE NOTE NOTE ****

	In response to some clarification of existing DEC policies and in
recognition of the fact that this type of information tends to be of limited
use  geographically speaking and that that it becomes dated very quickly,  we
are asking that you no longer advertise/make recommendations  concerning
services available.  Requests for information may be posted (there are note
reserved for such requests).  Please respond to these people off-line (e-mail
or phone) if you have information to share with them.  Old requests for
information will be cleaned out on a regular basis.  See reply .0 of these 
notes for a complete explanation.

	Until we receive further clarification, we are taking the position that
you may still make product reccomendations here as long as you are  careful
with your wording.  Positive reviews are not generally a problem. Negative
reviews should be clearly stated as your opinion/experience and not 
over-generalized.  That is, rather than saying that XYZ brand of playpen is
unsafe, say that your child managed to tip it over on her head every time she
sat in it.
                     ****  NOTE NOTE NOTE NOTE NOTE ****


Thanks very much!  

Enjoy the file.

The Parenting Co-Moderators

        New noters are faced with two issues: the technical aspects of 
"Getting around" in a notefile and the etiquette of noting.  This note is a
brief guide to some principles and commands to help you as you gain experience
with the notes utility.

        
                                Notes Etiquette  

         The notes utility has been around in some form for 10 years.  
Many noters have been noting for 6 or 7 years.  Over time, we've found that 
noting is different than many other forms of communication either written or 
oral.  Over time, some problems have been discovered and conventions have 
arisen to deal with these trouble spots.  While you are certainly not required 
to follow any of these guidelines, they are considered part of polite behavior 
for the well-mannered noter and without them you may ruffle some feathers.

1. ALL UPPERCASE LETTERS - This is a no-no for two reasons.  Uppercase is more 
fatiguing to the eyes than mixed case.  More importantly, uppercase is the 
notes equivalent of SHOUTING.  While it makes sense to emphasize an occasional
word, generally, you would not want to shout at your listeners for the entire 
length of your note.

2. Body Language - Since we cannot see the author's facial expression or hear
his/her tone of voice, it is easy to miss when a statement is a joke or irony.
To assist, certain symbols are often used to give you some emotional context.
The most common is :-)  To understand this symbol, tilt your head to the left. 
Aha! A smiling face.  In general, when you see a bunch of cryptic symbols, 
look at them sideways and they'll resolve into a face that is :-) happy, 
:-( sad, :-} wry, :-| non-comittal, :-o surprised, ;-) winking, and so on.  In
addition, the author will often give emphasis to a word either by UPPERCASING
it, *asterisking* it, or _underlining_ it.  One symbol we'd rather not see 
is ~/~ . This stands for stirring the "excretory substance".  This is a
friendly notefile and notes entered *for the sole purpose* of ruffling feathers
are not welcome.   

3. Be careful with sarcasm and irony - All the smiley faces in the world
will not ensure that that everyone will "get it" when you employ these subtle
devices.   

4.  Make sure you make a distinction between fact and opinion - Remember that 
written words carry more force that spoken ones.  (IMO - "In My Opinion" or 
IMHO - "In My Humble Opinion" are often used as shorthand by the author to let
the reader know that the author recognizes the difference without having to
type a lot. ;-) ) 

5. Please sign your name - (or have it in your Notes Personal Name) this just
makes it easier to get to know one another and be friendly. 

6. Spelling and grammar DO count - (to a certain degree at any rate) Nobody is 
grading you, but people do tend to lend more credence to notes that are not so
misspelled that they are incoherent.  The technical section below has some
hints to help with this.

7. Read before jumping in - This goes for individual notes and for the
conference as a whole.  When you first start reading a new conference, it
is a good idea to read the whole file before replying or writing. But if the 
size of the file makes this impractical, observing for a day or two will give
you a feel for what is an appropriate topic for discussion, who are the members
of the noting community and what the "tone" of the file is. When replying
to a note, make sure to read all the replies first.  One of them may already
contain the information that you will be writing or may have a clarification
upon the original point.


                                Technical hints

        This is not intended to be a complete tutorial in notes.  (If you are a 
novice notes user, we *strongly* urge you to add 0::notes$sample to your
notebook, open it and it will step you through a notes tutorial.)  But here
are a few things that commonly trip up new users.  

1.  Write vs. Reply - A notes conference is a series of concurrent
conversations.  Each conversation is called a topic.  It is started is a note
often called the base note or .0 . The conversation continues in replies to
that note.  To continue an existing topic use the "reply" command.  To start a
new topic use the "Write" command.

2.  New entries *will* be seen no matter where you enter them - Notes keeps
track of which notes you have read and which ones you haven't.  People who
follow notes on a regular basis, use the "seen" mechanism to navigate the
file.  Thus if you see a note written back in 1987 on teething and you have a
teething question, PLEASE reply to this note.  The seen mechanism will take us
to your note.  Don't open a new note "to make sure that people will see it".  
The moderators will just move your note when they see it to cut down on
duplications of questions/answers.

3.  Correct spelling makes your note much more readable, use the spelling
checker -  When you are finished writing a note, before you give the go ahead
to enter it, press the "do" key or PF4.  The Command prompt will show up on
the bottom of your screen.  Type Spell here.  If the spelling checker is
installed on your system, notes will run it against the note you are about to
enter and let you make changes before you actually enter it.

4.  How to correct a just entered note - Sometimes, no matter how many times
you check it, a horrendous typographical or grammatical error slips by without
being seen until the note has been entered.  If you see the error right away,
it's not too late to change it.  You can  DELETE the note and then
REPLY/LAST (which will use the text of the last note you wrote as a starting
point for your entry).  If you notice the error later and it's a big enough
error that you would like to correct it, you can EXTRACT the note to a file,
DELETE the old note, and REPLY with the the file as input.  For example:

        NOTES>EXT 13.3 oops.txt
        NOTES>DEL 13.3
        NOTES>REPLY oops.txt
         Make any changes you need and enter the note.


        Once again, the tutorial in NOTES$SAMPLE is essential for new noters
especially if you do not have a notes manual.  If you have a notes question, 
try the HELP command.  If HELP and/or the manual don't help you, you can ask 
the moderators for help.  We'll help if we can.  Bear in mind however, that 
moderating is an "Extra-curricular activity" and we will not always have time
to give full explanations (and sometimes won't have time to respond at all).

Happy noting!

Parenting Co-mods 

	This file uses keywords.

  Q.	What does that mean?

  A.	You can now do searches of the file based on keywords. 
	The keyword search is more efficient than DIR/TIT=xxx
	and will most likely find your information.

  Q.	How do I use the keywords to search?

  A.	The easiest and fastest way is to use topic 13.  There you 
	will find current listings of commonly-applied keywords, 
	with the notes to which they have been applied.

	An alternate way would be to type "SHO KEY" to see all the 
	keywords.  You can also use wildcards, such as "SHO KEY D*".
	You may want to search on several keywords to get a complete
	list.  They have been applied as well as possible, to find 
	your information in the fewest searches.

  Q.	Why should I use this function?

  A.	If you search on keywords BEFORE writing a new note, you will
  	probably find a previous discussion on the same topic.  You
	should then use the "REPLY" verb rather than "WRITE" to continue
	the earlier discussion.  It is imperative that we keep down 
	the size of this file, and this is one way to do it.

  Q.	Will people see my reply if it is located in a very old note?

  A.    Yes.  And you can see new replies to old notes, by doing this:
	Type "SET SEEN" at the notes prompt.  Now, every time you reopen
	the Parenting notes file, you will see the next new reply or
	note.  Type "N U" (next unseen) to see the next one.  Continue
	typing "N U" to see all the new replies and notes.

  Q.	This seems like a lot of trouble.  Why should I bother?

  A.	You are helping other noters, and the moderators, by replying
	(continuing the discussion) in older notes.  If there are less
	new notes, searches (both by key and by title string) go faster.
	You will save the moderators lots of time by doing this yourself.
	Otherwise, they will search the file, move your note, and notify
	you by mail.

Please do not create your own keywords.  We moderators will try to 
keep up with this task ourselves, to reduce any confusion.

                         THANK YOU !!!!!!

Welcome again to the latest volume!!!!

There have been a few changes since the last volume of PARENTING.
PARENTING is such a busy and active file that it grows in size very
rapidly.  Consequently, it is a little hard sometimes to find system
administrators who will allow PARENTING to reside on their system.  
We are grateful to the system administrators of NOTED who have allowed us
to stay here.  Because the size of the file is a necessary concern of
theirs, we moderators will be making a concerted effort to keep the
size of this volume down, without hampering discussion.

To that end:

Please use your keywords or do a DIR/TITLE=xxxx before WRITE-ing a new
note.  It keeps down the size of the file when someone does a REPLY to an
existing string, and if we find that someone has WRITEn when they should have
REPLY'd then we will move the note to the existing topic.  Obviously, we
would rather not have to patrol this constantly, so we will rely on you
to check for an existing note first.

We have copied the pre-term labor notes to note string 20.*.  However, 
notes that contained only statements of well-wishing (including some of
our own) have been deleted.  We have left all notes which shared information
and experiences.

Just as with the last volume, some notes are for requests only.  Replies
to these requests should be by MAIL or by telephone.  These notes typically are
of limited geographical interest and/or get out of date quickly.

Additionally, there are a number of notesfiles that already deal with specific
geographies.  They are listed in note 9.20.  Notes requesting information on
services or product availability in a specific geography may get better
response if entered in one of these notesfiles, since the participants are
mainly people who are very familiar with the geographical area. 

In this volume of PARENTING, we have added topics which request replies by
MAIL, such as: 

	Note 8.*    School System Info Needed **Please Reply by MAIL**
    	Note 15.*   Where to Find this Toy??  **Please Reply by MAIL**
    	Note 38.*   Weekend/Day Trip Ideas -- **Please Reply by MAIL**

We hope that you will enjoy this new volume of PARENTING.  We have each
grown by knowing you, and have learned...volumes.  :-)

       The PARENTING Moderators

There have been many requests for a place in PARENTING where people can
announce the availability of daycare, as well as requesting it.  As an
experiment, we have now designated topic 7 the "Daycare and Babysitting 
Available" topic.  

There is one significant restriction on the use of this topic.  Corporate
policy prohibits the use of the network for personal gain.  As we interpret
this policy, it means that you may not post a note about daycare or
babysitting services that are provided by you or your spouse.

Please be sure to mention your location (town and state) in the title of
your notes.  

The moderators will probably take a pass through occasionally and remove 
old notes.

In the past, Digital has received complaints from small businesses and from
service providers that they have been disparaged in Digital notesfiles,
without any opportunity to rebut allegations or to explain or defend
themselves.   

Please do not enter any opinions or recommendations in this notesfile
concerning any small business (including, but not limited to, daycare
providers and doctors - even if employed by an HMO).  

Since some statements can be open to interpretation, and since allowing
positive, but not negative, opinions would give an inaccurate impression,
please do not enter negative OR positive recommendations.

Instead, please offer to state your opinion or recommendation by phone
(include your DTN) or E-mail (state your E-mail address).

Clay Satow
co-moderator 

The previous volume of PARENTING is temporarily located at NOTED::PARENTING_V3.
In a few days it will be at DLOACT::NOTES$LIBRARY:PARENTING_V3 and will be
write-locked.

Please remember to start this new volume by doing a SET SEEN/BEFORE=09-APR-1992.
This will enable you to be able to access all of the new notes/topics which
have been started here.

As before, the NOTED system manager has requested that we limit our access
of non-work-related notesfiles to times outside of the Eastern Time Zone 
8:00 to 5:00.  This allows us to have better access to work-related notesfiles
on NOTED.

ENJOY!!

  Carol duBois, PARENTING co-moderator

    Are you looking for a retail store to buy a particular item, such as
    clothing or formula?
    
    Please put your query as a reply to note 15, which we have broadened to
    include both toys and other items.
    
    Another decision in our effort to keep down the overall file size and
    to reduce the number of base notes.
    
    Laura
    co-mod

    After much discussion, the moderators have decided to open the
    following notes for replies, even though their interest is limited by
    geography.  The information is of sufficient general interest to be
    worthwhile.

    To keep things clear, please specify your location (e.g.
    city or town) in the title of your reply, whether you are asking for
    information or providing information.

     8   NOTED::DUBOIS        9-APR-1992     5  School System Info Needed
    38   CSC32::DUBOIS       13-APR-1992     1  Weekend/Day Trip or Outing Ideas
   183  AKOCOA::TRIPP        19-JUN-1992     4  Suggestions for eating out with

    To respond to the following notes you must use mail.  The moderators
    will delete any responses posted in PARENTING.
    
     2     TCC::HEFFEL        9-APR-1992    28  Daycare/Preschool Wanted - **Pl
     3     TCC::HEFFEL        9-APR-1992     9  Babysitting Needed -- **Please 
     4     TCC::HEFFEL        9-APR-1992    35  Want Ads -- **Please reply by M
     5                        9-APR-1992    37  For sale -- **Please Reply by M
     6     TCC::HEFFEL        9-APR-1992    14  Doctor/Dentist Needed -- **Plea
     7     TCC::HEFFEL        9-APR-1992    18  Daycare & Babysitting Available
    15   NOTED::DUBOIS        9-APR-1992    11  Where can I find this toy or it

    
    L
    co-mod
    

Since you're reading this, you've discovered that PARENTING has now moved
to node MOIRA.  With the move, access limitations on the conference have
been removed -- you are once again free to read PARENTING at any time.

MOIRA is my personal workstation.  I don't expect that the conference will
cause any performance problems for me.  However, since "real work" runs at
a higher priority, it is possible that conference responsiveness may 
deteriorate from time to time when I'm running compute-intensive jobs.

Also, please be aware that network links are a limited resource.  I've set
MOIRA up to allow 32 notes links at one time.  If all 32 links are in use,
you will be unable to open the conference (I believe that "Insufficient
resources at remote node" would be the message in this case).  Therefore,
PLEASE DO NOT KEEP THE CONFERENCE OPEN WHEN YOU ARE NOT ACTIVELY READING IT.

	-Neil Faiman, PARENTING co-moderator (and conference host)

    I just placed new directory listings by keyword in note 13.
    
    Before using the Write function to make a new base note, please search
    for an existing topic in note 13, then use the Reply function to
    continue the discussion.
    
    L
    co-mod

Although notes are forbidden announcing daycare or babysitting provided 
by yourself or your spouse (see note 1.4), the moderators have set aside a
string for the purpose of announcing babysitting by your minor child. 

Please see 439.0 for the rules of that string.

    Carol duBois, PARENTING Co-moderator

Below are instructions on what to do if you:
     - want to edit an already entered note;
     - started a new topic when you intended to reply to an
       existing topic;
     - replied to the wrong topic;
     - want to create a long note.

There are some situations that occur frequently in notes that result in
noters either asking a moderator to take action (but often the moderator
doesn't have time) or that noters correct with a follow up note (such as "In
.xxx, I meant to say . . .").  The purpose of this note is to tell you how
to do some of these things yourself, and to correct errors in notes without
having to use a follow up note.  All the procedures below presume the VMS
notes interface; I personally am familiar with the MS Windows interface, but
not with any other window interface.  These instructions are not necessarily
the most elegant way to do these things, but they do work.  If there are any 
errors, or if you have additional or alternate suggestions, please feel free 
to enter them.

Generally, you can do many things to your own notes, without requiring the
assistance of a moderator.  For example, you can delete them or move them to
a different topic.  You cannot modify or delete a note entered by someone
else (or by you from a different node).

**************************************************************************

What to do If

-  Want to edit a reply after you've entered it (without having to retype
the whole thing)

     BEFORE CLOSING THE CONFERENCE and BEFORE ENTERING ANOTHER REPLY, get
     your note on the screen and at the NOTES> prompt, type

          DELETE <Return>

     You will be asked whether you are sure you want to delete the note;
     answer Y <Return>.  Then at the NOTES> prompt, type

          REPLY/LAST <Return>

     Your old reply will come up on the edit screen.  You can edit it, and
     enter your reply as usual.

     IF YOU HAVE ALREADY CLOSED THE CONFERENCE OR IF YOU'VE ALREADY ENTERED
     ANOTHER REPLY, at the NOTES> prompt, type

          EXTRACT filename <Return>

     where "filename" is a name of your choice for a text file.  You can
     then EITHER enter

          REPLY filename <Return>

     where "filename" is the name you gave your textfile and edit your file
     before you enter it 

     OR 

     get out of NOTES and edit the file named "filename", deleting header
     information and editing your note.  Then get back into NOTES, get the
     note you want to REPLY to on the screen and enter 
     
          REPLY filename <Return>

     where "filename" is the name you gave your textfile.

-  Started a new topic when you intended to reply to an existing topic.

     Get your note on the screen and type

          MODIFY ENTRY/NOTE_ID=xxx.l <Return>

     where "xxx" is the number of the topic you want to reply to (type only
     the number on the left of the "."  and "l" is the letter "l" (for
     "last").
     
-  Replied to the wrong topic

     Use same procedure as for "Started a new topic when you intended to
     reply to an existing topic.

-  Want to create a long reply or base note (also useful for flaming)

     One method I use a lot for long notes or for flames (I'll explain why
     later) is to leave NOTES and create a text file using whatever text
     editor you want.  You can even use word processing packages (for
     example this note was created using WordPerfect) as long as your output
     file is an ASCII text file.  You can't do fancy formatting, bolding,
     underlining, etc.

     Then you can edit to your heart's content.  If it's a flame, you can
     let the file "sit" for a few hours or overnight, review it after you've
     calmed down, and decide if that's REALLY what you want to say.

     Then get back into NOTES.  At the NOTES> prompt, if you want to START A
     NEW TOPIC with your file, enter 

          WRITE filename <Return>

     where "filename" is the name you gave your textfile.  

     If you want to REPLY TO AN EXISTING TOPIC, get the note you want to
     reply to on your screen and enter

          REPLY filename <Return>

     where "filename" is the name you gave your textfile. 

     If you want to "quote" portions of notes, get the note you want to
     quote on the screen and at the NOTES> prompt, type

          EXTRACT filename <Return>

     where "filename" is a name of your choice for a text file.  Then get
     out of NOTES and edit the file named "filename", deleting header
     information and irrelevant text, and entering your comments.  Then get
     back into NOTES and WRITE or REPLY as shown above.
  

It is our pleasure to announce Meg Evans (CSC32::M_EVANS) as the newest
(co-)moderator of PARENTING.  Meg joins us to help fill the gap that our loss
of Clay Satow and of Laura Steinhart has left for us.  Please join us in
welcoming Meg in her new role.

          Carol, for the PARENTING moderators

I will be out of the office for the next week (Aug 19-23).  If you have
moderator issues, please send mail to one of the other moderators. 
Moderator names and addresses are listed when you do a:

    NOTES> SHOW MOD    (catchy, huh?)  :-)

Have a great week!

      Carol duBois, PARENTING co-moderator