Conference misery::feline

    Sandi,
    
    I'm so sorry to hear this happened. I can only imagine how your
    daughter must have felt finding the cat. 
    
    There are two other possibilties. It was a bit chilly last night; the cat
    might have climbed into someone's vehicle and gotten a bruise bad
    enough to rupture something when when car got started. The cat might
    have been alive and had just enough  strenght to get home after that
    happened.
    
    Another possibilty is cardiomyopathy. Ronerta, who is now at Quantum,
    lost a couple of cats tothis. The cats were fine, no warning, and when
    she came home, she just found them dead.
    
    I don't know how you or your daughter feels about this, but for piece
    of mind, you might want to suggest an autopsy just to find out what
    happened.
    
    so sorry,
    Deb 

    I'm so very sorry.  This is the sort of thing I've heard of so
    many time with outdoor cats;  it just breaks my heart.
    

    I'm so sorry, Sandi !  I've added Rackey to the SLM listing.

    Debbi

    
    Sandi,
    
    I'm so sorry.  What else is there to say?  Be kind to yourself and to
    your daughter.  Sometimes there are other forces at work in the
    Universe no matter how much we care.
    
    Feline Sad,
    
    Sue & Panther Jane & Spots & The CinnyMan
    

	Sandi,


	I'm so sorry to hear about Rackey. Whatever happened, though you may
	never know for sure, at least it was quick and Rackey did not suffer
	alot.  Hope your daughter doesn't feel alot of guilt over this, it
	may have had nothing to do with going out.

	Hugs,
	Laura

    Sandi...my heart is with both you and your daughter.  I have also
    lost one of my cats (Tamba only 2 years old) to Cardiomyopothy pretty
    quickly.  The cat was in top health, did not appear sickly at all, but
    yet one day I came home to find him breathing very heavily, rushed
    him to an emergency clinic and within 4 hours he died.   Heart problems
    can happen very fast.
    
    Sandy 

    
    This brings back a sad memory of mine, when I lost my little brown
    tabby Miss Monkey to congestive heart failure, but my experience (like
    others') may help ease the false burden of guilt.  One night she seemed a
    bit off, would walk a few steps then stop.  She came and sat in my lap
    and when I petted her, she'd purr and then cry pitifully, as if purring
    hurt, but she couldn't help it.  I took her to the vet first thing the
    next morning and she arrested during the examination.   Attempts to
    resuscitate her failed.  Her death was so sudden and unexpected that we
    had her autopsied; she had a flabby, enlarged heart, almost certainly
    congenital, that was like a ticking time bomb.  She was lucky that it
    ticked for nine years, but it was literally only hours from when she
    first showed signs that something was wrong to when she died.  I went
    through the same guilty "was there anything I could have done to
    prevent this or alleviate this", and the vet was very insistent that
    drug therapy *might* have helped (and even then, if successful, only
    postpone the day of reckoning), but there was no reason to believe
    there was anything wrong with her, as he had been caring for her for
    eight of her nine years.
    
    This was about 11 years ago, and it still brings tears to my eyes
    remembering her last hours.  But I long ago accepted that there was
    nothing I could have done differently, that this was one of Fate's
    sometimes unpleasant inevitabilities, and though her time with us was
    shorter than I wish it had been, every moment of it was filled with
    mutual love and affection. 
    
    len.

	I am so sad to hear this news. And, I understand wishing it
	was different, but, I too believe that there's just somthings
	that happen the way they happen and we can't no why. I havew had
	indoor kitties since I left my childhood home where all the animals
	were outside. I wanted some control over loss and injury...
	no more cars, dogs, poisons, ticks to worry about. In 89,
	all three of my cats..all healthy and groomed and tickless and
	happy and INDOORS...were killed together in a fire while I was 
	at work. And, I felt SO GUILTY that they couldn't get out. 

	There are no guarantees. And guilt is a painful thing to 
	carry around. I did what I thought was best, you do what you think
	is best, your daughter did what she thought was best.


	Peace
	dotty

    I felt the same way when Morris (The Best Cat Ever) was diagnosed with
    inoperable stomach cancer in 1994.  All I can remember thinking was,
    did he get hold of something one time when we weren't home?  Should I
    have tried harder to get him to eat better-quality food, not the
    supermarket stuff?  Maybe I should have banned smoking from our home
    altogether, instead of allowing my in-laws to light up (as they used
    to).  Did he accidentally ingest some of the transmission fluid from
    the old truck?  I tortured myself for WEEKS about what I could have
    done to prevent his cancer, but thanks to this notes file I realized
    that there really was nothing I could have done.  The best advice I got
    was from this file, from a purrson who basically said, "Enjoy the time
    you have left."  
    
    A sudden death like Rackey's is so awful.  Maybe it's harder on the
    dear departed, but it sure is hard on us, the living.  Comfort
    yourselves that you gave Rackey a wonderful, loving home in his short
    time with you; that you cared for him and showed him human love; in
    return, he gave you his kitty love.  In so many respects, Rackey was
    luckier than a lot of humans are.
    
    Peace to you as you work through this sad time.
    
    Kate
    

    
    Hi, 
    
    So sorry to hear about Rackey. I'm sure it's difficult not knowing what
    caused his death but at least he had a loving home while he was alive.
    
    Bye
    
    Trevor (+ Molly and Cassie - sisters of 14 weeks old)

    Just as another possibility, Rackey could have been attacked by a dog
    or some other animal.   Puncture wounds (from teeth) do not bleed.  
    
    My cat Mariah (over ten years ago now) snuck out of the house when we
    weren't looking and came back terribly injured.   We could tell she
    was in pain, but we couldn't see any wounds.  This was on a Sunday and
    we took her to an emergency clinic for pets.  The vet examimed her and
    at first couldn't find anything.   Then he found a puncture wound.  At
    first he said that it might be a pellet gun wound, which made me
    terribly ill.   I had to leave the room because I thought I would pass
    out.   My husband stayed in there, and came out to tell me that the vet
    had found a second puncture wound on the other side and that she had
    probably been picked up by a dog and thrown.    The vet kept her
    overnight, so he could sedate her and do an XRAY to determine the
    extent of damage.     The next morning we picked her up and she was
    still under the influence of the sedation.   The vet said that there
    were just puncture wounds and bruises.  There were no internal bleeding
    from the wounds and no torn muscles.   That she would be sore for a
    while but should be OK.    Well, she never fully recovered from the
    sedation.   She passed away about noon that day.   She was only 8 years
    old, but the trauma was just too much for her.
    
    
    The reason for this entry was to let you know that even if there were
    no visible wounds, that you can't rule out Rackey being attacked by some
    dog or other animal.
    
    Sarah
    

    
    	I have to write this note to try and get some guilt off my
    chest.  Two years ago in May, one of my indoor/outdoor cats was
    missing.  Seeing she was the friendly one I thought somebody might
    of picked her up or she was just out wandering.  For a few days I
    would walk around the neighborhood calling her and up until a week ago
    I would take close looks at any cat I saw dead or alive thinking I 
    might still find her.  Well, I had a yard sale last weekend and my
    garage was piled high with stuff from the previous owners, so I told
    people they could search for any treasures. The third guy that went 
    into the garage, was reallying digging for treasures, and came out and
    told me there was a dead cat in my garage. The description didn't match
    mine so I figured it was a stray.  But I went and looked and it was
    Munch.  The feeling I got in my stomach and heart was like being
    crushed by a truck.  All the time I was looking for her, she was in
    the garage about 5 feet from my house!  I don't know how or why she
    died, she was only 1 years old.  The garage has plenty of openings so
    it wasn't like she was stuck in there.  She was in the furthest corner
    of the garage on the floor, and on her back.  I'm having nightmares
    about seeing her this way and I feel horrible that I didn't help her
    if she was in pain.  I had no way of knowing she was in there under
    a bunch of stuff.  The stuff wasn't touching her so I don't think she
    got crushed.  How do I cope with this awful feeling?  I keep dwelling
    on her and its making me miserable.  Thanks for listening. 
    						Sue Fleck
    

    I'm so sorry.  Often when cats are ill they will "hole up".  I think
    if she had been in pain, she would have come to your door instead.
    Hugs...
              

     Sue,

     Try to be kind to yourself - I think, based on your description, I
     would have assumed the same (that Munch was off somewhere, surely
     not in the garage) - since nothing was blocking Munch in, there was
     no reason to feel s/he was trapped unnecessarily - remember that
     you did what you could in searching, watching, etc., and try not to
     feel guilty about not looking there.

     I've added Munch to the SLM listing for you.
     Hugs,
     Debbi
    

This cat was missing for two years when you found it?  I'm sorry you had to
go through this!

I haven't gone though this kind of thing, so I can't speak from experience,
but if it's really bothering you, you should find some friend or loved one
to talk it out with.

From your own message, there was no way you could have known what happened, 
and you -did- everything you could be expected to do.  Even if you had the
garage sale the next day, it might have been too late.  If you've been keeping 
up with this Notes file, you're aware that sometimes cats just die for unknown 
reasons, and there's nothing you could or can do.  Our friends don't necessarily 
tell us when they're not feeling well, and that's probably the biggest problem.  
It seems to me that the only way you can definitely tell that a cat is hurting 
is to see what's happening.  If you happened to be there at the right time, 
-maybe- you would get a chance to help.  And maybe you wouldn't.

At this point the only real concern is how to handle your grief.  I guess it 
might have been better never to have found out what happened, but you did.

I used to know someone who lost a cat.  This young orange (space cadet) just
didn't come home one day.  Since it was summer, and the cat tended to go
outside a lot, they didn't think much of it, until about a week later, on a
walk.  This woman and her husband were talking on an informal biking trail near 
their house, when they found the cat.  There was nothing they could have done 
for him, even if they'd found him immediately after he'd been hit.  Motor bikes 
can have wide tires.

Their fix for this situation, after a week or two of mourning, was to get a 
kitten.

  I don't know whether this will help, but my mother-in-law insists that when
a cat loves you, it will take off when it's time to die.  Her cat of 20 yrs 
found a remote spot on the ranch when it was her time.  I think that if there
had been anything you could have done to help, your kitty would have come to 
you instead of hiding out.  I wish I could say more to make you feel better,
but please don't feel guilt -- grief, yes, but no guilt.

			SQ

I fully agree with the prev note. Cats KNOW if it's time. And time can be there even if one is only 1 year old. Do
not blame yourself - and think in love of kitty who just wanted to save you from seeing it die. HUmans generally
are not strong enough to manage it that a loved cat dies on their lap... so even if it would be perhaps better for
astrange-feeling kitty (e.g.siamese), it would hide to save you.

I am strong enough to let my tears fall even in company (not manlike, eh?) and try to take as much as I can from
my friends - my dog knew this and came to me to die instead of hiding. The trauma and terror not to be able to
help but just watch him go was horrible - the reward was to be sure that he went peaceful and from my caressing
directly to rainbow bridge.

Let our fourlegged friends do what they seem to like - believe me, they know better - they live closer to God than
we.

Be comforted, my good wishings go your way.

Old Nat