Conference misery::feline

    When Holly was 5 we moved in with my inlaws, because our condo had been
    sold, and the land we were trying to get had title problems and so on
    and so on...
    
    Our situation was moving from a 4 room one level, multi apartment condo
    complex to my inlaws home, which is a two story cape type home, we were
    moving into what amounted to the second floor, like a suite two
    bedrooms and half bath.  I was 5 months pregnant on top of it all!
    
    The first few days she really kept herself scarce, she hid in this
    unbelievably small space under my hope chest, did not respond to
    anything that had worked in calling her before like rattling the pounce
    can, calling, moving things, making noise.
    
    Her annual vet appointment fell a few days after moving day, the vet
    gave me what she called "kitty downers" (a mild tranquilizer) that I
    should give her twice a day.  I cut the dose in half, and only used it
    about a week. She seemed to adjust well.  She was confined exclusively
    to the "suite" area.  My mother inlaw *hates* shall we say despises
    cats!  There was a point where we had a confrontation and told her that
    if she didn't want my cat at her house, then we would be looking for
    some interum rental property, until the house was ready, and we
    wouldn't be back when the baby was born!  She got the message loud and
    clear!
    
    Bottom line to my rambling, might be to try mild traquilizers for a
    week or so, lots of "lap time" when you are there, tons of treats for
    her, maybe even some catnip if that's a favorite.  Perhaps you could
    let her make a home (bedroom if you will) in the bottom of a closet,
    just remember to leave the door open so she can get in and out.
    
    I found that when cats are scared and unfamiliar with an area, they
    tend to hide in small, dark areas.  Holly has made a "nest" in our
    bedroom shelf unit, where we store our sweaters and sweats, WAY back in
    a corner on the carpet floor.
    
    Lyn

    Try leaving the radio playing quietly in the background, tuned to a
    musak station.  That may act as "white noise" and help mask the noises
    she can hear but can't identify, confront or overcome.  She is hearing 
    lots of strange noises she can't see and identify and that can be 
    stressful for a cat.  She may also be missing her old environment, 
    and the exercise.  She will get used to it in time, but in the mean
    time that can be stressful for you.  Could you also be feeling some
    guilt at moving her from that "cozy cottage"?  Don't, she will get used
    to the new place and settle in, it may take a little more time that you
    would expect but cats make the best of any situation and will soon find
    all the warm, comfortable places in your new home. 
    
    

    Good base note.
    
    My cat Shirley, who is now 6 years old has always been very timid.  She
    has her brother Vernon, from birth living with her and a few years ago
    when I moved and married found herself with another brother, Chadwick. 
    Chadwick is a huge 22lb bachelor kitty and behaves like most kitties
    who lived with single men for 5 years would.  Then, a year ago, we
    adopted a stranded female kitty who within the last few months has come
    out of hiding and loves to chase the other kitties around and play.
    
    Shirley has not adjusted as well as the rest of the clan.   Whenever
    the kitten, now one year old comes to play with her, she runs and hides
    and hisses.  Chadwick, on the other hand, she really lays into and
    tries to hit him with her paws and makes it clear that she wants
    nothing to do with him.  I have tried and on occasion, found them
    sleeping closely together but my husband constantly is telling Chad and
    Gypsy to "go get her" and forces the cats on her which sends her
    running and hissing.
    
    Well, to make a long story short, yesterday she was in the litter box
    doing her thing and was picked on alot that evening.  One of the cats
    walked by the box and she freaked, running down the stairs with do-do
    still on her hinney and my husband was rather upset.  He yelled at her
    and called her a whimp.  I was very upset to say the least because I
    feel that he has made her personality worse by proviking the other cats
    but he says they are just playing.  
    
    Is there any way to make her feel more at home in her own home?  Should
    I forget this situation and just let it go because her personality is
    one of a timid cat?  I ask my husband not to say things like "go get
    her" but I am sure he will not change his tune as he thinks its right
    to try and get them to play.
    
    I just felt so bad for her as he shut her out our bedroom last night
    because she was not clean (after I cleaned her completely) and worry
    that she will go into hiding for the rest of her life if this
    continues.
    
    HELP!
    
    cj
    
    

    I know that criticizing your husband is not a good thing for me to do
    but has it occurred to you that if he were tormenting a child the same
    way he is tormenting the poor cat you probably (hopefully) wouldn't
    stand for it?
    
    I read about people who think it is great fun to tickle others even when
    asked to stop.  To some people, being tickled is pure torture.  To set
    the other cats on this timid little cat is just the same.  She is going
    to get to a point where she will not use the litter box for fear of
    being attacked.  Will your husband be happy then?
    
    There is no reason why you should allow your husband to abuse the cat
    and that IS what he is doing. 

    
    I have to agree that your poor kitty is being traumatized and I have
    to say your husband, not the other cats, is to blame.  Cats "play" when
    they want and not when some human thinks they should.  Besides, 'Go get 
    her' is attacking not playing.   She may never get over it....
    
    I say you get a BIG German Shepherd and every time your husband walks by
    yell "go get him"!  Then just smile and say oh honey he just wants to
    play.
    
    

    I agree with the others.  Tell your husband to stop his games, and when
    the other cats pick on Shirley squirt them with a spray bottle filled
    with water.  My cat Kelsey is often picked on relentlessly by the other
    two, and when I am there to witness it they get sprayed with water and
    a firm NO usually sets things right again.
    
    You cannot force cats to play together.  Would your husband force you
    to spend time with people you don't care to socialize with?  Cats, like
    people, will either work out their differences on their own, or learn
    to avoid one another.
    
    

    re .4, .5 and .6, AMEN.
    
    And while you're spraying the "attack kitties" with water (this is very
    effective and doesn't hurt 'em a bit), spray the 2-legged bully with,
    um, lemme see now, how about...
    				    Chantilly Lace?  ]:3
    
    Leslie

    Well, I appreciate the concern and replies but to be honest, I have
    tried and tried and my husband honestly thinks that he is not bulleying
    them and they really like eachother and he isn't baggering them.  In
    fact, he does this to my other cat (telling Chad and Gyspy) to "go get
    em'!) but Verne plays back.  I just think sometimes they don't enjoy it
    because they start hissing, do their low hiss that only cats that are
    mad do, and their ears go back.  Sometimes Shirley will actually come
    running from upstairs to help Vern when Chad is on top of him and Verne
    is (to me anyways) yelling for help.  
    
    In the end, when the day is over and we go to bed, Shirley will come up
    my husband, sit on his chest and sit there and purr and get special
    pets from hubby.  Although lately, she has been on my side of the bed
    and dying for attention which I have been happy to provide her with.
    
    I just wish he would stop it.  Maybe when our first child is born, he
    will change because I worry about Chad's behavior alot with a newborn
    also.
    
    Thanks!
    cj
    
        

    Well, fortunately I have not experienced .3's situation. As to my
    original dilema..I'm happy to say that .1 and .2 were right - we've
    been in the new apartment for a little over a month now and she doesn't
    spend the entire time under the bed anymore. She is slowly seeking out
    her new "territories" and getting used to the new sounds. She is back
    to climbing all over me at night but I think we still have a ways to go
    before she is 100% back.