Conference cookie::notes$archive:cd_v1

253.0. "AUDIO LAWS" by OBLIO::WADE () Mon Jan 13 1986 15:30

 
 
                         Audio Anecdote
                             of the
                           <interval>
 
Todays episode: Truth
 
Ok, gang, In honor of the new year, I have decided to do  a  spe-
cial  issue.   Over  the years, I have formulated several laws of
acoustics, based on empirical evidence gathered in the  business.
So,  without  further  adieu,  I  give you "Dick Pierce's Laws of
Acoustics" (formerly "Suffolk Audio's Laws of Acoustics").
 
                          Dick Pierce's
                        Laws Of Acoustics
 
     First Law:
 
          Any idiot can design a loudspeaker  and,  un-
          fortunately, many do.
 
     Second Law:
 
          You can say anything you want, who's to prove
          you wrong?
 
     Third Law:
 
          The right  amount  of  magnet  is  the  right
          amount of magnet.
 
     Fourth Law:
 
          The only transient of significance in the au-
          dio  business is tranquility.  It is also the
          briefest.
 
     Fifth Law:
 
          Accuracy of reproduction is determined by how
          well  a  sound  system models someones warped
          set of pre-conceived notions.
 
     Sixth Law:
 
          In audio, as  elsewhere,  fool-proof  systems
          prove the existance of fools.
 
     Seventh Law:
 
          The size of a woofer  is  determined  not  by
          desired  low-frequency  response, but by per-
          ceived sexual dysfunction.  After  all,  it's
          not the mass, it's the motion.
 
     Eighth Law:
 
          Price buys not performance but paranoia.
 
     Ninth Law:
 
          The most outspoken experts  on  concert  hall
          sonic reality have seldom, if ever, been to a
          concert.
 
     Tenth Law:
 
          The more money spent on an audiophile system,
          the less time spent on listening to music.
 
     Eleventh Law:
 
          In a minimum-phase system there is  an  inex-
          tricable  link  between  frequency  response,
          phase response  and  transient  response,  as
          they  are all merely transforms of one anoth-
          er.  This  combined  with  minimalization  of
          open-loop  errors  in  output  amplifiers and
          correct compensation for  non-linear  passive
          crossover  network loading can lead to a sig-
          nificant decrease in system resolution  lost.
          However,  this  all  means jack shit when you
          listen to Pink Floydd.
 
     Twelfth Law:
 
          All small state-of-the-art audio  manufactur-
          ers  are  really manifestations of Phinias T.
          Barnum.
 
     Last Law:
 
          The audio business is no place for reasonable
          people to make a living.
 
 
Respectfully, (-:
 
Dick Pierce

[original header:]

Newsgroups: net.audio
Path: decwrl!decvax!genrad!panda!teddy!rdp
Subject: Audio Anecdote of the <interval>
Posted: 6 Jan 86 19:20:41 GMT
Organization: GenRad, Inc., Concord, Mass.

Ahhhh...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.   This is one we can probably find universal
agreement on.

Walt