Conference marvin::uk_music

Nice one, I like it
    
    Ian..

    DAMN!!, All that typing and I find another Capital Radio listener.
    
    	Gary.

    
    
    How about this one?
    
    Once upon a time there was a woman called Greta who had a son 
    called Desmond.  
 
    Greta was a cleaner at DeathPark and one night she took Desmond with 
    her to help clean the canteen floor.  She tied a piece of rag to his 
    right knee which had been dipped in liquid floor polish.  
    
    Des had been polishing the floor now for a few hours when he complained
    that his knee was getting rather hot due to friction!
    
    His mother said..........
    
    Name that tune!
           

    
    All you need is love?????
    
    (oil-your-knee-Des-love)

    Well done!
    
    Can we have another one please.
    

    Here's an easy one.....
    
    Once upon a time there was a young man called Francis.
    
    Francis worked for Digital and was always under presure. One
    day he went to his doctor to see if the doctor could help, but
    all the doctor could suggest was a holiday.
    
    Some weeks later in the office a collegue was looking for francis
    but was told what his doctor had said...........
    
    
    
    

    "Relax, Frankie, go to Hollywood"
    
    Dave

    Yep right (but it was an easy one)
    
    Gary.
    
    
    Next ?

    Seeing as nobody can come up with anything.......
    
    
    Many years' ago when everything wasn't mass produced in plastic
    and/or rubber there was a foundry where childerens toys were made.
    
    The head foundry-man (?) was called Arnold. Arnold had an apprentice
    called Roderick who had very bad eyesight and was always dropping
    things and generally making a mess. 
    
    Arnold was concerned about Rodericks' eyesight, as the light generated
    by the molten metal could, and was more than likely doing damage
    to poor Rodericks' eyes.
    
    Here I highlight one particular case....
    
    The foundry had an order in to make 1000 hollow metal balls from
    the finest materials, in fact they were to be almost transparent!!
    
    The moulds had been made.
    The Metal had been made ready.
    
    Arnold and Roderick were ready to pour when Arnold told Roderick
    
    "Don't look at the light son, look away. Focus you're eyes on the ceiling"
    
    What did Arnold REALLY say to Roderick ?
    
    Name that tune....
     
    p.s.
    
    If you get it right...........enter a new one!
    

    
    Manfred Mann's - Blinded by the Light !
    
    P.S. (A Wild Guess)
    
    Walker "Angry Young Man of Pop"

    Sorry A.Y.M.O.P..
    
    The clues are in the story!.
    
    Gary

    Give up ?
    or wanna clue ?
    
    (-:

    Yeah, gis a clue...

    
    
    Clue:
    
    		The name of the group can be found by re-naming or
    		describing in a different way what Arnold and Roderick 
    		were making.
    
    		Gary

    Is the band "Sphere of Best-tinny"?
    
    Ian

    Sorry. Wrong again.

    Hope this one is'nt too cryptic. ;-)
    
    Gary

.16�                            -< Keith Moon said.... >-...
		...LED ZEPPELIN...
                                                            

    Stairway to Heaven 
    
    ;-)
    
    - Dave Keating
    

    Yea!!!!
    
    Somebody got it.
    
    Got one for us Dave ?
    
    Gary

    
  .19�                  -< Give that man a round of applause. >-
   

    clapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclap
    clapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclap
    clapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclap

    
    When I started to read this particular topic I honestly
    didn't have a clue what was going on. But now I'm getting
    the 'jist' of it!!. So give us a day or so and I'll put
    one in here. In the meantime feel free to enter one of 
    your own...
    
    - Dave K.
      

    > In the meantime feel free to enter one of 
    > your own...  
      
    Thanks Dave....... :-)
                       
    Many years ago in France there was a painter who had managed to
    get himself into debt.
    
    He had so many unpaid bills you could use them as wallpaper.
    
    In order to pay of some of his bills he decided to have a sale
    and try to make some quick cash.
    
    He was doing quite well until the rent man came along and demanded
    payment. 
    
    The painter had not yet made enough to pay his rent, and when he 
    explained this to the rent collector the rent collector said he 
    would take one of his pictures as part payment and collect the rest
    later. The painter did'nt like this and protested, but the rent
    man would not listen.
    
    Just then a local tart arrived (unknown to the rent man she was
    a friend of the painters') and lured the rent many away with promises
    of a good night at no cost!!.
    
    As the rent collector and the tart strolled away the painter thought
    to himself................
    
    Name that tune.
    
    
    
    

    Freebird........a good guess!?
    
    Sharon

    Sorry Ms Fox.
    
    Wrong.
    
    Gary :-)
    
    Anybody want a clue ?

    No we don't want a clue yet, i've got another idea!
    
    Money for Nothing!  Dire Straits?
    
    Sharon (this must be it this time!)

    Ok Foxy, you got right it this time.......
    Just wait till the next one....
    
    	Gary.

    OK, here's mine now.................an easy one!
    
    Robin Hood was teaching his 10 year old son archery.
    He is very worried about his son's lack of ability when it
    comes to archery because although he was only 10 he should 
    have a natural flair for it.....just like his dad!  But poor 
    Robin junior just doesn't seem to be able to hit any of the 
    targets!
    
    Robin is so determined to make him hit something he slaps him
    hard around the head and then stands back away from him about
    20 feet.  "I'll wager you can't even arrow your old dad at this
    short distance!" Robin senior jeers!
    
    "Go on..................................."
    
    Name that Tune!
    
    

    
    Well, I doubt that this is the answer, but it should get me an "A"
    for effort anyway...
    
    Simon & Garfunkel, "Mrs. Robinson"  (Misses Robin's son) ?
    
    Ok, it's a long shot....8^)8^)
    
    Ian!

    I love it!..................but your right.........it's not the
    answer!
    
    Very good though.................i'd never have thought of that
    one..........the answer's much easier!
    
    Sharon

    "Hit me with you're best shot"
    
    Can't remember the group/Singer.
    
    Gary

    re. -1
    �       Can't remember the group/Singer.
          
    Pat Benatar.
    
    Ian.

    Not you're...........your.............but yes that's right!
    
    Pat Benetar was the singer
    
    Sharon
    
    Your turn!

    In the not to distant future there is a war between two giant
    Airline company's; British Caledonian and British Airways.
    
    The people fighting for BCAL shout "Up with BCAL!!!"
    The people fighting for BA shout "Down with BCAL!!!"
    
    Eventually the BCAL Army wins.
    
    The army returns to their castle and are greeted by the king.
    
    "Well done lads!!, tonight, as a prize for your efforts in defeating
    the evil BA you may go to the local cathouse and have what you wish
    for free!!!!!"
    
    They go along to the house of ill repute and have a great time!!.
    But when morning arrives and they start to leave they find that
    all their armour has been stolen. In order to get back to the castle
    they have to 'borrow' the bed sheets from the cathouse.
    
    The King, who is looking over his balcony spots his army on the
    horizon and stares in disbelief.
    
    What does the king see ?
    
    Name that tune. (and group)
    
                     

    procul hareem
    

    
    
    OK clever dick!!
    
    Your turn Mr.Burke.

    >So give us a day or so and I'll put
    >one in here.
    
    Come on Mr. Keating...
    
    
    :-)
    
    Gary

    OK OK !!! give us a break Gary(I can take a hint). To tell the
    truth I did have one last week but it was so obscure that I forgot
    the tune myself �?
    
    - Dave K.

    
    
    	Star date 36.24.36 sector seven.
    
    		The star ship SS Secondprize is patroling the area
    searching for captain Berk's lost girlfriends when all hell breaks
    loose. the camramen wobble the cameras, the actors throw themselves
    around the set and the tape drives suddenly start to rewind and
    spew tape all over the floor." Thee engeens cannee take it cap'n"
    shouts the alien chief engineer. Its the "klingons" shouts Uhuru
    "load the andrex cannon" shouts Berk, "This does not compute" says
    Splot surveying the constantly spinning tape reels. "I'm on the wrong
    set" muses Mr Smith. "We're being catapaulted toowards that odd looking
    planet with cardboard rocks" says the navigational aid "and its
    stuffed full of Berks old Girlfriends".
    
    	Berk hitches up his truss, smoothes his hair, stares sexily
    into the camera and says "I'm going down to check it out, Snotty,
    Voodoo, come with me to the transformer room.
    
     Beeeeeeeeeeouououououououououonnnngggggggggg....
    
    
    Fizzzzzzeeeeeeeeoioioioioioinnnnggggggg....
    
    Our intrepid explorers are on the surface of the planet and all
    around them are groups of nubile young alien women and dashing handsom
    young alien men in all sorts of positions. drinking eating cavorting
    contorting etc etc. Three of the most beautiful women on the planet
    rush up to our heros and within minutes they are joining in with
    total abandon. After being immersed in bodies for several minutes
    (including the commercial break) Berk says to Snotty,
    
    This place is a really......

    
    
    Nice try but no cigar...
    
    Ya wanna clue????
    

    
    Male singer has now revoked all interest in making music to follow
    a religion.

    Has to be Cat Stevens right ??
    
    R
     

    While I got "Error reading HEART" you beat me to it!!  Of course,
    that's it!
    
    Sue :-)

    
    
    Thats the one folks.....
    
    G

			My Great Ambition.
			-----------------

For many years now I have been fascinated by famous people. Not 
just any ol' celebrity but specifically female vocalists or
lead singers into Rock/R'n'B. Oh I can see ye all going 'nudge,
nudge,;-),;-)' now !!!. But thats not all...the girl I'm after
(see below for intentions) is someone in the Marianne Faithful,
Stevie Nicks mode,ie. someone approaching or in the *twilight*
of their 'illustrious' music career.

Now when I finally secure this famous woman I want to do the 
honourable thing and MARRY her!!! (hey this is my ambition so 
don't :-)). I really want her to be happy and away from all
the deadly dangers of the music trade. I want to keep her in a
handy place at all times and close to my body!!!. Oh this is 
getting 'smutty' so I'll stop here ;-).

  Right boys and girls you've read my great ambition. Now 
  can you summarise it in one sentence ie. 'Name That Tune'

  Bonus points if you can name the singer ;-)

- Dave K.

	ps 'there was a young man called dave
	    who kept a dead ***** in a cave'

    
    
    	"Let Me Be Your Shelter" I think is the name of the song.
     and the band The brilliant "Lone Justice"
    
    
    
    	Tim....

    
    I want your body......
    
    Sam Fox  8-) ;-)

Doubtful, but here goes;

"Wishing Upon A Star" - Rose Royce ?

I don't even know if it was a hit over in the UK like it was here in
the late '70s, but it's my $.02 worth.

Alan S.

Dreaming - Blondie ?

Alan S.

    Pearl's a singer

    I think it's time we had a clue!
    
    What year are we talking about?
    
    Sharon
    

    "Lying in the arms of Mary"
    
    by
    
    Smokey
    

    You either mean "Lying in the arms of Mary" by Sutherland Brothers
    and Quiver, or you mean "Living next door to Alice" by Smokey....
    
    Ha!

OK, I'll take another shot at it (I have no pride!)

Somebody to Love - Jefferson Airplane

(Grace Slick did look good in those days....)

Alan S.

.49�  can you summarise it in one sentence ie. 'Name That Tune'
                                                **************
    That't the key point,concentrate on the the *song* NOT the
    singer. The song was popular in the '60's(i think?) I know
    of one person who sang it but there may have been more.
    BTW just because I allude to a woman in my 'ambition' doesn't
    mean the singer of the song *in question* is female.
    
    - Dave K.

    Dave,
    
    	"Stand by your man", Dolly Parton ?
    
    Gary

    re .65
    
    No,it's not DP Gary. The singer I have in mind is NOT female.!!!
    So that rules out Dolly Parton,Elaine Page,Sheena Easton,Michael
    Jackson and Boy George!!!!                  
    
    

    
    
    
    	How about,
    
    
          "I wanna be your man"  can't remember the name of the singer(s)
    
    
    
    
    			Grub.....

    "Peggy-Sue got married" - Buddy Holly & the Crickets ?
    
    Gary

Wasn't there a hit in the 60s called "Work With Me, Annie"?
I don't remember the artist....
And it would refer to Ann Wilson of Heart....

Just another guess from...

Alan S.

    re last two.
    
    It's none of these,but the answers are getting 'better'.
    Keep guessing, remember this is supposed to be *cryptic*.
    
    I want this out of the way by the weekend!!!. So far Mr
    HAZEL::STARR has come the closest and deserves to get a
    medal. In fact his...

	.54�"Wishing Upon A Star" - Rose Royce ?
                         
    ...was a good shot. Actually Alan your name and the above
    title both contain one of the words in this *elusive*
    title. Need I spell it out **** ;-)
    
    - Dave K.
                                

    
    Star Gazer (sp?)  - Dionne Warwick ???

Damn, why can't I think of more songs with 'star' in the title?

"You Don't Have To Be A Star (To Be In My Show)" - ???? (I forget)
"Star Star" - The Rolling Stones  (I know this isn't right)
"Shining Star" - Earth, Wind, and Fire (doubtful)

I dunno, I think I give up....

Alan S.

    
    It wouldn't be ol' Kiki and "Star" again, would it?  Nahhhh, surely not.
                                                                       
    Ian!

    Again it's none of the last few. But keep those STAR
    tunes rolling....someone's bound to *fall* on the right
    one. Let's give it till monday and decide!!!
    
    - Dave K
    

    
    
    Its not... It cant be.... Maybe...
    
    Star F**ker   By Mick and the Stones
         ^
         |
    isnt this just the chorus???

    
>    Its not... It cant be.... Maybe...
>    
>    Star F**ker   By Mick and the Stones

Naw, I know its not 'cause I guessed this in .73. The real name of the
song is "Star Star".

Alan S.

    Catch a Falling Star????
    
    Mazzer
    

    Well done Mazzer, yes it's 'Catch a falling Star and put it 
    in your Pocket' sung by Perry Como (I think)!!!
    
     N E X T . . .
    
    
    
    

    
    
    Quick!!! tell me what album will I be listening to tonight at twelve 
    minutes past nine.    
    
    Gary.

    Sorry Dave. Wrong.
    
    Gary.

    Has it got anything to do with the words Calamine Lotion?
    

    Rush, 21:12
    
    Who's a clever girl then?
    

    I'm sure I was right, so I'll have a go now if nobody minds.
                                        
    Once upon a very long time ago, there was a group of travelling conmen,
    who would dress up in fine clothes, go down to Oxford Street and
    sell their exclusive wares (otherwise known as "dodgy jewellery")
    from milk crates, outside Selfridges.
    
    One day, a young man by the name of Bertram Blenkinsop soptted these
    conmen selling their dubious jewellery (otherwise known as "exclusive
    wares) and decides he would buy a present for his long suffering
    wife!
    
    Young Bert purchased what he believed was a gold chain for his spouse,
    but when he got home and presented his gift to her, he discovered,
    that not only were his hands black and the chain was not real gold,
    he had in fact been "done" by the conmen and all he had was?
                               
    Name That Tune.............                                                  

    
    Yes Pat, Right. Quick being 'Rush' and the time on a 24 hour clock.
    
    PS how do you spell 'soptted'
    
    Gary. ;-)

    Not nice to take the Mick, Gary, nobodies perfect, I'll see you
    later!!
    

re: .86

All he had was 'Love over Gold'?
And was he in 'Dire Straits' with his wife?

Alan S.
who_says_if_I_keep_guessing_enough_I'll_eventually_get_one

    Well thought out ........ but wrong!

  
    
    Plastic Bertrand.....
    

    Come down off the ceiling Mr Burke .......... very, very, very wrong
    
    Pat B

    Hello is there anybody out there?
    

    OK if you insist, I'll give you a clue!
    
    To find the name of the group, what would be another word for "conmen"
    
    Come on .... it couldn't be easier.

    Brass in pocket (I think)

    You think absolutely right!

    Ok folky wokies....
    
    	Rambo was crusin' down the M4 at ten to eight one mornin heading
    west from the big smoke when all of a sudden he picks up something
    on his CB radio about a shoot out in Newbury.
    
    	Keen to get a piece of the action, our hero speeds off down
    the road but (as is usual for that time of the morning) he hits
    a four mile tail back of traffic between the Reading junctions.
    
    	After an hour of sitting in the crush he hears that the shoot
    out has finished and he is soooo pi**ed off that he stuffs his Armalite
    into his mouth chews it up and swallows the lot bullets and all
    (even left the safety catch off).
    
    Name that tune........

    
    "Eton Rifles" - The Jam.
     
     Gary.            
     

    
    	OK Clever Dick.......
    
    	Your turn.......

    
    
    A group of chaps were having a drink at the local watering hole
    one night when the conversation turned to football. 
    
    "I'm going to see Liverpool tomorrow" said one
    "Yea!!, mind if I come with you ?" said another.
    
    This went on for some time until all had agreed to go to the
    match the next day, all that is except one, Cedric.
    
    "Oh come on Ced', you can come along as well, I'll give you a
     lift"
    
    "NO. I don't like football and I'm not going."
    
    The others tried to persuade him to go with them but he just
    would not budge. In the end the chap who had started the whole
    conversation turned to Cedric and gave him one last chance to 
    change his mind, but alas he would not.
    
    Tempers were getting short.
    
    "OK then Ced', I don't care weather you want to go or not but we're 
    all going, see you later."
    
    They all left the pub and left poor Cedric sat on his own.
    
    
    
    
    
    Name that tune. 

    "Rise To The Occasion - Climbie Fisher!

    Who ?
    
    Sorry Mzzz Barratt, but you're wrong.
    
    ;-)
    
    Gary

    You can't ask for a clue yet, you haven't even had a guess!
    

    
    
    How about......
    
    		'On My Own' - By some soul singer...!
    
    Now can I have a clue....?
    
    

    Well Gary, can he have a clue now?
    

    
    
    OK then......
         
        "Oh come on Ced', you can come along as well, 

         
     Re-write part of this line to get the name of the group.
              
    
     Gary :-)

    
    Should I Stay or Should I Go
    
    The Clash
    
    Walker 'Angry Young Man of Pop'
    

    
    Good Guess, but alas....Wrong.
    
    Gary

Don,t know the song but is the group Deacon Blue?

Tony_who_guessed_dire_straits_earlier_on.

    Sorry, not Deacon Blues' "Dignity".
    
    Gary

    I will follow - U2
    

    Well the group is right but not the tune........
                                            
    10...9....8...7...6....
    
    Gary
    

    
    Eureka!
    
    "A Day Without Me"  -- U2
    
    I'm right, aren't I?
    
    
    GCA/
    
    

    
    Sorry, wrong.
    
    Come on guys!!!!
    
    
    Gary

    
    "With or Without You" -- U2
    
    
    I'm not believing it, though.
    
    
    GCA/
    
    

    
    
    YEAAAAA!!!!! 
    
    Six guesses and he's got it.
    For those of you who were baffled (eg. BARRATTP).........
    

    
    .100> "Oh come on Ced', you can come along as well, I'll give you a
    .100> lift"
    
    Read as "U2" can come along.
    
     
    .100> "OK then Ced', I don't care weather you want to go or not but we're 
    .100> all going, see you later."

                                
    Read as "With or without you" we're going.
                                
    
    Gary Just_wait_for_my_NEXT_one!!!

    
    Gary: Six guesses?  More like 2!
    
    Here we go:
    ********************
    
    	A group of Contra rebels are stationed out in the hills of Nicaragua,
    fighting the government force.  One that is new to the fighting, Jose,
    is busily loading his M-16 and firing while his comrades load their own
    rifles. 
    	
    	All of a sudden, Jose runs out of ammunition.  There is none
    left in his crate and he scurries back to the supplies to find more.
    He picks up a crate of captured Soviet ammunition and hurries back
    to his smoking gun.
    
    	Carlos, Jose's friend, seeing what he has done, cries out (in
    Spanish, of course) "Wait!"
    
    	"What's wrong?" Jose answers.
    
    	"You shouldn't use that ammunition; here, ___________
    ________," Carlos says as he hands him a different crate.
    
    Name that tune!
    
    	

    
    
    Picking up pebbles..
    
    
    R

    
    Red box - "Open up the red box"
    
    Gary

    
    
    Nope, guys.
    
    	The answer is much easier than that.  The story is packed full
    of clues......
    
    	GCA/
    
    
    

    
    
    The Music form the film "Top Gun" - "Take my breath away" ?
    
    Gary

    
>    < Note 102.122 by SUBURB::MCSHANEG "Alas poor Yorik..I knew him well" >
    
>    The Music form the film "Top Gun" - "Take my breath away" ?

    	What?
    
    	I know you guys know it.
    
    	GCA/
    
    

I think I got it...

"Washington Bullets" by The Clash from 'Sandanista'!

You were right - it was full of clues!

Hmmmm, that means I have to create one now. I'll be back after lunchtime
here (a cuple of hours away) with a new one (assuming I'm right).

Alan S.

>    < Note 102.124 by HAZEL::STARR "You ain't nothin' but fine, fine, fine!" >

>I think I got it...

>"Washington Bullets" by The Clash from 'Sandanista'!

>You were right - it was full of clues!

    Of course I was right, and so are you!
    
    Congrats, Alan, I *knew* someone could do it.
    
    
    GCA/
     
    (eagerly awaiting the next "Name That Tune.")
    	

OK, here goes:

*********************************************************************

  Once there was a guy named Bob, whose wife kept nagging him to fix up
things around the house. Well, after watching the rain pour in from the
ceiling for the tenth day in a row, Bob decided that maybe his darling
wife was right, and decided to fix the roof on the first day he could.

  Sure enough, a couple days later, the sun appeared. So Bob took a drive
to his local store, where he bought some tar and some shingles so he
could redo his roof. He was even happy that he got a good bargain in
the process!

  But, when he got home, things didn't go so well. The tar that he had
bought was very cheap stuff, and kept tearing. He realized that this
would be a useless project unless he bought a higher quality tar. So
off he goes, back to the store. When he approached the manager to 
complain, the manager told him some helpful secrets. "What you do is
wait until a very hot day", says the manager, "then put up the tar. But
before putting on the shingles, let the moisture seep out of the tar.
That will give you a better and drier roof."

  So Bob gets the better tar, and goes home to wait for a hot day.
Soon it arrives, and Bob sets to work. This time he lays the tar down 
properly, and steps back to admire his work. You could already see 
the moisture leaking out of the tar, forming little drops of water 
at the edge of his roof (sort of reminded him of teardrops, but he was 
too happy to think about anything like that).

  Just then a friend of his came by, complaining about the heat. And Bob
replies:

"Why don't you come in and have a beer _____________________________"?

**************************************************************************

This could be a real toughie, but I did my best. (I couldn't make it
too easy - that wouldn't be fun!). 

Alan S.

    While My guitar Gently Weeps, by The Beatles.
    
    (while my wet tar gently seeps?)
    
    Probably wrong,
    /joe
    

>                             -< shot in da dark! >-

A hit in the dark!

>    While My guitar Gently Weeps, by The Beatles.

Yup!
    
>    (while my wet tar gently seeps?)
    
Nope - I was thinking of "while my good tar gently weeps"
    
I thought it was too hard, so I put in a lot of clues to help you. I
guess I put in too many - it went too quick!

Take it away, Joe!

Alan S.

    Still making one up.  I'm much better at guessing than at making.
    
    It will probably be real easy.
    
    Sorry for the delay!
    
    /joe

    This might be too easy.  Or too hard.  You can shoot me if it stinks.
    
    I used to be the financial manager for our local town-sponsered acting
    company.  We would put on plays and such, funded by the town council.
    
    One year, the town budget was really in a bind, and they had to cut
    back on their spending.  We were low man on the totem pole, so our
    budget was cut by half.  Acting quickly, we were able to scrounge up a
    LOT of donated money from people.  We couldn't let the town's fiscal
    managers know about this, or they would have taken every penny from us
    under the premise that we could obviously raise our own funds.  To be
    honest, this was quite true, but.. well.. we were lazy!
    
    The first show of the year was well-attended.  In fact, the hall was
    packed to the brim.  We noticed that most of the town budget commision
    was there --- no doubt to see how well we'd make out with almost no
    money.
    
    Needless to say, the sets were lavish and we more than made our money
    back.   The show was a total success, leaving most of the audience in
    tears from the heart-string-pulling goings-on.  I don't remember the
    name of the play exactly, but it certainly was saccharine enough! 
    Every scene played like a miniature soap-opera.
    
    As I was clearing the tills from the box office, the council supervisor
    (who was not one for the arts, let me tell you!) approached me holding
    a slightly thick bundle of papers.  I gulped.
    
    "That was quite a production," he stated. "I surprised you did so well,
     considering your TINY budget... you wouldn't have happened to get some
     OUTSIDE FUNDING, now would you?"
    
    I tried to look calm and cool. "We cut corners here and there, had some
    good luck with people, that sort of thing.  The set design costs were
    quite small."
    
    He glared at me. "That says maybe.  I know people, and people don't
    like to work for free.  You might have been able to scrounge those sets
    up, but those actors must have been paid quite an amount to get them to
    act in such a cloying, sappy entertainment!  They could NOT have been
    paid from this!" He held out the papers.  They were the yearly budget,
    with our entry circled in red.
    
    Thinking fast, I held up the cash I had collected from the box office
    attendants. "Ah, but you failed to realise something, sir! You see....."
    
    
    name that tune.
    
    I'll be amazed if anyone gets this... then again, I got "while my good
    tar gently weeps"....
    
    /joe
    

    
    
    Sweet - "Blockbuster"
    
    Gary

    Money For Nothing - Dire Straits!
    

    I guess for every one, -someone- has to guess a Dire Straits tune! :-)
    
    No and no.  Hint: it's more of a pun than an indirect reference... like
    "While my good tar.."  That sort of thing.
    
    If you look for some silly phrasing in my entry, you might find some
    clues...
    
    (this will either be a good one or I'll get very embarrassed)
    
    /joe
    

    Ah go on Joe, Ge'us a HINT.....
    

    Its not style council or Tom Petty and the heartbreakers by any
    chance????
    

    OK.  This will probably make it a mercifully short game of "throw out
    the titles of all their hits", but...
    
    the group is Eurythmics ...  (get it? "no Tourists..."? heh? heh?)
    
    /joe

    Is it 'Sweet dreams are made of this'?
    
    	Only because of the references to 'sweet' things.
    

    re -1
    
    and there might be a connection(of sorts) between
    	Dreams and Dramas ???
    

    Like I said, it's a pun.  If you can give me the pun as well, you got
    it.
    
    /joe

    Has this been answered ?
    
    Gary.

    > Has this been answered ?

    I guess so.  It's gone on too long.  The answer I was -really- looking
    for was:
              "Sweet Dreams (are made of this)" because
              "Sweet Scenes are paid from this".

    You can all shoot me now for something so lame.

    Sigh.  I need a pinch question-maker...

    /joe

    .137
    
    Have you got one ?
    
    Gary_who_has_a_great_one_but_cant_put_one_in_'til_I_answer_one.
    
    :-)

    Go on then Gary, let's hear yours!
    

    I think its my turn, so here's a much less 'cryptic' one than the
    last.
    
	Mike Gatting was definitely in the doldrums. After his sourcy going-ons 
in a hotel room during the last test serires, he had been temporarily dropped 
from the England cricket team and given a good going over by the "Most 
influential voices in British sport" (i.e. the gutter press.)
	Later when the English team where getting slightly pulverised by the 
spin bowling of the delicately built West Indian cricket chaps, the English 
selectors once again turned to their fallen "rolly-polly" hero and ex-captain. 
However during his absence from the team, another 'English sporting hero' 
Bobby Robson, had made him a better offer.
	So when Mr Gatting appeared before the board of selectors they were 
surprised to here him say, "Listen sirs, during my imposed absence Mr Robson 
the football team manager came to me and said,'Mike, I know you're having 
problems with the gin swillers of the cricket world, so why don't you come and 
join the beer swillers of the football world. After our European Championship 
disaster we are going to have to reorganize our whole defence, and we are 
looking for a man like you to fill one of the fullback roles, so what do you 
think Mike? ....................................."
         
    
    Name that tune!!
    
    

    "I won't let the SUN go down on me" - Elton John ?
    
    Gary @ RDL

    Chuckle worthy, but no.

...... "Wanna be in my gang " - Gory Bitter ??

	Just a thought !

	woof bark meow

    some of the words are right, but no

.148�    some of the words are right, but no

    Well howsabout 'Back on the Chain Gang'   The Pretenders  ???
    

    Nop, 
    
    	Clue; Bobby Robson actually wanted him for RIGHT BACK.

    
    The song is "Have I the right"
    
    Chorus - "...come right back to me this minute..."
    
    But I can't think of the group. Could be Gerry and the Pacemakers
    or some other group of that ilk!!.
    
    Gary @ RDL

    tsk tsh chuckle, nop.
    

    Get Back.....
    

    Arf arf in Gattings case it would be 'stick the chubby on the right
    hand side.'
    
    No and No,  the song was by Joe Jackson.

	"Don't wanna be like that ? " - JJ

	as in "don't wanna be right back " ????


	confused of G2

	woof bark meow

    
    ......from the album "Body and Soul" ..........
    

    Would it be "Be My Number Two" by the said Joe Jackson.
    
    - Dave K.

    It certainly is, I'm glad you got that I was beginning to think
    it was to way out.
    
    	On you go ......
    
    
    		Steve

    Anyone going to enter a new one here???
    

    
    If you've not got one Dave I have...
    
    Gary :-)

    Ignus Caput or fire ahead gary....
    

                            
    Fred, Sid, Malcolm, Colin and Mike were good friends. Every year
    about this time they would all meet up at Sids' house and go off
    on a fishing trip for a couple of weeks. Normaly they would each
    take their own cars and set of in convoy fasion. This year was different.
                                                              
    This year there was a severe lack of funds. And so they decided
    that they would all chip in for petrol and go in the biggest car,
    this happened to be the station waggon owned by Colin. He did'nt
    mind as they had decided that he would not have to contribute to
    the cost of the petrol as it was his car.
    
    A last the day came and they went off as usual.
    
    On first night they pitched there tents by the river and sat around
    the fire chatting and eating the days' catch. As time went on they 
    drank more and more beer, and eventually the tounges loosened and the
    conversation came round to their Wifes and loved ones.
                                                                 
    "My Wife and I have been married for eight years now, and were still
    as happy as the day we were married", said Sid.
    
    In turn they all had something to say along the same lines, all
    except Malcolm. Malcolm was not married, and of course felt the
    odd one out.
    
    "Do you have any plans to marry ?", asked Mike
    Poor Malcolm looked hasseled 
    
    "Well guys to tell you the truth, I've asked her many time to marry me 
    but I keep getting a negative responce"
    
    "Don't worry Malc" said Fred "Just remember the old proverb........
    
    Name that tune.
                                     
    
    

    Someone take a guess at this one please, Gary's getting very depressed,
    he thinks we're all ignoring him, which is probably a very good
    idea.                    

    Okay, because we don't want Gary getting depressed on a Friday
    afternoon, I'll take a stab at it.  Is it....
    
    'You Can't Always Get What You Want' ????

    ??  Northern Pikes...
    
    something along the lines "....the world is just a marble in the
    palm of your hand"....
    

Is it something By Freddy and the Dreamers??
    

    
     
    Sorry guys!
    
    None right yet.
    
    Both the artist and the title of the song are contained.
                                                
    Gary.
    

    
    Got to be..  Fill Colin's...
    
    		 You Can't hurry love....
    

    
    Well done Mr.B.
    Got one ?
    
    Gary @ RDL
    
    

    Sorry about the delay chappies, will post a dittie later 2day.
    
    Gavin (who_is_wracking_his_bwains_to_think_of_a_good_one)
    

    
    Our four fishing heroes didnt have much luck over the next couple
    o' days and after catching several minnows and a car tyre they decide
    to jack it all in. Unwilling to go home early they decide to explore
    the area that they are visiting . After a couple of days trudging
    around in the forest having a marvellous time they finally end up
    in a small hostelry. Our intrepid explorers decide to stay the night
    in the Inn before setting out in the morning.
    
    	That evening, sitting around a glowing fire in the parlour our
    friends are exchanging anecdotes and talking about the last few
    days, slowly getting more and more sozzled until they eventually
    all turn in for the night.
    
    	During the evening there is this almighty mommy and daddy of
    a thunderstorm and the rain pours down. all the rivers are flooding
    and the small ford that they crossed is flooded. The only way back
    from the Inn was an extra 160 miles out of their way.
    
    	In the morning our rather subdued heroes are discussing their
    plight and Colin says, "What a pity. After such a lovely walk were
    going to have to..........."

    Take the long way home (I think its something like that)
    
    Supertramp??
    
    Tony

    You got it in one Tony, over too you
    Gavin

    One day the Smith family, Mummy, Daddy, Johnny, Suzie and Granny
    decided to take a trip up to London to look at Buckingham Palace,
    Trafalgar Square and the other sights. So being a fine day in may
    off they trotted out to the faithful family Reliant three wheeler.

    'Oh No' said mummy, 'now that Granny's living with us we'll never
    all get into the Reliant! What will we do?'
    
    'We'll have to put someone on the roof rack' said daddy.
    
    'Fine, up you get' set mummy
    
    'Oh no', said daddy, 'I can't go up there. I've just got my new
    suit back from the tailor, it'll be ruined'
    
    'Well I'm not going up there either' said mummy
    
    'I know', said daddy, 'we'll stick granny up there. We'll make sure
    she takes some of her sleeping pills then when she's dozed off we'll
    fasten her on top with some rope'
    
    So they set off down the motorway with mummy and daddy in the front,
    the kids in the back and granny strung up on the roof rack, asleep.
    However before long the kids started shouting: 'Mummy, Daddy, the
    ropes have come loose and granny's flailing about all over the place'.
    
    'Oh ****', said daddy, 'We'll have to stop and......'
    
    
    Name that tune

.177�    'Oh ****', said daddy, 'We'll have to stop and......'

    'Tie yer mother down' - Queen

    Bah! Took me ages to think it up as well,
    
    Off you go.....

    
    I'll throw it open....anyone wanna go?
    
    
    			Si

    Go on Moxley, Have a go dont be so lazy.......
    
    Gavin 8*}

Ok then, try this...

There was once a chap who *loved* to dress nattily, y'know the sort of 
thing, new threads every other day, street cred coming out of his ears, bit 
like Delbert Wilkins ya'know?

His mates would always comment on this by telling him, 'Hey Joe, why do you 
always ******* *******' (name that tune)


			Si

    ....who is Delbert Wilkins??
    
    The Foreigner

    Delbert Wilkins is a character created by Lenny Henry (UK comedian).
    He is a sort of spoof ultra sharp guy from Brixton, South London
    
    Tony

    Isn't Lenny Henry from the Black Country?
    
    Just answer this one and I promise the rathole'll be closed!
    
    Sue

.184�< Note 102.184 by GAOV08::DKEATING "Roamin' Cadillac Church SAVES" >

    Got it!...well done that man 
    
    		Si_workin_late

>    < Note 102.186 by ARGUS::CHILTON "All for freedom & for pleasure" >
>                                    -< :-) >-
>
>    Isn't Lenny Henry from the Black Country?
 
    Dunno, could be. What I meant was that the fictitious Delbert Wilkins
    is supposed to be from Brixton, nawtmeen guy????
    
    Tony

    As far as I know Lenny Henry is from Dudley in the West Midlands.
    
    Dave

        
    

    re.189
    >> As far as I know Lenny Henry is from Dudley in the West Midlands.
   
    Thought so...Dudley, the place with a zoo, but no animals.  Lots
    of Banks pubs though!

Eric and Ian worked for Digital and they both shared the same 
office. Eric was a couple of years older than Ian and was with
the Company 5-6 years longer.

Ian never bothered with having lunch in the canteen. Instead
he get himself a sandwich and a cup of coffee a returned to the
office. Every day during lunch break he'd read his copy of the
'Daily Dross' one of the biggest selling national tabloids.

This days particular issue had some interesting headlines...

The front page had BEN JOHNSONS FINAL DISGRACE. The centre 
spread had FOXY LADY REVEALS ALL...this article concerned
Sam's younger days and detailed some saucy antics between Sam
and the Bishop in the confessional box....photos and all.

The back page was headlined ROCK CONCERT CANCELLED a story about
an upcoming concert to be given by Chuck Berry, cancelled 'cos
he couldn't play 'My Ding_a_Ling' ;-)

Eric on returning from the Canteen,spots Ian reading the paper
and asks "Anything good in the paper?" to which Ian replies
"Nah...the usual *** *** ***** *** **** *** **** stuff"

Name that tune...
                     

    Ian Dury's "Sex and Drugs and Rock and Roll"?
    
    Alison
    

    Well done Alison...you're on next.

    Right, here goes....
    
    
    Kerry Packer, world-famous sporting entrepeneur decided to expand
    his exploits from the realm of cricket to that increasingly popular
    board game, "Go". He decided to run a "Go" circus, taking all the
    top players in the world and organising worldwide satellite TV
    coverage, etc. etc....
    
    First of all, Kerry set about finding the perfect location for his
    circus, and settled on Monte Carlo. Then he contacted the world's
    top 16 players, who he wanted to compete in his tournament. Most
    of them jumped at the chance, especially as he was offering substantial
    financial rewards.
    
    But, he had one problem - Chuck "Medallion Man" Hellraiser, renowned
    playboy, gambler, superstar, and the world's Number 1 "Go" player,
    with skills far superior to anyone else. Chuck had refused to
    participate!
    
    Kerry was in despair; his circus would be a waste of time without
    Chuck. So he arranged to meet Chuck for lunch at an exclusive
    restaurant, wined and dined him on champagne and caviar, and over
    coffee made his final offer of half a million pounds.
    
    Chuck was definitely not impressed! In fact, he was disgusted! He
    told Kerry that that amount of money wouldn't cover his gambling
    expenses for a week, let alone the maintenance on his 16 illegitimate
    children spread all over the world. He threw down his napkin, leapt
    to his feet, and his final words as he stormed out of the restaurant
    were "You must be joking - ...........................!"
    
    Name that tune! 

    Money for Nothing
    
    Dire Straits
    
    
    Nev.

    No, sorry!
    

    .195
    
    I'm glad I didn't say that!
    

    Any more suggestions or would you like a clue?
    
    Alison

    
    Record was a chart hit in the UK and US (probably bigger in the
    US - most of their records are) in the early 80s.
    
    Another clue - the word "money" isn't in the title, and I didn't
    choose the game "Go" for no reason!

.201�                                                        and I didn't
.201�    choose the game "Go" for no reason!

    Err!!! could you be a bit more *positive* here? :-)
    
    Anyways here 'Goes' my guess...
    
    'I can't go for that'.... Hall and Oates
    
    - Dave K.

    Well done Dave - at least you knew what I meant even if it wasn't
    good English! Anyway, it's been a hard day! Over to you.
    
    Alison

    
    Dave ! , Dave ! where for art thou ?

    If anyone sees Dave, can you tell me we're waiting!
    

    OK Ok I get the picture...it's friday...not much doing anyways,so
    gives us a while and I'll be back with an easy one or maybe a real
    stinker....
    
    

    All our Managers are in Cannes at the moment on a jolly!
    
    Give us something worthwhile to think about

.208�< Note 102.208 by SUBURB::BURKEG "It's Different For Girls..." >
    					
    Your personal_profile has just blown my last few days hard work
    :-(
    
    Anybody else care to have a go???
    
    

    
        OK, I'll try:
    
        The city zoo was having trouble with one of its chimps,
        in that the dumb thing wouldn't stop hiccuping(sp?).
    
        They called in an expert on the subject, and his advice
        was to ... ?
    
                                                       Shawn L.
    

    Shock the Monkey

    
        Yup, figured it'd go quick.
    
        KERNEL::IMBIERSKI, come on down!!
    
        8^)
    
                                                       Shawn L.
    

	Mister and mrs Rose were out for the day in their brand new Dec lease
    car. 
                                            
    Unfortunately, a little way down the road one of the tyres blew
    out.
    
    "Not to worry" they thought, "put the spare on and nip up to the
    tyre fitters to get a new one".
    
    They knew they would be OK because they were old established customers
    at this tyre fitters, so they went there and announced their
    requirement to the fitter.
    
    "I'll have to check" said the fitter, and shouted over to the bloke
    in the stores,
    
    "Hey Fred, have we got................."
    
    Tony
    

    
    	'A Good year for the Roses' ??
                
    	Doug (Spurtle)

    Yup - pity it didn't last a bit longer!
    
    Tony

    
    	Sorry it took so long, these things are a hell of a lot easier
    	to solve than think up -
    
    	Anyway here goes, its not very recent, but well known -
    
    	Frank and George are novice monks at the St. Boniface Monastery,
    	they've almost finished their 2 year probation, and will soon
    	have to take their final vows. 
    	
    	Unfortunately after 2 years of peace and tranquility, they're
    	a bit bored, (they're also not too keen on the names they'll
    	have to take, Aloysius and Cedric).
    
    	The Abbot, sensing this give them a final pep talk -
    
    	'OK lads, I know you're a bit worried about commiting yourselves,
    	you've had all the dirty jobs to do, not much is happening,
    	but times are changing, the world is going downhill fast, we'll
    	have to be more positive in spreading the Word, we'll be....
    
    
    	how did he finish???
        	
    	Doug.

    Taking It To The Streets - The Doobie Brothers ??

    
    	Aw fish-hooks!! that took me hours to do, 
    
    	Yup s'right (do be brothers)

        Doug.

    Would someone else like to interject here as I'm away from the office
    next week and it will take me until at least then to come up with
    something.
    
    Rich
    

One upon a time, a couple were going out to a special dinner date. They 
arranged for a babysitter for their kids. The babysitter arrived, and they 
left for their date, everything went well, and they came home about 
midnight, they asked the babysitter how their children were, to which the 
babysitter replied:

	"oh, '********************' ---- (4 words)

			Si

    The Kids Are Alright      The Who
    

.222�< Note 102.222 by KERNEL::PARRY "Trevor Parry" >

    Oh bum....your turn

    
    			Si    

    Once upon a time, a long time ago, during Eric-the-half-bee's
    adolescence when he was more of a whole bee.   He did all the things
    normal bees of his age did.  Scare people of a nervous disposition,
    collect more than just honey from opium plants, and hang around in
    swarms.  Of course he drove a Volkswagen BEEtle. And had friends called
    Sting and Fris. 

    But something was missing from his life.  He just wasn't interested in
    lady-bees.  Not that they weren't interested in him, he had swarms of
    them buzzing around him.  But he just ignored them. 

    So one day, fearing her son would be left in the hive so to speak.  Mrs
    Bee took Eric to see Doctor Dolittle. 

    "Next please", said the Doc and Eric and his Mum buzzed in to the
    surgery.  "Now what seems to be the problem?" asked Doctor Dolittle.
    And Mrs Bee replied, "Well my question is, ...................?" 

    
    	'How can this Bee love' ????
    
    	Doug.

    Well,
    
    no, but close and you've got the idea right.
    
    Trev

    
    	'Could this Bee Love'
    
    	Doug.

    
    	No! Wait!,
    
    	Hold everything, I think I had the right song in .225
    	but the wrong words, is it 'Why can't this be love',
    	can't remember the Artiste, but it also has the words
    	'it comes from the heart, so tell me...' 
    
    	Doug (Spurtle)

    Brilliant !
    
    The artist is Van Halen,  vintage about 1986
    
    Take it away....
    

    Spurtle,
    
    you've had a week !!!!
    
    	- Robbie..........

    
    	Yeah yeah Finbarr, haud yer hoarses, s'no so easy y'know!
    
    	OK this will either be a dawdle or a killer, it came in a flash
    	but 2 short mins ago.
    
        
    	Being his birthday, Paul is out for a celebration dinner with
    	his young lady Lottie, a very independant soul. They sample
    	the best of fayre at the Kings House Hotel reknowned for it's
    	French cuisine (none of your Nouvelle stuff mind).
    
    	The evening flies by, they are among the last customers to leave,
    	and as Paul reaches for the bill, Lottie snatches it, saying
    	'No no Paul, it's ........'
    
    	
    	Doug (Spurtle)  

    
    
    Queen - "Good old fashion lover boy" ?
    
    	Gary @ RDL

    
    	re .-1
    
    	Nope
    
    	Doug (Spurtle)

    My Turn - Diana Ross

    
    	re .-1
    
    	Nope (but closer than the previous!), I think a clue is required,
    	d'ya want one?
    
    	Doug.

    Go on then - just a little one, or Gary will guess it!

    "My Bill"
    

    
    	re .-1
    
    	Nope, the clue is (and when I checked with a couple of people
    	in the office they hadn't a clue?)  - what is the name Lottie
    	short for??
        
    	Doug (Spurtle)

    "No Charge"

    Lodsa Money!

    
    < Note 102.239 by SUBURB::BARRATTP "Pat 8-) Barratt" >
    >                  -< Lottie is short for Charlotte! >-

    	Correct!
    
    	But the guesses are wrong, remember it was a clue!
    
    	Doug.

    Has Charlotte/Lottie got something to do with the band?
    

    
>    	    Has Charlotte/Lottie got something to do with the band?

	Nope, but it (Charlotte) has got something to do with the song!
    
    	Doug (Spurtle) 

    
    	Kate Bush - "Wow!"
    
    		Gary @ RDL

    
    	Nope, you obviously need a clue, the band is -
    
    	(next unseen if you don't want to know)
    

    	Lloyd Cole and the Commotions

	Was it "Charlotte Sometimes" or am I thinking of something
	completely different ....

	Woof bark meow

    
    Is it "Charlotte Street" by Lloyd Cole?
    
    
    re .-1
    
    The song that you are thinking of is by The Cure.
    
    Jon    

    
    	Genau!
    	
    	Doug.

        
    A few years ago there was a gang of four bank robbers who embarked on a
trail of many robberies in the London area.  They were very distinctive 
because they all wore gorilla masks to prevent identification and wore 
bright red boiler suits.  

   After about ten successful robberies they decided to call it a day and flee
the country with the vast amounts of money that they had stolen.  Two of them
decided to buy a villa in Spain and take their families with them.  In Spain
they led a very luxurious life, but kept in contact with events back in England,
mostly via the British tabloid newspapers.

   One day, while reading his copy of The Sun, one of the robbers came across
an article about a London bank robbery - it described how a gang of men had
stolen thousands of pounds from a bank, and that the robbers were wearing 
gorilla masks and red boiler suits.  He turned to his ex-gang member and
remarked "Look at this Fred, ............."

   Complete his sentence for the title of the song.
    

   Jon 
    

    
    	Gadzooks, methinks we have need of a clue, worthy fellow
	
    	Doug. (Spurtle)

        As a clue, I will tell you that song was by one of the bands
        that I mentioned in note 5.84...

        It is a simple title (only three words)... there are many red 
        herrings in my story


        Good luck

        Jon
    

    Another week has gone by, and there are still no guesses.
    I think I had better tell you that the song is by New Order, and
    was a minor hit in 1984.
    
    If there are still no guesses by the end of the month, I will reveal
    the answer and let someone else take over.
    
    Good luck
    
    Jon

    "Thieves Like Us"???

    re .-1

    CORRECT
    
    Take it away...

    Well, I've never done this kinda thing before, but I recall a recent
    dream a had about what the future holds for us, in a global sense.
    
    This dream centred around two good (male) friends of mine, meeting
    for the first time after attending university.  After all the back
    slapping was over, and as they sat down in their local to enjoy
    a few beers for old time's sake, they heard the news reader on TV
    say that trouble was brewing between the superpowers after President
    Bush and Mr. Gorbachev fell out over arms agreements.
    
    They didn't pay too much attention to this at first, thinking 'Huh,
    there they go again', and anyway, they were enjoying each other's
    company too much.  So, a couple of hours drifted by, and more beers
    were sank, together with the odd tequila sunrise, which they'd both
    adored since their student days/daze.  
    
    Next thing they knew was a programme interruption (during the 992nd
    edition of 'Nayburs') to say that Bush and Gorbachev had failed
    to reach agreement, and that it looked highly likely that the two
    countries would be going to war.
    
    Terrifying thoughts crossed both of their minds, but they carried
    with their reunion celebrations regardless, avidly revisiting many
    a happy time from their dark and distant pasts.  Until...
    
    A further abrupt announcement from Sir Nicholas Witchill suggested
    that Bush (after consultation with former president Raygun) had
    taken a flaky, and was about to press The Button.  Within seconds,
    the TV had fused and the pub shook to its foundations as an almighty
    explosion cracked across the sky outside.
    
    Phew!  What a scene, man.  The boys by this time weren't really
    sure what was going on, but one was decidedly more sober than the
    other, and turning to his buddy said "All hell's breaking loose
    out there, and I'm scared that I've had too much to drink to be
    able to handle it".
    
    The other one, by this time not really giving a toss about what
    was happening, grabbed a bottle of booze off the gantry, and said
    to his mate.....
    
    Well, what did he say (shouldn't be too hard)
 
    Dougie Robb, Ayr, Scotland
    

    He said "It's the end of the world and I feel fine".
    
    Damn, now I'm going to have to come up with one of these.  :-(
    
    -Scott

    C'mon Scott, how 'bout a story
    

    
    
    Has hibernation finished yet ..... 30 days is a long time. :-)
    
    Anybody want a 'Name that tune' ?
    
    Gary @ RDL

    (Yeh, Go On Gary!)
    

    
    
    	OK. Here we go then.....
    
    
    Lance Corporal Iggy Pop (sp?) had some leave and decided to go out
    for a walk in the country. He had been walking for a couple of hours
    when he heard some strange noises coming from behind a hedge. 
    
    Being a kind soul he thought he'd better have a look, as it could be 
    that a cow of something had become wedged and was in trouble.
                                                  
    He scrambled up and looked over the hedge but could not see anything, 
    and so, jumped back down from the hedge. On the way down he managed
    to snare his underclothes on the hedge.  The prickly branch scratched 
    him, but he was a tough lad and thought nothing of it. 
                                                  
    A glance at his watch told him it was time he was heading back
    to the barracks as there was a 4pm parade today and he had to get
    his kit all spick and span. And so, he set off back to base. 
    
    Of course it started to rain (it always does when you need it least).
    
    By the time he arrived back at the barracks he was soaked through
    and had to rush to get ready for the parade.
    
    4pm arrived and the whole company was out on the parade ground in
    their best dress,( all except one, who had been in quite a hurry
    to get ready!) 
                 
    Two soldiers who were standing behind him on parade were whispering
    to each other.
    
    "Cor Blimey mate, look at ol' Ig, wot a state !", said one
    
    "Yea, wot a plonker!, He's forgotten 'is spats!"
    
    "There not 'SPATS'" said the first soldier, "there wats-is-names,
    anyway he's got something else wrong with him that will get him
    a week peeling spuds"
    
   1. What will get him a week peeling spuds ?
   2. Wot has Ig, forgotten ?
    
    Put them together and ......Name that tune.
 
    Gary @ RDL
    
      

                 
    
    If Iggy HAD found some cows over the hedge that had become snared
    or something, then what condition would the cows be in ?
    
    Gary @ RDL

    Could it have something to do with MOOdy Blues?

    
                          
    	Sorry, not any of the above. ( much harder)
    
    	You need to create two 'OIL BEE' = I'll be 
        type phrases and then join them together to get the answer.
    
    	Another clue ?, the name of the group perhaps ?
    
    
    		Gary @ RDL

    
    	'Sunday Bloody Sunday' ???
    
    	(bloody undies)
    
    	Doug.

    
    
    Sorry, wrong again.
    
    A Clue........
    
    The group is Dire Straits (again!!)
    
    Gary @ RDL

    
    Private Investigation?
    
    Jon

    
    
    All yours 46016::BUTTON
              
    
    		Gary @ RDL

	William  and Fred were enjoying a relaxing camping holiday.  They were
	staying in their tent which they had pitched in a lovely field
	which had a stream pass through it, and lots of trees.  They used
	some dead branches from the trees to make a fire on which to cook.
	One day, William was cooking over the fire when a sudden
	gust of wind blew him onto the fire.  His clothes immediately
	caught alight, and he was unable to move because he had badly
	twisted his knee while falling.  He looked up and saw Fred staring
	at him, not knowing how to help him.  So William shouted to Fred
	" Quick, ............ "

	Complete the sentence.

    

      "Throw down a line"   (that well? remembered Cliff Richard number)?
    
     Ray.

    
    It's not Cliff.

    
    " Quick...
    		...take me to the river,
                    throw me in the water.."
    
    

    "Somebody Bring Me Some Water"  by Melissa Etheridge?

    
    RATTLE::BOWE is correct.
    
    Take it away.....
    
    Jon
    

    
    Well, here goes....
    	This is kinda easy, (methinks,) and kinda dumb, 
    
    
    	Once upon a time, in a far away country, many, many years ago,
    there lived a Queen, Carolyn, her husband, King Frederick, and their
    daughter, Princess Tiffany. Now Tiffany was a very beautiful girl,
    and every man in the village would have died for her hand in marriage.
    	One day, while the princess was out for a walk on the castle
    grounds, a giant dragon swooped down from the sky and carried her
    away to the castle of the evil wizard. (on the other side of town.)
    	Well, let me tell you, the king and queen were devastated. The
    first thing they did was issue a decree (sp?) to the townspeople.
    	Basically, it said any man who was brave enough to rescue their
    daughter from the evil wizard would not only get her hand in marriage,
    but would also receive all the riches he would ever want or need
    for the rest of his life. Several days passed, and there was no
    response. See, the men in the town would were all talk and no action.
    They were a bunch of wimps. The king and queen were rapidly losing
    hope. 
    	Then, the following morning, a messenger arrived at the castle,
    bringing word of a courageous young man from a neighboring village
    called Homer the Great. Homer had heard of the king's offer and
    had decided to risk his life for the hand of the beautiful young
    maiden. He sent word that he would be arriving later that afternoon,
    as soon as he could be ready.
    	Well, the king and queen were ecstatic at the idea of getting
    their daughter back. So ecstatic were they, that they ordered all
    the town people to gather in the village square that afternoon,
    to welcome Homer the Great. 
    	Well, afternoon came, and in rode Homer the Great to the cheers
    of the crowd. Homer rode right up to the castle doors and was greeted
    there by the king and queen themselves! The queen tuned to the king
    and whispered, " awful small, isn't he? " to which the king replied,
    "It doesn't take a large man to be a hero."
    	" Welcome, Homer," said the king, " won't you come inside."
    	Homer proceeded to dismount his horse, but his foot got caught
    on the strap, and he proceeded to fall flat on his face. The horse
    ran away. One of the townspeople helped Homer to his feet and he
    started to follow the king inside, but he stumbled on the drawbridge
    entrance, fell down and twisted his ankle.
    	At this point, the king and queen were beginning to wonder if
    this was the right man for the job. The king turned to the queen,
    and whispered into her ear, " This guy is awful clumsy, maybe we
    should look for someone else?"
    	To which the queen replied:
    		" I think we'd better take him dear, ..........."
    
    
    				Name that tune.
    
    						Pat .
    
    

    
    
    
     ......time for a hint.
    

    
    
    
    ...OK. this is the last hint.
    
    		OLD Fleetwood Mac, ( pre-Buckingham Nicks )
    			It was the name of an album as well as a song.
    

    Bare Trees?????
    
    Ken....
    

    
    
    "Heros are hard to find"
                          
    
         Gary @ RDL

    
    
    ......finally,
    		a winner. All yours, Gary @RDL.
    
    

	Today was the day for the big birthday party, James was six
	and had invited three of his friends to the party.

	They all arrived at three and after the gifts had been given
	to James the cake was brought out and equally divided between 
	the four boys. Just then there was a knock at the door and in 
	walked John.

	"I want some cake to", he said,
	
    	"Sorry John but we've already divided the cake and there is 
	 none left!!".

	Poor John.

	
    
    
    
    	Name that tune!.
	
			
    

     A Clue ? or have you given up ?
    
    	Gary @ SLC

    First I thot it was Jilted John but it must be......
    
    No Quarter by Led Zep

               
    Fractionaly correct. All yours Mr B.
    
    Gary @ SLC.

    An old fisherman was practising in a corn field trying to get his
    casting right. After an hour or two (and a considerable catch of
    corn later) a friend asked him what he was doing and he said....
    
    Name that tune.

    
    "Catcher in the rye" ?
    
    Don't know who by though.
    
    
    Gary @ WLC

    Sorry Gazzer, not the one I was thinking about.
    
    	Something to do with what you do with a fishing rod (hint hint)
    and the corn.
    
    G.

    
    
    	'Reelin in the 'ears' ????
    
    			arrr, arrr.
    
    				=== Pat ===
    

    You 'tackled' that one well Pat, I wait with 'baited' breath for
    your 'stickler'.
    
    Gav (retch retch)

    
    
    >.........I wait with 'baited' breath for.......
    
    
    Is there a world record for baiting your breath ? 22nd May seems
    like a long time....
    
    		Gary @ WLc  :-)

.294�                              -< No new teaser ? >-

    Well we now have 'last Liners','Middle Liners',Billy Ocean Liners'...
    
    
    This topic was a good challange some time back...any of our newer
    
    noters care to have a go at it.???
    
    
    - Dave K.
    

    Well I used to work in an estate agents, and one day this guy came in
    looking for a property. I gave him a selection of property descriptions
    at his price range, expecting him to go away to study them at his
    leisure. Instead, he spread them all out over the floor, and started to
    take all of his clothes off. Before anybody could say "stamp duty" he
    was rolling about all over the papers, wearing nothing but his woolly
    hat concealing his private parts.
    
    Naturally, I asked him what on earth he was doing; to which he
    replied (in song)....
    
    what?

    "Wherever I lay my hat that's my home"

    I'm hopeless at setting these. BITZA::TALBOYS can do one if she
    wants...

    thanks keefie ... I'll think of one in a minute ....
    
    ... hmm this is harder than it looks ... 
    
    If someone can think of one before me they can take it ...
    
    Jane

    OK ... bit tenous but here goes ...
    
    A young lady was very proud of her kitchen appliances and hated anyone
    using them ... consequently she kept very tight control over who used
    them. Everyday she'd ensure that they were safe and sound and that
    no-one could use them except herself. In order to do this she'd padlock
    the applicances into a rack and hide the key in a pot of jam (wierd
    lady)
    
    Anyhow .. one day she broke her arm and couldn't do any cooking
    herself. Her mum came in to make her breakfast but couldn't get to use
    any of the appliances because of the padlock.
    
    she asked her daughter how she was s'posed to make breakfast
    
    and her daughter replied ... "oh mum ...mumble mumble mumble"
    
    Name that tune....

    No offers???
    
    2 clues :-
    
    1. The girl is having scrambled egg for breakfast
    
    2. Rock tune - early 70's - lead vocalist now dead :-(
    
    Jane

    OK let's try to narrow this down a bit.....
    
    .. Is the group T.Rex?
    
    Ray.

    no .... 
    
    An Irish Band ...
    
    J

    Whisk key's in the jar-oh

    Well done ... I didn't think it was that groan-worthy ....

    I'm too busy to try and think of another...
    
    Someone else can have a go if they so wish.
    
    Dave

This is probably fairly silly, but what the hell... I'm fairly silly myself!


One day at a badly funded state school in a fairly poor area, the sports 
teacher was inflating his small stock of soccer balls, all the while lamenting
the perished state of the balls' inner tubes (as it were).

He just could not get the correct air pressure into each ball, and as the
pressure neared the correct inflation, there was a hiss, as the ruined lining
failed, and the air slowly leaked out.

Finally, as the last ball was deflating, his exasperation got to him, and he 
shouted.....

Name that tune!


Lindsay

    Great balls of fire....?
    
    Ray.

>    Great balls of fire....?
 

Nope.


Clue:

Keeping to the silly theme, this is one of the artists' more silly recordings, 
It would most certainly never have been played live.

Lindsay

    My ding a ling??  Maybe??
    
    Mikef

>    My ding a ling??  Maybe??

Sorry Mike, not that either.

Another clue:

One member of the band was married in Gibraltar (near Spain) to paraphrase 
another of their songs.

Yet another clue:

The answer is a homonym (if you can have a homonym for a phrase) of the phrase
that the sports teacher may have spoken.

Yes, it's another clue:

Think about another name for the inflatable inner lining of a soccer ball.
That should just about give it away.

I'll give the answer tomorrow if no-one gets it.

Lindsay

.313�One member of the band was married in Gibraltar (near Spain) to paraphrase 
.313�another of their songs.
    
    So we're talking of The Beatles?

>Think about another name for the inflatable inner lining of a soccer ball.
>That should just about give it away.

    A Bladder ??
    
    Rich
    
    

    
    "Oooh bloody bladder"? (Almost the "La la la la life goes on" dirge)
    
    Richard.

Very good Richard

O-bla-di-o-bla-da (Oh bloody bladder!) by the Beatles.

The process of elimination has to get it eventually.

Lindsay

    After such a long time - how about starting this up again?
    
    Since I couldn't get one of these, I'll start things off (it may be my
    only chance).
    
    The blacksmith was working at his Smithy in a small and picturesque
    west country town one day when a yuppie (with portable phone)
    arrived to watch him working.  It was a pretty scene, the
    patiently waiting horse, the smith working at his anvil, the flames of
    the fire and the rhythmic blows of the hammer as he shaped the
    white-hot horseshoe to fit exactly to the hoof.  The smith warned the 
    yuppie to stand well back for his own protection.
    
    The yuppie hung about, passing comment and eventually the blacksmith
    got annoyed and suggested that he was out of place in such a
    rural setting, and that he actually belonged in the city only a few
    miles away, he was getting in his way.  When the yuppie protested
    that he was standing well back from the forge ,the blacksmith said....
    
    Name that song.
    

	"Don't stand so close to me"   ??

>     <<< Note 102.319 by CUCKOO::DOUGLASS "Cor baby, that's really free" >>>
       -< I've never said this before but I'm going to say it now ..... >-
          ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

          A Chris Evans fan??

   Stuart

    Re "Don't Stand So Close to Me"
    
    Good try - you're on the right lines, but no.  A few years earlier.
    
    Kate

Just a quick question for an interested collegue....

Who sang "Waiting for a star to fall" somtime around the mid 80s ?

Thanks.....Mark

    Re. -1. I believe the group was actually a duo that called themselves
    "Boy Meets Girl." They seemed to be a one-shot performer.
    
    cheers,
    		fred deady

Cheers Fred.