Conference lgp30::christian-perspective

	Nothing had prepared me for the experience of becoming a parent.
Cerebrally, I knew a child was on the way.  But while the child was encased
in the womb I was not taken in by the awesomeness of the situation.  I was
not aware of the profound ways in which this child would affect my life.

	I recall sitting at the cribside of my son a few weeks after his
birth and feeling totally inadequate for the job of raising this child.
How was I to help guide his mental, emotional, and spiritual growth?  How
was I to avoid the same mistakes my parents made with me?  How was I to
give this child a good father?

	We humans are blessed with reason.  We can figure out fairly quickly
the solutions to unfamiliar situations; the logistics of parenthood.

	I found out, for example, that when a couple has a baby, the laundry
does not increase by a third.  It triples.  The continuous drone of the
washing machine became a most familiar sound during all my waking hours
those first months.  The first time I witnessed PV (projectile vomiting),
I was astounded!  But fortunately, I was not in the line of fire.  I now
know that this is something nearly all small children are capable of.

	I still wrestle how well I am fulfilling the vocation of parenthood.
Every so often I ask Ricky how he thinks we're doing.  He once responded,
"Well, this is no TV family.  But compared to others around here [families
in our neighborhood], this isn't bad at all!"

8-)

Richard

    The arrival of my daughter changed my life so much I think my DNA was
    altered.  A Bodhisattva, fierce and sweet, she teaches me without
    ceasing.  She is *connected* and tuned to Christ within.

    I admire her and wonder that I should be so fortunate to be her Mother.

    Ruth

    My wife and I have 5 children. I can't think of *anything* in my life
    that has been as difficult and as rewarding.
    
    I often use prayer just to keep me going......
    
    Marc H.

    Marc,
    
    	Your .3 reminded me of the grandmother's brief but powerful
    oratory in the movie, "Parenthood," where she compares the experience
    to riding a roller coaster.
    
    Richard
    

    Richard,
     Didn't see the movie, but a roller coaster ride is pretty close!
    I'm a roller coaster fan too.
    
    Marc H.

Anyone who doesn't believe there's a Hell has never been a parent to
an adolescent.

The trick, I hear, is knowing when and how to let up without letting go,
to step back without stepping out.

Shalom,
Richard

 I believe one of the keys to surviving raising adolescents is laying
 the right groundwork from the beginning (from a discipline and parent/
 child relationship standpoint).  And that is no guarantee of success.
 With my eldest (a son whom I adopted when he was 4) I failed miserably,
 though I believe much of his behavior was hard wired by the time I
 came on the scene.  I am beginning to see failures with my youngest,
 though they appear to be recoverable.  My middle son, Chris, has never
 been a problem for some reason.

 But, it is most certainly not an easy time, and despite our best efforts
 in raising them, when adolesence hits our best efforts occasionally go
 right out the window.



 Jim

    .7
    
    All too true.  Thanks, Jim.
    
    Richard
    

It strikes me as a sad state of affairs when the best we can say of our
children is not in terms of what they are, but in terms of what they're
not.  An adolescent is considered a remarkable success if he or she is --

	Not into drugs or alcohol

	Not in a gang/involved in violent activity

	Not having sex/pregnant

	Not flunking in school

	Not a runaway

Shalom,
Richard

    richard,
    
    You have to remember what is good in your child, even when it is tough.  
    
    I remember the first set of teen years and am looking forward (well
    kind of) to the next two.
    
    Even if a child is "only" tall, short, freckled, not, blond brunette,
    redheaded, doing well in some subjects, loves children and animals, is
    helping you by hauling out the compost pot once a week (although it
    needs to be dumped nightly) and remembers his or her resposibility to
    his or her pets, we need to remember the good.
    
    I have also been through the teenage "purity" thing when everything I
    did was evil, or at least misguided.  I knew nothing for 5 years, and
    was told how I should comport myself on a holiday, because she was
    embarrassed that I celebrate mine my own way and her beau at the time
    had different ideas, was incensed by my ideas around wildlife
    conservation, and we probably whouldnt get into some of the differences
    in this file.  
    
    Suffice it to say, with exceptions around hair length, my oldest has
    decided I am almost intellegent again.  
    
    meg

    Perspective.  It's all perspective.  A child who is..
    
	Not into drugs or alcohol
	   is mindful of the law and respectful of his/her body
    
	Not in a gang/involved in violent activity
	   is a member of a valued community (family, school, etc)
    
	Not having sex/pregnant
	   is responsible and thoughtful enough to forgo short term 
           satisfaction for long-term gains
    
	Not flunking in school
	   has a vision of the future and is preparing for it
    
	Not a runaway
    	   has good parents and respects them 
    
    I'l remember you and your son in your prayers.  Today is my daughter's
    14th birthday.  So far so good.