Conference lgp30::christian-perspective

	I personally don't think so.  In fact, I would charge that the
myth of the "soul mate" actually contributes in facilitating the
decision to end a long-term relationship or marriage.  Here's how:

	You discover one day that you've made this incredible blunder.
This person whom at one time you were so certain was your "soul mate"
is now driving you up the wall.  This person doesn't understand you or
your needs or your feelings.  This person is not fulfilling your dreams.
So much of your life together is lackluster and joyless.  You spend the
end of each day together in a glaze-eyed trance-state staring at the
television.  Your sexual impulses, so alive at one time, now seem to
be practically pulseless.

	Obviously, this person is an imposter!  Someone else must be your
*real* soul mate.  Better dissolve this relationship so that you can be
ready, or start looking for, your *real* soul mate.

Richard

    I tend to believe that there is someone for everyone. Or as my
    Grandmother used to say "A crooked cover for every crooked pot."
    But there may be more than one. 

    		Alfred

    Soul mates?  Hmmmm.......not sure.  I do believe that God brings very
    special people into our lives for a reason and when those people come
    into our lives we connect with them on a very deep spiritual level. 
    But that connection may not last as people grow and change throughout
    their lives.  Five years ago, when I joined my 12-step program God
    brought a very special woman into my life that became my mentor,
    sponsor and spiritual guide.  As I grew and changed, especially in 
    the last two years, she has not been able to accept all of who I am and
    our friendship is now more of acquaintances.  I share that because I
    believe the same thing happens in marriages.  As 2 people grow and
    mature they may grow and change apart, within the marriage or
    relationship.
    
    So, I guess I am arguing a case against soul mates.  I also believe
    that when we meet someone we feel is our soul mate, we need to make
    extra sure that it is not our gonads talking to us, but our hearts and
    the will of God.  That can be awfully hard to do in the first intense
    days/weeks/months of a new relationship.
    
    Just my 2 cents.
    
    Karen

     I don't know if God created soul mates or not.

    I do know that God blesses our relationships though.

    My marriage to my wife is definitely blessed by God.

    I knew my wife when I was five years old, and fell in love with her
    then. She moved away from me, but then we met again at fourteen years old
    and we were still in love. But her mother wouldn't let her date at
    fourteen so we didn't see each other until we were sixteen. Her mother
    still was restrictive, so we separated until I came home on leave from
    the USMC at 20 yrs. old and we've been together ever since. We got
    married and bought a house next to the ones that we both lived in when
    we met at five years old. October will be our 19th wedding anniversary,
    but we've known and loved each other for 35 yrs.

    Peace
    Jim

    Jim, that's beautiful.  Please share what you wrote with your wife, I'm
    sure she already knows but it would be a lovely gift for her to read
    it.
    
    Your story reminds me of something that happened to my son when he was
    five years old.  We were at a mall that had a little video movie booth. 
    Patrick was watching a cartoon when a little blonde girl of about the
    same age joined him.  They hit it off immediately; it was like the bond
    between them was so strong it was almost visible.  When it came time to
    leave they both started crying about not wanting to leave each other.
    I forgot the incident until several years later when my son was about
    12 he was asking me about soul mates.  I told him what I thought it
    meant and he said he knew that he had met his 'soul mate' and then
    proceeded to describe the incident above. As a teenager he's had
    several girlfriends and has mentioned to me on occasion that it just
    doesn't feel right.  That somehow he's being disloyal to 'her'.  I said
    that God will guide that person into your life if/when you are both
    ready, in the meantime it was good to date and get to know other girls
    as that would help him to get to know himself and others better.  He
    graduated high school in June and will be leaving to attend college in
    Washington state in a couple of weeks.  It will be interesting to see
    if he ever does meet her again...
    
    Thanks for entering this topic Kb.  It is one I've thought about
    without coming to any real conclusion.  Just don't know!!
    
    Ro
    
    

    
    
                 I *DO* believe that there is "a" soul mate for everyone.
    Sorry.....maybe its the romantic in me. ;^)
    
    
    Dave

    Re (.5)
    
    Ooops I thanked Kb for entering this topic when it was really Dave
    Dawson!!  Gosh, must be because Kb and I were discussing this very
    subject on Friday evening.  ;')
    
    I do have a book at home on twin flames and soul mates.  Will try to
    enter information from that as time permits.
    
    Ro (also being a romantic would really like to believe this too!)
    

If there is one soul mate for each person, and there are 5 billion people in
the world, what are the odds of meeting your soul mate during your lifetime?
The skeptic in me says that people believe in soul mates after the fact: they
believe that the person they are with is their one and only soul mate.  Not
that this is necessarily a bad thing.  Which is more important: truth or
happiness?

				-- Bob

    I agree with you Bob.  Too many times I have met someone who I thought
    was my "soul mate" only to find out that the attraction was not in the
    souls, but in the body.  Only time and taking things slow will provide
    the real answer.  
    
    Karen

    Yes great time Dave!  Ro and I were talking about this very subject
    Friday night.  Great minds think alike. :-)
    
    I'm not sure how I feel about 'soul mates', the idea that there is 
    one special person just for us.  A part of me, the romantic part, 
    senses some truth to this.  The skeptic in me doubts it.  I have had
    a scant few experiences that I would call "soul meeting" that have
    happened with both men and women in my life.  A real close bond is
    formed almost immediately, there is this deep sense of understanding
    and respect for each other, and yes, a love, much like what Ro
    described her son Patrick experiencing, and what Jim related
    experiencing with his wife. 
    
    I am blessed that the 'soul meeting' relationships I've experienced 
    are still very much in my life today, and are a source of great 
    nurturance, healing and love.
    
    Kb
    
    p.s.  Jim, that is a wonderful story about you and your wife.  Thanks
    very much for sharing it!    

    re -1,
    
    Actually that first sentence should read "...great *timing* Dave!"
    
    :-)
    
    Oh well, c'est la vie,
    
    Kb

From one of my top-ten favorite books of all time entitled THE SHARED HEART
by Joyce and Barry Vissell is the following excerpt from the chapter on Soul
Mates:

...
    
This is the heart of the whole issues of soulmates, or twin souls or twin 
flames, or whatever you want to call it.  Too many people are running around
looking for 'that perfect partner' ...outside of themselves.  All of the
esoteric terms and definitions tend to put most people more in their heads
and less in their hearts.  The true soulmate is a state of consciousness,
not a person.  You may even be with your perfect mate and dislike each other
intensely, failing one of the main tests of your life.

The purpose of a love relationship is to set your sights on love, rather than
the relationship.  The test of every marriage is to come to love love,
more than to love the person.  That love comes from your heart, the deepest
center of your being.  Love is a feeling, a radiation of light, a presence.
It is not a personality.  When you touch upon love, you are touching your
soulmate - and soul-marriage - the mystical marriage.  It all happens within
you, the merging of your soul with your spirit, the merging of who you thought
you were with who you really are.  In this realm of the heart you then see with
the eyes of God.  All things and persons are seen for what they are - light-
infused and love-permeated.  Your husband or wife glows with a beauty that can
make you gasp!

Can you see this?  Can you understand the words of Jesus.  "Seek ye first the
Kingdom, and all things will be added unto you."?  All the prophets and masters
say the same thing; when God becomes number one in your life, when the 
indwelling spirit becomes more important than the who's and what's and where's
your life then becomes a flow of perfection.  Then you create beauty in all
that you see, hear, touch, or in any way turn your attention upon.  Love is
never-ending creation.

    Re: .12
    
    OOoooo...that's nice, Ro!
    
    Richard

    	I have heard it said and have seen it to be true...

    It is not as important to 'FIND' the right person as it is to 
    		'BE' the right person.

    	I don't buy the soul-mate thing.  The romantic in me says
    God works in spite of us (my wife and I) to make ours a most
    wonderful marriage.

    _ed-

If I may, I'd like to recommend a book by ordained minister and psychiatrist
Harville Hendricks entitled, "Getting the Love You Want - A Guide for Couples."

It presents a very convincing theory of attraction.  It's quite similar to
what John Bradshaw teaches, except it's not as depressing.  (I know Bradshaw
is currently enjoying no small measure of popularity through his books and
PBS television series, but personally, I find the bulk of his presentations
draining and anxiety producing.)

Anyway, if you read the book, you'll see how ingenious it is for you to seek
who you do to be your life partner.  You'll also see why it sometimes goes
askew and why most people do the wrong thing in trying to correct it.  You'll
learn to have an intentional relationship, instead of one that is just
supposed to happen all by itself.

Peace,
Richard

    I think the idea of "soulmates" is interesting, but incomplete.
    
    Thinking of marriage as the union of two "soulmates" leads to
    unrealistic expectations regarding conflicts and incompatability.
    
    Such expectations if they are maintained, then lead to looking for a
    soulmate, if one believes that their first spouse wasn't one.
    
    Nearly everyone I know has met someone and thought to themselves, if
    only I had married him or her, I'd be happier.  That's not the point
    though, life is not about the maximization of one's personal happiness
    but about living our lives according to God's plan, which in my opinion
    places marital fidelity above the search for a soulmate.