| T.R | Title | User | Personal
Name | Date | Lines |
|---|
| 266.1 | Don't Blame Me, I Found it on USENET! | SENIOR::GOLDBERG | Len --> �o� & ��� in 170 days | Thu Jun 07 1990 16:25 | 32 |
| From: [email protected] (Daniel Pearl)
Subject: Re: DISNEYWORLD
Date: 6 Jun 90 19:16:42 GMT
Organization: Concurrent Computer Corp. Westford MA.
In article <[email protected]> [email protected] (Alison Gebbie) writes:
> I am going to be in Disneyworld for 4 days next week (with unlimited
> access to all the parks, etc.). Does anyone have any suggestions for
> must see events and displays, as well as what to avoid or not bother
> with ?
Top Ten LEAST Popular Disneyworld Attractions
---------------------------------------------
10. The Audio-Anamatronic Dan Quayle
9. The Hall of 10,000 Razors
8. Slug Rides
7. Mr. Toad's Gut-O-Rama
6. Pluto Gets Fixed
5. The Cuisinart Ride
4. Dumbo's Big Blow Out
3. The Haunted Condo
2. Drug Runners of the Carribean
and the number one LEAST popular Disneyworld attraction:
1. The Country Bear Whoop-Dee-Doo Sit-Around-And-Do-Nothing Borefest
--
Daniel Pearl Concurrent Computer Corporation, Westford MA
(508) 392-2478 [email protected]
|
| 266.2 | Disney Jokes | FDCV07::GOLDBERG | Len --> �o� & ��� in 109 days | Tue Jun 04 1991 11:59 | 10 |
| I stole this from Desperado. It was among a list of .sig's from
USENET. (.sig's are kind of like personal names in notes.)
By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the dwarfs began to
suspect Hungry.
|
| 266.3 | | JARETH::EDP | Always mount a scratch monkey. | Thu Jun 06 1991 09:02 | 87 |
| Article 2693 of rec.humor.funny:
Path: nntpd.lkg.dec.com!news.crl.dec.com!deccrl!decwrl!mips!pacbell.com!lll-winken!looking!funny-request
From: [email protected] (Dave Cochran)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Subject: New Disney Attractions Announcement
Keywords: smirk
Message-ID: <[email protected]>
Date: 28 May 91 23:30:05 GMT
Organization: Data General Corporation, Research Triangle Park, NC
Lines: 73
Approved: [email protected]
DISNEY TO OPEN NEW SECTIONS IN POPULAR THEME PARK
by David Cochran, Staff Writer
ORLANDO - Walt Disney Studios announced today the opening
of several new sections to its DisneyWorld them park. In
keeping with the naming conventions of creating a different
"land" for each section of the park, the following new
sections will be added to TomorrowLand, FantasyLand and
AdventureLand:
Olivia de HaviLand - Dedicated to those actresses that have
taken the art of emoting and turned it into a lifestyle. The
featured show in this section is the Liza Minelli Cabaret.
Weekend services will be held at the Shirley Temple. (Early
press releases may have referred to this section of the park
by its working name: Judy GarLand.)
Barbara CartLand - For the romantic at heart. This entire
section of the park has been created from fluff, resulting in
a visitor's inability to distinguish one place from another.
Dry ice is used throughout the section to create the appearance
of a steamy atmosphere, but this section is perfectly safe for
all visitors as its actual content is completely nil.
Aaron CopLand - In memory of all of the talented American
musical composers throughout history, this section of the
park has taken over the distinction of being the smallest.
WasteLand - America recycles! Built entirely from recycled
materials, this section boasts its own water treatment plant,
glass, plastic and aluminum recycling centers, and what one
spokesman describes as "a really, really big compost heap".
Complimentary gas masks are issued at the entrance to
WasteLand, as all biodegradable materials are left to decompose
at a convenient downwind location.
One-if-byLand - The American Revolution comes to life in this
historic section. From the replica of the Old North Church to
the bags of Mickey-blend tea ($17.95 with tax) which may be
dumped into the replica of Boston Harbor, the orators, locations,
lifestyles and dress of late 18th-century America are faithfully
reproduced here. Visitors wearing red will be shot from behind
bushes by Disney employess wearing tricorn hats.
ELand - Capitalizing on the success of Bambi, Disney has created
the new deerlike character, Elbert Eland. Follow Elbert's
adventures through his African homeland with his good friend and
mentor, Jumper the Rabbit. At the end of this simulated river
ride, join in with the poachers who set the Veldt on fire and,
sadly, destroy Elbert's mother. When asked about the blatant
similarities to their popular deer character, Disney spokespersons
were quoted as saying, "Hey, we rerelease the SAME MOVIE every
year for 30 years and the little yoyos buy it! THIS'll make us a
MINT!"
William WestmoreLand - Riding on the success of America's
operations in the Middle East, this section of the park focuses
on the country's military prowess. Unfortunately the developers
were unable to come up with a timely name that ended in "land" so
they just picked a relatively recent military figure and stuck it
in, hoping that no one would notice. Complimentary gas masks are
issued at the entrance to William WestmoreLand, in case any unsavory
elements should take any of it seriously. Any patrons in William
WestmoreLand displaying an American flag will be shot at and missed
by Disney employees dressed as Republican Guards. Their task is
made easier, however, by other Disney employees dressed as CNN
correspondents who will continually point out your location while
visiting.
--
Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL your jokes (jokes ONLY) to [email protected]
Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. A Daemon will auto-reply.
If you don't need an auto-reply, submit to [email protected] instead.
|
| 266.4 | from USENET | SALEM::BERUBE_C | Where do you think you are? WDW!! | Tue Oct 13 1992 08:01 | 17 |
| Article 9285 of rec.arts.disney:
Path: nntpd.lkg.dec.com!news.crl.dec.com!deccrl!caen!uwm.edu!ux1.cso.uiuc.edu!news.iastate.edu!iscsvax.uni.edu!clifton9220
From: [email protected]
Newsgroups: rec.arts.disney
Subject: romeo and disneyette
Message-ID: <[email protected]>
Date: 12 Oct 92 22:00:46 -0500
Organization: University of Northern Iowa
Lines: 5
Disney, oh disney, Where 4 Rt thou disney?
---From a past and soon to be again floridian who longs to see it again.
....Ken!
|
| 266.5 | Orlando's 4 Seasons | SALEM::BERUBE_C | Where do you think you are? WDW!! | Tue Nov 03 1992 14:36 | 48 |
| The following was taken off of USENET, with stuff deleted that didn't
pertain perse to the topic of the jokes
In the Orlando area, contrary to popular opinion, we do have well
defined seasons.. while the trees don't change color, and the
temperature change is gradual, you can walk down International Drive
and tell immediatly what time of year it is..
Summer... aka Taco Time, annual migration of red, orange, or blue
shirted Brazillians. Members of this species tend to
flock in large groups according to the color of their
shirts. The most prominent feature of these groups is
their ability to follow a bouncing flag attached to a
stick, carried by the only member able to understand
and converse in the English language.
Fall..... Primary migration period of the Far East Shutterbugs.
This species moves about in groups of 5-8, and have an
uncanny ability to cross extremely busy streets without
even having to look for oncoming vehicles. They also
carry cameras.
Winter... Annual Yankee invasion. This is the time of year many
natives decide upon to visit friends and family in the
cooler climates farther north. The annual influx of
Yankees insure room to travel around.. up north. Your
first indication of the presence of this creature is the
horrible complaint, "That's not the way we do it in
(insert any NE state/city here).
Spring... "Studs" on location. Here a bimbo, there a bimbo,
everywhere a bimbo.. with a pubescent, bikini-crazed
beer-guzzling fraternity in trail. While this affliction
is most notable along either coast, the 60-70 mile buffer
zone is not enough to insure incroachment. Most notable
during this period is the male's mating call- "WOW! Check
out THEM hooters!"
..QWKRR128.V2.2 [NR] - Offline read/reply for the Commie 128.
--
Ed Sterrett - via FidoNet Node: 1:363/42
UUCP: - ...tarpit!tous!business!157!Ed.Sterrett
ARPA: - [email protected]
|
| 266.6 | Be Our Guest, Another Version - from USENET | LJOHUB::GOLDBERG | Len, I Own a Piece of the Magic | Tue Nov 24 1992 16:32 | 106 |
| From: [email protected] (Douglas G Moody)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.disney
Subject: Be Our Guest parody #2
Message-ID: <[email protected]>
Date: 12 Nov 92 04:18:06 GMT
Sender: [email protected] (The Network News)
Reply-To: [email protected] (Douglas G Moody)
Organization: Columbia University
Well, due to the overwhelming response to my original posting, here is the
complete BoG parody #2, in no way affiliated with the original BoG parody
which many felt to be...icky. Thanks to all of you who flooded my mailbox-
all 8 of you. 'preciate it.
[cue music on]
Dummmmmmm.....Doo doo doo....doo doo doo...
Madammes et Monsiers, it is with deepest pride, and greatest pleasure,
that we welcome you to yet another one of our theme parks. And now,
relax, let us sell you a churro, as the Disney Company happily empties...
You wallet.
Be our guest, be our guest,
Put your paycheck to the test.
When it comes to making profits,
Michael Eisner is the best!
Dollars here, Dollars there,
Yen and Francs are everywhere!
With each film, it's not surprising,
Comes a flood of merchandising!
Dolls and toys! Belle and Beast!
And Gaston, though he's deceased!
Buy them, or your kids won't let you rest!
True, this recession's tragic,
But we'll use our magic,
To pump our guets, oui our guests, be our guest!
To get in for one day,
Thirty Dollars you will pay.
A figure which increases as inflation has its way.
You must drink, you must eat,
Or expire from the heat!
We don't worry 'bout recession,
Since we own every concession!
Buy a nice souvenier,
'Cause a gift shop's always near!
And they're not very discreet, that we can say!
Our gifts may all be crappy,
But the guests are happy!
Oui, our guests, be our guest, be our guest!
[Michael Eisner Solo]
Life is so unpleasant,
When you're poorer than a peasant,
I'm not sane without a plane to call my own.
Ah, how I adore being so wealthy,
Japan just called and asked me for a loan.
When you run a corporation,
Richer than a sovereign nation,
The assets that you deal in are immense.
I ask myself, where does the money come from?
Tourists who dress funny, they come in and spend their money!
[cast members' chorus]
It's a guest, it's a guest,
buying all that we suggest!
Thank the lord, here comes a hoard
With folks back home to be impressed.
Buy that shirt, if you please,
Because money grows on trees!
Who cares if what you're doin'
Leads you to financial ruin!
For your child, for your tot,
Those dumb mouse ears must be bought!
And you'll watch your net income become distressed!
We know that mice can't talk,
But buy a share of stock,
For you our guest, be our guest, be our guest!
Be our guest, be our guest,
Our resorts, they are the best!
The sun won't ever set on our empire-and that's no jest!
Thanks to all of our guests,
We will buy out CBS.
And the Company keeps growing,
At a rate that is not slowing.
[BIG cresendo]
As we grow and expand,
Nations bow to our command!
We'll buy the world, and only then, we'll rest!
Each new theme park expansion,
Buys a brand new mansion,
For me, my guest! Be our guest, be our guest, please be our guest!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Doug Moody ([email protected])
"Be a good kid and dust the atomic reactor. And test all the buttons"
-Plucky Duck
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
| 266.7 | Be Our Guest commercial | DELNI::WESSELS | | Wed Jul 21 1993 15:48 | 32 |
| Ok, I've been dying to post this since I made it up months ago...
The lyrics in .6 don't scan right for me, vis a vis the music in my
head. However, I don't know the movie version very well; I do know the
COMMERCIAL version by heart... Having heard it incessantly this spring,
when people are theoretically booking vacations. Anyway, so here's my
version...
Take it in the spirit it's intended... I am a 5-time (I think
that # is right) visitor to WDW, next trip this October... so really I
do love the place...
Be Our Guest (the commercial) -- Subtext
----------------------------------------
Be our guest, be our guest,
Put your credit to the test!
Bring a wallet full of money,
And let Disney do the rest!
You must pay
for it all
Before you can have a ball!
Five-thousand-dollars is what we suggest!
You'll spend more than you bring!
You'll pay for everything!
So be our guest, be our guest, be our guest!
[announcer: call 1-407-W-DISNEY...]
Brian W.
|
| 266.8 | | CALS::STAATS | Todd Staats | Wed Jul 21 1993 16:05 | 8 |
| that's very good! for round two!
Be our Guest, Be our Guest
Oh, the Crowds will get you stressed!
People Left, People Right
Queues galore make you uptight!
:-)
|
| 266.9 | Look out Mike | DELNI::WESSELS | | Thu Jul 14 1994 13:36 | 8 |
| How long is Mike Scopa down at WDW? Will he be there next week?
Because the World Cup finals are this Sunday, one of the two teams is Brazil,
and in my evil mind I hear...
"The Brazilian soccer team, you've just won the World Cup! What
are you going to do next?..."
:-) :-) :-)
|
| 266.10 | He'll be there! | MAYES::GIBSON | | Thu Jul 14 1994 14:22 | 5 |
| Yup, according to Mike's signin note he will be at WDW through 7/25!
The team and fans will be in top celebration form if Brazil wins
against Italy.
Linda
|
| 266.11 | | DSSDEV::LOWELL | Grim Grinning Ghosts... | Thu Jul 14 1994 15:59 | 2 |
| re: .9
Ha ha ha. Good one!
|
| 266.12 | They won! | DELNI::WESSELS | | Tue Jul 19 1994 12:58 | 4 |
| re: .9
... And guess what? Brazil won the World Cup!!! Okay, Disney,
where's the ad? :-)
|
| 266.13 | b-r-a-s-i-l | AYOV22::TADAIR | Gies the ..- | Fri Jul 22 1994 11:31 | 9 |
|
The day I was there there were over 20 parties of Brazilian school kids
in the lines.
Hope Mike wasn't there then!!
|
| 266.14 | I hate Shootouts | WREATH::SCOPA | | Mon Aug 01 1994 14:25 | 3 |
| >>>Hope Mike wasn't there then!!
I wuz!
|
| 266.15 | A cautionary tale... | DELNI::WESSELS | | Thu Dec 22 1994 10:31 | 43 |
| Well, it had to happen sooner or later...
Disney has outsourced Mickey Mouse.
AP Newswire, 12/22/94 "BAH, HUMBUG."
It seems the management of the Walt Disney Company has no Christmas
spirit. They have delivered a most unwelcome surprise, just in time for the
holidays.
In a statement released today, chairman Michael Eisner stated that
Mickey Mouse would undergo an involuntary transfer of employment to an
unspecified vendor right after the holidays. Refusal of the transfer would
constitute grounds for immediate dismissal without severance, Eisner said.
Eisner went on to say that there was no performance problem with Mickey; this
was merely a "headcount issue."
"Initially, Mickey will remain onsite at Walt Disney World," said
Eisner. "Nothing will change, except who he gets his paycheck from."
Eventually, plans call for the mouse to be moved offsite, probably to
Six Flags in Atlanta. Mickey will visit WDW approximately twice a week,
which should allow photo opportunities during most families' Disney vacations,
which average 4 to 5 days.
"We reviewed our cost structure, and decided we needed a more
flexible workforce to respond quickly to changes in the entertainment
industry," said Eisner. "We came to the conclusion that waving and
taking photos, among other things, were not core competencies."
Eisner denied the proposition that the move jeopardizes the all-
important first impression that Mickey creates for Disney.
A disgruntled Mickey, under a non-disclosure gag order until the
deal is signed with Six Flags, could not comment. However, rumors abound
that he is already entertaining offers from Warner Brothers and Universal
Studios.
Disney executives insisted that if a disgruntled Mickey quit his
job with the vendor, he could easily be replaced with another character,
such as Mighty Mouse, "without significant impact on entertainment quality
or revenues."
END 12/22/94 10:25
|