Conference 7.286::golf

1576.0. "Golf can be very expensive." by WOTVAX::MORRISON () Fri Aug 21 1992 04:36

I've often wondered why it is that I have no money.  Is it the 
wife and seven kids ? - No.  Is it the three mistresses ? - No. 
Is it the never ending desire to perfect my game through weekly 
golf lessons ? - No.  Is it the new set of clubs every two years 
? - No.

Is it gambling on the curse with Jack Frost ? - I think so.

Just to make the game interesting, most people play for small 
sums of money.  We usually play, �5 front nine, �5 back nine and 
�5 pounds the match.  Keeps the interest to the end.  Jack also 
has this scoring system called "bits", which are small wagers for 
simple shots.  Many a time I've beaten Jack all hands down, only 
to be told in the bar " Well, Randall, thanks for the game, I owe 
you �15 for the match, you owe me �18.50p in "bits", and as you 
won the game, mine's a large scotch, a pint and a cigar."

Having suffered this on several occasions now, a few of us asked 
Jack to explain the "bits" gambling method.  Just in case anyone 
meets Jack Frost, I enclose his fascinating explanations.  Now I 
have a Maths degree from Edinburgh University, and I'm still not 
sure I understand it.

Randall :-)

(P.S. I hope this is more in keeping with the style of note we 
have come to know and love.)
(P.P.S.  Only joking about the seven kids.)
(P.P.P.S. and the mistresses, if your reading this darling)
(P.P.P.P.S. and the golf clubs every two years. I know I told you 
dearest that I found the new set of PING ZINGS under a bush)
(P.P.P.P.P.S. The lessons are true, that's why I'm late home 
EVERY Friday night.)


Subject: Bits & Pieces

Gentlemen,

I understand that some of you are having difficulty in understanding how to 
play for "bits" when I am not present to keep the accounts.  There follows 
a simple explanation of what is involved.  Let it be said that the certain 
way of ensuring correct reckoning is to include me in your game on all 
possible occasions!

First things first...always ensure that, prior to teeing off, you agree 
with your opponents the basis for the game,  i.e. all bits, positive bits 
only, roll-ups, reverses etc. It is helpful to agree this with your partner 
as well on the basis that you may lose and he won't be able to afford the 
losses.  Again a good way of ensuring that you win is to have me as your 
partner and keeper of the accounts!

Second, it is important to remember that bits are cumulative. See examples 
which follow later.  The maximum number of positive bits on any single hole 
would be five (5) for a "Golden ferret albatross" which is achieved by 
driving into a bunker on a par 5 and sinking the subsequent bunker shot. I 
am not aware that this feat has ever been achieved although I have 
regrettably paid out 4 bits for a golden ferret eagle.  This really 
deserved more as the ball was never on grass from tee to hole.  A further 
explanation of this feat will be forthcoming on receipt of a pint!

Third, you should agree the value of each bit with opponents and partner 
prior to commencing the round. 10p for meanies and 50p or a quid for a very 
exciting game.

Now to the bits themselves, starting with the positive.  There are 4 
categories viz: (1)  Birdies (1 bit), Eagles (2 bits) and Albatrosses (you 
should be so lucky - 3 bits). (2)  Ferret (down the can from off the 
putting green - 1 bit) and golden ferret (down the can from a bunker - 2 
bits). (3) Sandies (up and down in two shots from the sand - 1 bit). (4)  
Ooslers (on the green and nearest the pin on a par 3 and making par - 1 
bit).

Remember the cumulative bit eg. Hole in one on par three = 3 bits (eagle + 
oosler) etc.

Reverse bits can be almost anything you specify and agree with your 
opponents. The usual three are: Twatties (an air shot - 1 bit); Gritties 
(failure to get out of sand at first attempt - 1 bit.  NB. you cannot claim 
a sandie following a grittie unless you can your second sand shot.  This 
will only count as a sandie and not as a golden ferret. Naturally you can 
claim any other positive bit which might apply such as a birdie or eagle. 
It is I suppose possible to have a two bit reverse "twattie grittie" but I 
have never seen this done!); and reverse ooslers (on the green and nearest 
the pin and failing to make par or better - 1 bit).

Other reverses I have played for (but not often) are: stickies (hitting 
ball twice - 1 bit but 2 shots to your score!); woodies (hitting trees, 
usually the pines at Woburn, with a bell-like ring - 1 bit); beachies (out 
of the sand in one shot and into another bunker - 1 bit. If you agree up 
front with your opponents that beachies can follow on from gritties this 
can be a very expensive exercise!)

Roll-ups:  You must agree up front with your opponents whether roll-up 
ooslers will be allowed. A roll-up works as follows:  at the first par 3 no 
player makes the green or the individual with the oosler opportunity fails 
to take advantage of said opportunity then at the next par 3 you are 
playing for a double oosler ie 2 bits. Again if no player takes advantage 
you are playing for a triple oosler at the next par 3 etc etc.  Courses 
like Cheadle with its plethora of par 3's should be avoided!

Scoring:  This is really very simple.  Mark an "us & them" column on the 
card and at the end of each hole agree and mark the bits under the 
appropriate column.  At the end add up the number under us and them, take 
the smaller number from the larger and pay up happily!  Remember winners 
buy the drinks so even when you lose you can still win!!

Happy gambling,


Jack.

>Remember the cumulative bit eg. Hole in one on par three = 3 bits (eagle + 
>oosler) etc.
    
    Couldn't I claim an eagle ferret oosler for that??
    
    Paul

    re .0:
    
    Great!  Also, see this month's Golf Digest for more junk ...
    
    steve

re .1.  An interesting point here.  I have never considered applying 
ferrets to eagle ooslers.  The nice thing, tho, is that you can declare 
this up front and take full advantage of the lack of knowledge of your 
opponents.  Price per bit should be substantial as any hole in one proves 
expensive at the 19th hole.

One bit I forgot to mention to Randall (another reverse one) is the 
"fanny".  This is paid when, on driving from the tee you fail to get your 
ball past the ladies tee.  Ladies can apply this rule to failure to drive 
past the junior or dwarves tee if available!

Jack Frost

    
>One bit I forgot to mention to Randall (another reverse one) is the 
>"fanny".  This is paid when, on driving from the tee you fail to get your 
>ball past the ladies tee.  Ladies can apply this rule to failure to drive 
>past the junior or dwarves tee if available!
    
    I thought that if you didn't make those tees you had to finish the
    hole with no pants.
    
    --Bob
    

OTSOTP (an acronym I just coined, meaning "on this side of the pond"),
in my neck of the woods, we refer to this type of wagering as "the junk",
as in "The usual junk?"  "Of course!"

What exactly is a reverse bit?  Does "woodie" mean since I struck a tree,
I pay my opponent a bit?  I've never played this way.  We usually only pay
when the opponent accomplishes something.  That is, only positive bits.

Do you "press" the Nassua?  Usually we play when 2 down on the front/back/match
you may 'press', start an entirely new front/back/match.  Some folks play
automatic presses when 2 down, ugly if you're being trounced.
 
Some of our terms:

Bit             ->      Dot or Mark

Albatross       ->      Double Eagle

Oosler          ->      Greenie (not eveyone plays that you must make par)

(Golden) Ferret ->      I've heard of no equivalent, but love the imagery!

Roll-up         ->      Carry-over

?               ->      Barkie (hit a tree, make par)

?               ->      Arnie (miss the fairway, miss the green, make par)

?               ->      Appearances (honors on the tee, can get very costly)

Fanny           ->      D___ Out (No dots, but individual must play next hole
                        with a certain (male-only) anatomical component exposed)

Regards,
Mike

    Regarding greenies.....when determining whether or not a par must be
    achieved to get credit for a greenie, we ask if the "Worcester County"
    rules apply.  If so, a three putt nullifies the greenie!!
    
    
    We call the par achieved after having been in a trap a "Sandy Par"
    (pretty imaginative, huh!!!?).  We also credit a player with a 'dot'
    if he gets up and down out of a trap regardless of score.
    
    
    Nelly

First may I say as a newcomer to DEC, and therefore the notes files, that I 
may well become as addicted to this conference as I am to the glorious game 
itself! Thanks for your interest.

re .5  A reverse bit is as you surmise - you get to pay out for making a 
fool of yourself!

"presses", whilst not unknown OTSOTP, are rarely played.  Instead we have 
the "bye".  When a match is lost - say 10 & 8 (God help you!) you can 
request to play the bye ie a match over the remaining holes. If, perish the 
thought, you subsequently lose this match - say 5 & 3, you can request to 
play the "bye bye" (and kiss bye bye to lots of cash!). It is of course 
possible to play a "bye bye bye" on the 18th provided you have mobile phone 
access to a loan bureau!

re .6  Sandies never require you to make par to claim the money. Perhaps a 
sandie par should be re-named a golden sandie and count as a double bit or 
dot?

Jack (Must dash as I'm on the tee in 35 minutes) Frost.

    When playing someone in matchplay and you beat them 7+6 or get beat by
    the same score thats called getting a dog licence,
    To explain that in old English money a Dog Licence used to cast
    7/6 so thats why.
    
    Yes i have been on the wrong end of a couple!
    
    No licence this weekend i hope!
    
    Joe