Conference 7.286::golf

    Here's another story which is also true.
    
    About two years ago I was playing in the Southwest Tournament (a
    DEC sponsored event for golf teams from Phoenix, Albuquerque, Tempe,
    Colorado Springs and Denver) at the McCormick Ranch in Phoenix.
    Because of the way the tournament was set up, the last day I was
    just playing for pride. That was fine since one of the members in
    my group said he had a 28 handicap and had just shot a 74 the day
    before. There was no way he was going to beat me.
    
    Anyway, I had just finished the last three holes with 2 pars and
    a birdie by making three sizeable putts in a row. I had the honors
    on the last tee which was a dog leg to the left par 5. At this point
    I was tied with my teammate from Colorado Springs, not the guy who
    shot the 74, and I had a personal goal to at least tie him if not
    beat him by a stroke.
    
    I hit a beautiful shot that went out to the corner of the dog leg
    and then took the turn. Without a doubt it had to be in the fairway.
    My teammate got up and hit exactly the same shot just a little to
    the left of mine. Well when we got up there my teammates ball was
    just barely out of the fairway but my ball was no where to be found.
    Dejected I dropped, flubbed a shot, couldn't putt and took a 7 or
    8 on the par 5 which with my drive would have been an easy green
    to reach in 2.
    
    When I got into the club house I was talking with one of the guys
    from the group in front of us. I told him what a great round I had
    going until the last hole when my ball disappeared. He said, "What
    were you playing?". I told him the orange 1 Pro Staff. "Pro
    trajectory?". "Yes". "That's where that ball came from". He went
    to say that they started to drive up fairway when all of a sudden
    they heard a ball rolling around. It happened to be the same kind
    they were playing, but non of the bags were opened and they couldn't
    figure out how the ball got there. 
    
    Appearently what had happened was I hit this beautiful drive about
    250 yards in the air, then hit a 3 foot wide black top cart path,
    jumped 30 yards further perfectly into the back of their cart. It's
    a shame they didn't throw the ball out.

    On a family vacation 10 years ago my dad and I where playing at
    Disney World(only two course then).
    
    He sliced a drive out of bounds and acrossed a road.  As we approached
    the ball a Disney Policeman drove up.
    
    He (the policeman) stop his car got out with his white gloves and stopped
    traffic both ways.  Dad strolled across the road and retrieved  his
    ball.
    
    I had always heard that the service at Disney World was the best
    in the world and now I "know" it is.
    
    By the way the $100.00 we paid for 36(2) holes was well worth it.
    For a Florida course you cann't beat Disney World.
                                                     
    Ed

        Larry Cade  and I spent 5 days in Disney World this february with 
        our families.   We stayed at the Disney Inn, formerly Golf Resort 
        Hotel, and played all  three  courses.   If you want a great golf 
        vacation and have your family enjoy it too, this can't be beat.
        
        Anker

     
     re .2:
     
     Interesting.  A golfer/computerhead named 'Hacker'.
     
     --Mr Topaz

	  During an exhibition in Paris a few month ago, Lee Trevino was asked
	for a definition of golf .
	  
	  " Give me a golf course, a beautiful weather and a pretty nice girl 
	as a caddy . 
	    Then you can take away the golf course and the beautiful weather!"

    The infamous "19th hole" of the golf world takes on an entirely
    new meaning for an American golfing fanatic whose body was flown
    from California to be buried beside his "favourte" course in Ireland.
    
    The remains of Martin McDermott were interred at Kilakenney Cemetery,
    close to the first tee at Ballybunion golf course on New Year's
    Eve.
    
    The Los Angeles golfer had ordered that when he died he wanted to
    rest within sight of the rolling greens of the famous course where
    he played regularly on vacation.
    
    Most golfers are happy to round off their game at the 19th hole--
    the clubhouse bar.For Martin McDermott the after game break goes
    quite a bit further.
    
    Mr. McDermott was so taken with the Ballybunion course, that he
    wished to be buried close by,according to his wife, Vickki who had
    the body flown the 6,000 miles across the Atlantic.
    
    "It was the one wish he had left." she said after the burial.
    
    ********This item came via Paul Flynn from the DEC office in Dublin****
    

This is the true story of how my friend lost his job as a caddy. 

In the late sixties, the announcer for the Chicago Cubs was Jack 
Brickhouse. He was a devoted fan of Ernie Banks, and whenever Ernie
hit a home run, he always said "HEY, HEEEEEYYYYYYY, ERNIE!" He was
famous for it. 

Well, one day my caddy friend wound up carrying Jack Brickhouse's bags. 
On one difficult hole, the green was located just in front of a large fence
that bordered the golf course. Jack was about to hit his approach shot, 
and called for a 6 iron. 
"I think a 9 would be better from here, sir" said the caddy. 
"Give me the 6."
"At most an 8."
"GIVE ME the 6!" 
So my friend gave him the 6. Jack happened to get a good stroke. As the ball
went sailing over the fence, my friend hollered out "HEY, HEEEEEYYYYYYY, ERNIE!"

    
    There has been a lot of controversey as to whether the Seniors tour
    should be allowed to use golf carts or not.  Appartently, Chi Chi
    Rodriquez is in favor and Arnold Palmer is opposed. One time Chi
    Chi was riding by Arnie in a cart.  Well, Arnold was giving him
    a dirty look and Chi Chi replies..."Don't worry Arnie...I'm using
    Pennzoil!"

    	I thought the seniors could use carts. They did in the Digital
    Classic @Nashawtuc CC.  If the pro rides, the caddie has to walk though
    and vice versa, so the players don't get ahead of the crowd.

	I believe that the Seniors can ride at all PGA events but can't
	at the USGA Seniors Open.

	Larry

Gary Player had made an incredible shot.  He was well off the green, 
possibly in the rough.  His shot hit the green and rolled into the cup. 
One of the spectators in the gallery remarked to Gary Player that he was 
quite lucky on that shot.

Gary Players response:  "The more I practice, the luckier I get."

    I had an opportunity to play with Lee a couple of times over the
    past 5 years. Following a Pro Am tournament we were sitting in the
    bar over a couple of cold ones.  At that time a friend of mine (a
    24 handicapper came up to Lee and ask him for his autograph.  Lee
    asked the guy if he played golf to which he replied "yes but not
    very well".  Lee asked him to take his normal stance and take a
    practice swing.. Eagerly my friend responded.  Upon completion of
    his swing and in front of about 50 people Lee remarked..."your
    absolutely right, you are terrible.
    
    Paul

    
    
    Was out golfing yesterday morning and ran into a few guys from town
    that I know. Talking to the younger brother, he tells me to ask his
    brother Jack about his game last saturday....ok..I will. Jackie..how
    was your game saturday? He looks at me and starts to laugh a little..
    He says..I wasn't feeling real well..had an upset stomach and a case
    of "The Runs"..well we decide to go out anyways and its only a 9 hole
    course and wide open..no woods around...ya know..just wide open..
    well we get around the first nine and I have to really go to the
    bathroom..so I ask the ranger where the bathrooms are and he says
    there aren't any. I say "oh well, I just won't think about it"..
    so jackie keeps talking...we're out on the sixth fair way and 
    everything is going fine and all of a sudden i feel like i have to
    'pass some gas' (he uses other words..i can't here)..so i hike my
    leg a little to 'pass'..and all of a sudden i realized it wasn't gas
    that just let go!...so here i am on the sixth fairway right in the 
    middle of a wide open course with my light green pants on with a
    large brown stain running down to both knees!..I didn't know what
    to do..i ran over to a lone tree on the course and yelled to my
    brother..Timmy..is this where your ball went? ..and then this other
    couple looks at me and the lady keeps looking at me to see what i'm
    doing..i couldn't hold it anymore and had to drop my pants in the 
    middle of the fairway at this lone tree with some lady watching me
    from only 25 yards away...
    
      he went on a little more about it..all of us waiting at the first
    tee were almost on the ground dying of laughter..just the thought
    of this big 230 pound guy with light green pants with crap running
    down both legs as he crossing all the other faiways to get to his
    truck and go home...must have been some sight to see..i was still
    laughing about it last night!
    
    

    I don't know about passing gas but I got written up by a home economics
    teacher in the eighth grade for giving off excess air.

    
    
    A true golfer would have finished the 18.

    Thanks for the entertainment. I'm sitting here in my cube almost crying
    with laughter. 
    
    It's stories like this that can turn a somewhat boring monday into a
    winner.
    
    Ken

    The Toronto Globe and Mail reported last week that golf can definitely
    be a killer sport. A golfer in western Canada, (Manitoba, I think)
    had his ball land near a steel post. Instead of taking a drop he
    decided to play the ball where it lay. He swung at the ball using
    a three wood. On his follow-through, he hit the steel pole. The
    shaft broke in half. The bottom part of the shaft somehow bounced
    up and lodged in his chest. He died four hours later in hospital.
    True story!

    	
    	BEING A TRUE HACKER MYSELF.  WE ALL HAVE TO HAVE A LUCKY SHOT
    NOW AND THEN.  THE FIRST TIME OUT THIS YEAR, I WAS PLAYING THE WORST
    OF MY LIFE.  THEN I CAME TO THE 9TH HOLE AT WACHUSETT C.C.  IT'S
    A LONG PAR 4, AND I SOMEHOW HIT A BEUTIFUL DRIVE 300 YARDS IN THE
    CENTER OF THE FAIRWAY.  THEN WITH A FIVE IRON I HIT THE BALL 150
    YARDS, THE BALL ROLLED UPHILL THE NEXT 25 YARDS, ONTO THE GREEN
    AND INTO THE CUP FOR AN OUTSTANDING EAGLE. 
    
        WHEN YOUR GOLF IS AS BAD AS MINE, YOU HAVE TO TELL ABOUT THE RARE
    HIGHLIGHTS!!!!!!!!!!
                                         
    
                               CHRIS - SECURITY HACKER
         
    

    Wasn't sure whether to file this under "true stories" or "jokes" ...
    but it IS a true story.
    
    I was playing Pakachoag in Aubrun MA. One of the "charms" of this
    course is that there's a string of 3 or so holes that run parallel, and
    almost seem to share fairways (there's no rough or trees or anything
    separating them).
    
    I was teeing off on one of the parallel holes, and an attractive young
    short-short clad woman was out in the fairway, on some hole (who
    knows?). Anyway, for some reason she was bending over with her rather
    shapely behind pointed right at the tee. My drive headed right for her,
    and I yelled "FORE!!!!". She apparently decided that the best course of
    action was to remain bending over, figuring that if she got hit, at
    least it would be in a fairly well padded spot.
    
    The ball landed a few yards behind her and rolled between her legs.
    
    As I walked away from the tee I asked my buddy "If the ball had hit her
    and it got lodged in her a**, could I have taken a preferred lie?"
    
    What I didn't realize was another guy in our foursome had started to
    address the ball, and when I said that, he started to laugh so hard that
    he completely missed the ball on his swing... The big "whiff".

    Either that or score it as an ACE!!!
    

    
    Good one, it ALMOST happened to me but my timing was better.
    As usual the best stories I have are out of Fresh Pond Golf
    Course, now the Tip O'Neil, which is what happens to good names!
    
    THIS IS TRUE: I SAW IT:
    
    It is a very hot July day in 1973 ,just started playing golf,
    lived across across the street, and got the urge to practise.
    
    In those days the course was empty, and you could do it.
    
    I'm going up 5 ,hitting 3 balls at a time all by lonessome.
    
    I hit one left over the bunker on the left where it indents quite
    
    a bit , something like the right side of 7 north at Stow, but
    
    with a little better "privacy".
    
    Right there is a couple on a blanket going at it and doing
    
    the wild thing!
    
    Hit my ball and kept going , giving sneaky looks back, and I don't
    
    even think they knew I was there !!
                                   
    ....only at Fresh Pond....
    
              Ang
    
    

Re: -.1

>    Right there is a couple on a blanket going at it and doing
>    the wild thing!

	Reminds me of the story that at a very exclusive club where they
	take golf seriously they were having a party one evening.  Somehow
	the president of the club came upon one of the male members &
	a guest other than the man's wife doing the wild thing in a sand
	trap.  The next day the member received a registered letter expelling
	him from the club.  The reason:

	He forgot to rake the trap when he was done!

    .6
    
    
    I like it !!
    I guess the guy was good in the "bunkers"!!
    A
    

    
    
    Taken from todays date in Amazing But True Golf Facts calendar:
    
    	A man who couldn't swin was trapped on a small island in Fleetwood,
    England by rising flood waters.  Attempts to throw a rope to the man, a
    Mr. Varley, failed.  Finally, Mr. R. Murray, the Wigtownshire amateur
    golf champ, hammered a nail through a golf ball, attached some string
    to the nail, and tied the string to a strong rope.  Then he hit the
    ball to the island with an 8 iron.  The ball carried the rope to Varley
    who was then pulled to safety.
    
    Believe it or don't.
    
    	Mike

    Just learned on Monday...
    
    My brother,age 45, decide to switch from right handed golf to left
    handed golf.  He had been as low as a 9 right handed, but lately had
    become discouraged with things.  His logic, since the only thing he
    does right handed is golf and throw, why not turn around and have your
    strong arm(right) as the lead and your control arm(left) as the guide.
    
    Soooo...he switches in December, clubs, the works.  And on Monday he
    gets a hole in one, left handed, 180+ yards with a five iron.  The
    course is called Cherry Island and the hole is a par 3 over water to a
    small up sloping green, trees on the left, sand right and front.
    
    For those of us still struggling, its stories that give us hope and
    tick us off.  At least I can still beat him and I never give him
    strokes, he's my older brother and he still owes me.
    
    SCD

    Re .24
    
    It couldn't be our Mr. Varley. As far as I can tell by reading the
    entire 1400+ entries in the notes file, The only place Jack has never
    played is in Fleetwood, England.
    
    Must be an imposter. 
    
    It's still a great story.
    
    Ken

    OUR Mr. Varley would have untied the string and then hit the ball 
    back across with a 9 iron !!!
    
    Pasco who usually is a read only 
    

    
    I've seen Jack near water... he immediately grabs his fly rod and
    	starts fishing .
    
    	So I conclude, had Varley casted across using a fishing pole...
    he'd have been our Varley :)  !
    
    	JMHO,
    
    	Walta

    Not many Varley's around, but I'll have to plead "Not guilty" to this
    one... Great story, but I'm sure glad I wasn't the guy hitting the ball
    to the "Other" Varley. At this time of year, he'd have to be 30 yards
    straight right of me...
    
    Never played in England, but I hope to someday. In truth, there are so
    many great, yet hospitable courses that it would take quite a while.
    
    --Jack (Who was in San Francisco on business, stayed next to a driving
    range in Santa Clara, and never got to hit ball one...)

    Jack,
    
    I have been in the same hotel and seen the range and course.  We'll
    both know better the next time.
    
    SCD

    Byron Nelson is very soft-spoken and a gentleman in the truest and best
    sense of the word. But anyone who believes he isn't competitive to the
    core is mistaken. One person who learned this the hard way was Frank
    Stranahan.
    
    Stranahan was the heir to a healthy fortune who went on to win the
    British Amateur in 1948 and 1950 and lost in the finals of the U.S.
    Amateur in 1950. By most accounts, Stranahan could be difficult at
    times and was perfectly capable of trying the patience of a...well, a
    Byron Nelson.
    
    Nelson was the professional at Inverness, where Stranahan's family had
    a membership. Stranahan's father insisted that Nelson give his son
    lessons, but the younger Stranahan proved intractable, insisting on
    doing things his way--Nelson's playing record and reputation as a
    teacher notwithstanding. Finally, Byron just gave up.
    
    One day Stranahan came into Nelson's pro shop with two friends and
    challenged Nelson to a match. Nelson declined at first, but there was
    something about Stranahan's attitude that lit up Nelson's competitive
    fires.
    
    "I'll tell you what, Frank," Nelson said. "Not only will I play you,
    but bring along your two friends, too. I'll play your best ball."
    
    Nelson went out and shot a record 63 on a course good enough to have
    hosted three U.S. Opens and a PGA Championship.