Conference kaosws::canada

592.0. "Operation Backbacon" by DKAS::BEAIRSTO () Thu Jul 16 1992 14:22

Article 3708 of rec.humor.funny:
Path: nntpd.lkg.dec.com!nntpd2.cxo.dec.com!pa.dec.com!decwrl!looking!funny-request
Message-id: <[email protected]>
Date: Thu, 16 Jul 92 4:30:3 EDT
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Organization: Lockheed Engineering & Sciences Co.
From: [email protected]
Subject: Operation Backbacon
Keywords: smirk
Approved: [email protected]



To: Cabinet Members
From: N. Bonerpart
Subject: Operation Backbacon
Classification: Top Secret


	The American economy, in dire need of recovery from the blahs,
necessitates drastic measures.  Our foreign policy is also in shambles,
due to our fixation with unpronouncible countries while ignoring our
immediate neighbors.  Recent military operations have shown that, indeed,
practice makes perfect.  Thus, Operation Backbacon combines economic,
political, and military facets of government in a timely fashion (i.e.
before an election).

	In a nutshell, Operation Backbacon is the invasion, conquest,
and annexation of Canada.  The economic benefits are thusly; improved access
to timber for our junk mail infrastructure, water for our farmers and
amusement parks, and dramatically improved supply of good beer.  The
foreign policy benefits include elimination of a costly and inert embassy.
The military benefits are a full-dress exercise with minimal risk and
acess to vast wilderness areas for our troops to go camping in.

	The initial wave of special forces are to be infiltrated across
the borders disguised as hunters, fishermen, and college students buying
cases of Molson's.  The first wave is to be executed during the Stanley
Cup playoffs; therefore no resistance is expected.  The second wave requires
a variety of MOS's (Military Occupational Specialty).  There will be
military police and truckers to orchestrate the seizure and shipping of
beer.  Surveyors and groundskeepers will rework the football fields to
American dimensions.  Speech therapists will barrage the television and
radio frequencies with lessons on how to pronounce words with "ou" properly.
Packing companies will pipeline back bacon to American pizza distributors.

While there will be a regrettable upheaval in Canuck life, we will
improve several facets of their system.  No Canadian will have to pay
VAT (Value Added Tax), except for Brian Mulroney.  The monetary system
will convert to American money, so the losses due to all those billions 
of Canadian coins in American vending machines will be eliminated.  Top
executives in the Canadian brewing industry will be transported down to
Milwaukie and St. Louis, and given dictatorial power over our ailing
beer companies.

The surge in purchases of yellow and red ribbons as well as American 
flags, reduction of beer prices, and the ensuing baby boom should
invigorate the economy substantially.  While the effects of Operation 
Backbacon will wear off after a couple of years, there is no limitation 
on similar treatments elsewhere.  In fact, Operation Enchilada is in the 
preliminary planning stage already.

Sincerely,

N. Bonerpart

State Dept.





--
 | Devon Prichard
 | Lockheed Engineering & Sciences Co.
--
Selected by Brad Templeton.  MAIL your joke (jokes ONLY) to [email protected].
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Remember: PLEASE spell check and proofread your jokes.  You think I have
time to hand-correct everybody's postings?

    Don't tell me that were going to have a Value Added Tax on top of the
    GST!!!!
    
    What's this all abowoot?!?!?!
    
    Vitiolically,
    
    Barf Karboondangledinglerumpledumpleshamalamadingdong

   Well, they better call first before they come, as we may be out!
   
   -doug

    
    
    Well I think that the CIA has already started the seed operation.  They
    have managed to infultrate Television with US shows.  There is more and
    more US beer being imported into Canada.  The only ones who can afford
    to holiday in Canada are Americans.  
    
    We don't have VAT but they can gladly take the GST.
    
    Introducing American money will only confuse Canadians since the US
    money all looks like monopoly money.
    
    I think the best time to envade Canada would be in Febuary.  It seems
    that most Canadians have gone south to thaw out or are hibernating in
    their homes.  Either way I don't think they would give you much of a
    fight as long as you kept the ski hills open and the snowmobile trails
    groomed.  
    
    Scott 

    VAT = GST
    
    The GST is a Value Added Tax.
    
    A Value Added Tax is simply a tax levied on the increase in Value
    of an article or service every time it is bartered or exchanged.
    
    If item X is valued at $10 and there is a Value Added Tax of 10%,
    when you buy it you will pay $11.  Now, say you sell it for $12.
    You will charge $1.20 in tax, and remit to the tax office $0.20
    because you already paid a dollar in tax.
    
    That is how GST works.   Now for Mr Joe Average, he doesn't see
    all the intermediate tax steps ... but it all basically ensures that
    it is the end user who is taxed, whether the end user is you or me,
    or a company.
    
    Stuart

    Actually this is less of a joke than one might think ... a few
    years ago there were reports of a buildup of troops at a US
    base near Malone New York, just south of Cornwall Ontario which
    was reputed by many to be for just that kind of possibility!
    
    Stuart

    re: US invasion of Canada.
    
     They had better think twice about this one. If they dust off their
    history books, and read a few pages that don't get much press in the
    States, they will notice that the track record of American
    invasions/liberations of Canada is very poor indeed.
    
     Want to go for the "best three out of five?"
    
    
    				Derek Street.