Conference kaosws::canada

    	All flags in Canada are being flow at half-sausage. Truly a sad
    day...

    ���
     n
    
    

    You guys are loonie.

    
    Sniff..sniff....chicken paprikas will be served in memory of him..

    as a tribute to the KOLBASZ industry, bless him! ????? 
    (...and bless all the cheesmakers...)

Just read this from the Oshawa Enquirer and Mail:


	BUDAPEST (HP) -  The well known shoe manufacturer and sausage
		eater, Babalovski Bata has acquired the large colon of
		the renowned Korff Barbunk.  Mr. Barbunk, recently
		deceased due to rectal eruptive convulsions, possessed
		a late model Brabant (in mint condition) in his large
		colon, the result of a high speed chase by two wealthy
		Albanian brain surgeons who, according to a custard pie
		interviewed at the scene, looked suspiciously like
		members of the dreaded Kolb�sz sausage ring.

			 Mr. Bata, wearing a fine example of his excellent
		shoes and a salivating slug for a tie, indicated that
		Mr. Barbunk's estate and his surviving wife, who is yet
		to be buried, would donate part of his colon containing
		the Brabant to the Oshawa Automotive Museum and not to
		the one in Sarnia.  No one willing to admit that they
		were from Sarnia was available for comment, but a loud
		report of projectile flatus was heard.

			This unexpected gift to the citizens of Oshawa
		will be known as the Korff Barbunk Memorial Semi-colon
		and Brabant, instead of the earlier-proposed title of
		Korff's Guts.  When asked how much this treasure was
		worth, Mr. Bata who is still alive and who has a very
		large nose, replied, "Hey, it's worth either your salary
		for a year or my nose stuffed with Loonies.  It's your
		choice".  Mr. Bata was soon escorted from the scene with
		a bloody nose and complaining of stuffy sinuses, his tie
		was found on the menu of a local French restaurant.

    	I guess his tie had a Windsor snot.

		Sluggish attempt.

    I notice this note is moving at a snail's pace.

    
    Lucky for Korf it wasn't 2 members of the dreaded Pepperette gang, or
    there would have been a hot time in the old bowel tonight.
    
    Old Korf will be sorely missed.  If my alter ego were to speak here, he
    might say that Korf truly got what he deserved, as he was a pain in the
    *ss.
    
    dog

He's alive!!  He lives!!

This is fanatastic news, I just heard it on the 60 metre band of my
short wave radio.  Apparently, it was a clandestine broadcast from the 
brain cell of Knarf Knute, bodyguard and personal vibrator to Korff.

This is the jist of the broadcast (the transmission was being partially
jammed by unknown purveyors of spicy meats):

"....@%^^%%^%$&*(...izz most untrue.  We are safe here in...&^%%^
 ...so many butcher's aprons and me mum's knickers.  I want all the
world...*&^#@%^&+=_*^%$@#$%^...by the balls and other ceremonial
manifestations of monarchial rule.  Please...*%$#@!#%&**&&^%$##@$%#@!
...release me and let me go until...*$%%$#@#!@%%^...orgasm is a phrase
that they used often in the description of certain clinical procedures
here at the University of Tuktoyuktuk...affectionately referred to as
Tuk U...&&%%&^*()((^^#!@^%$*&%%&...Korff Barbunk, the renowned clinician,
inventor of Glumpf and creamed lemming on toast has...*$%^&*%$$^&%^(*(^
)*&*^$$!$^$*^&(*...been seen alive and is living in Peoria along with
his...^&#!@*^$*&^(*(*&)*^%^$$...wife who predeceased him, and a mouldy
custard pie...(@^&&*(%^&^&%*(&)(*&%$##@#@##$%#$%$...were off-loaded
at the Oshawa Automotive Museum and not in Sarnia along with...!!@#$%^&&
#%@!%#$%&^*&^&^*%%@$*^^^**^&(#@#!#!$@#%)+&%#...a perforated large colon
and..(&^!~*&^()+)+)*%%#%@#!#~@~^$%&^(&...a Brabant in mint condition..."

At that point, I lost the transmission but there you have it, people out
there in vacuum-land.  Korff lives!

    	It's just like all those reports about Elvis still being alive, or
    Howard Hughes. I think we all should realise that people are going to
    try and make money of the now defunked Korff Barbunk. Next thing you
    know, the tabloids will be saying he got picked up by a UFO which
    looked like a Brabant in mint condition and upon his return to earth he
    gave birth to a 77 year old lady from Kentucky.

    	If you can believe this kind of stuff then please get me an
    autograph from Elvis when you see him, I hear he's staying at a Grand
    Canal front Hotel in Sarnia.

    Glenn

    I for one am glad to hear he hasn't pASSED away.
    
    dog

	From what I understand the seemingly demised sauce sage Korph
	Barbunk was recently seen to materialize in halfway between
	the police and Indian barricade in Chateauguay.

	Reportedly dressed like Elvis with the ceremonial head gear
	of the great Indian legend Tecumseh Korph began to sing,
	into a particularly greasy looking weiner schnitzel, the
	strains of Franks Zappa's - Don't You Eat that Yellow Snow".

	His arrangement was further embellished with the full throated
	choir of a genuine Yellownovian sled dog team and and a dead highlander
	on a bloody but still servicable set of bag-pipes.

	Both the police and the Indians immediately opened fire on this
	atrocity of what they weren't sure and yelled insults to the
	gaudy looking wraith that continued to drone on despite the hail
	of ammunition.

	Son of pUD
	

    	I don't believe that either, but it would be fun to watch.....
    

    
    
          Bizarre.  Totally, utterly bizarre.  

    	Cathy!

    	Where you been?

    	See what happens when you take a hiatus?

    Did you miss me, Glenn?  I'm touched, I really am...But I bet you knew
    that already, didn't you?
    
    My oh-so-nice boss gave me yesterday off.  Everyone had been on
    vacation 'cept moi, so she told me take a day.  
    
    But I was sad 'cuz I was missing all the fun here.  Not to mention the
    fact that it rained and poured all day long...
    
    Cathy, who's back like a bad habit... ;^}

    	<<Is a Brabant like a Henway ?

Completely different, but very similar.  The Henway is a famous chicken path.

    re .-1
    
    	<<Is a Brabant like a Henway ?
    
<<Completely different, but very similar.  The Henway is a famous chicken path.
    
    I can't believe you fell for the old Peterborouh dialect.  Everyone
    knows that the w is silent.  Therefore the question really is 
    
	Is a Brabant like a Hen ay ?
    
    Unless the Brabant is a chicken with 4 wheels, I think the answer is:
    No!  
    
    dog
       

    	I do believe that this is the first time that Peterborough has been
    mentioned in the Canada notesfile. Certainly a momentous occasion!

    Glenn

Korff Barbunk relieved himself while passing through Peterborough, which
is pronounced 'Sarnia' by the locals, along with his deceased wife.  When
she was asked about this, she remained silent.  When Korff was asked about
this, he replied that, "She smells a bit but she has heart of gold and
she'll make a lovely custard pie".

Recently, an interview with Korff Barbunk was re-played on the radio
network of the Canadian Broadcorping Castration:


Barbara Frump (BF) - Mr. Cardbunt, tell me about you, your life and every-
		     thing else in the universe, in a few short words.

Korff Barbunk (KB) - The name is Barbunk, Ms. Dump.  Well, it all started
		     when I attempted to sell a fleet of camels to a band of
		     elevator shafts, realizing that I could get shafted I
		     decided to market my new invention, the left-handed
		     cheese straightener.

BF - I see.  Were you successful?

KB - No, but it taught me a lot about the book industry, so I wrote my first
     novel then.

BF - What was it called?

KB - 'The Taming of the Screw', it was about having babies.  Unfortunately,
     it was published at the same time as Pope Paul's Epistle to the 
     Fallopians, so my book didn't fare as well as expected.  It was at that
     time that I met the man who knew how to extract Glumpf from the ulcerated
     prostate gland of the Great Crenellated Mud Guppy, Bink Bobo.

BF - Could you describe Mr. Bimbo to our audience, out there in vacuum-land.

KB - Certainly, Ms. Grunt.  To begin with, his complexion was that of a face
     that had been set afire and then put out with a fork.  This was due to
     his indulgence in his favourite pastime of bobbing for french fries.
     During the Lemming War of Independence in the Calgary Zoo, he 
     distinguished himself by saving a flock of guinea hens from destruction
     by a herd of marmasettes which was reciting en masse the complete works
     Voltaire and Descartes, ad nauseum.  He was awarded the VC for his efforts.

BF - The VC!  Do you mean the Victoria Cross?

KB - Er, no.  The Violator of Chickens.  Unfortunately, he is no longer with
     us, he died as he lived - in his sleep.

BF - Finally, Mr. Dinkdunk.  What do you remember best about your deceased
     wife, who I understand still resides with you?

KB - Ah, yes, Ms. *unt.  It was many years ago before we could afford appliances
     when my wife had to cook over the dog when it was in heat.  I had the good
     fortune to acquire several hundred pounds of steel wool which I gave to my
     wife, that wonderful wench.  She set forth, or was it five, and knitted us
     a fine stove.  From then on, we were able to rub two dogs together in the
     stove and generate sufficient heat for cooking, warmth and to burst my
     wife's nasal warts.

BF - Thank you.  We now return to our regularly scheduled program of chor-
     eographed gargling by the all dead choir at St. Herkermer of the Bleeding
     Liver Church in Sarnia, next door to the Nose and Bicycle Seat Pub.


     

		NEWSFLASH!!  NEWSFLASH!!

BOTTOM-BASHED-IN-LEMMING-JUMP, Sask., Canada - Recent sightings have
	confirmed the existence of Korff Barbunk, the inventor of the
	Rocket Canoe that crossed Lake Memphramagog in 20 minutes.  He
	was seen being pulled in a dung wagon by four white Holsteins,
	near the estate of the retired cockle and whelk purveyor Lord
	Lochstock and Barrel.

	Although it was purported that Mr. Barbunk was holed-up with
	a French family in a bottle, this was proven to be erroneous
	as many have seen him coming out of a rubber bungalow of the
	future.  Still more have said that he was seen harvesting sap
	from telephone poles.

	Alger Blumpft, a blind unicyclist who ropes steers by radar,
	said that he sensed Korff due to the minute traces of an
	errant Trabant in his lower GI tract.  Mr. Blumpft is also
	known for his helpful suggestions such as how to turn those
	unwanted coat hangers into snappy eye-glasses.

	This reporter attempted to contact Mr. Barbunk's recently
	deceased wife (when she was fifteen years old, she rushed
	home from school and promptly died of old age) but she was
	unavailable for comment, according to a very mouldy custard
	pie.