Conference kaosws::canada

    
    Now there's a Hungarian name if I ever heard one..:-)
    

    	Well, you're moving to the city of Champions. GAG!
    

    Glenn,
    How much is it to rent a whirly-twirly in Edmonton this time of
    year?
    
    Arch-enema

    	It figures they would rent whirly-twirlies out in Alberta. That is
    why it so obvious that they were so successful in developing eastern
    Canada and driving in the last spike in Halifax.

    Re= .1
    
    
    Indeed, it is Hungarian  just as much as Borda !(?)
    (Are you somewhere near Edmonton ?)
    
    
    
    Be a little more talkative, I believe there is more to say about that
    place of "champions"...   

    
    Place of champions???...where Edmonton or Hungary..:-)
    
    Nope not a Edmontoner...I'm in Ottawa..Kanata to be precise.Soooo..born
    and bred in Hungary??My folks came from there many moons ago but
    I still speak the language..never could write it..and can stumble
    through readin it....how about you??
    

    Just because your guys are jealous - let's face it the eastern teams
    are a bunch of losers, not to mention that the Grand Canal surrounds
    this marvellous province and keeps us isolated from eastern and
    western whirly twirlies.
    
    Seriously, my node indicates Calgary but actually I am located in
    Edmonton.  The housing market to rent is not too bad your looking
    at 600-800 dollars/month with some utilities included for a one
    bedroom in a "good" area.  Until the GST comes in all goods are
    not provincally taxed, so what you see in price is what you pay.
    
    Actually, soon is the time to buy.  We had quite a housing boom
    but it is slowing down and prices are also becoming realistic. 
    
    Silly question, but why on earth are you moving here?  The weather
    is dreadful, the bugs are the size of blue whales this summer and
    it's so far from anywhere.  
    
    Linda

    
    Hello,
    
    Don't listen to Linda. Shes not a true Albertan and therfore a
    suspected Eastern sympathizer and a closet Whirley-twirlier. AND shes 
    fibbing about the mosquitoes, the largest seen was no bigger than a Sperm 
    whale and the average is only as large as a humpback. 
    For the 600 - 800 range that she is talking about you can get a two or 
    three bedroom walkup apartment in River bend ( aprox-600-700 ). 
    You can also get a deluxe three bedroom townhouse or condominium just 
    about anywhere in the city for less than 800. The vacancy rate is
    pretty good right now, so you shouldn't have a problem finding
    something you like etc...
    I know I've been looking around for a place for the last two months.
    If you want to live downtown in a high rise you can spend just about as
    much or as little as you want. It depends on how much your willing to
    pay for a view of the river valley.
    
    Regards,
    Ron

    **** Re .6  (.7 and .8 too)
    
    Hi there (whet's the first name B.T.W.?)!
    
    I left Hungary nearly 4 years ago ( only) been living in the UK ever
    since.  I'm bored out of my brains, that's one main reason for leaving
    this place.  I thought there might be some more excitement ovethere.
    And there is more space and less rush ( that's what I heard anyway) in
    Canada, so I picked that as destination.  It would be nice to get some 
    contract within DEC , I don't relly care which part of Canada(that's 
    what I'm doing right now), but I think I should not talk about this 
    issue here in these notes...
    
    ***** Re .7 and .8
    
    
    I hope this was a pessimistic view of Edmonton, however I'm a bit p...
    off with what I hear about the bli... cold etc., I hope it's not as wet
    as the British Isle, 'cos you can always dress up, but I can't stand
    the umbrellas!
    
    Thanks for the info about accomodation, I hope I hear from you lot
    again sooooooooooooooooooooon!
    
    					/  Tamas 

    Well, you certainly won't need the brolly as much anywhere in Canada
    except maybe Victoria and Vancouver.  Although from what I hear you
    aren't needing it much in Britain at the moment with 90 deg F weather
    lately!
    
    I dunno what the prairies are like for mozzies ...(mosquitoes)  We
    grow em around here the size of "xxxxx" (fishy story) but no matter
    how big they are, they all seem to have appetites for a blood meal
    the size of Tyrannasourus Rex!  (Did you know that only the females
    go for blood and then only before they can lay their eggs ?)
    
    It may be cold, but I'm convinced I can cope with -40 far better
    than I can with a 45 F drizzly day.
    
    Stuart

    -40 is very rare in Edmonton at this time of year. Wait until the
    second week in August, then it starts to get cold. 
    Re-re-re-garrrrrddddss,
    
    ruh-ruh-ron

    
    
    That's all very true, that heat is just too much here in Britain. 
    I'm desperate for a little cold !!!!!!
    
    I've just met a girl (sort of girlfriend thing...) but she's pissed off
    with me going to Canada, and she's not very keen on coming to Canada,
    she thinks (?) that she's too much of a European (?)
    Now what the .... shall I do ???
    
    					/Tamas (The H.D.B)

    	Read her the Whirley-Twirly topic notes and then see if she's still
    not keen on comming to Canada.
    
    
    Glenn

Tamas:

	I suggest that you go to your local library and read about the
famous Hungarian-Canadian, Korff Barbunk.  He's the one who patented
Glumpf which is now used throughout Canada.  With it's serendipitous
excretions into the left frontal lobe, I'm quite certain that your
'significant other' will find solace in the land of frozen road apples,
buffalo-chip frisbees and cobbled goobers.

	If you would like a sample of Glumpf, let me know before they
refill the Grand Canal and drown the source of the drug, the ulcerated
prostrate gland of the Great Crenellated Mud Guppy.

Yours in supine openness,

Dink Dunker

    Well, one of the common misconceptions that Europeans have about Canada
    (and parts of the US come to that) is that it is a cultural backwater.
    In rural areas, classical "culture" may be miles away, but the Canadian
    large city is generally well endowed with theatres, dance, music and so
    on.  The general idea being how can there be much culture in such a
    young country.
    
    One of the impressive things about Canadian cities in general is
    their cleanliness and freedom from crime.
    
    Unless you can get your friend to want to emigrate, then you can 
    suggest that she comes for a visit.  As a visitor, she can stay for
    up to 6 months.  If she wanted to work she'd have to get a work visa.
    But she cannot apply for landed-immigrant status from within Canada,
    so she'd have to go back to Britain to apply if she did decide that 
    she'd like to stay.
    
    About the only way you're likely to be able to convince her is to
    see Canada.  There are some who cannot stand it and don't stay after
    emigrating here.  Other than that, find all the touristy info you
    can from the travel agents and Canada House, and some of the provincial
    trade delegations liek Ontario House (I don't know if Alberta maintains
    a trade delegation in London).
    
    Good luck!
    
    Stuart
    
    p.s. I wouldn't tell her about whirley twirleys if I were you ....
    she'd question your sanity and you might find that she might not
    remain sort of a grlfriend thing!  You could tell her that Canadians
    don't bite, they don't ride horses and don't all wear lumberjack
    shirts!
    

    Re: -1.
    
    That's not true, no one up here does whirley twirlies, we all ride
    horses (well some of us),we have at least one pickup truck with a 
    gun rack on the back and of course we all have a number of "CAT"
    hats.

    By the way Ron we'll have to stop meeting like this!
    
    Linda

    Let me rephrase that, especially the bit about horses ...
    
    Canadians don't all do whirley-twirleys, they don't *all* ride horses,
    they don't *all* have pickup-trucks and rifles and definitely don't
    all have "CAT" hats (I don't for a start!)
    
    Moreover, hockey is a semi-civilized game ... the fans don't go
    around beating each other up generally ... we let the players do
    that for themselves.  The real civilized game is curling ... it's
    the only game I know that is played with sticks that the players
    don't use to maim their opponents from time to time!

<<The real civilized game is curling ...

Say whaa?!  Since when is hairdressing a sport?
Next you'll have us believe that Canadians also lay a quiche
at the Tomb of the Unknown Hairdresser when visiting that 
fabled centre for curling...






			S A R N I A

Birthplace of Korff Barbunk, the inventor of Glumpf.

    there are many good things that can be combed out of the fact books
    on edmonton - the rocky mountains are close and real sharp, peter 
    pockington had a close shave with bankrupty (sic) but is still in
    business, the city is well groomed, and despite the oilers continue 
    bristling with the flames they continue to brush through the finals.
        
    and despite pat's ignorance the Tomb for the Unknown Hairdresser
    is in the West Edmonton Mall.
    
    .. but lets trac two the point for this reply, the only sad thing is 
    related to edmonton is associated with the oil fields and was brushed 
    upon by �*�pat's reply ...
    
    the oil from alberta goes to sarnia for refining, and hence sarnia and 
    edmonton are closely tied cities.  isn't amazing that sarnia affects 
    all facets of canadian life.
    
    ... so if you want to move to a real canadian town ... go to sarnia
    where the satellite town, petrolia, was where oil was first discovered 
    in canada and started the tradition of agriculture and oil (not
    a praire thing at all .. alberta just copied sarnia)
    
    dave
    

    My dear (and only) note-mates!
    
    
    
    Thanks for the support and response (greatly appreciated!) for my
    latest cry for help.  I hope I can do something better now.
    
    I also went to see my local library to find out something about that
    old Hungarian bstr'd who invented that wha'sh'ma call it, the Glumpf.
    I'm not sure if we are talking about the same person, but I read
    something about a fat short bold guy with some curly bit on top the
    forehead ( and one eye), who did have some interesting views of foreign
    sausages, so he kept on calling his own products "kolb�sz", that of
    course wasn't the one that killed him.  Is it the same chap then?!
    
    
    /Tamas (The H.D.B.)

Tamas, the plot, and blood sausage, thickens!  The Venerable Korff
Barbunk tried to stamp out the dreaded Kolb�sz ring but it lead
to his undoing.  He even solicited the CIA (Custard In Anus agency) to
assist him in stopping this sausage ring from monopolizing the production
of Glumpf.  Unfortunately, PUKE now owns the rights to all ulcerated
prostate glands extracted from the Great Crenallated Mud Guppy.

In memory of the Venerable Korff Barbunk, all flies and zippers are flying at
half-mast, and all flagpoles have been re-positioned to be upwind from all
flags - truly a remarkable tribute to a man who died with car parts in his
large colon.

Pat

    Just how bad is the mosquito problem?
    
    Tony

    The mosquitoes, this year, are the worst I have ever seen. They are not
    particulairly large but they make up for it in sheer numbers. The air
    traffic contollers at the international airport are having a hell of a
    time vectoring in friendlies what with all the mosquitoe bogies dive
    bombing the airfield. A squadron of F-15s from CFB Coldlake have been
    flieing cap for the incoming Civilian airlines but losses have been
    high.
    If you look just south of the city you can see the contrails of SAMs
    and the dark puffs of AA fire ( or AM fire ). Civilians are being
    issued hand held portable SAM launchers for any mosquitoe bogeys that
    penetrate the outer defences. I haven't used mine yet but its only a
    matter of time.
    
    Regards,
              __
    Ron      / /
             | |
    -----[]=(O)(O)(OO)
            / | |\
            | \ \ |

This appeared in the Globe and Mail this morning (reproduced without
permission):

	CHEYENNE MOUNTAIN, COLORADO - (AFP) - NORAD headquarters here
			placed sixteen airbases across North America on
			red alert (imminent attack) due to a radar sighting
			from the DEW line and the PACE installation in
			Alaska.  Apparently, a large flight of unknown
			aircraft was sighted north of Edmonton.

				In Canada, fighter aircraft (small plastic
			models thrown into the air by the top military brass)
			were scrambled into a fine omelett.  Upon vectoring
			to the 'enemy' aircraft, Major-General-Colonel-Sergeant
			Crash Craddock of the CAF (Cheap Air Farce) exclaimed,

				"Duuhh, errr, ummmm.  In front of the pointy
				 end of my plane, I can see a large flock of
				 moose heading towards Edmonton.  Now can I
				 call my mother?".


			Professor-doctor H�rst Schmart-Aleck of the Frankfurt-
			based GefurstenSchiesse und D�od�o in der LederHosen
			Institut, who has been on a sabbitcal until the Sabbath
			at the Edmonton School for Bug Research (known affect-
			ionately as Shooo), had this to say about the possible
			reason for such a large flock of moose appearing near
			Edmonton this early in the year before the Fall
			migration,

				"Ist possible dat der moose vas attacked by
				 der grosse bunch of die mosquitoes und der
				 moose suffered mittelschmurz und bloated up
				 into der grosse schmucks und den der moose
				 floated up into zee sky ver dey floated nach
				 Edmonton, mach schnell!".

				Major Major Major of NORAD gave the order to
			shoot down the moose before they reached Edmonton.  As
			each moose was hit by rocket fire, a loud 'bannffff'
			sound was heard, probably from the escaping gases.  The
			town 'Head-all-Shmushed-in, Lemming-Jump' was directly
			beneath this onslaught and has since been renamed to
			commemorate the event to 'Banff'.
				 

    What's this quiet ????????????????
    
    
    Are you all on holiday (rather pointless to ask if yes...) or just
    busy (...sort of...)
    
    
    Come on, speak up for God's sake, pls.
    
    I am so excited to hear some more about Edmonton, Canada in general,
    etc...
    
    
    /:-) Tamas The H.D.B.