| T.R | Title | User | Personal
Name | Date | Lines |
|---|
| 751.1 | 25 cents a ticket... | SDOGUS::DEUTMAN | I'd rather be in SANDY EGGO | Wed May 25 1988 20:05 | 9 |
| "MAN VISITS HEAVEN IN SPACECRAFT"
I saw this a couple of weeks ago and broke out laughing in the
grocery line...
Larry *.*
o
|
| 751.2 | ENQUIRING MINDS GO TO HIGH SCHOOL | WHEEL::BISHOP | | Thu May 26 1988 12:54 | 7 |
| "TEENAGE GIRL HAS UFO BABY"........
and my teenage daughter did a class report on this! (Have to admit
it was all done in jest - she was a hit = B+ for "factual information"
and A+ for creativity! :=)
Dawna
|
| 751.3 | Mr. Ed links with Devil | USAT05::KASPER | Life is like a beanstalk, isn't it... | Fri May 27 1988 09:37 | 9 |
| I heard a good one. Not froma tabloid but from National Public
Radio (All Things Considered).
If you play the theme song to the old TV show 'Mr. Ed' backwards,
it's satanic worship.
That's a good one. Mr. Ed!
Terry
|
| 751.4 | WOMAN LOSES 40 POUNDS ON DOG FOOD DIET | PIECES::WILSONP | In search of the elusive NOTES | Fri May 27 1988 11:00 | 1 |
|
|
| 751.5 | More | DECWET::MITCHELL | The Cosmic Anchovy | Fri May 27 1988 15:02 | 8 |
| Top expert reveals: GIANT TOADS ARE REALLY SPACE ALIENS
FAT LADY MISTAKEN FOR WHALE AND HARPOONED
John M.
|
| 751.6 | REAL NEWS TO BELIEVE | WILVAX::BOURQUE | | Mon May 30 1988 15:05 | 30 |
| WELL HERES A FEW FOR THE RECORD......
1 5 YR. OLD GIRL GREAT GRANDMOTHER (FIGURE THAT OUT)
2 ELVIS CAME TO DINNER SAT.NIGHT AT JIM & PAULA'S
(ITS TRUE I SWEAR)
3 ALIEN GAVE STEROLIZED MAN MY BABY (ET)
4 PREGNANT WOMAN WAKES UP AND FINDS OUT HER BABY FLIES
5 BOY CATCHES METEOR IN BASEBALL GLOVE DURING 9TH INNING
+ WON THE GAME
6 LIGHTNING STRIKED DEAD MANS GRAVE AND NOW LIVES TO EXPLAIN
7 GAY DOG RECEIVES SEX CHANGE FOR FEAR OF A I D S
8 ALIEN VAMPIRE BITES SELF & BLEEDS TO DEATH
9 ELVIS CALLED AND CANCELLED PLANS FOR SUNDAY NIGHTS DINNER
10 LONG DISTANCE CALL MADE FROM DEAD MAN
11 ALIEN MISTAKES OUTHOUSE FOR SPACE SHIP & TAKES OFF
12 SUPERMAN MISTAKES TELEPHONE BOOTH FOR OUTHOUSE (WHAT A
MESS)
13 LIBERACE' VISITS FLAMMER EVERY NIGHT TO PUT SPICE IN HIS
AFTERLIFE
14 MAN BITES WILD WOLF AND GAVE RABIES
15 POSESSED CAR KILLS WHOLE TOWN
16 AMAZING ROCK JUMPED OUT AND KILLED 1 ON MOTOCYCLE
PAULA
JIM
|
| 751.7 | Just a thought | SCOPE::PAINTER | Heaven is a state of mind. | Tue May 31 1988 15:18 | 12 |
|
Ya know...
We just *might* be able to make some really big money here - enough
to finance a real DEJAVU gathering, say somewhere overseas! (;^)
Anybody know a tabloid writer personally? I'll bet we could furnish
some fresh and innovative headlines given the high creativity factor
in this merry band of DEJAVU-ites.
Cindy
|
| 751.8 | Not much money in it. | PBSVAX::COOPER | Topher Cooper | Tue May 31 1988 16:03 | 4 |
| I see no evidence that they lack the ability to create their own
outrageous headlines as they need them. ;->
Topher
|
| 751.9 | from the sublime to the insidious | MERCY::CONNELLY | Eye Dr3 -- Regnad Kcin | Wed Jun 01 1988 02:29 | 7 |
| re: .8
> I see no evidence that they lack the ability to create their own
> outrageous headlines as they need them. ;->
Uh-oh, in a YouCreateYourOwnReality universe, what effect can the tabloid
writers be having on the reality that the rest of us experience?!? ;-)
|
| 751.10 | | GENRAL::DANIEL | We are the otters of the Universe | Wed Jun 01 1988 12:53 | 5 |
| I saw one yesterday at the grocery store...
"Man Marries Perfect Head of Lettuce".
Lettuce be valentines...
|
| 751.11 | Lemme see now... | REGENT::BROOMHEAD | Don't panic -- yet. | Thu Jun 02 1988 12:55 | 4 |
| I think the science fiction writer, Tom Easton, is an advisor
to the National Inquirer.
Ann B.
|
| 751.12 | my personal favorite | SVCRUS::CRANE | I'd rather be on my bicycle | Thu Jun 02 1988 13:59 | 4 |
|
I Was BIGFOOTS Sex Slave !!!!!!!
|
| 751.13 | Wow! | SCOPE::PAINTER | Heaven is a loving environment. | Thu Jun 02 1988 14:52 | 6 |
|
>BIGFOOTS Sex Slave....
Big WHAT?
{8*)
|
| 751.14 | Hmmm! | BSS::BLAZEK | Dancing with My Self | Thu Jun 02 1988 22:11 | 6 |
| >> Big WHAT?
So Cindy, getting closer to my ex-personal_name? ;-)
Carla
|
| 751.15 | Sick joke, sorry | SOFBAS::RHODES | | Fri Jun 03 1988 14:05 | 8 |
| re: .10
'..., MAKES HONEYMOON SALAD'
(lettuce alone)
|
| 751.16 | RE .15 | SWSNOD::DALY | Serendipity 'R' us | Fri Jun 03 1988 14:27 | 1 |
| ouch!
|
| 751.17 | Oprah has the scoop! | VIDEO::MORRISSEY | I had the time of my life | Wed Jun 08 1988 17:17 | 0 |
| 751.18 | hay fever season is upon us | INK::KALLIS | Don't confuse `want' and `need.' | Mon Jun 13 1988 11:45 | 6 |
| Saw one this weekend:
MAN SNEEZES AND HEAD EXPLODES!
Steve Kallis, Jr.
|
| 751.19 | mathematically rediculous | BTO::LACROIX_J_L | | Mon Jun 13 1988 12:13 | 14 |
| The true test of the ludicrasy of these headlines is that if you
mathematically sum them, the result is no more believable than the
individual parts. For example: One saturday night a friend and
I observed these two headlines:
(I) MOTHER FORCES 5 YEAR OLD TO EAT TARANTULAS
(II) MAN FORCED INTO SPACESHIP BY ALIENS FOR TWO HOURS
NOW, NOTE THAT (I)+(II)=ALIENS ABDUCT 5 YEAR OLD AND FORCE FEED
HIM TARANTULAS FOR TWO HOURS
You can play this game for hours.
|
| 751.20 | Deadly cheeseburgers! | JJM::ASBURY | | Fri Jun 17 1988 16:57 | 17 |
| Here's one:
"CHEESEBURGER KILLS SPACE ALIEN!" Fatal Fast Food Feeding Frenzy
..."It was only four feet tall with a hairless head, holes for ears
and wearing some sort of silver-colored outfit. In one of its
three-fingered hands was clutched a partially eaten cheeseburger"...
..."He [the owner of the fast food restaurant in Spain where the
creature obtained the fatal cheeseburger -Amy.] claimed the being
had travelled across space just for his food."...
..."He claimed the being didn't speak out loud, but asked him mentally
for two cheeseburgers with the works, french fries, and a soft
drink."...
-Amy.
|
| 751.21 | Heard on the radio... | USAT05::KASPER | Life is like a beanstalk, isn't it... | Fri Jun 17 1988 17:09 | 5 |
| How about (heard it quoted on the radio from some tabloid...):
WOMAN REJECTED BY ALIENS. TOO FAT TO FIT IN TEST TUBE.
Terry
|
| 751.22 | <Barf Bag Blues...> | THE780::CHERETON | | Mon Jun 27 1988 20:52 | 7 |
| What about "Woman told by voices to parboil her child and eat it
for a fertility potion"? "It worked, she gave birth to quints!"
Too ghastly to believe, eh, then you have been missing the alien
section of the Globe, excuse me while I barf.....
-->dc
|
| 751.23 | Deja vu again! | SCOPE::PAINTER | Feelin' happy..... | Fri Jul 29 1988 18:52 | 8 |
|
Re.22 (THE780::CHERETON)
I *knew* I'd seen an entry from you in this topic.
(;^)
Cindy
|
| 751.24 | some more | MARKER::KALLIS | Anger's no replacement for reason | Thu Aug 11 1988 09:24 | 16 |
| Here are some from the 9 August _Sun_:
FULL MOON SICKO BECOMES WEREWOLF -- terrorizes girls
BLIND WOMAN SEES AGAIN AFTER DENTIST PULLS TEETH
5,000 YEAR OLD BRAIN GROWS CRYSTALS THAT HEAL
HAUNTED RADIO BROADCASTS 50-YR-OLD PROGRAMS [I'd love one of those!!]
and my absolute favorite (inside)
ONE-ARM GHOST HAUNTS ARTIFICIAL-LIMB FACTORY
... seeking new part that fits
Steve Kallis, Jr.
|
| 751.25 | | NEXUS::GORTMAKER | Gort Manufacturing | Thu Aug 11 1988 10:09 | 7 |
| One I saw yesterday:
Baby born with wedding ring on finger reincarnation of woman suspected
as reason.<-Not exact wording but close.
re-.1 Blind woman... Those dident happen to be her eye teeth? Nyuk
nyuk...
-j
|
| 751.26 | the latest peep -- I mean poop | MARKER::KALLIS | Anger's no replacement for reason | Thu Oct 13 1988 17:15 | 31 |
| Well, this one's not from a _supermarket_ tabloid, but it's cute
....
From _Astrology and Psychic News_:
NEBRASKA COUPLE HEARS
CHIRPING FROM
HARD BOILED EGG
_Experts Say Spirit of Chick is Trapped Inside_
John and Jennifer Bradley of Lincoln, Nebraska are afraid to crack
open an egg they boiled for 10 minutes because they hear a chirping
sound coming from inside the egg.
"As I lifted the egg out of the boiling water and heard the rapid
chirping I couldn't believe my ears" reported Mrs. Bradley. "But
after dousing the egg in cold water the chirping became slower and
sweeter. When I told my husband he laughed at me -- until he lifted
the egg to his ear. He was so shocked he almost dropped the egg."
Experts in the field of psychic phenomena have concluded that
the soul or spirit of the baby chick remains in the yolk and is
trapped inside. One has suggested breaking the shell to let the
spirit escape, but Mrs. Bradley is afraid that may destroy her
"friend."
"I'm waiting for a signal or some sort of hint or clue from the
chick," says Mrs. Bradley. "I feel as if it's a pet or friens and
I'm not going to let some stranger derstroy it. If my chick wants
us to do something I'm sure he'll let me know."
#####
Steve Kallis, Jr.
|
| 751.27 | more | USAT05::KASPER | You'll see it when you believe it. | Thu Oct 13 1988 17:32 | 7 |
| Here's a couple I recall reading over the past few months:
"Man shows up at his own funeral, scares wife to death!"
"Granny, missing for five years, is found in Murphy bed."
Terry
|
| 751.28 | ain't nothin' but a corndog | LEZAH::BOBBITT | got to crack this ice and fly... | Mon Oct 17 1988 14:28 | 6 |
| I heard on the radio this morning that one of this week's all-time
great stories was that someone spotted Elvis selling hot dogs at
the Dodgers game...
-Jody
|
| 751.29 | these are sad | AIMHI::DMCLAUGHLIN | | Mon Oct 17 1988 14:56 | 8 |
| I saw these two in a Tabloid last year:
- Husband regains hearing after 40 years ... divorces wife
- Circus dwarf swallowed by hippopotamus
(apparently he bounced too far off the trampoline)
dan
|
| 751.30 | Only the truth will make you free | FREEBE::TURNER | | Thu Sep 06 1990 19:36 | 17 |
| For awhile I checked over the tabloids, monitoring them for
Bigfoot stories. A close friend was doing research on the phenomenon.
Occasionally some real leads would turn up. Over the last 5 years
some kind of threshold has been passed. They either play a game
called lets top last week or they,ve gone to Hollywood gossip. There
seems to no longer be any of them that make any kind of effort to
report on borderline phenomenon.
When as a result of glasnost the Russian press discovered UFOs
the story in the American press was that it was a story at all.
Incidently, My friend showed me some hair samples that even I could
tell came from no north american animal. Could I convince a jury
of 12 ordinary people that Bigfoot shed it? I don't know. Shared
realities are very satisfying.
john
|
| 751.31 | | USAT05::KASPER | Drumming to beat all hell... | Fri Sep 07 1990 10:15 | 8 |
|
Saw this one the other day:
"HITLER CAPTURED IN PERU ATTEMPTING TO BOARD IRAQI SHIP -
WAS ON HIS WAY TO HELP SADDAM HUSSIEN"
It was accompanied by a crude drawing of an aged Fuerer...
|
| 751.32 | Wishful Thinking??? | MRKTNG::MILLETT | | Mon Mar 23 1992 10:33 | 5 |
| Re .12 - The piece de resistance to the headline (I was Bigfoot's Love
Slave) was the photo of the 300 lb. Des Moines housewife (complete with
missing front teeth and stringy, greasy hair).
It was a wonderful piece of in-depth investigative reporting......
|