Conference hydra::dejavu

    Cindy, you will find that your Uncle is one of many that have been
    preparing to leave this plane at this time of year.  We humans 
    sometimes forget how very much our bodies go through what the seasons
    are doing; and the earth is now going into a completion stage. 
    
    You see it in the apple trees each fall.  Watch the activity as
    the tree stands and after a time of holding on to what it has created
    needs to take it's energy inside again, for itself, and lets go
    of the apples that it has helped to manifest.  The whole issue of
    death and dying is all around us in nature right now.  You see it
    in the trees, the plants.  It is even in the religious season as
    many celebrate All Saint's Day.  Notice too, that the apple tree
    shows complete trust by letting go, allowing that apple to be picked
    and thereby transformed into something wonderful, giving pleasure
    to others; or by falling to the ground, transforming and giving
    nourishmen to the earth and it's beings.  
    
    Our dreams reflect death in many ways right now.  There are a 
    lot of difficulties that come out of the holidays due to the fear
    that many of us have facing some of these issues.  
    
    Your Uncle now needs to have a "neutral" space, when you consider
    him.  He needs to have the freedom to deside if he will stay or
    leave.  The support he gets from his loved ones will help that
    decision.  The very worst thing is to become "stuck"..that is, 
    not knowing what to do.  The only way one becomes "stuck" is 
    their own fear of "this is all there is" or the fear/grief of 
    those who love them.  
    
    Some exercises that can help him see what he has truly accomplished
    in this lifetime is a picture album of different times of his life.
    Also, say the things you have always thought.  Let him know just
    how very important he has been in your lives.  Let him know that
    his life has mattered.  This, I believe, triggers some memory part
    of him to remember what he came here for and then to see how many
    things he can check off of his list.  
    
    You don't have to "say" this, it works just as well to think it;
    but periodically remind him that you care and that he has those
    around him that care and will help him when he is ready to cross
    over.  There truly are those who specifically work with the person
    who is ready to go on, from the other side.  
    
    I have read a lot of this information, but I would not pass it on
    if I did not believe this to be true by going through a lot of personal
    issues.
    
    Blessings
    how

    I am sorry to hear about your uncle.  It is always sad and painful
    when someone we care very deeply for is dying or has died.  My
    daughter, Tina, died two years ago at the age of 6 from Cystic
    Fibrosis.  The one comfort I had was that she knew how much I love
    her and we discussed before her death that because of our love we
    would never be apart.  She is with me every day and at times when
    I need her the most I can actually feel her presence.  I don't know
    whether I actually believe in "god", atleast not in the way I was
    taught as a child, but what keeps me going my belief that she and I 
    will be joined together again.  If you need someone to talk to, I 
    have an ear to lend.  I hope this message has helped.
    
    Peace and Hugs,
    
    Marie
    
    

    
    RE.1
    
    Thank you - you expressed a lot of feelings that I had the other
    evening, and believe that I am going to see him for just the reasons
    you mentioned, and also hope that I can help his wife cope as well.
         
    It is interesting - there would have been a time when this would
    have probably devistated me, but that isn't really the case anymore.
    
    Cindy                                                               

    I, too, offer my sympathies.  I can also offer good thoughts for
    him, that his passage be easy if his time is indeed now.
    
    re: .1
    
    I know that statisticians will sniff at the idea, but everyone
    personally known to me who is no longer alive (family, friends,
    friends of friends) has left this plane around this time of year.
    My father, grandmother, uncle, a couple of my husband's coworkers,
    my cats, friends.  All gone between October 15th and January 1st.
    So perhaps there is a bit of truth to this portion of the cycle
    of the seasons being reflected in our lives.
    
    Marcia

Cindy,

I hope this reply is not too late.

Your uncle will go through many stages before the end, depending 
on his degree of consciousness.  Those are not important at this 
point, though interesting.

The most important things for you and his other loved ones to do
is to love him unconditionally and absolutely, no matter what. 
Let him know in no uncertain terms that he is so loved and
forgiven for every hurt he has ever given and every hurt he
imagined he gave.  It is crucial that those who are with him make
him understand this. It is also important that they actually do
love him and forgive him in this way.  For the junk in his life
does not matter now except that it will hold him back from 
leaving until his completions with his fellow beings are made or 
his body self-destructs. 

The point here is love.  You all must love him and he must 
realize his love for you.  Allow him the space to love and 
forgive all of you as well.

Having accomplished this, he will be free to go.

----

There is nothing that dies for self is only an illusion.  Matter
doesn't matter. 

George

    
    Having just returned from Arizona....
    
    Thank you so much for your replies, both on and offline.
    
    It is difficult for me to describe the experience in words, and
    so will just say that it had to be one of the best things I've ever
    done in my life - for my uncle, my relatives (especially my aunt) 
    and for myself.
    
    My uncle is still alive, however the time for his departure is very
    near - probably a week at the most.  He is being made as comfortable
    as possible at this point and is receiving painkillers on demand.
    
    I would urge anyone in this situation not to ever pass up an
    opportunity to visit a terminally ill person.  It is a little
    frightening, and I was hesitant when I arrived at the hospital,
    however once I overcame that fear (outside of his hospital room), 
    we were all laughing, reminiscing and enjoying the moment - 
    something we should all be doing every moment of our lives.
                                           
    With Love,
    
    Cindy       

    	Cindy,
    
    	I'm glad to hear it was such a positive experience for
    	you, and I wish you peace in the days ahead.
    
    					Carla
    

    I am glad for you too, and I second your recommendation not to pass
    up any chance to "wait at the station" with someone you love to 
    wish them well on their journey.  I was denied, by circumstance
    and my mother's wishes (which I did not have the money or the will
    to circumvent) the experience of seeing my father in his last days
    and uniting with my family for a formal mourning.  This turned
    out to be the cruelest experience of my life.  Not only was I denied
    an outlet for last expressions of love and necessary grief (which
    festered for years) but the "unreality" of his death made his life
    feel that way to me too.  I have a very hard time remembering him
    at all.
    
    Marcia

    
    On being denied such an experience - I had flashbacks of my youth
    on the way back and remembered that I was deliberately not told of my 
    grandfather's impending death 7 years ago and also that I was not 
    allowed to visit an aunt who had terminal cancer about 20 years ago.  
    I *was* allowed to go to her funeral, but the fact of not being able 
    to say goodbye to either of these people left a lot of resentment 
    toward the person who was ultimately responsible in both cases.
         
    A close friend remembered the same thing - his mom was dying of
    cancer and she didn't want any of her children to visit her, preferring
    that they remember her as she was.  While it was probably the 'right
    thing to do according to the experts at that time', my friend carried
    that for over a decade until he went to Insight (as mentioned in
    another note - which is sounding better and better all the time).  
    
    Ah well....one thing I will refrain from doing with my own (future)
    children.  'Tis good to learn from the mistakes of others.
                                                                   
    And it's good to be back.  (:^)
    
    Cindy
                             

    
    Cindy,
    
    	I'm very sorry to hear about your uncle.  May I recommend a
    good book for you (and maybe other relatives if they are open to
    "new-age" ideas)?  There is a book entitled "The Blue Island" written
    by W. Stead.  Mr. Stead was a journalist at the turn fo the century,
    who died on the Titanic.  He was a spiritualist and told his daughter,
    to who he was very close, that upon his demise he would try to contact
    her via a medium.  They arranged some code words so that she would
    know if the medium was legitimate.  Well, she found a medium that
    brought forth the proof & evidence.  She had many sessions with
    the medium & asked her father to describe his experiences upon passing
    on.  She published what her father told her - i.e. "The Blue Island".
    I had let my parents read this book after the death of my mother's
    sister, and they felt that the book was a great comfort.
    
             Hope this helps....
    
             My love & blessings to you, your uncle, and your family...
    
             Linda

    
    Linda,
    
    Thank you - I shall read it.  It sounds quite fascinating.
    
    Cindy

    
    My uncle passed away at noontime today.  Thank you all for your
    messages, thoughts and book recommendations - I really appreciated
    them.
    
    I was kind of hoping he's 'stop by' on his journey out of this life,
    however I did tell him while out West that his journey toward the 
    light should be a fast one.  He replied, "Well, maybe I'll just
    take my time on the way instead..."  Guess he changed his mind last
    minute.
    
    One bit of irony - I had stopped by a florist shop at noontime today
    to send them flowers, which should arrive tomorrow.  I didn't hear
    the news until about an hour ago.
    
    Cindy
                                         

    	Cindy,
    
    	He may still show up on your celestial doorstep.  With a
    	loving niece like you, how could he resist?
    
    	With peace to you and your family,
    
    					Carla
    

    Cindy,
    
    He may show up at any time.  Don't be surprised if you hear little
    messages or smell a particular smell associated with him, or he
    may appear when you are in need of some support. 
    
    Thinking of you,
    
    ...dale
    

    Cindy --
    
    May his journey have been particularly pleasant.  I'm sure he thinks
    of you.
    
    Steve Kallis, Jr.

    
    You are all so kind.  Particularly at times like these it is good
    to have friends close by.
    
    Best to you all.
    
    Cindy

    
    Last evening my husband's grandmother passed away at the age of
    90 (or 91....(;^)).  Her name was, quite simply, Nan.
    
    She lived and died the way she wanted to - 60+ years in the house
    she and her husband purchased when they got married (he passed away
    in 1981).  She was going blind and was very hard of hearing, but
    her mind was sharper than mine...and managed to read the headlines
    of the New York Times with a very large magnifying glass every day
    just to keep current on events, in addition to watching the news
    faithfully on television.
    
    She was found last evening in her home by her son, in her chair and 
    very peaceful looking.  We used to talk with her about moving 
    and offering her places to stay with us, however she said that there
    would not be that 'one last drawer' to sort through, and so she
    lived there on her own, with her dog, Sandy.  Her secret to longevity -
    cocktail hour!  (;^)  The only time she ever missed it was when
    she contracted typhoid fever back in the 40's.             
    
    Nan was truly a wonderful lady, and we will miss her very much.
    
    Now for the semi paranormal part....
    
    Over the weekend, my husband and I were talking about her, and for
    some reason I said "You know, I don't think she is going to live
    much longer."  Then yesterday during the day, I kept having thoughts
    pop into my head - questions asked and being answered in a strange 
    way so as to make it OK for her to leave, knowing that things would 
    really be alright (issues regarding my husband's family and other 
    things along these lines).  When we received the call last evening, 
    we were not surprised, but were saddened...not for her, but for us.
                
    Cindy
                             

    My father passed away about one year back n thinking about it now still
    brings back some sadness.  The main thing i would like to mention
    is that we can contribuite to their wellbeing in whatever form
    they are now by doing good deeds n offer good thoughts(which 
    possess energy) to them in their memory.
    
    This is one of the beliefs in Buddhism.(just thought i would like
    all of u know).
    
    
    James Liaw 

    A friend of mine took her own life two days ago ... leaving us all
    in a state of shock.  She was so young (31) and seemed to have so
    much to live for.
    
    I know that the most important thing for us to do is send Love and
    hope for understanding to her and her family, but I still feel so
    helpless.
    
    I and she would appreciate any additional thoughts and prayers sent
    her way ... to make the transition easier, if possible.
    
    Thanks,
    
    C

    	Cindy, the fact that you've shared your feelings shows that
    	you're not helpless.  Her choice hurt a lot of people, and
    	it's understandable that the confusion left behind is going
    	to remain for a very long time.  Be open, she is (still) a
    	tormented Soul and may need your continued help.  There is
    	much Light with you, always, I hope you know that.  It is
    	also yours to share with her, even now.
    
    					With love,  Carla
    

    Cindy,
    
    Please try not to feel helpless, though it is the most natural reaction.
    It is passed and all must look forward ; there is so much both you and
    her family can *still* do for your friend. 
    
    If her family hold 'compatible' beliefs the thought that they might
    still help her on her journey may ease their grief, however slightly. 
    

                      Though darkest night may cover all,
                    and you cry to touch that distant Soul.
                   Think just what was, still *is*, of love,
                  and *build* your bond, turn back the cold.
                      So when, in hope, she looks around,
                       she'll see loves' smile profound.
                                       

    With Light for you all, Dave.

    
    
    Cindy,
    
    My thoughts are with you and your family in your loss.  Along with
    what others have shared, I just want to say that you can still
    communicate with Phyllis.  In fact, you may be able to assist her
    more now than you could when she was in the physical world.  
    Encouragement and love and support sent to her in your thoughts
    will reach her and touch her.  Also, there are those in spirit
    who will be there to assist Phyllis when she is ready.
    
    Peace to you all.
    
    Carole
    

	These things are always hard to read and difficult to reply
	to when I come across them.  One wants to say the right
	things.  I know this loss must be hard, particularily with
	the circumstances.  Try to remember, though, that death is
	also a beginning, now matter how it occurs.  We feel like
	we've been left behind and cut-off from someone we love.
	It's not easy to feel like we can be with them, but we must know 
        that they are with us.  Our thoughts and prayers do reach them.  
        They, now more that before, understand.

	My heart goes out to you, your family and to Phyllis.

        From Atlanta,
	Terry

    Thank you all so much for your loving words.  I know their strength
    goes beyond this screen to touch those who need them most.
    
    I've been reminded through all this of something I heard years ago,
    that had a teriffic impact on my life ...
    
    "Think every thought as if it were written in fire across the sky,
    for indeed it is ..."
    
    Our thoughts and prayers are carried to Phyllis Jean, and to all
    those we love, and I'm grateful for the added support you all have
    sent to help her through this journey to understanding and
    acceptance of herself.
    
    Thanks so much,
    
    Cindy