Conference hydra::dejavu

    Lora --             
    
    Soprry to hear you were in an accident.  Hope you escaped unhurt.
    
    "Accident" often means something sufficiently outside our ken that
    we cannot control.  An almost-example:  Last winter, while going
    upgrade to a bridge, my brakes failed _completely_.  Fortunately,
    what traffic was in front of me was sufficierntly so that I was
    able to do soimething about it before I rear-ended anyone.  What
    I did was to steer diagonally into a snowbank that slowed down my
    car enough so that I was able safely to make a turn onto a nearly
    deserted side street and bring the car to a stop.  The whole incident
    took less than 15 seconds (though they seemed an eternity at the
    time).  Now, it was determined at the garage that the master cylinder
    had blown a gasket, and hard cheese for me!  As I sat letting the
    adrenaline level subside, I worked a strategy that enabled me to
    drive safely to work and then get the car fixed.  However, one more
    car on the road and I'd probably have been involved in a peach of
    an accident.
    
    In short, I know _why_ I almost was involved in an accident
    (catastrophic loss of brake fluid); I just don't know what caused
    the seal to fail just then.
    
    In short, there _are_ things outside our practical power to control
    (I suppose I could change master cylinders every few weeks, but
    ...), which is one element of the "victim idea."  
    
    I hope any troubles and travails caused by your accident are safely
    behind you.  Be well and happy.
    
    Steve Kallis, Jr.  

    Lora, for a while I didn't subscribe to the victim idea either.
    But in trying to apply that to several situations in my life, I 
    only got very confused trying to determine the WHYs.  The point I
    have come to more than once is that it just doesn't matter why as
    much as it matters how I handle it.  Now I know that's not a 
    welcome response for someone who really wants to know the WHY, but 
    it's the point I keep coming across so I wanted to tell you.

    For instance...I have often wondered about the concept of babies 
    choosing their parents.  It was easy to find reasons how this would 
    be true...based on many intense experiences I had to face, which I 
    judged 'made me a stronger person'.  But, I was hoping to find some
    reason and sense in my situation since the way it was seemed so 
    unlikely and mis-matched for me.  

    I was talking to a very dear friend about this and he pointed out 
    that there could be things in the Universe that are just totally 
    random, because if there weren't, then patterns would develop and 
    that would mess up the natural changing process of NATURE (which we
    are very much a part of).  He said that he thought babies were just 
    randomly entered into families and that they had to learn to cope 
    with their particular situation.  The strong survive...which is 
    nature's way of evolving and improving.

    This made a lot of sense to me.  I really wasn't considering
    myself as much a part of nature, as I was considering myself
    an infinite being controlling my destiny.  Perhaps I was being
    too extreme.  Perhaps control and chance are very delicately
    woven together to make up the ideal components of an interesting
    existence.

    Maybe there really is an ingredient of chance mixed into our
    existence...just to make it interesting.  And our happiness
    depends on how we choose to handle all events.

    I still believe that we create much more than we're aware of
    based on wisdom we're not aware of.  But, I'm also considering
    the element of chance.  In doing so, things make a lot more 
    sense!

    Just some thoughts...I hope they help.

    Jerri    

    Lora,
    
    I don't subscribe to the victim idea, but I also don't always spend
    an extraordinary amount of time trying to figure out the "why" of
    things that happen.  I usually figure that if I can't somewhat easely
    see the "why" of a situation, there is a reason for it.  Perhaps
    the "why" of the car accident is not yet known to you because you
    don't have all of the parts of the puzzle yet.  It may be that this
    event is the first of a string of events that will eventually provide
    a pattern for you to interperet.  I figure that my mind and the
    universe (aka God, aka mother nature etc) will make sure that I
    will "get" any message I am supposed to.  All I have to do is have
    confidence in that fact and keep a clear mind and a healthy body.
    
    A car accident is a *very* upsetting thing.  I can understand you
    wanting to feel that there was some purpose to it.  A number of
    years ago, I had a rather spectacular accident that ended up with
    me and my car falling into a lake where my car sank (with me in
    it).  Though I did not actually pass out at any time, I do not remember
    first hand what happened.  I was just driving down the road and
    the next thing I knew I was in my car and it was sinking!  I am
    told that my car started to skid (it was during an ice storm) and
    there was nothing that I could have done to help myself.  For quite
    a while, I was upset that I didn't remember the car starting to
    skid, or what I had tried to do in order to come out of the skid
    or anything else.  I was worried that if I couldn't figure out why
    I had the accident, I might inadvertently repeat the same situation
    and end up worse off than I had been the first time (boy, was I
    ever lucky!).  I expressed this fear to a very wise friend.  He
    suggested to me that if there was something important for me
    to have learned or experienced or known from the accident - I would
    know it.  If it was not ment for immediate interperitation, I would
    understand when it was time for me to understand.  He said that
    that's the way the world works best, but that modern man is more
    inclined to want an "on line, real time" read out of all of the
    meanings of life.  It was then that it occurred to me that this
    accident could have easely happened in order to teach me that very
    fact!  Funny how things work out, isn't it?  I had been *very* upset
    by the accident, but I think I learned a very important thing: You
    can't drive yourself crazy trying to figure these things out.  In fact
    doing so probably inhibits the  understanding process.  
                      
    best of luck
    
    Marion

    I, too, feel that chance and control are interwoven in a peculiar
    and marvelous tapestry in our lives (certainly they seem to be so
    in my own life).  I also feel that what happens to us is not so
    much the point as how we cope with it.  When any kind of negative
    event occurred I used to obsess on the why of it, and tried to think
    what I could do to prevent it in the future.  Now, after a bad
    experience of some kind, I (like others have already said) say to
    myself, "well, I blew the way I handled that one, so let's see how
    I can handle the next situation better."  Because I always assume
    that if something "happens" to me that it can, and probably will,
    happen again, so I should prepare a coping strategy.
    
    I know how you feel, though, about your accident.  I have had no
    less than 5 in my driving career.  I learned to drive very late
    (got my license on my 28th birthday) and so I'm not as comfortable
    as those who practiced as children and got their licenses on their
    16th birthdays.
    
    One of the accidents, a fender bender that occurred just 3 weeks
    after I got my permit, was not my fault, but completely traumatized
    me.  What I learned from that one that I could do _everything_ right,
    and _still_ have an untoward result--because other people are involved.
    I would, in other words, _Never_ have "enough" control to be secure
    in every situation.  What I then had to learn to master was fear
    about that loss of control; I became quite phobic after that and 
    learning to drive was a dreadful chore, every bit as hard for me 
    as public speaking is for some others.
    
    3 of my accidents, one a snowbank dive, another a parking lot fender
    bender, the third a spectacular total of my car (from which I walked
    away unhurt) were my fault.  I was not being focused enough; I was
    careless; emotional or physical factors, that I should have been
    taking into consideration, were instead ignored, and tripped me
    up.  I was extremely fortunate in the outcome of all three, to escape
    from two of them unharmed, without damage to me or my car, with
    such minimal damage to other cars that the owners never filed claims;
    the totalled car accident I walked away from unhurt, as did the
    other driver, and although I was given a moving violation (I had
    run a red light) I was not charged with causing the accident because
    the other driver turned out to be so swacked that he was still in
    the clouds when the police came for him 3 hours later at the hospital.
    My car was valued so highly that my husband and I were able to get
    a much better one.  I learned from this some vital lessons about my 
    limitations, about the value of concentration and taking all details 
    into consideration in an effort.  I also learned that I tend to have 
    good fortune in the midst of disaster.  So I feel compensated for
    the loss of control the other accident had given me.
    
    The last spectacular event occurred when a truck across a highway
    lost two wheels, and one came across the highway, shot through the
    bushes on the medial strip, and slammed right into our front bumper.
    The car was totalled, and we had to rent one to continue our vacation.
    Technically, this was not "my" accident, since my husband was driving,
    and again showed me an example of good fortune in the midst of
    disaster.  He maintained perfect control of the car and
    matter-of-factly went about arrangements for the rest of our vacation,
    refusing to abort it.  So I also learned that one can carry on in
    the face of disaster and even have a good time; previously, if one
    thing went wrong with an event, I considered the whole thing ruined.
    
    Is there a pattern here?  I kind of think so--each problem has added
    a piece to my own "puzzle".  Do I _need_ car accidents to point
    this out to me?  Well, perhaps I do; my own birth chart shows up
    some problems in that area, as well as the paradoxical good fortune
    that attends them.  But I don't "blame" my chart for the accidents
    per se ("oh damn, there's that Mercury/Uranus opposition again!");
    I don't blame much of anything anymore.  The important thing is if 
    I learn anything that can be useful in future unlikely events. 
    Can I predict future unlikely events using my birth chart?  No,
    because it usually takes more than one to make up an accident, and
    I'd have to do their charts, and maybe their loved one's charts,
    hundreds of interactive factors to consider--it starts to get
    ridiculous.  The most I can do is be as aware of my own internals
    as possible (and I use my chart to do just that) and be ready to
    cope if necessary.  And that seems to be enough.
    
    Marcia

    Re. .1 & .2

    Thanks Steve and Jerri.  Randomness is something I originally subscribed
to....'the random god' if you will.  It took a stint with someone who practiced
the 'neg' side of the majic/occult arts to force me to make peace with
the 'Loving God/Universe/Creator'.  It was the only thing that got me thru
it (and not unscathed, I might add).  Recently I've been revisiting the 
concept of randomness and haven't really come to terms with it.  I tend to 
take full responsibility for my actions and what I draw to me (sometimes too 
much) and the idea of an 'accident' or 'coincidence' can't seem to settle with 
me.  I believe, thus far, that there are always hidden spiritual reasons behind
things and it's my choice to become conscious of the or not.  I think you both 
are agreeing with that (correct me if that isn't so) and are also saying that 
sometimes it's not important to understand it.  My nervousness around that is 
'if I don't understand it, it will happen again' until I do understand it.

I'd be interested in hearing more about how you both, and others feel about this
idea of accidents and randomness.

lora

P.S. Steve, thanks for your concern, everyone was OK and the damage wasn't 
     severe.  It was the stupidity of it that really bothers me.

    But when we say something "happens to us" we lose all power in that
    particular situation, don't you think? I think we are much more
    powerful in bringing about the results we see in or lives than we
    think.  The car accident didn't just happen, and I agree that when
    you are ready, the realization of WHY will hit you (so to speak).
    And spending a lot of time trying to figure out the whys of everything
    I feel is counterproductive too--The why's almost always come to
    me spontaneously when I'm not thinking of a particular event at
    all.  Does anybody agree?
    
    Don
    

    
    
       Re: all
    
        It is interesting how things come around. After reading Marion
        and Marcia's replies, coupled with the comments from Steve and
        Jerri -  I started to relax into it a little more. I stopped
        judging myself so damagingly and lo the light begins to dawn.
    
        I've been thinking about your comments and stories and just
        now can see that, once again,      trust is essential to becomming
        a conscious human being -  again i'm reminded that
        trust has to start by my trusting myself first; my intent is to be 
        conscious and clearly that 'prayer' (for want of a better word) is and
        will be answered.  It has and will continue to be answered 
        with love (as it has been since I clearly made that choice),
        and I must let the process continue; for myself and those 
        around me.  It turns out that someone close to me was struggling
        with a trust issue in our relationship.  Trust in the sense
        that our worlds are so different and mine seems so 'volital'/
        unfamiliar and unknown....especially when he feels the results
        of the healing energies - the accident provided a 'reason' to
        latch onto his feeling that my world isn't safe - that my spending
        time living it isn't a 'good' thing....(he happens to have a
        real time safety issue left over from Viet Nam)...for him anyway,
        the accident gave him the oppty to make a clearer choice to
        accept or not accept me and my world.  It appears he made the
        choice to accept - the ramifications have the potential to 
        allow him to heal his particular wounds also.  For me, I'm seeing
        that I  still  judge   myself severely and am not trusting enough.
        The universe really doesn't need me to take responsibility for
        it......it IS older and SMARTER than me, as much as I hate to
        admit it.
        
        So, again I'm reminded that things do not happen in a vacuum,
        even though I do know this and that! It's so important to remember
        we're never alone/unsafe or for that matter unloved in this
        universe/awareness and that is a very dear lesson to learn!
                                                                          
        Thank you all, I'm glad I followed my implulse to ask the question.
    
        Lora
        

    Lora,
    
    I am glad you asked the question, too.  It is interesting that you
    picked up on the "trust" aspect of it all.  I have been dealing
    with some trust type issues myself.  Not interpersonal, but more
    internal.  A person's ability to trust in themself is a very powerful
    thing.  You must trust in your ability to percieve in order to be
    intuative.  In fact I believe that if a person purely trusts in
    this ability - that is the key to activating that unused 90% of
    the brain.  After all, If you cant trust yourself, who can you trust???
    
    Marion

    The book When Bad Things Happen to Good People addresses the subject
    or accidents/randomness. ...says there IS randomness, and there
    isn't always a REASON for everything bad that happens. 
    
    The thing is, when it comes down to nuts and bolts - it isn't what
    happens to you, but how you deal with it, what you learn from it,
    how you go on from there - that's important. And I agree with the
    rabbi on that.
    
    It's a good book, by the way - not large - worth reading.
    
    Dawn
    

Re: 370.7 

    Wow, Lora...it was really neat to watch this note unfold.  It's
    always inspiring to hear back from someone as to what they have
    discovered for themselves after going through some confusion.

    I thought some more about this subject and my reply which 
    suggested the possibility of some radomness.  My suggestion was
    more a statement of how I thought it was for us here, on this
    level, in this reality, or whatever anyone wants to call it.  I
    do believe that there are much, much, much higher and larger
    levels and areas of awareness and existence, far beyond what we
    can comprehend.  But for the sake of simplicity, sometimes it
    makes more sense to be satisfied with things as they *appear* on
    this level and know that they're okay.

    On some deep, grand, huge scale...there may be reasons for
    everything, and we may control everything from a higher awareness.
    But it may be essential that we accept and trust (as you said) in
    order to have the fullest lives HERE.  If we get too preoccupied
    thinking about reality and answers on the grand scale, we may not 
    be able to effectively live and enjoy what we have right now...
    which is what we want to do if we controlled BEING HERE!

    It's funny how we think we're powerful beings controlling
    everything, yet we don't understand why we're on Earth and we're
    determined to find out why and what's going on!

    Imagine furiously pursuing the height of greatest awareness for
    your whole life, never resting, accepting, or living fully.
    Feeling compelled to know the answer to everything, and feeling
    frustrated and confused and disillusioned much of the time.
    Only to finally discover, that in your infinite wisdom and 
    awareness on that grander scale, you wanted to materialize on
    this Earth to play and have a good time...to experience and enjoy.
    :^) Just a thought.

    I've enjoyed thinking about this and it has brought me some peace 
    to replace some of the frustration over who and where I am, and
    what I control.  Thanks.

    Jerri

    Re randomness:
    
    There have basically been two schools of philosophical thought weith
    regards to the future.  One is that the future is fixed and immutable
    (determinism, _kismet_); the other is that it's fluid and that each
    of us can help shape it (free will).  The debate on these two positions
    has raged for milennia, but was put into especially sharp focus
    after Sir Isaac Newton, when the cosmos suddenly appeared to be
    very mechanistic in operation.
    
    My view is that if there were _no_ randomness, there would be no
    "time" equivalent of resistance, and from beginning to end of time
    would be instantaneous (that's a sort of theopretical physics
    position).  Randomness in events is the key to what gives us free
    will.
    
    That doesn't mean that a given event can't teach us something: _every_
    event can be a teacher, whether deliberate or accidental.  Precisely
    how much one learns by it is a function of perception and thought.
    
    Steve Kallis, Jr.

    RE: .11 and thinkin about why we're here, etc.
    
    Sometimes I get 'way over my head in trying to figure all this stuff
    out (actually, not so much any more, but I REALLY used to...)
    
    Anyway, to kinda get myself back in perspective, I'd remind myself
    of a Chas. Addams (the Addams Family) cartoon:
    
    The scene is a commuter train - your point of view is as a commuter,
    with the other commuters, reading the paper, drinking coffee, etc.
    
    Out one window you can see the scenery rolling by. Out the other
    window is a GIGANTIC youngster operating an electric train transformer.
    
    Dawn
    

                                                              
    I was in a car accident once and learned a very valuable lesson.
    For what it's worth:
    
    9 years ago or so, I was on my way to my first DEC interview.
    The sun was in my eyes, so I didn't see the brake lights of the
    car in front of me so I didn't stop until it was too late and the
    resulting collision managed to total both of our cars (at some speed
    less than 20mph).  Fortunately, both drivers walked away (thank you 
    - seatbelts!).
    
    2 years later, I was summoned to give my statement of the accident.
    My lawyer and I met beforehand to discuss the particulars.  He noticed
    that I was a bit nervous, so he put the incident into perspective
    by saying these words:
    
    	"If this is the worst thing that ever happens in your life,
    	 than you are going to be one very fortunate individual."
    
    Of course, he was right.  I wasn't nervous anymore, and then I
    understood why everything happened the way it did.  It was necessary 
    for me to go through (endure) that experience in order to become 
    adequately prepared for future incidents which, if I'd not been
    through the accident, would have seemed like the end of the world 
    was close at hand.  Instead, I was quite able to effectively cope 
    with the incidents and get on with my life instead of wallowing in 
    self-pity.
    
    When anything bad happens to me now, I think back to that accident
    and those words and it still puts things into perspective for me.
    
    I believe that everything happens for a reason - however it may
    take many years before the 'real' reason becomes apparent.
    
    Hope this helps.
    
    Cindy

    I have come to the conclusion that time is not really linear, though
    it usually appears so.  
    
    Some 'random' things that happen may be an effect from a cause that
    has not yet happened (linear time).
    
    So, even given complete knowlege of everything you've ever done,
    in all lifetimes, you still may not see the reason.
    
    Just don't use this to say "Lots of bad things have happened to
    me, so I now have the right to do bad things myself to make things
    even out".
    
    Elizabeth
    

Re: responses

    I want to thank everyone for sharing - it's been informative and 
    thought provoking.  The following is something I've been working
    on for a while and it felt right to share it, especially since 
    the topic of free will came up. This was a note sent to a friend and
    it's part of an process I'm going through re learning about the
    creative energies.  It may actually be a new note since it doesn't 
    tie DIRECTLY to the accident.  It does relate in the sense we're
    discussing  the use of energy and randomness, which implies the definition 
    of the creative forces and the control thereof.
  

My thoughts and observations about the creative energies & free will while 
visiting  the top of cannon MT last week.

' I noticed the energy was different (raw) on top of the mountain...felt
the unconscious/instinctive energy . Everything knew where it was supposed to 
be and what it was supposed/able to do (which was very limited at those 
altitudes)..there was NO ROOM TO DO ANYTHING ELSE...it led me to compare it 
with humans who traded the instinctive homogenous energy for free will/memory & 
guilt (guilt as a means to prevent neg behavior - animals have warning systems 
they send out rather than memory & guilt - my belief of course) ... this led 
me to the question of how a free will can initiate the natural creative energy 
w/out the benefit of being attuned to the instinctual interrelationship 
available to animals & natural states - the concepts seem diametrically 
opposed to each other....ie  creative energy vs. free will....
read on before stopping on the thought...

I also realized that if those raw creative energies were fully directed by free
will by the thinking mind, without the checks of density, there would be havoc
and everything would 'burn up' including the thinking mind....change would 
happen at the same rate it does on the other plane...the Q. begs: if that's true
then why is free will placed into conditions like these.....unless of course
it's to develop the discipline & ability to focus - to the point of conscious 
creation ....

next thought: was led to think about miracles...ie instant changes/healings...
the mind or part of it may be dedicated to the limited concept of reality
(density) & it's limitations.  When we agree to let the harness off the creative
energy we see the freeing of blocks/healings and instant miracles...ie the
removal of the block (the concept of density) to the forward motion of the 
creative energy...

next concept:::::question really:::::: be led by the energy or lead it?  
leading it is opposed to the raw creative forces because the very nature
of 'leading' is choice, which always requires looking at the choices - ie
having to stop or slow the energy slow down to see the choices...which of
course CHANGES THE ENERGY...

*********************************************8

so, the upshot was that lora finally understands why there is density!  it
rather proves the point that we're in training for bigger and better things.

I see earth as a kind of sandbox where we really can't hurt ourselves THAT
much as we learn to use the creative forces...

there was about an hour of confusion while I struggled to identify these new
vibrations/energies and translate them into something understandable...



lora

    re: 14
    
    Cindy, thankyou!!
    
    I know exactly what you are saying as far as learning as we go.
    There always seems to be an incident or series of them to start
    us on the path to self discovery.  Mine was about 10 months ago.
    A series of events had led me to the most incredible time of my
    life.  It is now moving at such a pace that I have to sit down and
    get my breath.  
    
    I though I had reached the end of my tether, my health was rock
    bottom, my head was not screwed on too tightly and I was ready to
    explode.  Some months before I had pulled an ad sheet of a
    hypnotherapist off a notice board (something I normally would never
    do.  I wasn't ready to discuss my stress at the time, so filed the
    notice away and forgot about it.
    
    A couple of months later I was sure the stress was ready to burst
    my asthma was worse, the more humid it because and the heavier the
    polution - in other words I was a disaster case.  Up till now I
    had managed to hold all of it in.
    
    I rang the hyp and found out I had already met her some months
    previously at a workshop, she shared her office with a doctor who
    was into natural medicine.  "A naturapathic medical doctor.
    
    My hyp started me on hypnotherapy, but I was too hyped to cope.
    So, she suggested some aura channelling.  I had never heard of it
    or anything related.  So started my journey to today.  I have been
    seeing her for ten months, the doctor for nine months and he is
    brilliant.  They have a surgery that has two doctors, both naturapaths,
    both into bach remedies, one is also a gyno.  There are -
    accupuncturists, aura channellers, a float tank, therapists new
    age thinkers, oesteopaths (sp), you name it they have it.  All are
    under 35 years.  Everybody is addressed by their first name, ie
    patients and therapists and it is like one big family.
    
    From there I started crossing paths with people who had done Silva,
    Self Transformations, healing, etc.  Then one day I walked into
    my local health shop to buy lunch and this brochure called me over!
    
    It was about a seminar with a visitor from Canada.  The seminar
    was Alpha Awareness, and (what a cliche) it started (or I did) changing
    my life.  I ended up doing two of these, then followed it with a
    Theta seminar and haven't looked back.  
    
    In my local theosophical book shop where I usually can be found
    most lunchtimes, a beautiful Amethyst crystal called me - then next
    day a smoky quartz called me.  One automatically went into my right
    hand and the other sits in my left hand and I got a clear message
    about healing with colours.  I also forgot to mention since doing
    both these course, I now listen when an inner voice tells me something.
    Before, I would just ignore it.  My astrologer not knowing I had
    been to these courses, tells me my chart shows that I have a very
    strong ability in the psychic field.  Two of the people I did the
    course with I have shared many lives, and suddenly we are able to
    transmit telephathically thoughts, visualisations, messages, whatever.
    It was a little scarey to begin with, but now we realise that this
    is what why we chose those particular weekends to do our course.
    We have been travelling towards this for some time.  It is amazing
    how clear everything becomes when you clear up all the junk.
    
    Prior to all of this I had had some regression hypnotherapy and
    regularly have my tarot cards read.  I had never been into crystals
    before and thought them a little pseudo!  I have been told I am
    to get one more and I guess I will find it soon.
                                                    
    My priorities are now different, my children I see differently and
    don't let them needle me as I would have before.  My mind is always
    open now for listening.  Everything is sharper and crisper if that
    makes sense.  
    
    A lot of people automatically gravitate towards this, I had a lot
    to overcome before I was ready, almost 15 years of walking towards
    it.  But as I approach my 40th in five months I realise that this
    is my goal.  It is amazing the people I now cross paths with.  One
    word usually brings about a recognition.  
    
    Thankyou for this note, it is great to read there are others out
    there as well.  Our teacher is coming back from Canada in October
    and I will be doing both seminars again with some other friends
    that are interested.  
    
    
    ...dale (in case there is a discrepancy I am 'all woman')
    

    Hi Lora!  Boy, the track has changed from your original question
    of why???"  Lora, what do you mean by not subscribing to "victims"?
    Don't you believe bad things just happen?
    
    No offense, but, being a victim of one of the most violent of crimes,
    (robbery, kidnap and rape; all in the same day...) that commment
    made me prickle a little!  I hope that you managed to see things
    without being harmed though.  An accident is frightening stuff.
     I don't think adrenelan really goes back to "normal" after a rush
    like that!
    
    And, just for a little more food for thought...All of us are created,
    souls if you will, waiting to come to this world and live out an
    existence.  What happens is purly fate.  There is no master plan
    to say, well Jean is gonna get it today, and Lora tomorrow, and
    well, maybe Steve next Wednesday.  What counts is how we as individuals
    handle it.  Then when we pass from this life, we are stronger, have
    left a mark, taught a lesson and learned to smile anyway!
    
    Best of luck to you!  Don't dwell on the Why of your accident. 
    Machines fail.  Usually during financial crunches, emotional crashes
    etc...It was just something that happened, and you were there! 
    It was nothing personal, really!
    
    Jean H
    

    

Thanks for your response Jean.  I'm sorry you've had such traumatic 
experiences and can understand your reaction to my statement about
not believing in being a 'victim'.  We all form our beliefs from 
a variety of avenues.  You and I believe differently and we just
need to respect the others path and  beliefs. We also need to  trust 
that is right for each of us.  I strongly believe that we create our own 
reality and as I don't know your history and can make no assumptions about
it or why those things happened to you, nor can you make assumptions about
how I came to my beliefs; although I will share with you that I certainly have 
not had what some folks will call a 'carefree life', by any stretch of the
imagination, and have not formulated my beliefs causally.

I acknowledge that I am in process and still have a lot to learn.  I
may in fact come to believe more in 'fate' as I grow; or I may not.
However, please know that my comments about 'being a victim'  were
not in any way a commentary on folks whose experiences and beliefs are
different than mine.  I spoke from inside me, without any hidden agenda 
because I wanted comments from my respected colleagues....which, of course,
includes you.  I appreciate folks comments and want you all to know
they've been a catalyst for me to go further with some ideas I had.

There was, as some may have guessed  more to my question than it appeared, 
involving multiple levels and many of them were addressed...and all were
appreciated.

Lora

    Lora, carolin recently asked 'Roland' about accidents and he told
    her it was a misunderstanding based on fear. Fear causes apparent
    accidents. This is a bit more mundane an answer than randomness
    or preordainedness. I hope it reduces the problem in size/extent.
    
    -Boleslaw

    I've since had a bicycle-vs-car 'accident' myself (me on bike) &
    have had to recover from quite a body-bruising. All I've come up
    with is: don't ride within an open-car-door's distance of a car
    parked on a main thoroughfare. It might just open on you & then
    you're flying off into the street sideways & sliding. It hurts.
    It took 2 people to do it: me & the car-driver who didn't see me
    until it was 'happening'; he was apologetic; I just rode away to
    the bookstore where I was due to go on-shift immediately, finding
    I had a torn pant leg, & bloody knee, & various other bruises.
    It all passed & I'm really not sure it 'illustrated' very much.
    
    -Boleslaw

    I just recently had a near fatal accident which was entirely not
    my fault.  I liked what Cindy had to say.
    
    I felt that I was totally out of control, even though when I regained
    consciousness I insisted when asked that I hadn't blacked out. 
    I suppose that was the part of me that wanted to be in control.
    I never saw the man coming at me, nor do I remember hearing the
    crash, and I lost half of the front of my car.
    
    In retrospect, I believe it was predestined without a doubt.  A
    few days before, I had been sitting in a parking lot thinking my
    car looked sort of awful with all the little dents and bruises that
    an '84 can acquire and that I wished I could buy a new one which
    I can't.  Next to me was parked a brand new shiny Taurus.  After
    the accident I drove a Taurus for a month as a rental.
    
    In my situation, I was struck by a Mercedes trying to cross over
    in front of me and go down a one way street the wrong way.  He was
    a semmiconductor manager from Digital and must have been traveling
    like 60!  I was only going 15 miles an hour and there was no traffic.
    The next thing I knew he knocked me out.  I felt really violated
    and traumatized.  I went through stages, next feeling very grateful
    and amazed that I wasn't killed or ended up with being crippled
    or maimed.  Then I realized that if I hadn't reached for a letter
    on the dashboard which I had turned to put on the seat next to me,
    I would have hit the windshield face on and probably been killed.
    
    I ended up with a concussion and 7 stitches in my scalp under my
    bangs up near my scalp, so they don't show.  I also ended up with
    a broken rib and now have been told to swim which will be good for
    me.
    
    I have a real fear and distrust of lawyers as they have disenfranchised
    me and abused me.  Now, I have one that I think may have some
    integrity.
    
    All in all, I know it was meant to happen.
    
    M.J. 

    
    The lesson you learn in a traffic accident could be your last one.
    
    Highway accidents will diminsh when brainpower matches horsepower.
    
    Some accidents are caused by 2 motorists aiming at the same pedestrain.
    
    Auto accidents statistics prove that telephone poles are getting more
    carless all the time.
    
    Anybody who thinks hit n run accidents aren't on the increase hasn't
    been in a supermarket lately.
    
    
                                       Ray