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Conference 7.286::sports_90

Title:OURGNG::SPORTS - Digital's daily tabloid
Notice:Please review note 1.83 before writing anything.
Moderator:VAXWRK::NEEDLE
Created:Thu Dec 14 1989
Last Modified:Fri Dec 17 1993
Last Successful Update:Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:438
Total number of notes:50420

280.0. "Hokey Sports Awards Show..." by CAM::WAY (Snakebit) Tue Jun 26 1990 13:37

Did anyone see that Sports Awards show last night on ABC?

Gawd, I damn near puked.

I have never seen a more poorly produced production.  The joke writers
for that show must have been rejects from those ads you see in 
magazines:

	You too can be a Stand UP Comic.  Just finish off these
	100 one-liners and send them in.  Our computer program
	will tell if you've got the talent to be a stand up
	comic.

Anyway, it had to be the biggest popularity contest.  One of my
buddies was over, and he was becoming more and more amazed at the
way I was able to pick the winners.  Why, I was a veritable Dan
Schneider at the Contest of Picking the Award Winners.

Finally he said to me "how do you know".  Then I explained the popularity
contest that it really was.  I mean when Gretzky wins over Bourque, 
LeMieux and Brett Hull, you know something is wrong...

Then, all of a sudden, out comes Bweent Moosef___er� (forget who owns
that tm, but you've got my due). Well, I thought I was gonna crap a
cupcake.

Later in the show, they had The Greatest of All Time, Ali, who mumbled
a few words of meaningless drivel that ranked right up there with 
all the rest of the meaningless drivel that was being spuged forth by
the award winners.

I was MOST disappointed that Chris Evert won over Steffi Graf.  I mean,
I like Chris Evert, but I really had my heart set on Steffi....

And finally, Hulk Hogan, with his "virtual" broken ribs, made an
appearance....wow (yawn).....

The only saving grace of the entire show was Richard Lewis, the comic
(a REAL comic) who was the host.  He was funny.

The rest of the show was a SLOF(tm) that Inhaled Discreetly....


You heard it here first...
'Saw
T.RTitleUserPersonal
Name
DateLines
280.1Three thumbs down SHALOT::MEDVIDthe infinite complexities of loveTue Jun 26 1990 15:3415
    'Saw, you watched the whole thing?  You are a sadist.
    
    I was flicking through channels and stopped at the show twice.  The
    first time, Cli()t Eastwood was on doing clich� after clich� from his
    movies..."Do you feel lucky?"
    
    The second time these dancers were doing a terribly choreographed dance
    to a Vogue mix.  Boy, if these were professional dancers, I'm in the
    wrong business.  But I guess I couldn't do that 'cause I'd always want
    to catch the female dancers with my face. 8-*
    
    After a while, I opted for Pumpkinhead on HBO.  That alone should be enough
    commentary on how bad the sports award show was.
    
    	--dan'l
280.2DECWET::CROUCHGrand marshall of the dork paradeTue Jun 26 1990 15:5111
    'Saw, you musta seen Steffi in the Glamour Magazine layout a few months
    back, huh?  I gotta admit, she looked pretty good.  (I look through  
    my wife's mags for those rare nudie ads).  She's kind of a bow-wow on 
    the court, but fix her up, photograph her so her nose doesn't look
    like a cruise missle, show lots of cleavage, and she's okay.
    
    She's no Kelly Bundy, but Kelly probably can't stroke a forehand like
    Steffi, either.
    
    Pete
    
280.3MUSKIE::SHAUGHNESSYBig10: By Invitation OnlyTue Jun 26 1990 17:223
    Uh, dan'l... wouldn't that be "masochist?"
    
    MrT
280.4OK, Frank's a Sadomasichist!SHALOT::MEDVIDthe infinite complexities of loveWed Jun 27 1990 07:195
    Sadist or masochist fit.  'Saw is a sadist just for mentioning the
    subject here and making ME remember that sh!t on the tube the other
    night. ;-)
    
    	--dan'l
280.5Actually, Dominatrix Pizza made a delivery at 10pm...CAM::WAYSnakebitWed Jun 27 1990 07:4920
Actually, I didn't watch the entire thing.  At around 10 oclock
my dentist made a house call to scrape my teeth with a dull file.

Seriously, I didn't watch it all.  I watched until 10pm, at which
time my gastro-intestinal tract couldn't take it any more.  I 
read the paper, then ended up on the phone for a while, and while
the TV was on with the sound down I didn't notice much of the drivel.

Yeah, aside from her nose, Steffi is not too bad.  Now if I could
just get her away from her father for a while....;^)  


Re S&M...  Had to read "Justine", by the Marquis de Sade in 
college.  Don't remember much about the book, but I do remember the
professor really getting off reading some of the passages aloud to
the class....bizarre man....

Oh well....

'Saw
280.6oh yes she doesSHIRE::FINEUC1Wed Jun 27 1990 08:549
'Saw,

Q1:  Didjaknow that Steffi has a boyfriend?

Q2:  Have you ever seen Monica Seles all duded up?

more to follow...........

rick ellis
280.7An S&M Stand-off....YUPPY::STRAGEDDopey did a penguin!!!Wed Jun 27 1990 09:032
    Maso:  Hurt me, Hurt me!!
    Sado:  No!
280.8Monica Seles is JAILBAIT !!!!FSHQA2::JRODOPOULOSWed Jun 27 1990 09:121
    
280.9Oh no she ain't over here!!!HAHAHAHAH!!SHIRE::FINEUC1Wed Jun 27 1990 09:253
    

280.10CAM::WAYSnakebitWed Jun 27 1990 09:3810
Steffi may have a boyfriend, but that's no big deal.  When she
realizes how enriched her life could be with me...;^)

Monica's cute, but the girl grunts too much.  I could see it
now:

	Oh God (grunt) Oh God (grunt grunt) Oh God....


'Saw
280.11MCIS1::DHAMELHelp cure P-name writers blockWed Jun 27 1990 09:577
    
    >	Oh God (grunt) Oh God (grunt grunt) Oh God....

    C'mon, 'Saw, it's no different than most farm animals.
    
    Dickster
    
280.12Definitely not like those NFL type grunts either...CAM::WAYSnakebitWed Jun 27 1990 10:3812
No, Dickster.  Monica's grunts are different.  Listen to her 
play tennis sometime.  It's a very definite, higher pitched
female-type grunt.  

Actually, I can't stand to watch her play, because of that
grunt.  I mean she's a fine player, without a doubt, and she
has very intense concentration.

But, if we're talking action off the court, I'd prefer Graf,
or maybe Sabatini.

'Saw
280.13NOW THIS IS JAILBAIT.........YUPPY::STRAGEDDopey did a penguin!!!Wed Jun 27 1990 10:5020
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    Jennifer Capriati
           
    
    
    						.......and she grunts!!
280.14Semper fiddle-dee-deeMCIS1::DHAMELHelp cure P-name writers blockWed Jun 27 1990 10:553
    
    'Saw, aren't you a former grunt?
    
280.15CAM::WAYSnakebitWed Jun 27 1990 11:0223
��       -< Semper fiddle-dee-dee >-

Dickster...not a smart idea to say that with so many leathernecks
in here 8^)

    
� 'Saw, aren't you a former grunt?

No, my uncle was, and what I know of the Corps (or as they are often
wont to say "My beloved Corps") comes from him, and friends that
have been in.


However, I am what is termed here at Digital a "Software Grunt".
We're that hearty breed who works within the confines of heinously
politically motivated deadlines, handed down by people who need
a road map to wipe their anuses, and who would know a byte if it
bit them in the nose.  We routinely perform the impossible, sometimes
perform the utterly ridiculous, and are always damned proud....8^)


'Saw    

280.16What kind of Guy are You ?FSHQA2::JRODOPOULOSWed Jun 27 1990 11:102
    Do you prefer moans instead of grunts ?
    
280.17CAM::WAYSnakebitWed Jun 27 1990 12:1011
�    Do you prefer moans instead of grunts ?
    
Moans are good.  Grunts aren't bad either.  Screams are nice
at times, but the neighbors might get upset...(cf. yesterday's
Dear Abby column about the family in Minnesota...)

Anyway, it's just that Monica's grunt rubs me the wrong way.
However, let me state that the rest of Monica is not bad at all....

Hope this has served to illuminate, edify, and othewise perplex,
Chainsaw
280.18OK, that's enough.VAXWRK::NEEDLEMoney talks. Mine says &quot;Good-Bye!&quot;Wed Jun 27 1990 13:430
280.19QUASER::JOHNSTONLegitimateSportingPurpose?E.S.A.D.!Thu Jun 28 1990 13:297
   Saw

   	Dominatrix Pizza is a classic!

   The good Marquis' "Juliet" wasn't bad, either.

   Mike JN
280.20Moaning, grunting or screaming....YUPPY::STRAGEDDopey did a penguin!!!Fri Jun 29 1990 03:4312
    I don't care so long as I'm involved!!!
    
    re: Jennifer Capriati...
                                        
    No one picked up the lead.. Does this mean that she was gone unnoticed
    by the Sports Noting Public or does her age protect her from the
    "poison pens"?? 
    
    On this side of the puddle, the attitude is, "Why didn't the 14
    year-olds look like that when I was her age??
    
    PJ (who_wouldn't_mind_being_14_again)
280.21CAM::WAYLiverpool Reds - The Pride of MerseysideFri Jun 29 1990 09:4410
PJ --

In some states down South, a girl her age would be prime pickings.

She's cute, doesn't look 14, and all that, but yes, I guess the
fact that she doesn't even have a drivers license yet protects
her from all of my lecherous musings.

8^)
'Saw
280.22RIPPLE::DEVLIN_JOIt was there finest hour...Fri Jun 29 1990 09:479
    Besides, Jennifer will be a quivering mass of frayed nerves, a useless
    tennis player, and a complete unknown and has-been before she sees
    her 20th birthday (and I'm being kind).  
    
    I hope Martina wins Wimbleton.   I like Steffi's cleavage, but the
    nose has to go.  Some of them gals have nice, firm, coconut-cracking
    thighs.  I miss Chrissi already.   
    
    JD
280.23COBRA::DINSMOREMadonna and ASICS.. A WINNING COMBOFri Jun 29 1990 09:503
    
    ya had to mention my  girl chrissee..... i wish she was back too